The Man Cave Collection: Manservant, Man Flu, Man Handler, and Man Buns

by Ryan, Shari J.

  “Almost doesn’t matter. You look amazing, and royal blue is totally your color. So don’t forget that. You need my nude pumps to go with that dress.”

  “Oh, to make my bare, long legs look a little longer. Right, I don’t know why I didn’t think of that.”

  Lea grabs my arm, pinching me within her grip, and turns me to face her. We’re eye to eye, being the same height. She grabs my chin, forcing me to look at her face. “I’m a grown woman, Kai. You raised me, okay? You’re done raising me. It’s your turn to live a little now. I want you to live, and I want you to have fun. You walk around like you have a pole stuck up your butt all the time. It’s not an attractive trait, and it doesn’t match the beauty on the outside. I know you see me as this little girl all the time, but you need to stop. Just listen to me, okay?” Lea doesn’t usually get serious with me. She doesn’t typically act serious much of the time at all. It’s hard to listen to her talking to me this way and understand that she’s trying to be real. “We’re equals now. Please, do me one last favor, now that you protected me these last ten years. Please, Kai.”

  “What?” I ask, sounding mousier than I normally do when talking to my sister.

  “Stand by my side. Let’s both be responsible. Let’s both live. Let’s both make sure we have the lives Mom and Dad would want us to have. Please?”

  I want to tell her she doesn’t act very responsible, but then again, I don’t know what it’s like to let loose. I’ve been taking on more responsibility than I can manage since I’ve been eighteen. It sometimes feels like I’ve missed out on the best years of my life, but I would never change a thing, not when it comes down to making sure Lea’s life could continue with some sense of normalcy. Everything I’ve done these last ten years has been for her. I’ve focused on her. It felt like my job, but I did the job with pride, hoping I was doing good by her.

  “Okay,” I tell her. “I’ll stand by your side. I’m sorry if I haven’t been doing that.”

  “No, no apologies needed, Kai. You have been shielding me for so long that I’ve had the best ten years any person could have after losing her parents, and it’s because of you. Thank you.” She takes my hand and turns me to face the mirror, standing next to me. We look so much alike, but I can see the age difference. “Together like this. That’s how I want my sister, okay?”

  I squeeze her hand and pull in a deep breath. “I can do that, but just know that Noa promised me that he would protect you and give you a good life, so I’ll have to kill him if he doesn’t.”

  “He said that to you?” she asks.

  I look over at her. “Yes. Last week before he proposed to you. He came to talk to me. He asked me if he could marry you.”

  Lea cups her hand over her mouth and tears quickly fill the corners of her eyes. “He asked your permission?” she mumbles into her hand.

  “He’s a good guy. I just want to get to know him a little more, I guess.”

  “I thought you hated him,” she says.

  “I had my up and down thoughts on him until he asked me if he could marry you. That was pretty much the most respect I could wish for from any man who wants to spend his life with you. I didn’t think anyone would be good enough for you. I was worried.”

  “He loves me, Kai, and I really, really love him.”

  “Then, I do too,” I tell her, kissing her cheek.

  Lea smiles, the smile I love to see. The smile that tells me she is truly happy, and that’s all I’ve wanted for her. “Shoes. We need shoes so we can go.”

  “Shoes,” I repeat.

  She trots from my bedroom on her toes, wearing a dress like the one I have one, except it’s off-white, more bride-like. My conscience is screaming jealousy, but I’m supposed to be the watcher and protector. I just don’t know what my life will be like when someone else is responsible for taking care of Lea. I’ll just have me to take care of, and it sounds kind of lonely. I hadn’t considered the point in our lives when that would happen, and I’ve purposely kept myself from dating to make sure I didn’t get caught up with some guy and lose sight of what’s important in my life.

  A pair of nude shoes are tossed into my bedroom. “Come on, let’s go!”

  I slip the shoes on and grab my clutch from the bed, catching my reflection in the mirror one last time before leaving the room. A small smile threatens my lips, admiring a person I hardly recognize. There’s still time for me.

