Unbreakable Hope

by Kristin Billerbeck

  “I don’t know what’s gotten into you, Emily, but I am watching you. Closely.” His brows furrowed into an angry V. Mr. Walker was antagonistic toward religion of any sort. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. If it reeked of tolerance and ethnic background, it was more than accepted. He despised talk of the Bible, however, and he’d tried to force Emily’s Bible from her desk on countless occasions. She now kept it in her drawer.

  She had no doubt that if Darin’s faith was announced at his speech, he’d never be allowed to speak in the schools again. Mr. Walker would see to that.

  Seventeen

  Emily watched the clock tick for what felt like an eternity. Tick. Tick. Tick. At 2:28, she practically cried out for the bell to ring. When it finally did, she called “Class dismissed!”

  She sighed, quickly planned for the next day’s lesson, and headed to the church to meet Darin. Her stomach was in knots at the thought of seeing him. She could picture his face, and her heart did somersaults at the mere thought of his strong jaw.

  Darin stood outside the office, a big bouquet of peach roses in his hand. She drew in a deep breath. How she loved that man. She loved that man! Was it even possible? She giggled like a kindergartner. She hadn’t felt such joy since her college graduation, a time when she thought the world was fresh and full of promise. It held promise once again, and she closed her eyes. “Thank You, God. Thank You for this man.”

  When she opened her eyes, Darin stood in front of her, the roses perched under her nose. “They smell divine,” she said. “Are they for me?”

  “They’ll never be for anyone else, but, Emily, things are going to get rough. I need to tell you about the dilemma I’m in, and I want Pastor there to speak truth to me because I’m in love with you. You and no one else. But life is so valuable to me, so precious. And I know you feel the same way about children.”

  Emily pushed the roses back toward him. “You have a child somewhere?”

  He dropped his head, the light red stubble appearing. “I don’t have a child, not one that’s my own anyway. Promise me something, Emily. You’ll hear the whole story before you run out.”

  She clutched her stomach. Why didn’t anything come easily to her? Why did everything have to be strife-filled? “Darin, I don’t know if I can handle any more bad news. I haven’t told you the whole story of my brother.”

  “Now’s a good time.”

  “We had a next-door neighbor. A little boy who was badly abused by his mother. We didn’t call it that then, we just thought she was mean and spanked him too much.” She fiddled with the collar on her shirt. “The little boy disappeared one day. We found out later he’d been taken to the hospital and eventually taken from his mother. My brother rebelled, vowing not to be hurt when my mother disciplined us harshly. But she never hurt us, it was just his reaction. So he left.”

  “Mike hinted there was something haunting about your history.”

  “I became a caretaker, baby-sitter for the neighborhood, one-time child psychology major, but I changed it to teacher. It was too hard for me to see how many children were hurt by people who should love them.”

  Darin shifted his weight, and just by his reaction Emily realized she’d probably said too much. Whatever was on his mind, he didn’t need her drumming up past hurts of her own.

  “Darin, Emily, you’re both here. Good.” Pastor Fredericks greeted them each with a handshake and brought them into his office. “I’ve just been on hospital visits. Come on in and sit down.” He waved a hand toward two red chairs before his desk. “Do you mind if I open us with prayer?” He bowed his head and dedicated the time to the Lord.

  “Pastor, I have a big problem with an old friend from my past.”

  “The young woman named Angel?”

  “Exactly.”

  Emily closed her eyes instinctively, as if she might not be able to hear by doing so. She knew Darin didn’t love Angel, so what did any of this have to do with her? “Darin, maybe it’s better if I wait outside.”

  “No, Emily,” he said with force. “You’re here because I love you, and I want you to know the truth. If I tell you in front of Pastor, you’ll have no reason to doubt me.”

  So this was where she was told good-bye. Abandoned for the other woman, the other woman who needed him so much more. She braced herself.

