Act Like You Know

by Stephanie Perry Moore

  The lady looked like a streetwalker, and she kept staring boldly at me. I just wanted to be left alone. The reality of being in jail for a DUI and nearly causing a accident that could have killed people was weighing heavily on my heart.

  “Okay, I’m just trying to talk to you, I’m just trying to be nice. We gotta be in this cell together, so the least you could do is give me some respect. Just ’cause I ain’t no college girl don’t mean you any better than me. You better act like you know we in the same boat right now, Ms. Goody Two-Shoes.”

  I wanted to ask her how she knew I went to Western Smith, but then I realized my BGP jacket had the school’s patch on it. I wasn’t looking down on her. I just wanted space.

  “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be rude or anything like that. I just need to think, okay?” I replied.

  “Well, you gonna have a lot of time to think. It’s late, and you probably ain’t going nowhere tonight. You’re gonna be here till morning, girl.”

  Finally the lady walked away and sat on the bunk across from me. I was happy she could tell I was distraught and needed time to myself. However, five minutes of silence was all she gave me. She started in with more questions.

  “For real, I’m curious—what did you do? A good-looking college girl like yourself with all your hopes and dreams right in front of you, you don’t have to sell yourself on the streets like me. I hope you weren’t trying to do that, especially not wearing those baggy jeans and that big-old oversize jacket.” She flared her nose and then modeled around our cell. “You gotta show some skin, you know what I’m saying?”

  I couldn’t help but laugh watching her walk around our small space. Then I realized she was trying to make me laugh. It had worked.

  “I had way too much to drink, and I was behind the wheel,” I opened up and said.

  “Ooooo, you know that’s a big charge?”

  Feeling a headache coming on, I said, “Yeah, now I do.” I put my hand over my head and leaned against the bed rails. Had my horrible actions gotten me some type of permanent record? Would I be able to get out of here?

  “Listen, people make mistakes all the time,” she said when she saw I was feeling bad. “You’ll get out of here. It’s your first time. You make up some kind of good excuse with the judge, and they might suspend your license, but they might not even put it on your record if you go to class. You’ll be okay.” She had a comforting voice. “But when you get another chance, when you get back out there and go to them classes and stuff, think about Ms. Sally here. I need you to do good for folks like me who have thrown so much away.”

  I had wanted to be left alone. However, God had sent her to help me know that all was not lost. I still had an opportunity to make things right.

  I moved closer to her and listened as she continued. “Here I sit, having dropped out of school in the eleventh grade. Never got my GED. Because all the guys told me I was fine, and I saw my mama making a living selling her body, I thought that was the best way to go. Little did I know going to college and getting a better education would be the only thing that would get me a real chance in this world. Girl, you have that chance. Do something with it other than drink yourself into jail.”

  All of a sudden, through the pain of a pounding head, it was so clear to me. Everything Ms. Sally was saying made such sense. Just her taking the time to be real with me and honestly telling me she wished she could be in my shoes allowed me to get a message from the Lord.

  “Thanks, Ms. Sally, you just don’t know how much I needed to hear that.”

  “Well, don’t just hear it, girl, make sure you heed to it,” she said as we heard footsteps coming down the hall. “Betcha they coming to get you right now.”

  When I looked up, there was a guard standing before us. “Young lady, a bailsman has posted the funds needed for your dismissal.”

  Though I didn’t know Ms. Sally, and we came from completely different worlds, she had taken the time to share a word of encouragement with me at my lowest point. I had to hug her. And in that embrace, I felt my mom saying, “Make sure you get it. You need to do better for this lady, for me, and for all those out there who have a dream that wasn’t pursued because we didn’t take our education seriously.”

  “You be good now,” she said, letting me go.

  “Yes, ma’am, I will.”

  When I went back to the booking room, I was greeted by an older man who looked just like her, Malloy, and Cody. My eyes became heavy with water again. I didn’t deserve such support, and I was humbled by it.

