Unbreakable Hope

by Kristin Billerbeck

  “Nah. What woman is gonna live in this dump?” The three boys broke into laughter.

  “Hey!” Darin said. “This is a nice place. And Emily and I can get our own place. Do you really think my wife is going to want roommates, and kids who eat her out of house and home?”

  The boys laughed while crunching on a bag of chips.

  “The schoolteacher is coming to the hood!” Lonnie clapped his hands in laughter.

  Darin wiggled his eyebrows. “Maybe she is coming, and maybe she’s given to tutoring slang English until midnight.”

  “Dude, we’re outta here. We’re outta here,” Lonnie said. He gave Darin a high-five and left. Darin watched the threesome until they entered the home next door. Then he peeked out again, just to make sure they stayed there. At that moment, he collapsed onto the couch and praised God. His life echoed rejoicing in every corner now. He loved gardening and being in the sun all day. He loved coming home to the boys and pick-up basketball, and he loved that Miss Emily Jensen had seen fit to date him. It were as though he were floating above everything that might harm him now. His mother, Emily’s mother, their protests meant nothing to him now. God would work it out, Darin had no doubts. She was the woman for him.

  Someone knocked at the door, and Darin checked the clock on the wall. It read 11:15. Looking out the peephole, he saw Angel standing there. He quickly opened the door.

  “Angel, what on earth are you doing out at this time of night?” He pulled her in. This was the time of night people shot off guns for fun. It was no time to be out alone in a strange city.

  Her eyes were red and puffy, and she wore no makeup. “I’m pregnant.”

  The words hit him with the force of a train. Bile rose in Darin’s throat. “Come sit down, Angel.” He led her to the sofa and helped her into her seat. This wasn’t an act; she trembled, and her expression held true anxiety.

  “Does the father know yet?”

  She looked away. “He’s a professional football player. He’s going to think I set him up. He’ll give me some money and want me to go away.”

  Darin paused for a moment. “Did you set him up?”

  “No! I should have known you’d ask that. You preaching—”

  “Look, I’m not trying to be cruel, but it’s a fair question. You haven’t mentioned any boyfriend and you show up on my doorstep pregnant.”

  “It doesn’t matter whose it is because I’m getting rid of it.”

  “It? You’re calling your unborn child it? Angel, that’s not like you. You always wanted to be a mother.”

  “Not now I don’t. What am I supposed to do, settle down with a baby and give up my cheerleading career? Just because I didn’t make the Raiderettes doesn’t mean I won’t get there next year, or even with the Sabercats in San Jose.”

  Darin’s stomach lurched. Surely, no woman was bad enough to sacrifice a child for a job in cheerleading. He just couldn’t believe it, and he didn’t know how long he stood there with his mouth hanging open. He’d known Angel a long time. He’d seen countless scenarios where her selfishness surprised him. But even this was beneath her. This was something he wouldn’t have expected.

  “Angel, please. Promise me you won’t do anything rash. This is something that’s going to take a lot of thought and prayer.”

  She rose from her seat and sat in his lap. “This is why I came here,” she purred.

  Darin tried to wiggle free. He was really worried about Angel now.

  “There is one condition under which I will keep this baby.”

  “What?” he asked, his heart hammering in his chest.

  “Marry me, and we raise it as our own.”

  He pushed her off his legs. “I think you should leave.”

  “That’s just what I thought. You’re not willing to put your money where your mouth is on this God thing. You’re the same hypocrite you always were.”

  “Me? Why on earth would you want to marry me if you think I’m such bad news, Angel? You come over here, attack me, tell me you’ll kill a child if I won’t marry you, then tell me I’m not worthy of being a husband. I don’t get it.”

  “This is hard for me to say, but deep down I think you’re the only man for me. I know if you’d search your heart, you’d think that too. Yes, we have our issues, any couple does, but you would care for another man’s baby as if it were your own. You know me, Darin. I can’t do this alone, and that schoolmarm won’t ever make you happy.”

  “Is everything all right?” Pete stuck his head out his bedroom door.

  “Everything’s fine,” Angel snapped.

