The Man Cave Collection: Manservant, Man Flu, Man Handler, and Man Buns

by Ryan, Shari J.

  “They’re features you’ll feel more than see. Well, except the one in the back. That’s not for you to see, though,” he chuckles. “There’s a support feature in the rear but there’s some air flow, textured material in the frontal zone to make the uniform breathable and odor free.”

  “You’re worried about odor,” I repeat.

  “Yeah, I mean, that was honestly my biggest hurdle. That’s when you take a fun idea and make it sour. No one wants to smell the junk. They just want to see it.”

  “That was your biggest hurdle?”

  “You’ll thank me,” he says.

  “Oh, yeah, I’ll remember to thank you later.”

  6

  Kai

  “Take a left,” Lea says.

  “But then we’d be heading toward Makawao. We don’t usually go there.”

  “You don’t usually go there,” she corrects me. “I go there all the time.”

  “Why?” I question. “Are we going to the steakhouse?”

  “No, I hate steak,” she snaps.

  “I know, which is why I’m confused. The only other place to go is the Mexican food place, and you don’t like that either.”

  “There’s another restaurant you’re not thinking of then. Don’t worry, okay?” Lea assures me.

  “Worry?” I sigh. “Why would I worry when you’re leading the way?”

  “Shut up, Kai.” Lea huffs and twists her head to stare out the window and blindly turns up the music on the radio. She’s trying to avoid the questions running through my head. I know her well enough to read her cues. “Just one more mile on this road and it’s on the right.”

  “There’s nothing but vacant land down there. Are you sure?” I ask.

  “It’s not vacant,” she drones.

  “Have you considered getting your license so maybe you can take a stab at driving sometime?” I look over at her, but she still has her focus set out the window. We’ve been over this topic a million times before, and I know what she’ll say, but at some point, she’s going to have to face her fears and get it over with.

  “You know I’ve considered it,” she groans. “I’m not ready yet.”

  “The older you get, the harder it will become to learn, Lea. You can’t continue to use Mom and Dad’s accident as a reason to avoid certain parts of adulthood. I understand why you’re scared—”

  “Stop it!” She yells. “Do you have to lecture me about something every single time we’re in the car together? All I wanted to do was have fun with you tonight, and you can’t stop acting like an old nagging bat.”

  Lea doesn’t raise her voice too often, so I know I struck a nerve this time. I didn’t mean to. It’s just that I feel irritated a lot that I must consistently be the chauffeur because she gets to be scared. I’ve never had the option of being scared after Mom and Dad died. I’ve had to be the brave one, and it’s wearing me thin. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to start an argument,” I tell her. I don’t want her to be upset while we walk into the restaurant, seeing as we’re supposedly suddenly celebrating her engagement tonight.

  “It’s okay,” she says against the whipping wind. “Take a right, up ahead where that sign is.”

  She’s pointing to a billboard I can’t make out from here, but the closer we get, the faster my heart starts pounding. Unbelievable. “What a place to celebrate your magical moment. Do you prefer the bun on the right or the one on the left?”

  “Halo is kind of an ass, so we’ll go with Danko—he’s the one on the right.” She is completely serious and not concerned with the fact that I just asked her which half-naked man she prefers to ogle.

  “You know the meatheads on that billboard?”

  “Yeah. They’re waiters.” She finally turns to look at me, but only to give me a kind of look that clarifies I should have assumed the boneheads up there work inside. Because that’s normal.

  “Hmm. So, why isn’t Noa’s ass up there?” I ask. “Or did his head get stuck in that region during the photoshoot? If that were the case, I could understand why he wouldn’t want to be showcased like those hot studs.”

  “Is this how you’re going to act all night?” she asks as if I chose to come here on my own free will, knowing what we were walking into.

  “Sorry, should I run down the street for some dollar bills first? I don’t want to be rude.”

  “You know what. Just stay in the car, Kai.” She steps out and slams the door as hard as she can. Yup, make sure you break the car, so I can save up another two weeks’ salary to fix it. She’s well on her way to adulting, as always.

