When He Returns

by Kimberly Rae Jordan

  Dalton found it interesting that while Ethan could be lecturing him on reclaiming his faith, instead, he was looking at it as a challenge for him to do better in his own faith. He hadn’t spent a lot of time around Ethan before. In fact, he’d spent more time with him since coming back to Winnipeg than he had as a teen before he’d left for Toronto. He appreciated that since returning the man had treated him as an adult, as something more than just the sum of his mistakes.

  Later that afternoon, after contemplating the time he’d spent with Ethan, Dalton settled on his couch with his phone. He’d come to the conclusion that he needed to do more meaningful things with his life, and after spending the morning with Ethan, he thought maybe he’d found a starting place.

  Hey, sis. Really enjoyed being with E this morning. I’d love to spend more time with him if you need some mornings outside the hospital to get things done.

  He’d barely sent the text when his phone rang, Makayla’s name popping up on the display.

  “Would you really want to do that? You’re not just making the offer and hoping I won’t take you up on it?”

  “I wouldn’t do that,” Dalton said. “You spend a lot of time at the hospital, so I figured maybe you could use a break to tend to other things.”

  “I know that Ethan doesn’t need someone there with him all the time, and he’s constantly encouraging me to take time for myself and the kids. It’s just that there are some days where no one but Sierra and I are able to spend time with him. I’m not complaining about that because I know that people have jobs and other responsibilities, especially the guys at the company who are trying to cover for both Ethan and Mitch.”

  “Let me help you out then. Just tell me what time would suit you and Ethan, and I’ll be there.”

  “Thank you, Dalton. I really appreciate how you’ve been there for Sierra and me during all of this,” Makayla said, emotion heavy in her voice. “Ethan said how much he enjoyed your visit today, so if you don’t mind, I’ll be taking you up on your offer.”

  “Please do, because I was serious.”

  They talked a bit more about when it might work for him to go up to the hospital again. Once that was done, Dalton got up and went into the kitchen to check the steaks he’d put on to marinate earlier. He had a few hours left before the gang showed up, so he set his alarm to make sure he had enough time to finish the meal, then he picked up his guitar.

  When Sierra reached the second floor, she saw that Dalton’s door was open. They were all going to have supper together again, but first, she had to clean up and change. It had been a rough day on the ward, and though she was tempted to curl up in her apartment and eat ice cream, she did what she needed to do then went over to Dalton’s.

  “Everything okay?” Dalton asked as soon as he saw her.

  “Not a great day,” she told him, resisting the urge to ask for a hug.

  “Oh, sweetie,” Danica said from behind her brother. She moved past him and pulled Sierra close. “Was it a bad day or just a not great one?”

  She’d figured out Sierra’s code early on so that Sierra didn’t have to go into details until she was ready. “A not great one.”

  Danica stepped back and cupped Sierra’s cheeks in her hands. “We’re here for you.”

  “Thank you,” Sierra said. It had been tough to see the young girl they’d thought was in remission, reappear on the ward because her cancer had returned. Being with her friends, even without the ice cream, was a balm to the sadness Sierra had been feeling for most of the day.

  The only downside to spending time with them was that even though Danica didn’t say a thing, Sierra couldn’t get her words out of her mind. She still had no doubt that she’d made the right decision regarding a relationship with Dalton. But after hearing how Danica had described her relationship with JD, Sierra found herself wondering if the risk might be worth taking with the right person.

  She didn’t have work the next day, so even though she was tired, Sierra settled onto the loveseat after dinner and drew comfort from the presence of her friends. Danica and Dalton went into the kitchen to get their dessert while Elliot and JD debated something from a television series they’d both been watching.

  “Here you go.”

  Sierra looked up at Dalton then took the bowl he held out to her, their fingers brushing briefly. Seeing the heaping scoops of strawberry shortcake ice cream and the brownie she was sure he’d made himself, Sierra gripped the bowl tightly. “Thank you.”