  Seeing her and knowing her history with Darin, Pete didn’t disappear into his room again. He went into the kitchen and noisily started to make a sandwich.

  Angel exhaled a tornado-worthy sigh. “I can see we’re going to be chaperoned. So I’ll just leave you with this decision. How far are you willing to go for this so-called faith of yours, Darin?”

  “This doesn’t make any sense to me, Angel. Why would you want to marry someone who didn’t want to marry you?”

  “I don’t want to marry someone who doesn’t want to marry me. I just don’t believe that’s true. You loved me once, and even with all this goody-goody business going on in your heart, you will love me again.” She stood and tried to kiss him on the lips. He dodged the motion and accepted her kiss on the cheek. “I’ll be in touch.”

  “This is blackmail,” he said.

  “Your mother and I know the true you resides in there somewhere, Darin. We’ll get him back. If it’s the last thing we do.”

  Darin watched her safely to her car and came back into the house where Pete was waiting. Pete’s lanky frame bent over a huge submarine sandwich he’d just created. “You want half?” he asked.

  “Sure.”

  They sat together at the table.

  “I didn’t just hear what I thought I heard,” Pete said.

  “Angel’s pregnant with some football player’s baby. She wants to marry me to keep the child.”

  “Are you sure she’s really pregnant?”

  “How could I be? She’s troubled, Pete. Deeply troubled. She thinks I can solve all her problems, but I can’t begin to solve her problems. But if there is a baby, how could I live with myself if I knew I could stop her from. . .” He didn’t want to think about it. Nor could he bring himself to say the word.

  “When God calls you to ministry full-time, things happen,” Pete said. “When I first came here to live, my fiancé wouldn’t come with me. She loved the Lord, but she said she just wasn’t called here, so I must not be the man for her. That day broke my heart, Darin, but I couldn’t break God’s. He wanted me here.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Following God always has a cost. Sometimes it feels too high, but it never is.”

  “I’m commanded not to marry an unbeliever, but if it costs a life—” Darin shook his head. “God doesn’t give that one away in the Bible.”

  “Hosea married the prostitute.”

  “You’re a big help, Pete, thanks a lot.”

  “It will cost you either way. Did you think about Emily in all this?”

  “I haven’t thought about anything. It’s just too fresh, too unbelievable. I wonder if my mother knows anything about this.”

  “Wouldn’t surprise me if Angel told your mother it was your baby,” Pete said with his mouth full of sandwich.

  Darin let his head fall to the table. “I hadn’t thought of that,” he mumbled. “I was planning to buy an engagement ring soon for Emily. I thought my life was finally falling into place, that I finally understood.”

  Pete stopped chewing. “You can’t marry Angel, Darin. This is a temptation, and I don’t believe temptation is sent by God. He can handle it. We just have to pray. In the meantime, you need to let Emily know what’s going on. Before she finds out from someone else. Namely Angel or your mother.”

  Darin downed the last of his sandwich. “Because that’s just what Emily needs. Another re
ason to dump me.” He got up to get a glass of milk.

  Pete stood to his feet. “Angel knows you’re working with the boys on responsible parenting, trying to keep them out of adult situations. She’ll use this against you, Darin. You need to come clean right away and let people know this isn’t your baby. A life of ministry is always rough to begin with. I think it’s a testing period.”

  Darin slammed a hand on the table. “She’s not going to win.”

  “Don’t think of it as her, think of it as the enemy. And God is much more powerful.”

  Darin skulked to his bedroom. In two years of being a Christian, he’d never felt this low. Lord, help me. I don’t know where to turn.

  Sixteen

  Emily’s mother prepared a gigantic breakfast before work, but the thought of food in the morning nauseated Emily. She’d never been a morning person, preferring food at the 10 a.m. hour, not 6 when she woke up. That time was reserved for coffee. She ate as much as she could stomach before making excuses to leave. She’d stop at the coffee shop on her way to school and purchase a tall latte.