  I try not to fight back with her. It never ends well. In fact, I’ve gotten good at being the one who ends each argument we get into, but sometimes—God, sometimes she infuriates me. “Lea!” I shout after her. “Don’t go in there until we’re done talking.”

  “Don’t talk to me like you own me,” she sings, still walking as quickly as she can in her four-inch heels.

  “Lea, please stop.” I’m gritting my teeth, and I’m sure it can be heard through my strained words, but I don’t want to make a scene in the restaurant.

  She stomps right in front of the door and flings her hair around, pops her hip to the side and slaps both hands against her hips. “What?”

  Now that’s she’s waiting to hear what I have to say, I realize I don’t have anything else to add. I don’t like this kind of strip-club-style restaurant. I think it’s piggish and unnecessary, but she’s marrying the freaking owner of this establishment. “I don’t want to fight with you,” I tell her.

  “Then you should stop talking,” she says.

  “Fine, I’ll only speak when I’m spoken to by you tonight. After all, it’s your night, right?” I know my eyebrow has risen, and at some point in the last thirty seconds, I’ve crossed my arms over my chest, but I’m not saying another word.

  “Right. My night,” she says.

  “Then let’s go.”

  She stomps her foot like I should say something more than I’ve already said, then groans. “God, you’re so annoying.”

  I close my eyes and walk in front of her to grab the door handle. I pull open the glass door and wave Lea inside. “After you,” I grumble.

  She juts her chin out, straightens her shoulders, then strolls inside as if she’s Mrs. Man Buns, which I guess she will be in the future. I would give just about anything to have a megaphone right now, just so I could announce her presence.

  The interior doesn’t look as bad as I thought it would. It’s clean. It even smells clean. It’s spacious, not cramped like a lot of the other restaurants in this area. It kind of looks like a sports bar, but instead of sports, there’s a girly vibe running through the place. Not too girly, just enough that it wouldn’t be confused for a normal, everyday bar in case someone missed the larger than life Man Buns sign on the way in.

  Lea is looking around, for Noa, I assume, but he isn’t anywhere in sight. “Didn’t you say everyone from work is meeting here?” I ask from behind her. Why would the guys we work with want to hang out here? As I’m thinking it, I realize it’s the perfect place to meet a horny woman. Smart. No, not smart. Stupid.

  She looks down at her watch. “They’ll be here in about five minutes,” she says. “Noa must be in the back. Come on.”

  I follow like the puppy dog I am to her, while trying to avoid the sights of the mostly naked men walking around with trays of food.

  “That says ‘Men’s Locker Room,’” I tell her as she’s moving forward to push the door open. “Shouldn’t you knock first?”

  “It’s just called the locker room. No one is ever getting dressed in there when I go in.”

  How can we be two such completely different types of people, yet we came from the same exact background? It makes no sense. She shoves the door open, and all we hear is a thud and what sounds like a growl. “Oh my God. I’m so, so sorry!” Lea says. “Did I just hit you?”

  She pushes the door open a little further and grabs me by the st
rap of my dress, pulling me into the locker room with her. “I’m fine,” I hear, before making my way around the door. “There’s a lot of power behind those small arms of yours.”

  Lea giggles … of course … and as the door closes, it sheds a new light on my already wonderful evening.

  It’s him. The guy from the pool. He works here. Seriously? I should have figured.

  In any case, I am a little stunned by the sight in front of me. I may have noticed him in his board shorts earlier, but this is a little different. I’m seeing more, but less, and I need to stop staring.

  “Good evening, ladies,” he says.

  Lea giggles again. She can’t control herself, and Noa is literally right here. She could at least try to act less like a teenage girl who’s standing in front of a mostly naked, good-looking guy.

  “No … right?” he asks.

  “My name isn’t ‘No,’” I respond while taking another long drink of the sight he’s forcing me to take in. Despite my normal ability to remain unaffected by men talking to me, I’ve suddenly forgotten how to breathe. It’s a good thing I already responded to his question.