  Darin stood and walked the length of the office back and forth. “Pastor, Emily, Angel is pregnant, or so she says. It’s not my baby. I swear to you that there’s no way it could be my baby. But she’s given me an ultimatum. I can either marry her and raise this child as my own, or she will take care of it in her own way.”

  Emily circled herself with her arms. A child’s life hung in the balance. Just like when Josh needed Fireman Mike for a father, this baby would need Darin. She closed her eyes and nodded her head, trying to get her heart to accept the fact that Darin was going away, but for good reason. Kyle had gone away for good reasons too, but she still felt her brother’s absence acutely every single day.

  “You’re not going to like what I have to say, Darin.” Pastor Fredericks stood.

  “But I’m willing to listen. That’s why I’m here.”

  “The Bible says you are not to marry an unbeliever. You know Angel is an unbeliever, am I right?”

  “Yes, Pastor, but—”

  “Darin, you have the heart of an evangelist, and just like all spiritual gifts, there’s a downside to this gift. It’s thinking you can do God’s work for Him, if only you try hard enough. I take it you’re willing to live a life of sacrifice for a woman who’s made some terrible life choices and wants to pull you down with her.”

  Emily stood up. “I should go. I don’t feel that I belong here.”

  “Sit down, Emily,” Pastor Fredericks ordered, and she did so. “You’ve stepped back enough times and given away things that are rightfully yours. Now I don’t know if you and Darin are meant to be married, but I will not have you back away from this because of a woman’s schemes. You’re both going to listen to me. You asked for my opinion and you are more than going to get it.”

  Darin grabbed her hand and clenched it tightly. She squeezed back. I love you, she thought silently.

  “What is it you want to do, Darin?”

  “I want to marry Emily.”

  Her heart swelled. Hearing those words from such a man was more than she ever hoped for. All her years of teaching, all her love for family, nothing matched hearing those words from Darin Black.

  “Then why would you go against the Bible, marry a woman you don’t love, who may or may not be pregnant, and quit your ministry in East Palo Alto? Because I’m willing to bet this woman is not willing to live in the ghetto. Am I right?”

  “You make it sound so simple, Pastor. But is it really? She’s carrying a child she’s threatening to destroy. Can I live with that my entire life?”

  “I don’t think you have a choice, Darin. This isn’t yours. This is God’s to handle. You cannot devote your entire life to the salvation of one person which may or may not happen. And in the meantime, you would hurt the woman you do love and let her live alone? God wants authenticity, Darin. He doesn’t want sacrifice to the point of sin. He’s already been the sacrifice.”

  Darin raked through his stubbly hair, and relief flooded his face. He lowered himself onto the burgundy carpet and perched himself on one knee in front of Emily. She wanted to touch the soft red stubble on his head, and this time she didn’t stop her hand.

  “Emily Jensen, I love you. I’ve got issues, you can hear that as plain as the organ in church. Your mother hates me, I’m going to be poor as long as I can imagine, but I love you with my whole heart. I prayed like you can’t believe that Pastor would tell me I owed Angel nothing. I don’t love her. I never did, and I had such guilt over her bad choices. I wanted to fix her, like Jesus did for me.”

  “I understand.” And she did.

  “What I’m trying to do, very badly I must say, is ask you to be my wife. Emily, will you marry m
e?”

  Tears of joy sprang forth, and Emily lowered herself onto the carpet and sobbed into his shoulder. “Yes, yes, I will marry you.”

  Pastor Fredericks coughed. “Now I think it’s me that should leave.” He stepped through the door and closed it behind him.

  “Do you think if we offered to care for Angel’s baby she might carry it?”

  Darin’s smile faded. “Emily, you would do that?”

  “I told you, I’ve spent my entire life caring for other people’s children. I thought I’d never have any of my own. Raising a child with you is what I want. Where it comes from is the least of my concerns.”

  “Praise God for you, Emily. Praise God. He has blessed me so.”

  Emily clutched her heart. “I’m still having trouble breathing. A minute ago, I thought you were marrying another woman. Now—”

  “Now I’m doing what I’m truly called to do, not feeling guilty about something that only God can fix.”

