I notice Neal walking toward his space next to me. Shit. I slither down to the floor to hide. When I get there, I start to laugh, hoping he doesn’t look my way because I can’t even imagine how I would explain it to him. When I hear the hum of his engine fade the tears return, and my body shakes with uncontrollable sobs. I stay crumpled up under the dashboard until I’m shivering from the cold.
***
The next morning I drive to Frisco to replace my phone. I check my texts first, and Gretchen has sent one asking me to call. I’m waiting until I get to work to read the ones from Christian. The line I could read in notifications on my screen started off with “I love you,” and I’m pretty sure what follows isn’t anything I want to hear. I grip my phone so hard in anger I’m afraid I’ll break it again, so I force myself to stop.
Driving back to Breck, I call Gretchen. She answers the phone without a hello. “If I thought I could get away with it, I’d slice off his balls.”
She shocks me into a smile as the sun breaks out from behind a cloud and I flip down the visor. “That would be kind of gross, because you’d have to touch them.”
“Oh. Good point. What if I wore rubber gloves?”
“You’d still feel the squish factor of your own brother’s privates.” I unclip the holder that contains my sunglasses, and the plastic is cold on my nose when I slide them on.
“Eeww. I don’t know how you just managed to gross me out. Good one.”
I chuckle and then say, “Thanks for making me laugh. My life sucks so bad right now.” My glasses fog up from the heat of my skin, and I pull them down my nose to clear.
“I’m sorry. Christian’s got this whole disappointed-in-himself pityfest going on right now. He seems to think my father thought he was running away from his problems by moving to Breck and thinks he needs to return to his old life. It’s not like he can bring him back. But he’s not listening to anyone right now.”
“I don’t get it. I thought his old life made him crazy?”
“It did. I bet he isn’t going to last two weeks before he’s tearing his hair out.”
I glance in the rearview mirror to see if anyone is behind me. “When is he moving back?”
“He left yesterday and starts work tomorrow.”
Nice of him to keep me informed. “Did he tell you we broke up?”
“Oh, shit. No. He said he was going to try to make it work long distance until you were ready to move to New York. I figured he wouldn’t last long enough for it to be a problem.”
“That’s not exactly how it went. He did ask me to move there, but he didn’t mean it. We’re done.” I lift my coffee mug to take a sip, but the queasiness in my stomach makes me put it back down.
“Oh, Nika, I’m so sorry. I know it doesn’t help, but he still loves you.”
“I don’t know about that. But even if he does, it’s not enough for him.” My vision is blurry as I try to focus on the road and keep from crying. My sunglasses clatter when I toss them onto the dash.
“I won’t ask you to wait for him, but I think he’s making a big mistake. One he’s going to regret.”
I swallow down the lump in my throat. “I’m not going to hang on to that hope. This has been coming for a while.” I snort and say, “He was so worried about us getting together and not working out because it would make family things awkward. Guess he wasn’t so wrong about that after all.”
“I wouldn’t worry about that. He’s the one that will be uncomfortable because you did nothing but cover for his ass. I’m not convinced you’re over. But do what you have to do, because he’s screwed up the best thing that’s ever happened to him.”
“You’re sweet. Thanks, Gretchen.”
“Just so you know, I would gross myself out and slice them off for you if you asked.”
I sniff. “You’re the best friend ever, thanks.”
Retrieving my sunglasses, I put them back on and grab my coffee. Lukewarm bitter flavor fills my mouth before I swallow it down. I glance at the snow-covered mountains jutting into the blue sky. Lazy clouds float in a picture-perfect vision, but I know a storm is coming tonight and what is so beautiful now will be gone in mere hours.
Chapter 50
Clumps of snow plop at random intervals as icicles drip in staccato. March in Colorado ski areas is a month full of sunny ski days. Neal and I are sitting at an outdoor cafe in Vail with the remains of our sandwiches. We spent the morning touring his available retail spaces. Our original appointment was postponed, but right now I don’t mind we were delayed until spring as I lift my face to the sun and close my eyes, relishing the warmth on my cheeks.