  At three dollars a pop, such java luxuries weren’t everyday occurrences on her teacher’s salary, but today, with her mother’s constant nagging about Darin, it felt like an investment worth making for the mere escape. If she had any doubts about Darin and her future, her mother’s incessant complaints against him made her feelings even stronger. Hearing her mother’s fears expressed only made Emily realize that she loved Darin, despite the obvious differences between them.

  For example, he was a gardener. There was such a purity about the fact that Darin worked with his hands, that he’d given up chasing the corporate dream like so many of the fathers she knew. Some of these men had forfeited their families for the opportunity to be a corporate vice president while Darin made the kids of EPA his priority. Kids he hadn’t even fathered. Her mother kept rehashing that Darin couldn’t afford to play the game of golf. Well, then Darin also couldn’t afford to spend every Saturday away from his family like her own father had always done. Emily hoped she’d be the kind of wife that Darin didn’t want to avoid. Bitter memories boiled up. Did her father avoid their home, and thus her mother? She prayed she would never be that kind of wife.

  “Bye, Dad, I’ll see you this afternoon. Mom, thanks for the breakfast. It was terrific.”

  “You didn’t eat a thing, Emily. Don’t you teach your kids at school about a healthy breakfast? It’s the most important meal of the day they say.”

  “Sure I teach them. I just don’t practice what I preach in that case.” She giggled. “If I eat in the morning, I’m hungry all day.” But a latte, now that’s a different matter altogether.

  “Leave her alone, Nancy. She’s not a child,” her dad said. “We’re going to the beach today, Emily. Do you want to meet us over there for dinner? We can eat at the Chart House, your favorite.”

  “Oh, Dad, I’d love to, but I really need to catch up on lesson plans. I’ve been so social this weekend. I haven’t finished my plans for the week. You know how it bothers me to be unprepared.”

  Her mother clanked a dish into the sink. “You certainly have been a bit too social. Don’t give up your job for a man who might not be around in two weeks. I would think your short-lived relationship with that fireman would have taught you something.”

  “Mom, I was talking about you and Dad coming to California by surprise. I generally work on my stuff Sunday afternoons. While I love having you, it did throw a kink into my schedule.”

  “Hmmph.” Her mother pursed her lips.

  The phone rang, much to Emily’s relief. She raced to get it before her mother answered and gave someone the third degree. Her phone rarely rang in the morning, and she couldn’t help but throw up a prayer before answering.

  “Hello.”

  “Emily, it’s Darin.”

  “Darin, is everything okay? You don’t sound so good.”

  “It’s nothing for you to worry about, but I just called Pastor Fredericks’s office and got an appointment with him today at four. It’s usually his day off, but he’s making an exception for me. Do you think you could meet me there? I want to tell both of you at the same time.”

  “Tell us what?” Emily’s heart hammered against her chest. Was this where he told her he was already married? Or where he explained his life of crime back in Brazil or something?

  “Emily, please trust me, and wait on this one. I can tell you it’s not as bad as you’re thinking.”

  “But you want me to meet you at the church? What’s this about?”

  “It’s something I can’t talk about on the phone, but I’d really love for you to be there. It concerns you in an off-hand way. It concerns our future.” The seriousness in his voice alarmed her. She wasn’t used to Darin being evasive with answers. Was there more to his ministry that she didn’t understand? More than she would be able to handle?

  “I’ll meet you there at four o’clock.” Emily decided she just had to trust God for the day. But within her heart she prayed there was nothing more. Nothing she couldn’t handle. She had quickly fallen in love with Darin. Would her heart be dashed as it had been so many times before? Would Darin leave like Kyle had? Like Fireman Mike had? She felt sick. A whole day of not knowing, just waiting for the other shoe to fall.

  Emily offered her mother’s questioning glances no satisfaction. “I’ll see you both tonight. I take it I’m not cooking for you then, you’re eating out?”

  “Do you really think we should waste the money, Dear? I can get something for us all at the grocery today.” Her mother grabbed her purse, as if ready to go.

  “We’ll eat over on the coast tonight, Nancy. That way Emily won’t feel in any hurry to get home and entertain us. It sounds like she has enough going on today.” Her father turned toward her. “We’ll be home by about eight. That will give you time to get caught up on lessons.”