  “Oh, I see. Well, I’m Denver, in case you forgot,” he says, reaching his hand out to me.

  “That’s right! I forgot you two met this morning. This troublemaker over here … ” Noa says as he slaps his hands down on Denver’s shoulders. “Ladies, Denver is officially my newest—”

  “Man bun?” I ask.

  Noa clears his throat. “Sure, sis. We’ll go with that if it gets you any closer to smiling instead of snarling,” Noa says.

  “I’m not your sis, and when I am, I will still only be your in-law,” I inform him.

  “Please don’t start tonight, you two,” Lea follows. “I want this to be a good night.”

  “Then you shouldn’t have tricked me into coming here,” I reply.

  “Lea, I told you not to do that,” Noa interrupts. “You know I can’t afford to have any drama in the restaurant, babe.”

  “Drama?” Lea responds with haste. I give it two seconds before steam is pouring out of her ears.

  “I didn’t mean drama, drama, I just meant—”

  “That I embarrass you, right?” Lea replies.

  For the love of God. “Leave him alone, Lea.”

  “Leave him alone?” Lea snaps at me. “You can’t be serious. You’ve been attacking me for the last hour, and now you’re telling me to leave my fiancé alone?”

  “Attacking her?” Noa asks me.

  “No! No one was attacking anyone. She’s being dramatic,” I emphasize with a wide-eyed glare.

  “Ladies, ladies,” Denver cuts in.

  “What?” Lea snaps at him. Geez. She doesn’t even know the guy. I guess she’s now snapping at anyone when she feels the need.

  Denver looks a little taken aback and reaches out for my elbow, tugging me to the side—away from Lea and Noa. With fury running through my blood, I allow Denver to pull me away, but only because I know what will happen if I don’t walk away on my own. As much as I don’t agree with Noa’s choice in restaurant themes, I don’t want to hurt his business either, especially after he just proposed to take care of Lea for the rest of her life.

  By the time my feet stop moving and my cold stare is broken from the sight of Lea and Noa, I realize I’ve been taken to the other side of this locker room or whatever it is. “I’m sorry, I know I don’t know you at all, and you’re probably not too fond of me after this morning, but I figured you needed to breathe for a minute. I have a younger sister, Brielle, and I’ve had to be dragged away too. They’re like these little red ants. You think they’re just tiny and harmless, then they bite you like a motherfucker.”

  His analogy makes me snort. “That’s exactly how I would classify Lea.” I’m talking to this guy like I wasn’t put off by his little flirty game this morning.

  “Sorry you had to see that,” I tell him. “I didn’t want to come tonight and—” I start to say.

  “Would it make you feel better if I tell you I was tricked into coming here tonight too?” he asks.

  He leans against the wall we’re next to, folding his arms and crossing one foot in front of the other. Aside from the teeny tiny black shorts he has painted on, he looks like a sculpted body model for a painting class—possibly one that might be studying Greek gods. “How come you didn’t know you were coming here? You’re a waiter, aren’t you?”

  “Noa told me he had a job for me. I’ve seen some shit in my day, but let me tell ya something. I did not imagine he’d be taking me to a place like this to work.” He’s seen some shit in his day? That’s right, he’s a Marine. Noa mentioned that part.

  “So, you didn’t voluntarily choose to walk around in uncomfortable underwear all night while serving food?”

  He closes his eyes and shakes his head. “No, ma’am.”

  I cover my mouth, trying to stop the laughter bubbling in my throat. “You should tell him no, if you’re uncomfortable,” I tell him, trying to offer advice but realizing I sound ridiculous. I’m sure he knows how to say no.

  “I’m not uncomfortable. I think it’s dumb, but honestly, I need a job, and I’m brand new to the area, so who knows how long it might take me to find something else. I have a daughter to take care of, you know?”

  My ovaries just got a case of the butterflies. Totally normal. “You’re a good dad,” I tell him, without really thinking because I don’t actually know what kind of dad he is. I don’t know him at all, but hey, he’s doing what he has to for her, so that’s got to be something.