He says, “You have the most beautiful red highlights in your hair. They sparkle in the sun.”
I immediately flash to the first time I saw Christian. After ignoring him for the week after we broke up, I finally took his call, and we decided he would continue to do the books remotely. We have weekly Skype meetings to check in on Rhinestone Cowgirl, and I shouldn’t, but I look forward to our calls.
I’m not sure why because he looks awful. His hair is long, and I don’t think he remembers to shave every day. He’s coldly professional when we speak, and I’ve drawn a line I stay behind, doing the same.
I shove the vision of Christian out of my head. Neal has been complimenting me all day, and I believe he’s sincere in his attraction to me. While I certainly don’t feel what I had with Christian, Neal is fun to be with.
Opening my eyes to peer though my sunglasses, I say, “Thank you. What a wonderful spot this is. Do you come to Vail often?” I lift my glass of sparkling water, and the bubbles dance on my tongue when I take a drink.
“About once a month. It’s not a bad commute.”
I nod. “I think I could work at my shop here once a week easily. Aspen’s going to be the tough drive.”
He twirls his straw in his glass, making ice cubes clink against the edges. “That reminds me. What do you think about making our trip there an overnight one?” I must visibly bristle, because he quickly adds, “Two rooms, of course. I know the most wonderful restaurants, and I think you’d have a good time.”
“I know I’d have a good time with you, Neal. I think it sounds like a great plan.”
I realize I’m encouraging him, but part of me wants to try to make us work. He was right when he said we’d make a good team. I appreciate his business sense, and he does enjoy many of the same things I do.
“So what do you think is the better space for me? I’m leaning toward the one with the courtyard like I have in Breck. I love the little pocket of shops in there.”
“I agree; that location would be perfect for you.”
I lean back again to close my eyes and visualize what I would do to make the shop say Rhinestone Cowgirl.
The overbearing cologne of the waiter washes over me as he approaches, and I open my eyes without moving. Snatching the check before Neal does, I get the laugh I was going for. He says, “Nice ninja-like moves you’ve got there. But how am I supposed to court you that way?”
“Neal, Neal, Neal. Haven’t you learned by now games aren’t the way to win with me?”
He leans forward, and his pleasantly light cologne is a nice mix with his male scent, making me wish he would share it with the waiter. “Maybe not, but you do like my charm. I think I’m wearing you down.”
I let a sly smile form on my face. “Your charm works when it’s sincere. If you’re really serious about a relationship with anyone, you’ll do well to remember that. Money doesn’t buy love.”
“Okay, we can stay in Motel 6 when we go to Aspen.”
I chuckle at him. “I don’t think they have one of those. I’ll suffer through something fabulous, but I’m paying for my room. Got it?”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way, princess.”
Neal has never called me princess, and when he does, it slices through my heart. I snap out, “Please don’t call me that, ever.”
“I’m sorry. How about queen?”<
br />
I smile, knowing my response earlier was curt, and try to smooth things over. “That’s better.”
My phone vibrates with a text, and I pull it out of my coat pocket to check in case it’s one of the girls at Rhinestone Cowgirl. “I’m sorry. It might be work.”
But since he’s been doing the same to me all day, I didn’t need to say anything.
It’s Christian. “Can you call me?”
Assuming he has an idea he wants to share with me, I put him off and text back. “Ltr 9ish?”
He replies quickly. “Ok. New development I hope you like.”
Damn it. Now I’m going to spend the rest of the day wondering what that means. Of course my heart jumps right to he’s coming back for me on a white horse so we can live happily ever after. But my logical side says it’s probably something about the catalogue we’re producing.
Neal says, “Looks like that was good news.”
“Yeah, some new development Christian wants to share with me.” I smile at the waiter as he hands me the credit card slip.