  “Anytime,” he said, and from the look on his face, he truly meant it.

  When he returned to sit next to her a few minutes later with a bowl of his own, Sierra felt a moment’s regret that she hadn’t agreed to something more than just a friendship with him. If she had, she could be curling up next to him and taking comfort from his embrace. Instead, they were just friends, which meant there would be none of that.

  Still, she appreciated his nearness. The scent around him that she’d forever associate with him. The way his arm pressed against her as he moved his hand in response to something JD had said. The sound of his laughter and the smile that crinkled the skin at the corner of his eyes and deepened the smile lines beside his mouth.

  Dragging her attention from Dalton and the feelings that were stirring within her, Sierra focused on her ice cream. Things had gone back to normal—sort of. It was what she’d wanted—what she’d demanded of Dalton—so why did it leave her feeling like something was missing?

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

  At one time, Dalton would have never dreamed of arriving late for a church service. Especially not on purpose. During his churchgoing years, he’d always been on time or early. Mostly that was because he was usually involved in the service as part of the worship team. But for the past couple of weeks, he’d been arriving late to the service and leaving early.

  After spending more time with Ethan, Dalton had decided that perhaps it was time to address his faith—or lack thereof—and part of that included returning to church. It was a place he’d spent a lot of time as a teen, but his heart had always been centered on the music, not necessarily on God.

  As with every other time he’d decided to try to make a change for the better, he did it without telling anyone. He needed to make this reconnection without the input of everyone else. What faith he’d claimed as a child had come from his family. He’d never embraced it for himself, and he felt like it was important now to own his faith.

  So here he was, sneaking into the church, knowing that his folks and anyone else in the family who attended the first service were already seated in the sanctuary. Thankfully, the balcony was open, so he was able to go up there and find a seat that wasn’t surrounded by a lot of people.

  As a teen, he’d always attended the second service because the first one had a more traditional style with just a piano as an accompaniment to the worship leader. Now, he’d chosen to attend the more traditional first service because he hadn’t wanted to be distracted by the instruments used in the second service, instruments he’d once played up on that stage.

  From his seat in the balcony, Dalton could see the first several rows, and as he’d discovered the first Sunday he’d been there, his parents still sat near the front. He knew that JD and Danica came to the second service as did Elliot. Sierra attended that one as well when she wasn’t working, which she was that day.

  Throughout the service, Dalton found himself remembering more and more of the past. The words of the hymns and worship songs they sang came back to him easily. He’d sung them so many times as a teen, but for the first time, he found himself dwelling on the words and their meaning in a way he never had before.

  Even the forty minutes the pastor took to preach his sermon didn’t drag like they once had. It was yet another revelation about himself that was hard to swallow. He may have been involved in the church, but it hadn’t been for the right reasons. He may have stood up on that stage and shared his talent, but it hadn’t been because he’d wanted to hon
or God with it.

  No, he’d worshipped his talent instead of God. It was what had absorbed his time and energies. It had meant more to him than anything else.

  The pastor’s sermon that day touched on that subject as he talked about the Israelites and the way they’d begun to worship a golden calf. He challenged the congregation to look for those golden calves in their own lives. Those things that they gave precedence to, above everything else. He cautioned that the talent should never be elevated above the talent-giver. The gift should never become more important the gift-giver.

  Dalton knew that’s what he had done. His talent had become his god. Everything he’d done had been done in honor of his talent. The desire to bring glory to his talent instead of glory to God had led him into a spiritual wasteland.

  As the pastor closed his sermon with prayer, Dalton realized that he may have been afraid of what God might have in store for him, but if he wanted to experience any sort of peace regarding his future, he needed to submit his talent to God. He needed to give his talent back to the One who’d given it to him in the first place.

  The chords of a familiar hymn filled the air as the pastor finished his prayer. Dalton stood with his head bent. Knowing how distinctive his voice was, he sang softly, meaning the words for the first time in all the many times he’d sung them.

