You Will Remember Me

by Hannah Mary McKinnon

  “That’s wonderful, I’m happy for you both,” she said as she reversed out of the parking spot, but when I glanced at her, despite her joyful-sounding delivery, her smile was all teeth, and zero elation.

  29

  ASH

  I hadn’t expected my feelings for Lily to develop so fast, for me to care for her as much as I did already after her arrival not even two weeks ago. Now she was staying at the house, I found myself even more excited to see her in the morning and looking forward to her coming home after work. It was almost as if my subconscious had connected with her before the rest of me, leading the way, knowing exactly what I needed.

  Our relationship strengthened daily, and when we were together, she made me believe I’d always been the person she saw when she looked at me. We hadn’t yet alerted the cops in Maryland about my being alive, and I’d told Lily I wasn’t ready. She’d agreed, but I hated lying by omission. I still hadn’t said anything about the flashback of the man attacking me on the beach. No more details about the incident had returned, and with my level of exhaustion and the way my brain-fog had made a comeback, I wasn’t sure if they ever would. That was my justification for staying silent, waiting to see if I remembered more, not wanting to put anyone in danger in case my assailant was still after me. Besides, even if I’d remembered what had happened correctly and told the cops, surely the likelihood of a conviction would be remote. Maybe the best solution for everyone was to let people believe “Jack Smith” had drowned. Perhaps that was the only way to move forward without having to look back.

  To take my mind off everything as much as possible, I pushed myself as hard as I dared on the garage project, trying to fit in as much work as I could while Lily and Maya were at work, lying about being unable to get out of bed before lunchtime most days. I was exhausted, but the alternative of sitting in the house all afternoon would’ve pushed me to a breaking point far sooner.

  In between their shifts, Lily and Maya had helped with the new room’s subflooring and plasterboard, and I’d doubled the insulation as per Maya’s request. I didn’t think it necessary, but she was adamant, and so I’d complied. The bathroom turned out to be an easier project than I’d initially thought because the plumbing my father and I had preinstalled years before was still in excellent shape. Another few days and I’d be done, and providing I could somehow clear the fuzziness in my mind, I wanted to get a proper job, try to figure out what my future would look like, and I hoped Lily would be in it.

  That morning, she’d gone to the Cliff’s Head for her shift, and Maya had taken the day off to help me clear up, move around the shelving units and her supplies.

  “I should’ve asked you for air-conditioning,” she said, fanning her face with her hands. “It’s boiling in here.”

  It was the hottest day of the summer so far, although if the news was to be believed, relief was on its way in the form of multiple heavy storms traveling up the coast, and which threatened to join into one big humdinger. I pointed to the back wall. “There’s still time to add that window.”

  “Maybe later. It’s mainly for storage anyway, so it’ll be fine.” As she bent over to pick up another box, her phone rang, and when she pulled it from her pocket she sighed. “It’s Patrick. I hope he doesn’t need me to go in. There’s so much to do here... Hey, boss, what’s up?” Her face fell as she listened, shaking her head. “No way, I can’t believe it. It must be a mistake.”

  “What’s going on?” I whispered, but she held up a hand to silence me.

  “Are you absolutely sure...? A million percent?” She went quiet again before apologizing profusely and hanging up. “Cash has gone missing from the register,” she said. “Six hundred and eighty-three bucks.”

  “He doesn’t think you took it, does he?”

  “Me? No...”

  “Then who?” My eyes went wide. “Lily? No way. She wouldn’t.”

  “That’s what I thought. But she was the last one there yesterday except for Patrick.”

  “Then he misplaced it. Lily wouldn’t steal. She’s not that kind of person.”

  “Are you sure?” she said gently.

  “Yes, I’m bloody well sure,” I said, the anger I hadn’t felt for days making a sudden and fierce reappearance. “Why the hell would you ask that?”

  Maya hesitated. “How often have you heard her say she’s broke?”