“Christian? I didn’t realize he was still part of your life.” He reaches for my hand, and I’m not sure if it’s to keep me from slipping away or if he’s thinks anguish is about break through my smile.
I squeeze back to relieve Neal’s anxiety, and pull my hand away. “He’s still my partner and works remotely.”
“Is that hard for you?”
I shrug as I sign my name and lie. “Not really.”
***
After getting home and playing with the dogs, I finally call Christian. “Hey, what’s up?”
“How was your day?”
Small talk, huh? I tense as if to prepare for a shock. “Fine. I looked at locations in Vail and found a great one.”
“Nice.” He pauses, and I wait for him to break his big news. “So I’ve made some tough decisions.”
Shit. He’s going to sell out and be done with me. He continues. “I was right the first time; I hate working in the city. I’m moving back to Breck.”
My heart soars, and I yank it back down to earth. I ask as calmly as I can, “Really?”
“Yeah.” I picture him combing his fingers through his hair, and mine ache for the silky smoothness. “I put my apartment on the market, and I’m doing it for real this time.”
The fingers of my left hand are fluttering in excitement, but my pride is too wounded to let him know. “When will you be here?”
“Next Tuesday.”
The day before I go to Aspen with Neal. I can’t help my evil thought from materializing and I say, “Great. Can I put you to work right away?”
“Sure. I’m looking forward to working with you again, princess.”
Damn if that name doesn’t send heat rushing through my body. “Would you watch the dogs for me? You know how I hate using a kennel, and I’m going to Aspen overnight with Neal.”
It takes a moment for him to answer, and I know my poison arrow hit its target. “Yeah, I can do that.”
“Awesome.” Guilt tugs at me, and I add, “Christian?”
“Yeah?”
“It’ll be nice to work with you again too.”
He speaks softly, “I’ve missed you, princess.
My heart breaks a little more. I don’t say anything, and as the silence gets painful, he adds in an almost whisper, “I’m so sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you.”
I won’t apologize for something I didn’t do, so I don’t. I say, “I know. I’ll see you next week.”
The moment I hang up, my ears burn from shame. I purposely let him wonder if something’s going on with Neal and pushed his jealousy button in a big way. I stare at the phone, wanting to call him and reassure him that nothing is going on. But then I’ll have to admit I was trying to hurt him like he hurt me. Oh, damn it all. Tears burn in my eyes when I realize he already knows I tried to hurt him.
Chapter 51
Christian will be here any minute. He texted that he would stop by once he got settled, and I noticed the town car in his driveway earlier. Not that I was watching. Yesterday I filled his fridge with the basics and made sure his Land Rover still started, even though I’ve been driving it once a week.
The dogs follow me as I pace my house with nervous energy. They hear him before I do, and nails scratch the wood floor as they scramble to get to the door first. The sound of his knuckles rapping on the door makes me sad when I think about how he used to just walk in.
I open the door to his twinkling gray-blue eyes, and he smiles at me. Swallowing hard to keep from crying, I take a deep breath and step away as he catches my hands in his. He says, “It’s so good to see you again. God, I’ve missed you.”
I pull my hands back. “I’ve missed you too. But—”
“I know. I hurt you, princess.” He crouches to give the dogs the attention they’re begging for as they squirm around him.
I lead us over to the couches and before sitting I turn to him. “You did, Christian. Are you expecting us to pick up where we left off?”
He moves into my space, and I’m reminded of how we used to play this game when he first stayed with me. He holds me by the shoulders and leans in toward my neck as he takes a deep breath through his nose. I gasp lightly as moisture pools between my legs.
Christian whispers, “You smell so good. I want to wrap myself up in you. Yes, I want to be with you like before.”
My throat is thick, and I turn away. “Don’t. Please don’t.” Hot tears that managed to escape roll down my cheek. Damn it. I can’t let him pull me in again. What happens when he decides Breck isn’t the right decision either?