  The older gentleman carrying a briefcase said, “Hello, Alyx. I’m Malloy’s father. My daughter cares a lot about you and told me your story. I identify with what you’re going through, so I came to help by posting your bond. You do have a hearing next month, but due to the extenuating circumstances of your mother’s untimely death, you are going to be released now on your own recognizance. Even though you are not supposed to be going out of the state of Arkansas, your tutor, Mr. Cody, has permission to drive you down to Texas to take care of your mother’s affairs. He will assure you get there safely.”

  I couldn’t even look at Malloy, knowing that she had trusted me with her car and here I was in jail having driven under the influence. Her car was brand-new. I had truly let her down. It was so moving, though, when I didn’t have to say anything—she just came over and grabbed my hand with the largest smile on her face.

  “It’s all good,” she said. “I had to get my dad to help. We need each other and I thank you for being there for me this year. Honestly, after my stalker incident last year I would have been scared living alone.”

  Fighting back still more tears, I walked out hand in hand with my true friend.

  Then it dawned on me again that Cody was nearby. I didn’t know what to say to him either. For him to take the time to come and then go out of his way during the holidays to drive me more than eight hours to El Paso was overwhelming.

  When we got outside of the precinct, Mr. Murray said, “I do see young people really turning their lives around. You’re at a crossroads right now. You can beat the odds. Though you’re down, you don’t have to stay that way. I challenge you. Excel for your mom. Excel for the people who care about you. Most of all, excel because you can.”

  “Yes, I will,” I said, extremely thankful that I’d been to the bottom and had come out of it all right.

  “I lost my father when I was ten,” he said to me. “Growing up without a dad definitely wasn’t easy. I had a lot of people say I wouldn’t become anything because of it. But I kept his legacy in my heart, and that propelled me to strive for my best every day. Now, Miss Cruz, you can do the same thing. With today’s opportunities you can achieve more than I have.”

  “Thank you again. I won’t let the school down again.”

  “Good,” Mr. Murray said before he left the precinct.

  “Cody, I don’t have to go my mom’s service. It’s probably really not gonna be a service anyway,” I said as we approached his car.

  “It’s okay, I’ll take you,” he said. “You need to say good-bye. I’ll be there for whatever you need.”

  “I don’t have any clothes or anything,” I said, just wanting to get in bed and stay there.

  Malloy pointed into his backseat and said, “Yeah, you do. I packed a couple of your things and even bought you a few new ones. Your suitcase is already in the car.”

  “You didn’t have to do that, you’ve already helped me so much. I let you down—I mean, I almost wrecked your car.”

  “But I prayed for you, and you didn’t wreck anything. God kept you safe. Last year some of my friends helped me go to Kade’s football NFL tryout. Now it’s my time to return the favor and help someone else.”

  Malloy and I hugged. She told me the cops had released her car back to her. I knew her prayers would give me strength to face saying good-bye to my mom.

  Moments later, I was on the road with Cody to Texas. I didn’t want to be rude and go to sleep on him. He wa
s doing me a favor, and I needed his help. There wasn’t much discussion between the two of us. He wasn’t putting any pressure on me. And I appreciated him in so many ways.

  Finally I said, “Your pretty amazing, dude.”

  “Who, me?” he teased. “Don’t let me fool ya.”

  “I don’t remember a lot about last night, but I do remember I followed you to your place, pretty much stalking you. I was drunk, and I wanted to throw myself on you. You could have had your way with me. But you didn’t.”

  “I wish you would’ve told me about your mom. Then maybe I could have understood why you were so broken and devastated. I knew it wasn’t like you to be in such a state, but it just threw me off guard,” he said, keeping his eyes on the road. “I care about you, Alyx. I think about you sometimes. Actually, I think about you a lot.”

  His affection for me felt real. He’d been a rock, even when I’d tried to give him a hard time. He’d still stuck around.