  I didn’t answer. Last night Lily told me she was concerned about money, and we’d talked about her giving up her flat and moving to Newdale on a permanent basis. I’d kissed her when she said it was what she wanted, too, and as we’d tried to figure out how we could best pick up our things in Brookmount, our excitement had grown. She had to return her car to the garage, and we couldn’t afford to buy another, so we’d planned on asking Maya if we could borrow hers for a couple of days while we made the trip.

  “Brad’s watch. Did you really misplace it?” my sister said to me now, scrunching up her face as if she couldn’t believe she’d even thought it, let alone said the words out loud.

  “Yes.” Except while I may have been exhausted and confused, I knew I’d taken my father’s watch off and set it on the dresser, as I did every night before I went to bed. I sighed. “Actually, no...not exactly.”

  “I didn’t want to say anything.” Maya’s voice sounded increasingly uncomfortable, and she wrung her hands without meeting my eye. “A pair of my earrings has disappeared.”

  “Are you serious? Did you lose them?”

  “No. I know exactly where they were. They’re not worth much, but they’re gone. And your watch is valuable. You had it looked at once when we needed to repair the roof. Back then, even with the scratched face, the pawnshop would’ve given you a few hundred bucks, but I wouldn’t let you part with it.”

  “This is ridiculous,” I snapped, trying not to shout. “Lily wouldn’t—”

  “With all due respect, how can you be sure?” Maya shot back, and I couldn’t come up with an answer fast enough. “If you didn’t misplace your watch and I didn’t lose my earrings, where are they? Where’s the money from the Cliff’s Head?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Patrick said he’ll talk to her when she goes in for her next shift the day after tomorrow, but he wanted to give me the heads-up. She’s on her way home now. Before she gets here, do you think we should...” She grimaced and waved a hand. “No, we can’t.”

  “Go through her stuff?” I said. Jesus, she was joking, right?

  “No, I was going to say talk to her. But you’re right. Maybe we should take a peek.”

  “Maya, we can’t.”

  “Why not? It’s our house and she’ll never know. If we don’t find anything, there’s no harm done, but my ass is on the line if she took the money. I vouched for her. And if she has my jewelry and your watch...well, we have a whole other set of problems to deal with.”

  Fuck. My mind took a few seconds to wrestle with the options, but Maya was right. If we asked Lily about taking our things, it would give her the opportunity to get rid of them. Worse, if she hadn’t taken them—and I didn’t for one second believe she had—she’d hate me for accusing her of being a thief. But if she didn’t know we’d looked, and it would shut Maya up...

  “Let’s go,” I said.

  Once we were in the spare room, Maya checked the closet. I searched through Lily’s clothes in the chest of drawers, feeling more and more like a traitor. I kept telling myself this was all a big misunderstanding, but, as I dug through her things, doubts crept in and I wondered how well I knew Lily after all. Yes, I could recall her favorite movie, that I’d given her a bracelet on Valentine’s Day and she loved blueberry pancakes, but did I know her?

  “Found anything?” Maya said.

  I shook my head. “I need to be sure.”

  I got on my hands and knees and looked under the bed. Nothing. But when I lifted the m
attress and ran my hand down the sides of the frame, my fingers butted up against something. When I yanked the item out and saw a rolled-up wad of cash in my hand, my heart sank.

  “Shit,” I whispered, holding it up to Maya. “It’s a coincidence, surely?”

  “How much is it?” she said.

  I unrolled the notes and counted them. “Six hundred and eighty-three bucks. Jesus Christ, what the hell was she thinking? How could she do this?” I lifted the mattress again, told myself I’d find nothing, but the glint of something tucked down the side caught my eye. Dad’s watch and a pair of earrings, but those weren’t the only things, because nestled between them was a little plastic bag of pills.

  “What are those?” Maya said, holding out her hand, and when I gave her the bag her eyes and mouth went wide. “Ash, this is clonazepam.”

  “What?”

  “Benzos. Serious, prescription-only addictive shit. I was given some of these after you left because I had panic attacks. I hated taking them because they made me so dopey.”