I swipe my sleeve across my face, and it’s rough against my skin. I compose myself and turn back to him. “Neal’s picking me up at nine tomorrow. Would you like me to bring the dogs over before then?”
Sadness fades from his eyes. “I’d rather be here when he comes to get you.”
I smile at his coy look. “I’ll bet you would. But I have to spend two days with him, and I’m afraid you’ll just encourage things.”
“Fair enough. Bring them over anytime.” He sits on a couch and pats the leather for the dogs to join him. Christian has no intention of leaving yet, and I’m sure he’s doing his best to slide back into my life.
He asks, “Do you have any plans for dinner?”
“No. I want to stop in the shop and check the order that came in, but the rest of my night is free. I can cook you some pasta if you’d like.”
He grins, and I guess it’s because I’m making this easy. The truth is I don’t want him to leave either. “Can I go to the shop with you?”
“Of course. You’re still part of Rhinestone Cowgirl, and Casey’s working tonight. I’m sure she’ll be glad to see you. Give me a minute and we can go.” I need to do something in public because I’m afraid of what my body wants right now.
I excuse myself and go to the guest bathroom. The door shuts with a soft click, and I lean against the hardwood and slide down it to the floor where I hang my head in my hands. I’m a mess. I expected to react to Christian’s presence, but not this strongly. My desire has my insides trembling, and my head is pissed at my body’s betrayal.
It was so much easier to control things when he was a bad video vision on Skype. I couldn’t sense the heat of his touch or be intoxicated by his scent. His sheer presence couldn’t ravage my body the way it does right now. Get it together, Dannika.
Icy water rushes into the sink as I wash my hands. The light lemon odor of the soap cleanses more than my skin as I let the astringency in. Composure regained, I put on my fierce persona and emerge.
I call out to Christian from the tiled area that leads to the garage. “I’m ready.” I wrap soft fleece around me and grab my purse. My keys jingle as I take them from the hook, and Christian walks with me to my car.
The ride to town is quick, and I spend the time catching Christian up on employee politics now that he’ll be working with us again. We step out of the car into slus
h. Bright sun makes the wet snow glisten, and I leave my sunglasses on for the walk to the shop. We cut through the alley, and large drops of moisture land on our heads.
Casey is just inside the courtyard door organizing a clothing rack. I say, “Look who I brought with me.”
She squeals and rushes over to hug Christian. I let them catch up and go to the office to check the shipment. I have no doubt Casey’s dying to hear what I have to say about him being back, but it’ll have to wait. I think I need to schedule a girls’ night soon.
Before I finish inspecting the new clothes Christian sticks his head in the office. “Hey, I’m going to run a quick errand. Be back in about ten minutes.”
“Sure.” I grin to myself, knowing the moment he’s out the door Casey will be pumping me for information.
Right on cue Casey rushes in. “Oh, my God!”
I turn to her as my smile fades. “I know. He’s back and claims this is where he wants to live.”
“And?”
“And I’m a mess.” I sigh. “I want to strip him naked and have my way with him so bad it hurts. But I’m scared to death of him breaking my heart again.”
“What does he say?”
“He’s made it clear he wants me back. Damn it, Casey, what do I do?”
She sits in my chair and twirls around. “You still love him, right?”
“Yes. God, yes.” I move over to lean against my desk and grab the arm of the chair to stop her from moving.
“Then let him prove to you you’re the one.”
“So just wait it out and see what he does?”
“Yup.” A grin spreads across her face, and she twirls one more time. “You’re about to be wooed in a big way.” She winks at me. “Make him work to get you back. It’s the least he can do after the way he acted.”
“Okay, I can do that.” Especially since it means I don’t have to decide anything yet. I glance at the door Christian exited, and my stomach churns.
I notice movement on the shop floor, and Casey hops up to wait on the customer. I’m out straightening displays when Christian returns from his errand.
Fierce: New Adult Sport Romance (The Boys of Winter Book 4) Page 22