Passionate Addiction

by Eden Summers

  He touched her arms, encircled her biceps, holding her tighter with every passing second. His hair brushed her cheek. “The same thing I’ve always wanted, Gabi,” he rasped into her ear. “Everything.”

  She opened her eyes to glare and pushed against his chest. “You can’t have us both!” She wanted to be free of him, and yet, she wanted him to continue holding her, to never let her go. “Her lipstick is on your cheek for Christ sake!”

  He swiped at his face, smudging the red marks on his skin. “Gabi,” he whispered. “God, Gabi, please let me explain.” He heaved a sigh and cupped her face with strong hands, making her look at him, making her see the hurt reflected in his glazed, dark brown irises. “Michelle blackmailed me.”

  She froze and shook her head in confusion.

  He wiped the tear soaked clumps of hair from her cheeks. “I haven’t been with her, angel. I swear to you. I haven’t been with anyone.”

  “I don’t understand.” She sniffed and pressed her lips together to stop them from trembling.

  His forehead rested against hers, his arms still holding her tight. The warmth of his breath brushed her mouth and for the second time today, she acknowledged there was no hint of alcohol.

  “She has photos of me snorting coke. She threatened to hand them to the media if I didn’t help put her in the spotlight. There is nothing between us, I promise. It was all for show.”

  Gabi remained silent and stared at him. The truth was in his expression, in the defeat and exhaustion that darkened his features, and still, it didn’t redeem him in any way. All he’d done was explain Michelle’s actions.

  “And you couldn’t tell me this earlier? Did you even wonder what it was like to find those photos of you and Michelle together? How absolutely devastated I felt? I’ve never experienced pain like that before.” She glared at him. “When Greg died, it tore me apart, and I’d known beforehand that he was playing with his life. I’d known he might not make it through. But with you…”

  She raised her chin and looked him straight in the eye, ignoring the tears that blurred her vision. “I never expected you to betray me like this. And for what?” She threw her hands up. “You know what? It doesn’t matter. What’s done is done.”

  “God, Gabi, I didn’t know what to do.” He closed his eyes and pulled back to shake his head. “I thought I could give her what she wanted and walk away without you getting hurt. I never expected it to turn out like this.”

  “You never expected this?” she accused. “That’s funny. I never expected my best friend to betray me either.” For a moment, guilt consumed her at the fresh wave of pain that washed across his features. Then she remembered what he’d put her through, how he’d broken her irrevocably. “I trusted you.”

  New tears formed and threatened to burst free. “Even when you kept me in the dark, I defended you. I stuck up for you when my friends and family hinted that you were a cheating, lying bastard.” She pushed at his chest, and this time he let her go, stumbling back.

  “I was humiliated.” She swiped the dampness from her cheeks with the back of her hand. “You shut me out and made me believe you never cared. I spent my savings, risked my degree and my job, just to come here and find out something you could’ve told me over the phone.” She moved forward, pushing into him, and thumped her fist against his chest. “You lied to me—”

  He grabbed her wrist and pulled her closer, so they were waist to waist. “I never lied to you.”

  “No?” she sneered. “Well, hiding the truth is just the same. You betrayed me.”

  His chest vibrated with a growl. “I’m not perfect, Gabi, you know that better than anyone.”

  “I do.” She nodded. “I just never thought I’d be on the receiving end of your stupidity.”

  She regretted the words before Blake winced from her brutality. Turning her gaze away, she wrinkled her nose, refusing to cry while his hands still grasped her wrists. The silence grew deafening, until she thought she couldn’t take it anymore. Part of her wanted to apologize, while the other part needed him to suffer.

  “This isn’t you,” he whispered. “And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything. I’ll make it up to you.”

  She shook her head, more to herself than to him. Hollowness consumed her. She couldn’t see a way back to where they’d once been. To the perfection of what she liked to believe was true love.

  He grabbed her chin, forcing her to meet his feral gaze. “Yes, I will. You’ll love me again and you’ll forgive me, too. I know you will.”