  “We’ll pray for Angel every day, Darin.”

  “We will,” he agreed.

  A quiet knock invaded their privacy. Pastor Fredericks poked his head in the door. “Are you two done with my office?” He winked.

  Emily felt the heat rise into her face. “Thank you, Pastor, we are.”

  “Emily and I are engaged.”

  “Have you told her parents?”

  A little bit of Emily’s joy died within. “No, but we’re on our way.”

  “First, we’d like to pray with you, Pastor. It seems the world is stacked against us, and yet I’ve never felt so within God’s will. Not since I moved to East Palo Alto.”

  “East Palo Alto,” Emily mumbled. “I’m going to live in East Palo Alto.”

  The corner of Darin’s mouth turned up, and he reached his hand to her jaw. “You’re going to live with me.”

  She exhaled. “I’m going to live with my husband.” A few weeks ago, she thought she’d never get married. Now the man of her dreams was standing before her, professing his love. In front of their pastor no less. If only her mother would understand, everything would be perfect.

  Eighteen

  Nothing is ever perfect, Emily lamented. She paced her apartment. Her parents would understand, they just had to. She looked at the clock and watched the second-hand click away the minutes until Darin arrived. She knew she must tell her parents before he did, but every time she clutched the doorknob, the sick feeling in her stomach began. She squared her shoulders and reached one more time, this time opening the door.

  “Dad,” she yelled over the television set. “Can you turn that off for a moment? I have something to tell you both.”

  Her mother looked up at her from over her magazine. “This had better not be about that hoodlum.”

  “It is about Darin,” Emily said. I will not live in fear.

  “Surely, you’re not thinking of anything serious with him.”

  “Nancy, be quiet and let your daughter speak,” her dad said. “She’s a grown woman.”

  “Mom, Dad, Darin and I are getting married. I’m going to live in East Palo Alto, but I’ll still teach for the time being in Los Altos.”

  Nancy Jensen gasped and swooned as if she might pass out.

  “I know this comes as a surprise to you both, but I just know this is God’s plan for my life. I don’t think it will be easy, or even romantic at times, but I’m following His lead, and Darin’s as well.”

  “I forbid it,” her mother said. “I absolutely forbid you to throw your life away on a gardener who lives in the ghetto. He wears an earring, Emily. We raised you better than that.”

  Mel Jensen stood and placed his fists on his hips. “That’s enough, Nancy. You will rejoice in your daughter’s joy regardless of your opinions. I lost my son because of your constant nagging. I won’t lose my daughter too.” His words came like daggers. The memories of the terrible battle before her brother left still haunted her. She couldn’t let her own marriage break apart her parents.

  “Please don’t fight. There’s nothing to fight about. This isn’t your decision. It’s mine. Mom, I understand this is not the way you would have it. But I’m happy, and he’s a strong Christian. He’s just not the Christian we expected.”

  “I suppose you expect me to pay for this—oh, I can’t even call it a wedding.” She crossed her arms and practically spit her words.

  “Nancy, I’m warning you.”

  “If you support her in this harebrained idea, I will leave right now.”

  Emily’s father planted his feet on the carpet. “Do what you have to do.”

  “No, no. Please don’t do this!” Emily cried.

  “Emily, if you back down on this, she will rule our lives forever. Is that what you want? Do you think her version of Christianity is what you want to live for the rest of your life? Because I’ve lived it for far too long, and I can testify it’s like selling your very soul to please her. Do you want to please your mother or God?”

  She choked back her emotion. “I want to please both.”

  “And if that isn’t possible?” he asked.

  Emily stared at her mother’s hard expression. She would end up as Kyle had, coming from nowhere, her family legacy lost in one life choice. A choice for a man she barely knew. Yet she felt God calling her toward him as clearly as if He’d whispered the word Darin in her ear.