  5

  Denver

  “Are you sure you don’t mind watching Aya tonight, Mrs. Hale?” I ask Noa’s mom, who graciously offered to babysit for me.

  “Oh goodness, no, of course I don’t mind. It’s been quite a while since I’ve had such a cute face in this house,” she says, with a menacing smile targeted at Noa.

  “Thanks, Ma,” Noa replies.

  Aya seems a little shy, and I feel guilty for leaving her after just arriving today, but Noa wants to go over more specs for the job he’s giving me, and I can’t exactly say no. I kneel in front of her and pull her into my chest. “You sure you’re okay?”

  “Dad, I’m fine,” she assures me.

  “We’re just going to have a little dinner, and then I’ll take her to the hotel, so she doesn’t have to stay up late tonight. If I’m not mistaken, there’s a putt-putt course over there, and I think we can keep ourselves busy for a while.” Aya’s eyes light up a bit when Mrs. Hale mentions putt-putt, so I’m hoping that will ease her discomfort. I’ve known Mrs. Hale for years, but I haven’t seen her since Noa left Oahu. She visited him there a lot, and he would bring me here to visit her when we had paid time off. The woman can cook, and I’d pay any amount of money to hop on a plane for a good home-cooked meal. I’m betting Mrs. Hale will win over Aya’s heart with dinner alone tonight.

  “Aya, do you know I was at the hospital the very day you were born? Your dad even allowed me to snuggle with you for a minute,” Mrs. Hale coos. “You were the cutest baby in that hospital, and the tiniest.” Mrs. Hale says with an innocent laugh. Aya was born a month premature, so she was in the hospital for quite a while until we could get her weight up. She sure was beautiful—still is.

  “You were?” Aya asks.

  “Of course! It’s not every day you get to see someone live their first day on earth. When Noa told me you’d arrived, I couldn’t help myself.” It was nice having Mrs. Hale there that day since my parents couldn’t make the trek. The flights were impossible without notice, so they didn’t arrive until four days after she was born. “In any case, it’s wonderful to see how grown up you look and that you are still just as beautiful today as you were then.”

  “Thank you,” Aya says with a coy smile.

  “Okay, why don’t you boys go on. Aya and I will be just fine, right, honey?”

  “We’ll be just fine,” Aya repeats. She’s being truthful. I can see it in her eyes.

  I lean forward and give her a kiss on the forehead. “Have a fun time, sweet pea,” I tell her.

  “You too,” she says. “Don’t forget what we talked about earlier.”

  I can’t help the look of confusion on my face because I don’t recall what we were talking about earlier. Aya doesn’t exactly stop talking so pinpointing one subject matter throughout the course of a day is nearly impossible with her. “Could you remind me of what that was?”

  She leans forward, cups her hand around my ear and whispers, “Find me a babysitter than can turn into a mom at some point.”

  Her words land in my ear like sparks from a fire. I completely forgot about that conversation. “Right, I’m on it,” I tell her with a raised eyebrow. I know she doesn’t understand how difficult her request is, but I don’t want to take away her hope.

  Noa and Mrs. Hale are looking at us with question, likely wondering what Aya had to remind me about. It’s not something either of them needs to know about, though. “It’s a secret,” I mouth to them over Aya’s shoulder.

  I press myself up from my knees and stretch my arms over my head. “Ready when yo
u are,” I tell Noa.

  “Alrighty then, we’ll see you back at the hotel later, Ma. Thanks again,” Noa says.

  By time we’re settled in Noa’s truck, I have more questions about this job brewing in my head. “I’ve heard running a restaurant is like two full-time jobs. How are you managing that and planning a wedding? It’s gotta be a lot.”

  Noa starts up the truck and backs out of the driveway. “Honestly, I have a great staff. It kind of all came together way better than I could have hoped for. The managers take care of all the shifts, and I mostly oversee all running parts. I work a lot, but I make time for a personal life too. It’s all possible.”

  “That’s fantastic. Lea seems like a great woman. I’m happy for you, man.”

  “She really is, and very understanding too. I’m lucky to have her.”