  His lips crashed against hers, firm and unyielding. A whimper tore from her chest, stripping her of her last defenses and leaving her raw. She hated him. Hated him for breaking their trust, for humiliating her, for going on with his life and ignoring her so easily. She never could’ve done that. And yet, she clung to him, her hands gripping the silk of his shirt, her lips kissing him back.

  His tongue entered her mouth, lashing hers with fierce strokes. She didn’t want to need him, but her blood heated anyway. Her body craved something she knew her heart couldn’t handle.

  “Don’t.” She pulled back, cursing her breathy voice that lacked conviction.

  His lips burned a blazing trail along her jaw, down her neck, and to her collarbone. She wanted to cry out, to scream, to wail. She loved this man, yearned to have him inside her and in equal measure couldn’t stand the anguish his touch brought.

  He let go of her wrist and yanked at her pajama buttons, undoing some, ripping others. Then his hands were on her breasts, and the pleasure rallied against the knife embedded in her heart. She threw her head back and closed her eyes, the buildup of tears now running freely down her cheeks. Her fingers gripped his hair and his mouth latched onto her nipple, enticing a cry from her throat, this time one of pleasure.

  Nobody would ever love her body the way Blake did. No man would ever compare, and it was that brutal honesty that made her bite her lip and enjoy this final goodbye. Being with him one more time wouldn’t change what had happened. It wouldn’t clear the mess of the past or mend the dishonesty. It would numb the suffering, though, if only for a little while.

  He pushed the top from her shoulders and lifted her off the ground, walking her backward to the wall. Her feet landed softly against the carpet, and he gripped the material at her waist, crouching to gently pull down her pants and underwear until they pooled at her ankles.

  He stared up at her from the ground. She ignored his tender gaze, and focused on the way he worked the few remaining buttons of his shirt and let it fall to the floor. The sight of him made her swallow. It would always affect her—the muscles, the tattoos, the angel adorning his chest.

  She closed her eyes and tried in vain to remember a better time. A place when they’d only had the distance between them to worry about, not lies and blackmail and heartbreak.

  “Don’t close your eyes, angel. Don’t shut me out.” He moved to his feet, the harsh material of his slacks rubbing against her naked thighs. “Look at me,” he whispered against her lips.

  Slowly, she surrendered, lifting her lashes to the face of a man that would always own her heart.

  “I love you, Gabi.” He stared into her eyes, unmoving. “There is no one else for me. I won’t let there be anyone else for you.”

  He was right. She’d been ruined. There would never be another man for her.

  Turning her head away, she faced the curtain-covered window, not wanting him to know how right he truly was. She could handle their entwined bodies, not his softly spoken words. He kissed her collarbone, her sternum, her neck, and each press of his lips made her traitorous body hum. She arched her back, wrapped one leg around his thigh and hoped for a few fleeting moments she could distance herself from reality.

  “Look at me.” He nuzzled her chin.

  She shook her head and ground into him, searching for his erection through his pants.

  He moved his hips back, out of reach.

  “Look at me, angel, or this ends now.”
His teeth nipped at her jaw, and a calloused hand ran up her waist to cup her breast. “The only reason you don’t want to look at me is because you know I’m telling the truth. You know I love you. You know there’s no one else.”

  When she didn’t respond, he stopped moving and lowered his forehead to her shoulder. A ragged sigh escaped him. “I fucked up, sweetheart.”

  She pressed her lips together and frowned, stemming the burn in her eyes.

  “Please forgive me.”

  “I will forgive you.” Her response was choked. She would forgive him. She loved him too much not to. She just hadn’t yet, and probably wouldn’t for a long time.

  He tilted his head to meet her gaze. “I’ll wait. No matter how long it takes.” His lips found her cheek, the side of her mouth, and his pelvis settled back against her. He kissed her softly, his tongue stroking over hers with delicate adoration, coaxing goose bumps to cover her skin.