  “I don’t know,” she admitted. She searched her mother’s eyes. Eyes that wouldn’t meet her own. “Please, Mother, look at me.”

  A look of disgust crossed her mother’s expression. “You’re not the daughter I raised.”

  “Yes, I am the daughter you raised, Mother. You just don’t like it because I’m different from you, but God made me this way. I am His creation. Darin is His creation. We are in His image, not yours.” She couldn’t believe all that was tumbling from her mouth. She knew it might cost her a relationship with her mother. Something she swore she’d never let happen. But her father’s encouragement spurred her onward. “Do you think that all Christians must look as you do?”

  A knock at the door left the three of them looking at one another, each wondering who was going to open the door. Minutes passed, and finally the door opened on its own. Darin stood framed in the doorway.

  “Is everything okay?” he asked.

  “No. My mother will not be attending our wedding. Apparently, she is not happy about our news.” Bitterness dripped from Emily’s words.

  Darin looked at the floor, then at Nancy Jensen. “I’m sorry to hear that. Your daughter will be a beautiful bride. We’ll miss you.”

  Emily loved his firmness, yet her insides squirmed. She wanted it all. She wanted a husband and her family.

  “Your father will be there to walk you down the aisle, Emily,” her dad said.

  “Thank you, Dad,” she said huskily.

  “This is the way it’s going to be then?”

  “It doesn’t have to be, Mrs. Jensen.” Darin walked away from Emily, looking her mother in the eyes. His expression gentle, he took her hand. “I’ll spend my life proving I was right for your daughter. Whether or not you choose to watch is your decision, but I will miss you greatly in our life. I will miss you as a grandmother to our future children, and, most importantly, a mother to your wonderful daughter.”

  For the first time Emily could ever remember, she saw her mother’s eyes fill with tears. Real tears. Not the kind that she often used with Emily’s father for manipulation, but real tears.

  “I don’t ever want to hear about your mistake,” she said to Emily.

  “You won’t.”

  “And you’d better keep my daughter safe in the ghetto or I’ll come after you personally.”

  “Yes, Ma’am!” Darin saluted. “My parents are waiting in the car outside. Are you ready, Emily?”

  “Ready as I’m going to be.”

  Darin went outside, and when he appeared again, his mother was with him, her black mascara running down her cheeks. His father came in behind her, loo
king at the television, most likely upset at missing some sports event. Emily headed toward him.

  “Hi, Mr. Black. Mrs. Black, nice to see you under better circumstances.”

  “Let’s just get this over with,” Mrs. Black said. “You’re marrying my son. None of us has any choice, so when’s the date?”

  Emily looked at Darin, who slapped his forehead. “Mom!”

  “I think that guy hit you over the head harder than you’re aware of,” Mrs. Black snapped. “I’m hoping this wedding will at least be after the trial. It’s not going to look good to have your wife testify against this guy.”

  “There is no trial, Mom. He was wanted on other charges, so he’s just in jail for that now. If there is, I think her testimony is quite clear on the police report.”

  “You both plan to go through with this? You are aware my son is not a college graduate?” she asked Emily.

  Emily nodded.

  “And that he goes through phases which don’t last very long. I’ll admit this Jesus-thing has lasted awhile, but when he wants to race cars and parasail, where will you be?”

  “I guess I’ll be at his side.” Emily’s stomach felt like she’d just jumped from a cliff. Where would following Darin lead? It didn’t matter.

  Darin spoke up. “We know how you all feel about this wedding, and we’re sorry you’re not happier for us. It’s happened fast. We still have so much to learn about each other, but I’m following my gut here. I love this woman. I can’t explain how it happened so quickly, I only know it will never happen like this again. When I had my accident, I learned to grasp life for all it’s worth.”

  Emily watched her mother wince, and she took a step closer to Darin, fitting her hand into his. Her heart pounded at the four worried expressions facing them. She’d never done anything like this, never dared to go against anyone else’s wishes, but looking into Darin’s green eyes, she couldn’t defy what she felt in her heart.