Act Like You Know

by Stephanie Perry Moore

  “Wrong again. Just like you judge me because I’m Hispanic, I get judged like that a lot of times. People always tend to say, ‘Aw, you got it easy because you’re this and you’re that.’ I don’t have it easy no kind of way. My relatives don’t even live in America, so I’m trying to get in where I fit in. And it’s not as simple as you think. I understand being on the outside. Next?”

  She slid closer to me. I was breaking through some wall I knew was going to be hard for me to knock down completely. But the layers were pulling away. She was intrigued, too. Now what was going to be the third issue she’d throw my way? Could I hit a home run with her? Could I let her know we could have a connection?

  I said, “All right, bring it on, girl, what’s going on?”

  “This one guy I like, a lot, is not giving me the time of day. You too cute to get what I’m saying. Look at your little self. Girls may not like you, but don’t even try it, I know someone like you doesn’t have any problem getting a man.”

  Okay, she had me there. I did always have the men. However, I had to figure out a way to make her understand that though that wasn’t my exact issue, I could sort of help her with hers.

  “Uh-huh. I knew you couldn’t relate,” she said, getting up because it was taking me a bit to respond.

  “Okay, wait! Tell me your name.”

  “I’m Ambrosia. What’s your name?”

  “I’m Alyx. And ... you’re right,” I said, feeling like with this slick girl I had to come clean.

  “See? Told you. I’m out of here,” Ambrosia said.

  “No, no, no. You might want to stay. I can give you a few pointers to help you get that man.”

  Ambrosia froze. “Oh, for real?”

  “Yeah, because that is one of my strong suits.”

  She started licking her lips like she was contemplating what I had to say, “Okay. You can be my mentor. Teach me how to get Brickhouse.”

  “Is that like his real name, fake name, what?” I pried.

  “That’s his last name. Everybody calls him that. Duh,” she said, squinting her nose at me.

  “Lose the attitude. Don’t be so abrasive,” I told her.

  “Abr—what? What’s that?”

  “Hard, brash, and sassy.”

  “Aight,” Ambrosia said. “Tell me how I get my guy.”

  “You can make him happy. You know what I’m saying? You got it going on. Get your confidence up. You’ll see. He’ll want to hang out with you. Just lose some of the attitude.”

  “All right,” she said back.

  “Write down your number. I want to speak with your mom.”

  “Okay.” She did so.

  Our session had ended up being pretty great. I was excited. I might be able to help this tough girl, drop her mean edge, and really help her embrace her dreams.

  Ambrosia and I talked every day for a week. I was helping her become confident. She revealed she was scared to even approach Brickhouse regarding her affection for him. She told me he even lived two doors down, and she didn’t know how she was going to make him notice her. It was actually kind of cute that she kept coming to me. And in the middle of all the boy talk, I made sure she was getting her lesson. Before we talked about the opposite sex, she had to report to me what she’d done in school that day. She seemed motivated, excited to really get on the ball and work it out. She wasn’t just saying that she cared about her attitude, she was acting like it, too.

  I even talked to her mom. And I was excited that her mother thought I was a good influence. Just a few weeks ago I had thought my life was empty. Then I was doing well in school myself and helping somebody else reach their full potential. I was really feeling good—till the next day when I got an alarming call.

  “What do you mean you haven’t seen her and you don’t know where she is?” I asked Ambrosia’s mother.

  “We got into it. I told that girl I was listening in on her telephone calls, and I heard her talking a little too grown to that boy, Brickhouse, and I was not going to have it. She’s just thirteen, trying to act like she’s thirty-one,” her mom said, crying. “She speaks so highly of you. Y’all have such a good rapport. I thought you might know where she is. It’s getting dark now, and I’m just worried sick. I hadn’t hit her since she was probably ten, but I got on that behind tonight. She is just too sassy and too grown.”

  “I understand,” I said, trying to calm her mom down. “As soon as my roommate gets in, I’ll get a ride over there.”