  “I’ll treasure you, angel. I’ll dedicate the rest of my life to making this up to you. Just tell me how. Tell me what I have—”

  “Shh.” She pressed her lips to his and gripped the buckle of his belt. Their tongues danced while she unfastened the clasp and helped him to shuck his pants. “Take me to bed.”

  He swung down, sweeping her off the ground. He carried her a few feet and laid her on the mattress. The hurt still lingered in his eyes, the pain still etched in his features. She ignored it as she cupped the back of his neck and encouraged him to climb on top of her.

  She leaned back into the pillows, and he followed, nestling between her thighs. His erection nudged her entrance, thick and insistent, sliding through the dampness of her arousal. With a groan, he inched inside her, casually, with deliberate care.

  He wasn’t going to give her the fast road to heaven she wanted. He planned to drag it out, to love her slowly. She could tell by the way his hands lazily roamed her skin, relearning every inch, and how he stopped every few moments to gaze into her eyes, trying to read her thoughts.

  She couldn’t do this. Not slow and intimate. It pulled at her heart too much, made her want to forgive too quickly, and she owed it to herself not to let go of the betrayal. Pushing at his shoulders, she encouraged him to roll onto his back. He followed her lead and pulled her around to straddle his lap.

  This gave her control. She stared at the cream plastered wall and rode him, grinding her hips with hard pulses, making him groan and reach for the headboard. That’s when her gaze fell, landing on his chest and the angel adorning his pec stared back at her.

  She faltered. Stopped.

  The angel was a symbol of their friendship, of the loyalty between them—a loyalty that had crumpled. She wasn’t strong enough to do this, to love him one last time before she walked away. “I’m sorry,” she whispered and climbed off him.

  “Gabi, wait.” His arm came around her waist. “It’s OK. We don’t have to do this, just…”

  She stiffened when his head came to rest against the small of her back, and he released a pained breath.

  “Just let me hold you for a while.”

  Gabi sank back into the mattress, facing away from him, the warmth fading from her body, allowing the hollowness to seep back in. His touch made her weak, vulnerable, and no matter how much her head demanded she walk away now, her heart wanted one more touch, one more kiss, one more breathy whisper of love against her neck.

  She climbed under the covers and Blake did the same. He spooned against her, placing his right arm over her waist, laying his hand against her belly. The tattooed word ‘Reckless’ stared back at her from along his knuckles, taunting her. Yes, she’d been reckless. With her heart, her future, and the one relationship that she couldn’t stand to live without.

  But how could she trust him again? The world thought he was in a relationship with Michelle. Fake or not, it still humiliated Gabi in front of her family and friends. He’d withheld the truth and made decisions that affected them both without consulting her. He broke her heart, consumed her with loss, and not once had he called to see what his actions had done.

  She wasn’t entirely delusional. Blake would always have her friendship. She knew losing him from her life would be unbearable. But at the same time, she couldn’t imagine giving him back the power to destroy her heart all over again. Her body began to tremble and Blake’s arm tightened around her waist.

  “Don’t lose faith in us, Gabi.”

  Too late.

  Blake was the only man she ever wanted. The only love she’d ever craved. Yet now that the lies had settled and the truth had surfaced, his love no longer seemed enough.

  Blake had been awake since the first crack of sunlight filtered around the border of the hotel curtains. He’d spent hours staring at Gabi lying peacefully beside him, wondering how long it would take her to forgive him.

  If only she’d let him make love to her. He’d wanted to make her feel good, to show her they were made for each other in the most primitive way, but she’d pushed him away. Even when he’d held her in his arms afterwards, she’d remained rigid, not relaxing until her breathing went heavy with sleep.

  He owed her so much, emotionally and financially. She didn’t have the money to jump on a plane and fly to the other side of the world, yet she had. For him. And how had he repaid her?

  He sighed and rested back against his pillow. The money was an easy fix. He had her bank account details and would transfer funds when he got home. The emotional problems would take longer to mend. Much, much longer.

  His phone rang, splitting the silence with the Jaws theme song and startling Gabi to consciousness. The tone belonged to Leah, someone who knew better than to call him at such an early hour.