  “Understanding because of your schedule?” I ask.

  “Well, that’s one reason. Yeah,” Noa says while pulling out onto the highway.

  “What’s the other reason?” I press. I can’t help feeling like I’m missing something, or not reading clearly between the lines.

  Noa takes in a deep breath and holds it, letting me know that there is, in fact, something he’s about to say. “Did I mention the type of restaurant I run?”

  “No, but I suppose I should have asked when you told me how much money your waiters are making in tips. I knew it had to be too good to be true, so spill it.”

  “It’s nothing illegal. So … don’t worry about that.”

  “Good to know,” I tell him, resting my head back against the seat. “Okay, then what? Is it a strip club or something?”

  “No, no, no man, not a strip club.”

  “It’s not illegal, and it’s not a strip club. This is a hell of a riddle, man. I’m stumped.”

  “You’re getting closer,” he says.

  “What the hell are you talking about?” I’m also getting irritated. I’m not signing up for anything shady whether it’s illegal or not. I’ve got Aya to care for, and I need to make money in a legit way. “Just spit it out.”

  As I spew out my last demand, we pull into a newly paved parking lot with a huge ass—pun fucking intended—sign that tells me everything I need to know. “Man Buns?” I laugh. It’s uncontrollable. “No fucking way,” I tell him.

  “You don’t even know what it is,” he huffs. “It’s a gold mine, Den.”

  “Well, let’s see here, Noa. I’m looking at a larger-than-life sign with two men, and their asses are covered with burger buns. Go ahead and explain, please. I’m sure this gets way better.”

  “Look, all you have to do is walk around with tight shorts and no shirt. You did it for eight years, you sexy devil, you.” He winks at me like that’s going to make me change my mind about this. “Come on. You can handle it now.”

  “I did it for eight years?” I question. Never mind. I see where he’s going with that. “I wasn’t shirtless.”

  “Never,” he croons. “I never saw you running around shirtless in your ass-kissing silky shorts.” Those were my younger days, that’s how everyone walked around the barracks. We were all dudes. Who gave a shit?

  “You’re holding that against me?” I ask.

  “No, I’m holding you up to it,” he replies.

  “You’re out of your damn mind. You know that? You need help or something. What the hell where you thinking? This is like … this is just dumb.”

  “Please, just give me one night,” Noa begs.

  He’s actually begging me. If his staff is getting paid so well, I wouldn’t think he’d need to be looking for applicants. This makes no sense. “Is begging your game? Is that how you got your fiancée to say yes?’”

  He mouths the word, “Ouch,” and waves his hand around like I burnt him. “No, I didn’t ask her for one night. I asked her for one more night, and then the rest of her nights, and all that romantic gushy stuff.”

  I sigh and throw my head back. “What gave you this idea? Seriously. I mean—” I point up at the billboard. “This is—”

  “A moneymaker,” he says. “I’m telling you, bro, chicks dig this shit. It’s like having the Magic Micks of the world serving you the best burgers in the area!”

  “Magic Mick?”

  “Copyright Infringement,” he says. “I try not to say the real name. Don’t want to get sued.”

  “It’s just us in the truck,” I tell him.

  “You just never know,” he says, looking around like he’s paranoid. He’s lost his mind. That’s all I can chalk this up to.

  “Okay, well—” I want to turn around and get the hell away from this restaurant, but I did what I could to save up over the last year, knowing I was getting out of the military, and the last thing I want to do is go through the nest egg I have set aside for Aya and me. Fuck.

  “I’ll give you one night, man. If this is as bad as I think it is, it’s only going to be one night.”

  “I only need one night,” he says, looking me up and down. “Just ask Lea.”

  “For fuck’s sake.”

  “I’m kidding, bro. Relax. You have to relax before you go inside. You can’t be all uptight and shit or you’ll be clenching. No one wants to see dimpled ass cheeks. Trust me. I’ve gotten complaints before.” What?

  “You’ve had complaints about dimpled ass cheeks?”

  He shakes his head. “Never mind that. Look, you won’t be upset when you see your tips, Den. You won’t,” he follows up with.