  “Before they fire you from that job,” her mother added.

  “Tenure, Mom. It’s a beautiful thing.”

  After a peaceful latte and a morning newspaper at her local coffeehouse, Emily rushed into her classroom to find her principal waiting. She looked at the clock nervously, but she was on time. “Mr. Walker, is everything all right? What can I do for you?”

  She hoped he hadn’t noticed her absentmindedness lately. A mere two weeks ago, Emily had no social life, and her work could never be questioned, but lately she lived in her own little world. Going to the city on a weeknight, staying all hours at the local hospital, and filling out police reports. Dating Darin was certainly not for the faint of heart.

  Mr. Walker cleared his throat and looked toward the white board with the morning’s assignment written on it. Emily silently thanked God she’d been prepared on Friday. “Miss Jensen, one of your students was in an accident over the weekend.”

  Her throat caught and words tumbled from her mouth. “An accident? Who was it? May the Lord have watched over them!”

  “I understand your religious beliefs, Miss Jensen, and of course I tolerate your first-amendment rights, but I’ll need to make sure this kind of speech doesn’t come from you when you tell the rest of the class.”

  “Is someone hurt?” Emily asked, ignoring the admonition. One of her children’s fate lay in the balance, and Mr. Walker could only worry about the liberal lawyers in California waiting to pounce.

  “Not seriously. David Bronson’s car was hit by a drunk driver this weekend. His whole family is fine, but David is in the hospital with a broken collarbone. You might want to have the class make him a card or an art project. I told his mother you would visit this afternoon and bring any homework.”

  Homework. Leave it to Mr. Walker to be concerned about the homework of a first-grader when the boy could have lost his life. Had the school administration lost all sense of decorum? Of rational behavior?

  Mr. Walker ignored her shock. “I’m contacting MADD today. Apparently, they have a drunk driver with a history of this kind of crimin
al background. He’s actually reformed and is supposed to be excellent talking with children. He has a way of bringing it home, they say.”

  “What’s his name?” Emily asked tentatively.

  “Not sure. It’s that Fireman Mike’s friend. Remember that trouble-making mother you had last year? That delinquent boy Josh of hers? Well, this is a friend of her husband’s. Oh, wait a minute, you used to date that fireman yourself, didn’t you?”

  “Briefly.” Mr. Tact. Briefly.

  “We’ll have an assembly at the end of the week. Hopefully, David will be back to school by then, but if not we can still emphasize the importance of seat belt safety. They said if David hadn’t been in his booster seat, he wouldn’t be coming back to us.”

  Emily clutched her heart. Her principal seemed to lack any feeling for children but loved edicts as if Robert’s Rules of Order were written upon his heart. She suddenly realized he bore a striking resemblance to her mother. And for a moment, she seethed at the sight of him. With one more word she couldn’t trust herself. Rules first. People second. Would her life ever be spared of people who ordered their life so?

  David Bronson exuded charm. He was the kind of kid who could get into trouble, smile, say something sweet, and make it all go away instantaneously. All the girls loved David, and he was the first boy Emily had ever seen dominate the first-grade love note competition. One day he’d be a grown-up Darin Black. Charming, confident, and in many ways free of life’s consequences. It were as though the two of them, David and Darin, had a dozen angels on full-time watch helping to break any falls.

  Mr. Walker broke her reverie. “I’m a little worried about bringing the drunk driver here. He is a felon after all, but I think it will do more good than harm if we keep him chaperoned the entire time.”

  “I don’t think it’s something we need to worry about. Who knows? He might even be an upstanding citizen now.”

  “Phht, just like Charlie Manson is a reformed citizen now.”

  Emily clenched her teeth. “I’m dating that drunk driver. And do you know what? I might even see fit to marry him, so I’d appreciate it if you’d take your prejudices elsewhere. He’s a Christian now, and he’s changed.” She stood with her mouth open, wondering if she’d really spoken her thoughts aloud. She watched Mr. Walker for an indication, but he said nothing. She scratched her chin, and like a gorilla in the zoo the principal did the same thing.