  “Well, like Mr. Murray said, I’ve seen a lot of people change their lives,” he continued. “You say I’m a good guy—well, I haven’t always been that way. In high school I was a gangbanger in training. I was real close to my thug brother, and I was following right in his footsteps. That is, till I saw him get shot right in front of me.”

  Clutching my seatbelt, I said, “Oh, no, I’m sorry.”

  “Naw, I’m straight. That was about eight years ago. Instead of dropping out, I stayed in school. From that day on, I knew I had to carry on for him, and I know your mom would want you to do the same. I don’t know a lot of things about what’s next after this life, but I believe there is a heaven, and I believe those we love are there. If I can do anything to help make somebody else’s life easier—like a lot of the people did who came to help me get my life on track—that’s what I wanna do. We gotta quit taking from this world. We gotta act like we care about somebody other than just ourselves.”

  I reached over and hugged him. He swerved a little bit but quickly composed himself, looked over at me, and smiled. We were connecting, and that felt real good.

  Two weeks had passed. I’d said good-bye to my mother and spread her ashes over the sea between the waters of Mexico and the U.S. She’d wanted to be a part of the peace between her birthland and America. Out there on the sea, I felt God telling me to make Him my parent now. Sending my mom His way made me want to know Him more.

  It was hard packing up her apartment. Thankfully, with Cody and Pedro’s help, I got it done. God also gave me the strength to take care of her personal affairs.

  It was a new semester and a new start. I was ready to give my work my all. I was going to try to do more than just what the homework assignment or the lesson plan told me to do. I was prepared to go further, ask more questions, dig deeper, and study harder so I could really thrive.

  In two weeks, I’d done a lot of praying and soul searching. I’d learned my script lines, gained a new perspective on life, and had an understanding with God. Though I had wanted Him to lay out my life a little differently, I knew He loved me and wouldn’t leave me. All I had to do was truly give each day back to Him, and I’d be fine.

  Today my chapter had a meeting in our room on campus. All the love I had received from the sorors had been heartfelt. It was good to know that when you really needed your sisters, they were there.

  Hayden got everyone’s attention. “Listen, we gotta figure out a way to be there for each other. I know a lot of us are bummed out that we can’t have a line this year, but just because we can’t make new sorors does not mean we can’t strengthen the bond we have with the sorors who are already in the chapter. We know some of you are struggling to keep up those grades. Some of you got serious financial problems, and some are even dealing with the loss of a loved one.”

  At that moment, Sharon squeezed my hand. It was so weird. She and I were connecting. At that moment it dawned on me that the reason why Sharon was so compassionate about everything I was dealing with concerning my mom was because she had lost her baby at this time last year. Deep down, I got that she was still recovering from all that.

  Hayden continued. “Yes, we are a chapter that has made some mistakes, and we’re all paying dearly for them. Shucks, we’re suspended, but we are still Alpha chapter, and there are still some roots, spirits, and strong wills from our founders that are rooted and engrained in each of us.”

  “So what are we gonna do?” Torian yelled out.

  “We’re gonna start practicing Robert’s Rules of Order, Torian. Let me acknowledge you,” Hayden said as she laughed.

  Everyone laughed along. Torian started huffing and taking it personally. Loni playfully hit her in the arm, and she finally came around. Torian grinned and raised her hand.

  Hayden said, “Yes.”

  Torian stood and said, “Madam President, I’m just wondering what are we gonna do?”

  Everyone clapped for our progress. We were a chapter ready to do business the right way—once we got reinstated, of course. I was proud of my sisters practicing correct procedures in the interim.

  “I don’t know right now,” Hayden said honestly. “I’m opening up the floor for discussion. Anyone have any ideas of some programs and things we can do to build ourselves and build our community?”

  Malloy stood and, once acknowledged, said, “I think we should mentor some young girls. We know being in college is hard enough, but just remember some of the pressures of high school.” The girls all agreed. “If we reach back and let them know they can do better, we can make a meaningful difference.”