  All to Jesus I surrender,

  All to Him I freely give;

  I will ever love and trust Him,

  In His presence daily live.

  I surrender all,

  I surrender all.

  All to Thee, my blessed Savior,

  I surrender all.

  All to Jesus I surrender,

  Humbly at His feet I bow,

  Worldly pleasures all forsaken;

  Take me, Jesus, take me now.

  As he gave everything over to God for the first time in his life, Dalton thought maybe that he’d suddenly find some clarity for his future, but instead, what he felt was peace. A peace that came from knowing that no matter what lay ahead, he would be okay because God was in control.

  Dalton left the service and took a cab to the hospital to see Ethan and to share what had just happened. For some reason, sharing with Ethan felt necessary because of his encouragement over the past few weeks. Plus, Dalton knew the man would have no expectations of him and right then, that was what he needed.

  Sierra got out of her car, pulling her jacket more tightly around her as the chill in the evening air greeted her. The closer they got to October, the chillier the evenings and mornings were becoming. Daytime could still be warm, but she’d had to start wearing a jacket or sweater going to and from work.

  As she glanced around the apartment’s parking lot, her gaze landed on a car she didn’t recognize. A very expensive car. It looked to be a smaller luxury SUV. As far as she knew, the only person in the building who could afford a car like that was Dalton. She felt badly that she hadn’t been able to continue to go with him to practice driving, but between her work schedule and spending time with Ethan, her help with driving lessons had fallen by the wayside.

  When she mentioned her unavailability to him, he’d assured her that he had some other options and that she didn’t need to worry about it. Sierra hated that she’d not been able to spend that time with him, but it appeared that he’d been able to get the practice he needed. She didn’t think he’d be buying a car if he wasn’t able to drive it.

  She wondered if it was too much to hope that he wouldn’t buy a car if he planned to leave Winnipeg.

  Apparently, it was, because a week later, Dalton announced at one of their dinners that he was going to be returning to Toronto.

  “For good?” Danica asked, her furrowed brow showing how much she didn’t like the news.

  “I don’t know yet. I’m exploring some different options for my future at the moment.”

  “So why do you have to go to Toronto?”

  Sierra had the same question, so she was glad that Danica had asked it since Sierra wasn’t sure it was a question she had the right to ask.

  “I have some meetings lined up there,” Dalton said as he handed out mugs of coffee. “And I might have to go to LA as well. I’m not sure yet.”

  “But you’re coming back?”

  Dalton didn’t answer her until he was seated with his own cup of coffee. “Dani, I’m not going to cut ties again. I promise. But I have responsibilities that I need to take care of, plus I need to follow up on some issues pertaining to my future. I need to see where God might be leading me.”

  As grateful as she was for Dalton’s strengthening faith, Sierra felt sick to her stomach at the thought of him leaving for good, even though he was promising to not cut ties with the family again. She’d gotten used to having him in her life, and she didn’t want to imagine having only sporadic contact with him.

  It wasn’t until she found herself shedding a few tears in her bed later that night that Sierra realized that she’d been lying to herself about her true feelings for Dalton. She didn’t think she’d be that upset over a friend moving. Especially a friend who had the financial ability to fly back to Winnipeg as often as he wanted. She might not have seen him daily, but they could have texted and video chatted in between visits. That should have been enough for a friendship, but clearly it wasn’t enough for how she truly felt about him.

  Having Dalton close by all the time, Sierra hadn’t been forced to face the truth of how she felt about him. She could have his friendship without having to make herself truly vulnerable to him. But now it looked like she was going to lose that, and Sierra didn’t know what to do about it.

  The night before Dalton was to leave, they all went up to Danica and JD’s place for dinner. Sierra wished she could have begged off because she didn’t really want to be part of a farewell dinner. She didn’t want to say goodbye to him.