  “Thank you, girl, thank you. Y’all Betas are a blessing.”

  An hour later, Malloy and I were searching around Ambrosia’s school and neighborhood trying to find her. It was ten o’clock—really late. Six hours since Ambrosia had left her mom’s sight.

  “If anything happens to her, I don’t know what I’m going to do,” I said to Malloy.

  Malloy said, “Well, you’re not going to blame yourself.”

  “Yeah, but I taught her to be strong and to get confident. Maybe she thought I meant she was supposed to stand up to her own mom. I was talking about the other girls who give her a hard time in school. I wasn’t talking about her mom!”

  “She’s thirteen, not three. My mom and I have not always had the best relationship, so trust me when I say she is going to cool off and come back home. Do you have any idea where you think she might be?” Malloy asked.

  “You know what? She talked about her dream guy living a couple doors down the street. Maybe he’s seen her.”

  “You mean her mom didn’t even know where he lives?” Malloy said.

  “I don’t know. And even if she went to the door, he might not have opened it. And I don’t want to ask her mom, because she may go down there and really cut the fool. And if Ambrosia’s not there, I don’t want to give her hope. Let’s just try to find his place.”

  “All right, all right, yeah,” Malloy said, being the helpful friend I knew her to be.

  Ambrosia’s house was on the corner, so there was only one direction from which you could count two down. When I walked around the back, I was shocked to see a back window open. Malloy was in the car because Kade had called. It was good she could have her moment.

  What my eyes witnessed next, I would have been too embarrassed for anyone else to see. I was so caught off guard I couldn’t even stop the moment. I screamed at the top of my lungs, “No!” before things went any further.

  Ambrosia turned and saw my disgusted look. She ran to the window.

  “Get out here now!” I screamed to her, as if I had known her for years and wanted to beat her tail myself.

  I was so passionate, she didn’t dare say, “No, I’m not coming,” or, “Make me,” or give me any lip. She said good-bye to him and was outside with me within seconds. What in the world made her think I was for that idiotic tactic?

  “What in the world were you doing, Ambrosia?” I asked her as I grabbed her by her shirt collar. “Did you think that boy would like you after giving him some?”

  “Well, you said that I was supposed to let him know I could please him... .”

  I popped her upside her dumb head. “Fool, I didn’t mean that kinda way! Don’t you know when boys get stuff that easy the next day you’ll be the talk of the school? The laughing stock! He will never, ever give you the kind of respect you want with this kind of back-door sneaking.”

  “What other way was I supposed to please him and let him know I could be there for him and make him happy and stuff?”

  “By helping him be the best young man he could be. Not by running all up in his face and giving him every doggone thing he wants. By making him play hard to get, by showing him what a chase is. So when you finally get him to give you the time of day with a ‘hello,’ he will feel good about himself. He will feel good about wanting to be with you. But you just skipped all the dating; you skipped everything and got straight to it. Don’t you know what they call girls like that?”

  “So? It’s not like I get love anywhere else. My mama hates me,” Ambro
sia said.

  “Your mama does not hate you, Ambrosia. She is the one who called me. She has been looking for you all night.”

  “Whatever. She slapped me. She don’t care, and I don’t got no daddy. I’m on my own, and I’m doing my own thing. And this is what I’m gonna do. And you’re wrong. She don’t like me.”

  Ambrosia started walking off as though she had said all she needed to say. She firmly believed what she was doing was okay. I had to come up with something good, something true, something real to make her understand that was not the way a young lady needed to carry herself. Nothing at all good could come from her losing her mind.

  Oh, what was it going to be? How could I get her to see she was much more worthy then she was giving herself credit for? She was a diamond, yet she was acting like yesterday’s trash that had been sitting out in the rain and picked over by wild dogs. Without words came emotion. Real tears fell.

  She turned around. “You’re crying for me.” I nodded. “I can’t believe you are doing that. Nobody cares for me like that. What you care if I throw my life away? My own daddy ain’t never claimed me. How can some girl I just met be that into what I do?”