  “Everybody for the idea?” Hayden asked as she saw the nods. “I think it’s wonderful, too. Why don’t you research it and bring information back to us. Anything else?”

  I raised my hand.

  Hayden recognized me. “Yes, Soror Cruz.”

  I stood. “Maybe we should have study nights. I’ve been really inspired by my tutor.” A lot of oohs and ahhs wailed out through the room.

  “We’re just friends,” I said, dismissing their comments.

  “Yeah, right!” Sharon yelled out. “He likes her for real.”

  Out of order, Bea said, “I know he better like her for real, driving her all the way down to Mexico.”

  “El Paso,” I said under my breath.

  “Order, sorors,” Hayden said, getting us back on track. “Anyway, continue on, please, Soror Cruz.”

  “I just thought if we came together and studied once a week, twice a week, or whatever is needed, we could make sure those of us who are strong in some areas help those of us who need it, and vice versa. I don’t know.”

  “Any comments on that idea?” Hayden said.

  Loni replied, “I think it’s wonderful. I tutor athletes. I’d love to be able to help my sorors instead of just the basketball team.”

  Retaking the floor, Hayden said, “Well, I think those are two strong programs. We can help each other academically, and we can help the community by mentoring some young girls. Sorors, if we become our sisters’ keeper, if we give a little bit more than what we can take, we’re gonna be rewarded. Because love is truly, after all, the most worthwhile gesture.”

  12

  PERSUASIVE

  “Oh, my gosh. We have to mentor these bad girls,” Torian said over my shoulder as we looked at eight girls with attitudes from the inner-city middle school. These girls had been recommended for our mentoring program by their counselors, teachers, or parents.

  “They aren’t that bad—they’re just children,” Malloy retorted, being her optimistic self.

  When I saw that one girl’s chest was larger than mine and she was wearing a skirt way too short for her age, it looked like Torian might be right on this one.

  “Well, don’t just stand there, y’all,” Hayden said as she pushed us toward the girls. “Pair up, choose somebody, get to know them!”

  One girl was sitting down and not trying to get a mentor at all. She was popping gum loud and she had micro-braids that hung to her midback and loo
ked like they were five months old. Whenever somebody tried to talk to her, she dissed them in one way or another. I was just intrigued that she thought she could choose who was going to talk to her.

  Boldly I went over to her and said, “So, you think you get to sit here during this time and talk to nobody?”

  “Well, I know yo’ yella behind don’t think I’m about to talk to you,” she said in an extremely rude tone.

  In my mind, I was like, Oh, no she didn’t. But I realized she was just a child, and I could not stress myself and get down to her level.

  “What you still standing there for?” she said. “And quit looking at me like that. I told my mama I didn’t wanna be in this program. If I hate listening to my teachers, I’m sure not gonna listen to y’all.”

  “Well, it looks like everyone is paired up. It’s just me and you. So—”

  “So, get to stepping. Or you could sit down there, and I’ll sit right here. We don’t have to say nothing to each other.”

  Leaning down to her, I said, “Girl, that is not going to work. Why you tryin’ to act all hard?”

  “Why you trying to act all down? You ain’t a sistah. Of all the people in here, you the last one I want to be my mentor. What can you tell me, with your pretty, wavy hair and yellow skin? You can’t understand the issues I got.”

  “Try me,” I responded, wanting to snatch that gum she was popping out of her mouth.

  “Ha! Please. I didn’t pass the English test. I might have to take remedial English next year in high school. You in college and everything, so I know you pass all your stuff.”

  “Wrong. I may lose a scholarship because of bad grades. Next issue you don’t think I understand.”

  “Well, I don’t have no friends. Girls are jealous of me and stuff ’cause I’m fine, I’m all developed, and guys want to get with this. You know what I’m saying? It ain’t my fault they still small and I can wear my mama’s clothes. They ain’t got to hate on me. Somebody classy like you, you can fit in and have all kinds of friends. I know it.”