  I stared at her. “What do you mean, ‘dopey’?”

  She waved a hand in front of her face. “I don’t know, I was tired all the time, like I was living in this soupy brain fog. Drowsy, a bit stupid, just...weird.”

  “That’s how I’ve been feeling,” I said quietly.

  “From your amnesia...”

  I shook my head. “No, it’s been different. Exactly how you described. I didn’t want to tell you, but some mornings...some mornings I can’t get out of bed for hours.”

  “Ash, you don’t think Lily...drugged you, do you?”

  “Why else would she hide that stuff with stolen money, my watch and your jewelry?”

  “But why would she give you benzos?”

  “I don’t know,” I said, thinking back to the attack on the beach. What if I’d got it wrong? Could it have been Lily? Had she come here to drug me, try and keep me confused or make sure I never remembered what happened? It didn’t make any sense and I was about to speak when we heard the front door open.

  “Ash?” Lily called out, her footsteps coming up the stairs. I looked at my sister, saw that her fury-filled face matched how I felt inside, and I knew I couldn’t stop the imminent confrontation from becoming explosive. Worse, I didn’t want to.

  “Oh, hey,” Lily said as she walked into the room, frowning when she saw both of us in here, and her eyes landed on the stuff in my hand. “You found your watch. Where was—”

  “Don’t,” I said. “I know you stole it. Why, Lily? Why would you do that?”

  Lily’s mouth dropped open. “What are you talking about? I didn’t take anything.”

  “Patrick called not long ago,” Maya said, her voice glacial. “You took money from the Cliff’s Head last night.” When Lily tried to respond she raised a hand. “Don’t bother. We found it under your mattress along with Ash’s watch, my earrings and the pills.”

  “What earrings? What pills?” Lily said. “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “Have you been feeding me benzos?” I said, watching her closely, but her frown deepened. “Clonazepam?”

  “What? No.” Lily’s voice went up three notches. Her reaction seemed genuine, but what the hell did I know? As far as I was concerned, she and I had only just met.

  Maya held up the bag of pills, one eyebrow raised, her voice low. “You sure about that?”

  Lily nodded, her head bobbing up and down, eyes darting from me to Maya and back again. “Yes, I’m sure. I’ve never seen those before in my life. I’d never do anything to hurt you, Ash. I didn’t steal anything, I swear, and I certainly didn’t give you any of those pills. You have to believe me.”

  “How?” I said. “When we found all this stuff under your bed.”

  “I don’t know.” Lily’s voice filled with panic. “Someone else must have...” She stopped midsentence, slowly turning around to face Maya. “You did this.”

  Maya put a hand to her chest. “Don’t put this on me.”

  “God, I’m an idiot,” Lily said. “I thought you’d changed your mind. I thought you’d accepted me, us. But you haven’t, have you? I was right all along. You can’t stand Ash having anyone else in his life but you. You got me that job so you could get rid of me. You planted all this stuff in my room.”

  “Can you hear yourself?” Maya said. “You’re insane.”

  Lily grabbed my hand. “I didn’t do this. I’m telling the truth. About everything.”

  “Are you sure?” Maya said. “Have you told him about Buffalo? About your conviction?”

  “What?” Lily and I both said at the same time, her voice overpowered by the volume and intensity of mine.

  “What conviction?” I urged, louder still.

  “I wasn’t going to say anything,” Maya said. “Because I didn’t want to hurt you, Ash, and I thought maybe she’d changed, but Lily lied about who she is. Her name wasn’t always Reid. It used to be Hetherington.”

  Lily blanched. “I changed it because—”

  “You spent time in prison.” Maya put her hands on her hips as Lily opened and closed her mouth a few times. “Lily’s a con artist. She ran a scam with a guy called Dominic Martel. They had quite the thing going, stole thousands of dollars’ worth of expensive cars. It was all over the news.”

  “Is it true?” I said, my voice hoarse, gruff.

  “It was years ago,” Lily said, pleading with me. “It was a stupid mistake.”