  “Sorry, angel.” He scooted from the bed and grabbed his pants off the floor, reaching into the pocket to retrieve his phone. “I should’ve turned it off.”

  He contemplated hitting reject, but thought better of it. Leah didn’t make a habit of calling without a work related reason. Clicking connect, he raised the phone to his ear. “It’s kinda early, Lee.”

  “Where are you?” Her words were frantic.

  “I’m umm…” He glanced at Gabi who had the sheet clutched to her chest, her eyes not meeting his gaze. “I’m still at The Plaza with Gabi. Why?”

  “What happened last night?” There was a pleading tone to her voice, a mixture of panic and concern that unsettled him.

  “I needed to speak to Gabi. Is this about bribing the hotel receptionist for a room key? I know it was wrong, and I’ll speak to the manager if I have to.”

  “Blake…”

  The silence that followed sent a shiver down his spine.

  “Leah, talk to me.”

  “Turn on the TV.”

  “What channel?” He pivoted on his toes in search of the remote, finding it on the coffee table. “What’s going on?”

  “What happened between you and Michelle last night?”

  Oh, fuck. She’d gone public. “Jesus Christ.” He turned on the television and threw the remote back onto the table so he could rub his now aching forehead. He should’ve known better than to think Michelle had quietly left his life. “We need to talk.”

  “Oh, god, Blake, please don’t tell me it’s true.”

  His heart clenched. “I’m sorry. I was stupid but it was a long time ago.”

  “A long time ago?” Her voice broke. “Every reporter in New York is saying it happened last night.”

  “What?” His voice rose. “No. That’s a load of shit. I haven’t done drugs in years.” He rushed to pick up the remote and scan for a news channel.

  “Drugs?” Leah asked. “What drugs? I’m talking about the physical abuse against Michelle Clarkson last night.”

  He stumbled back, his calves hitting the coffee table and planting him on his ass as the television hit a news feed. A video of Michelle played on the screen. Someone was escorting her into the emergency department of a hospital, the sky still dark with night.

  “Holy. Shit
.”

  Gabi gasped from behind him, and he turned to find her gaze on the television, her face now pale, making the shadows under her eyes more pronounced.

  “I don’t want to ask, Blake, because I know you, and I’d never think you were capable of something like this, but I have to ask because it’s my job. I need to know. Please tell me you didn’t hurt her?” Leah’s words became faster, between panted breaths as if she were running.

  “No! God, no!” He would never hurt a woman. Not even one like Michelle.

  “OK. Good. Glad to hear it. Now which room are you in? I’m on my way to the Plaza.”

  Blake recited the room number and stumbled to his feet, beginning to pace. Leah was going to kill him. Slowly. With something blunt. “Leah?”

  “Yeah?” The echo of traffic came through the line.

  “You better pick up Mason on the way. I’ve got some things I need to tell you both.”

  She sighed. “Sure. We’ll be there soon.”

  He disconnected the call and turned, needing the reassurance that Gabi’s presence always brought. Only she wasn’t there. The soft click of the bathroom door hit him with the force of an uppercut. She’d seen the news feed, overheard his conversation, and yet, she still walked away.

  ***

  Gabi had taken her time in the shower, finally getting out to dress in the loose fitting jeans and comfortable jumper she’d swiped from her suitcase while Blake was on the phone. Now she sat on the lowered toilet seat, her thighs raised to her chest, her arms hugging them close, waiting for the minutes to tick by.

  Morning hadn’t brought the clarity she’d hoped for. Sleep hadn’t taken away the pain. It was all still there, weighing down her chest, pulsing through her veins with every broken heartbeat.

  She knew now that Blake hadn’t cheated on her, but he’d shut her out. Betrayed her trust. And no amount of sleep would change that. He wanted to fix his problems by himself? Fine. With the tense call this morning and the topic of news on the television, it seemed he had a lot to deal with. So she would respect his wishes and stick to her plan, leaving on today’s flight back to Sydney. No matter how much it pained her to turn her back on him.