  “Because I see a lot of myself in you, Ambrosia.”

  “You see a lot of yourself in me?” she questioned. “As cute as you are? As ugly as I am? I’m doing this because he won’t give me no time otherwise. I know you weren’t telling me to physically throw myself at him. But that was the only thing I knew to do. He got girls coming to him from every direction at school. People say I’m the ugly girl. What’s the big deal if they talk about me because he goes and tells them of this little incident? I didn’t deserve that treatment before, but that didn’t stop them from being mean, cruel, and evil. I hate school. I hate my mama. I hate my life.”

  I just wrapped my arms around her. “I’ve been there. I’ve felt that. I’ve been so angry at myself and at God. I didn’t know what I was going to do. But you know what, Ambrosia? In those dark nights, in those times, He’s sent people my way who have cared way more than I thought they could, and I didn’t have any understanding as to why they would! They helped me get it together. Any time you don’t think you deserve what you are going through, remember that Jesus was persecuted, and He did it all because He loves you. He loves you way more than for you to sell yourself out like this. You got to know, Ambrosia, that you are beautiful.”

  She looked away. I could tell she was listening but didn’t fully believe what I was saying.

  “If a guy doesn’t like you for you, that’s his loss. Stay focused on turning your grades around because you want more for you. Remember, nobody can steal your joy. You can only give it away. Don’t.”

  When she began to cry and sink to the grass, taking in all my words, I realized I was hitting home with this young girl who thought she was unworthy. I didn’t know mentoring could really affect someone so deeply. But because I was one hundred percent in it, I was ready to make a difference—to help her find a way as I was starting to find mine.

  “My teacher said we were supposed to be trying to use our vocabulary words in everyday situations and stuff,” Ambrosia said.

  “Okay, great.”

  “And I just really appreciate you, Alyx, making me believe I’m somebody,” she said as I helped her up and we walked to the car. “I’m going to get it together. I’m going to go home to my mom and tell her I love her. I’m going to keep working hard in school and forget the boys. Using one of our new words in a sentence: all you’ve said was really persuasive.”

  13

  BOMBARDED

  “Y’all, I really don’t want to go to a party,” I said to Torian, Loni, and Malloy as we entered the set of our fraternity brothers, the Beta Pi Lambdas.

  “Come on now, Alyx,” Torian said as she put her arm around me. You’ve been down and studying really hard. Plus, after mentoring that hot-tail girl, you deserve a break. It’s time to get our groove on.”

  When she put it like that, I had been rather serious. Most of my life, I’d been the opposite, but now that I was finally in the mode to make every day count toward me reaching my dream, I just wasn’t all into what had used to really excite me. The time to shake my butt was not now.

  “Plus, we got to do a lot of bonding,” Malloy said as she practiced the Beta Gamma Pi stroll before we entered the door.

  “Thanks for coming, y’all,” Hayden announced to the four of us. She was helping her boyfriend, Creed, who was a Pi, work the door.

  Hayden, Sharon, and a few other Betas were about to graduate in a couple months. As hard as it was to have real and lasting relationships in college, it appeared that whatever Hayden had with this guy was solid. He was really smiling and checking her out, all proud of his girl. That made me feel good; my soror deserved to be treated like a queen, and as mostly everybody was single in the chapter, their relationship was an inspiration to us all.

  The basketball team had won—we were on a roll. And Loni and Ronnie looked like they were kicking it again. Malloy and Torian were in the middle of the dance floor with their line sisters doing a stroll. I didn’t feel up to doing anything.

  Malloy came and sat down beside me. “Okay, so what’s really going on? Why you all somber and gloomy?”

  “I don’t know, I guess I’ve just really been thinking about my life lately. It’s not that I’m not up for the party—it looks like y’all are having a ball.”

  “We could have a better time if you came and joined us.”

  “No, I guess I’m just saying I know what’s important for me right now, and if I’m not working toward whatever it is I want in this life, I’m wasting time.”