  Dalton seemed upbeat and excited about his trip which made Sierra feel even worse. Selfishly, she didn’t want him to be excited about a life away from Winnipeg.

  “Sierra?”

  Pulled from her thoughts, Sierra looked over at Danica. “Sorry. What did you say?”

  “I asked if you’d ever wanted to go to Toronto. Elliot said he’d been there already, but neither JD nor I have.”

  “Are we planning a road trip?” Sierra asked as she glanced around the table.

  “We could,” Danica said with a grin. “Of course, we’d have to wait for a school break in order to be able to go.”

  “Let me know if you’re serious,” Dalton said. “I can make some arrangements for you.”

  “Well, once you’ve sorted your plans out, maybe we can figure something out,” Danica told him.

  Sierra continued to sip her coffee but didn’t contribute to the ideas being tossed out for a trip to Toronto. She wasn’t a big fan of traveling to begin with, and the idea of having to travel to Toronto to see Dalton was hard for her to accept.

  When the evening finally wound down, Sierra was eager to leave because her emotions were shimmering just beneath the surface and she didn’t want to start crying. Thankfully, she had the excuse of work the next day to not linger too long.

  After saying goodnight to their hosts, Sierra, Elliot, and Dalton walked down to the second floor.

  “Have a good trip, bro,” Elliot said as he clapped Dalton on the shoulder. “Look forward to hearing how it goes.” He turned to Sierra. “I guess I’ll see you around. Let me know if you need help with anything.”

  “I will,” Sierra told him then watched as Elliot headed for the stairs that would take him to the main floor and his apartment. When she turned back to Dalton, he was regarding her with an unreadable expression. “I hope your trip goes well.”

  Dalton shrugged. “I’m sure it will. I don’t have super high expectations of it, but I do have some things I need to accomplish.”

  Sierra struggled for something more to say that wasn’t don’t go. “We’ll be missing your cooking.”

  “Well, I’m glad
I’ll be missed for something.”

  She wanted to tell him he’d be missed for so much more than just his cooking, but she didn’t trust herself. Instead, she tried to give him a teasing smile. “It’s better to be missed for something than nothing.”

  “True, true.” Dalton hesitated for a moment then said, “I’ll be missing you all too, but it is necessary for me to leave.”

  Sierra didn’t think that anything that required him leaving was necessary, but what did she know? She crossed her arms and hugged them tight to her waist. “I guess I’d better go since I have work tomorrow.”

  As she turned, Dalton gently grasped her arm. When she faced him again, he pulled her into a hug, and Sierra closed her eyes for a brief moment when he pressed a kiss to her forehead, trying hard to commit the feeling of his closeness to memory.

  “I’ll be back,” he said when she looked up into his eyes. “I promise.”

  Sierra nodded even though she wanted to tell him that coming back for a visit now and then just wasn’t enough. “Take care of yourself.”

  “I will. I’ve finally gotten to the point where I feel like I’m actually capable of doing that.” He gave her a smile as he stepped back. “And you need to take care of yourself too.”

  “Definitely.” Sierra was still trying to calm her heartbeat from the kiss Dalton had given her, so any longer response was beyond her. Instead, she just gave him a smile then said, “I, uh, better go. Have a good night.”

  “Goodnight,” Dalton said, though he didn’t make a move to go into his apartment.

  Sierra opened her door and slipped inside, and when she turned to shut it, her gaze met his one last time. After she’d closed the door, she leaned her head against it for a moment. Though there was a part of her that wanted to tell Dalton she had changed her mind about a relationship, she didn’t dare open the door again.

  She still knew that she’d made the right decision to say no initially. Things had changed with Dalton since then—he was going to church and was open to discussions of a spiritual nature. All of that was making his family very happy. Sierra was, of course, happy for him as well. But even with those changes, she knew that their lives were still moving in different directions since it seemed he wasn’t putting down roots in Winnipeg.