  “It’s a Monday. How could you be that busy on a Monday?”

  “Oh, we’re busy as hell every night.” Noa hops out of the truck and takes a few steps toward the front entrance before turning around and giving me a glare through the windshield. He places his hands on his hips and cocks his head to the side, looking pissed before a stupid smirk appears. Dammit to hell.

  I get out of the truck, throwing the door open, and stomping out in my boots.

  This is bull. Serious bull.

  Now resolved to walk inside, I glance around the lot, finding it packed for so early at night. I swear, if there’s a pole inside, I’m not taking another step.

  He holds open the glass door and waves me in. “No one will bite you, bro. Don’t worry,” Noa assures me. Ass. I need to eliminate that word from my vocabulary now that it’s taken on a whole new meaning.

  Bite me? No. No one would bite my ass, right? That’s insane.

  This is insane.

  “Well, you know what? They—whoever they are—they should be the ones who should worry … because I do bite,” I tell him.

  “Easy,” he says. “This isn’t a locker room. Though we do have one in the back, so you can get changed into your uniform.”

  “Uniform?” My chest constricts and tightens with irritation. He said something about shorts. Shit.

  He doesn’t respond to my question as he continues walking past me, but I see the other waiters in what looks like skintight silky boxer briefs that leave little to the imagination. “Just think. If we lived in Europe, they’d probably be wearing even less,” Noa says, as if that’s supposed to make me feel better.

  Noa leads me into the back room, not to be confused with the kitchen because this is an actual locker room. He opens a closet door and grabs something. “Here’s your uniform.” He hands it over. I think. I’m not sure if he has anything in his hand because whatever he’s holding is so small his hand conceals the entire damn thing.

  “Dude, I’ve seen condom wrappers bigger than this sealed plastic bag.”

  “If you have, you should tell whoever was using it to get themselves checked out because that’s not right, bro. Not right at all.”

  “I’ll do that,” I mutter.

  “There’s a private changing area down to the left. Most of the guys don’t care about privacy, but I can see you might need some time to get adjusted … you know …”

  Ticked off and irritable, I drop my shorts and boxers to the ground and tear open the damn bag. This thing is too damn
small to fit over my fucking ass. “Does this make you uncomfortable?” I ask Noa. “I’m standing here basically naked and you’re fully dressed. Didn’t you learn anything about leading by example? So, where’s your uniform, huh?”

  “I have to be professional. I mean, it’s my restaurant. You know?”

  “No, no, I don’t know. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing right now, or why I’m here, or how the hell you ended up in charge of anything or anyone.”

  “Relax. You’re a natural. I promise.” Noa is completely unfazed by my anger, which pisses me off a little more. He could have warned me about this earlier. He knew I wouldn’t go for it. Bastard.

  I pull the condom shorts up my thighs as the hair on my legs catches on the rubbery waistband. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. It takes me a solid two minutes to situate the shorts over my ass, and the only thing I see when I look down is my junk on full display. Like … there’s a defined outline of my dog and balls.

  “Who wants to look at this shit while they’re eating?” I ask him, pointing to my dick.

  “Women. They’re sick creatures. You wouldn’t know it, but they are.”

  “Oh yeah, every woman I’ve ever met totally enjoys staring at a defined, silk-covered ballsack as they eat a nice juicy burger.”

  “We won’t get into the women you’ve ‘known,’” Noa says with raised brows.

  “Screw you.”

  “No thanks, but if you play your cards right, you might find someone who would be open to that idea tonight.” I have the urge to gut-punch him, but I control myself and take a deep breath.

  “Where’s the menu?”

  “We just have burgers, wings, and salad,” he says.

  “You don’t have a menu?”

  He looks around like I’m nuts for asking. “Well, we do, but it just says, burgers, wings, and salad.”

  “And you’re running a restaurant …”

  “Yeah?” he says. “Anyway, there’s a couple of cool features in your uniform I should point out.”

  “Don’t point anywhere,” I tell him. “Where the hell is there room for features?”