  “Did I know about any of this when we were in Brookmount?” I demanded, but she took too long to answer, her silence telling me everything I needed to know. “Why not?”

  “Because it didn’t matter—”

  “Of course it did—”

  “How can you be such a hypocrite?” Lily threw her hands in the air. “You lied to me about your name. You never told me about Celine or Kate. You never mentioned Maya, either, and we still don’t know why, but you have the audacity to call me out on not wanting to tell you something about my past? How dare you.” She took a step toward me. “Can’t you see what’s happening? She’s manipulating you.” When Maya started to protest, Lily cut her off. “She’s manipulating both of us. She lied about the Facebook photo, I’m sure of it now. Think about it. She didn’t even tell you I called. The first time I came here when you were out, she almost convinced me to leave town. She’s never wanted me here—”

  “That’s completely unfair,” Maya fired off.

  “I agree,” I said. “It was her idea for you to stay at the house. She got you the job at the restaurant.”

  “Exactly,” Lily said. “It’s the perfect way to blame everything on me.”

  “You’re crazy,” Maya said.

  “What if it was her intention to get rid of me all along?” Lily said, ignoring her again. “You know the saying ‘keep your friends close and your enemies closer’? What if she’s the real reason you left Newdale?”

  “Bullshit,” Maya said. “There’s no way I’d—”

  “Enough,” I yelled, my head on the verge of exploding. I looked from Lily to Maya and back again, trying to figure out whom or what to believe. But then I thought how utterly exhausted I’d felt of late, how fuzzy my brain had been, particularly since Lily had moved in. If Maya was right and those pills were clonazepam... “I think you should leave the house,” I said to Lily.

  “You’re right,” she said. “Let’s all take some time to cool off.”

  I shook my head. “No, I meant you should leave.”

  “Are you serious?” Lily said.

  “Yes. You can’t stay here anymore.”

  She tried to argue but I wouldn’t listen. Her shoulders slumped and I looked away until she pulled out her duffel bag from the closet and grabbed her clothes, stuffing them inside as fast as possible. As I watched her pack I almost told her to stop, and we should talk a
bout this, but seeing my father’s watch, the earrings, the wad of the Cliff’s Head money and those goddamn pills made the words shrivel up in my mouth.

  None of us spoke again until we got to the front door, where Lily turned to me.

  “I didn’t do this, I swear. I’m being set up—” she pointed at Maya, who’d followed us down the stairs and was hovering in the background “—by her.”

  “Please, Lily,” I said. “Just go.”

  “I’ll be at the Harbor Inn,” she said. “Think about this, Ash. I’ve done nothing wrong, you have to believe me.” She opened the door before turning around again. “I love you,” she whispered, but as she walked away, I now knew for certain I’d never say it back.

  30

  MAYA

  I wanted to celebrate as Lily walked out of our house—our lives—and Ash shut the door behind her, resting his head against it. A tiny part of me felt bad for him, but my elation kicked the emotion out of the way, sent it scuttling into the background.

  My plan had worked. Simple, effective and carried out with meticulous precision. Everything would now be exactly as it should.

  “Why didn’t you mention her history?” he said, turning around, his voice sharp, and my face fell as he continued. “Why did you keep it a secret, Maya? You should’ve told me. I had every right to know.”

  “I thought about it,” I said, my voice low and calm. I’d half expected him to blame me, and I couldn’t spoil things by overreacting. After Keenan had told me about Lily’s name, and I’d done my research, it had been easy to ask Ash a few leading questions and figure out Lily had kept her past a secret since she’d arrived in Newdale, which meant she’d probably never told him when they were in Brookmount, either. It had been a gamble, and it had paid off. As the saying goes, “she who dares, wins.” “It wouldn’t have been fair to bring something like that up when you two were making a go of it,” I said. “I mean, we’ve all made mistakes...”

  “I need to see for myself,” Ash said, pushing past me and heading to the kitchen, where he grabbed my laptop. “Show me what you found.”