  “I try,” he says quietly.

  “They’re quiet,” I tell him. “At least, they stopped arguing.” I take a couple of steps away from Wonder Buns and peek around the corner, then quickly regret doing so.

  “You don’t know of another exit, do you?” I ask Denver.

  “I could name a few ‘exits’ at this current moment, but if you’re planning to walk through one of them, no, I haven’t seen another exit yet. I’ve only been in this room for a total of thirty minutes, and inside this bun joint for thirty-one minutes, so your guess is as good as mine.”

  “Well, as much as I’d like to watch the romp around the corner, I’m going to look for another way out,” I tell him. Lea has never been shy about public displays of affection, and I’ve never been shy about expressing my distaste for PDA, but I don’t want to start another argument, so it’s best to run.

  “I’ll follow you,” Denver says.

  I stop myself from saying anything sarcastic because I wouldn’t want to stay in there if I were him, though I’m not sure I’d be ready to start prancing around outside the locker room in skin-tight boy shorts either.

  With a glance around the area, I spot another door in the opposite corner and head for what I hope is the exit. Thankfully, it opens and takes us into the kitchen, which must have a connecting door to the restaurant. “Well, this has gone from uncomfortable to unsanitary really quickly,” Denver says from behind me.

  “You don’t wear shoes while you’re waiting tables?” I ask.

  “I don’t know. I hadn’t had enough time to figure that part out yet, but I’m guessing shoes are probably something I should consider.”

  The cooks are too busy to notice us walking through, which is a good thing since I shouldn’t be back here. The door is easy to spot, and I speed up to make my way back out into the restaurant where I spot some of the hotel’s pool staff. Thank goodness.

  “Uh,” Denver says as the kitchen door flings backward.

  I turn around. “What’s the matter?” Besides the fact that you’re mostly naked and people are staring at you.

  “I just had a thought,” he says.

  Don’t say anything stupid. “What’s that?”

  “What if I get too excited about this job tonight?” He asks so softly, I almost didn’t hear him. But I heard him. There’s a smirk poking into one corner of his lips, but his question is sort of—really—out of line for just m
eeting me.

  Regardless, I won’t let him think he has any type of effect on me. I place my hand on his hard-as-stone chest, feeling the smooth beats of his heart that instantaneously grow quicker and stronger. If a touch is making his pulse race, I can understand his concern. I’m just glad I have a lined bra on, or he might notice the sudden heat rushing through my body too. “Wonder Buns, the only suggestion I have for you is to keep your excitement on the down-low and to remain at ease.”

  Denver clears his throat. “Wonder Buns? Wow, coming from the girl whose name is No. You should watch it.”

  “My name is Kai, in case you missed Noa snarling it like an angry cat earlier. Not ‘No.’ I just say that a lot. It’s a good thing to keep in mind,” I say with a wink, then smile and wave with my fingers as I leave him standing on full display.

  7

  Denver

  My first thought while standing out in the middle of a restaurant nearly naked is what Aya would think if she saw me right now. She’s not old enough to understand that people will go to extreme efforts for money sometimes, but after being called her “hero” since she was old enough to speak, I feel like I’m undoing everything good I’ve ever done by flashing my goods around in hopes of tips. This isn’t me. Though, I suppose I’d look similar on a European beach, as Noa nicely put it.

  It all comes down to money, though. I need to give that little girl everything she deserves. It was the reason for my optional discharge from the Marines. It’s all about her, but I’m torn on what defines success here.

  “Bro, are you the new guy?” someone shouts from across the restaurant.

  That would be me. I scan the area, looking for who’s shouting, but it’s hard to miss him. I didn’t think it was possible, but his shorts might be tighter than mine, and that thing ain’t real.

  I give him a nod to acknowledge I heard him as I head in his direction. “Yeah, I’m the new guy,” I say, shooting out my hand to shake his.

  With a firm shake, a smile, and waves to the table of women in front of him. “Denver, right?” he asks.