  She just stared at me with a look that seemed proud, but I didn’t really know what she was thinking, and I certainly didn’t want to guess, so I said, “Whassup, what?”

  “I’m just impressed. You know how awesome it is for you to say that, for you to feel that way? Wow, Alyx Cruz has grown up. But even the President of the United States has a ball every now and then. So come on—get up off your feet and let’s groove tonight.”

  I didn’t have a choice. She yanked my arm, and the next thing I knew, I was doing a step, but I did it Texas style. Put a little something extra in it. I guess part of the old me just couldn’t vanish. Before I knew it I had a crowd around me checking me out as I did my thing.

  I did a Kappa Upsilon chant. “A Beta Gamma Pi girl in the house, don’t you like it, don’t you like it—I know you love it! A Beta Gamma Pi girl on the floor, don’t you like it, don’t you love it—let me show you some more!”

  The Pis started howling their wolf sound, and guys were pushing over each other trying to talk to me. I was content jamming alone, but men were all around me hovering.

  “You want to dance?” this Greek in a red jacket with a cane in his hand said.

  He was a pretty boy—nice teeth, smooth skin, fly threads—but then he got shoved aside by a hard, fine, thick brother with gold boots. I wasn’t for anybody trying to push their way up on me. I was getting shoved around, and it was not cool. It was just a dance. But brothers were seriously going at it over who would hang out with me. When I walked away from it all, I still had dudes all on my tail. I could hear them whispering behind me.

  They spouted, “Dang, she’s fine.” “I wish I could get with that.” “Look at them hips, man.” “Oooo-la-la, I wish she could teach me some Spanish.”

  The comments were just a little overwhelming. All I wanted to do was hang out with my girls. I had used to like all that male attention, but that day had passed. So as not to be rude, I cut it off, thanked them all, told them I was tired, grabbed Malloy and Torian—Loni was already gone with her guy—and the three of us were out.

  Malloy was having a pajama party at our place. We’d come a long way from a chapter that had seemed so divided when I’d first joined them last summer. As much as I loved my sorority, I never forgot I lived with the National President’s daughter. It was good to see people in my cha
pter also give respect and reverence to the office Malloy’s mom held. There were about ten of us at the party. I say “about” because Loni was hanging out with Ronnie, though she was supposed to be showing up.

  As soon as we chomped down on the pizza and wings, the phone rang. Malloy started talking and told everyone to gather around because her mom wanted to speak to us. We all rushed over beside her, nearly knocking her down. It was our sorority celebrity on the line.

  “No need to treat me any differently, girls. I’m just your soror,” her mom said, hearing all the giggles. “And I understand big things are happening over there with Alpha chapter—some bonding going on, some mentoring going on, some grades being pulled up, and you’ve been attending training. I just wanted to touch base with you guys and let you know I’m very, very proud you are taking this time seriously and trying to rebuild and get stronger so you can be back on campus and get the sorority ban lifted. I can’t say when it will be lifted until it happens, but I will say you’re on the right road to restoring your chapter’s active status.”

  We all screamed. We had been doing so well; really learning from the past woes of the chapter was bringing us closer. What a joy to know we were getting it right.

  “I’ve been talking to your adviser, and of course Malloy keeps me updated. Keep pouring into one another. Keep lifting each other up. Keep being there for your sister. Only together are we the strongest. All right, have some fun tonight. Good, clean fun,” our President said as we laughed and said good-bye.

  Malloy had rented two girlie movies. All eyes were glued to the tube. After we watched those, of course we started talking about guys.

  With a demanding look, Torian said, “Malloy, you and Alyx need to give us some tips. Y’all got men.”

  “I can’t give you none. I don’t have a man,” I said, trying to hide from even myself how much I felt for Cody.

  Bea said, “Whatever, girl, you got one who’s crazy about you.”

  “Yeah, but come on,” Malloy said. “We all saw Alyx handle things at the party. Right? She can tell you guys what you want to know.”