The Westlake Boys

by K R Bicknell

  “Don’t!” I tell him, “Just don’t!” and turn.

  Jacob was standing at the door, grinning.

  “Why’d you stop, this is better than free porn.”

  “You don’t start.” I point at him as I leave.

  I hear him say, “Fuck, Brother.” as I run to my room.

  I shut the door, lock it, and lean on it to catch my breath. What the fuck just happened? It wasn’t supposed to be like this! According to Mandy, I would feel a tingle, or not. Not a natural disaster, a tsunami! I had to get out of here. There was no way I was coming face to face with him again. What if he felt nothing? What if he said Eww! like Jacob. Shit! I walk out to the balcony but then see his less than ten feet away. The light is still on in his room. I come back inside. I’m so stupid. God, they must be laughing at me! Why did I behave like a spazz? I really need to run away. There’s a knock at my door.

  “Go away!” I yell, “I don’t want to talk to you!”

  “I get it.” Jacob says, “But I think Brother is thinking of kicking the door in.”

  I open the door. Jacob walks in, the brute behind him.

  “I really don’t want to see you.” I tell his brother.

  “What the fuck?” he says as he pushes his way in.“What did I do? FYI you attacked me.”

  “Yeah, well I wish I hadn’t.”

  “I know. You regret it.” He almost sounded sad.

  “No, I...” I turn around with my arms crossed. He’s looking down at my desk, “I fucked up. I’m sorry.”

  “Jacob. Leave.” Caleb says.

  “Why? This is great!”

  “Leave.” he says again.

  Jacob leaves, giving me a wink and closing the door behind him.

  “You don’t know what you’re doing.” Caleb says.

  “I know. I shouldn’t have.” I turn my head.

  “Look at me.” He says and I turn. He’s right in front of me. Then he reaches his hands out and grabs my face.

  “Caleb......” I say.

  “One last time.” He says and puts his mouth on mine. There is no fumbling now. We both know what we want and my lust flares up again and my body opens. He slides his hands behind my thighs and lifts up my legs. He wraps my legs around his waist and walks to my bed. My mouth is devouring his. I can’t get enough. I don’t know the next step but I know I can’t stop it even if my mind decides to fight against my body. He’s in charge now. I feel my back hit the mattress. My arms are still wrapped around him. I push one hand through his hair. His hands are all over. Leaving a trail of fire over my skin. I gasp as his mouth leaves mine to suck on my neck.

  “Caleb.” I manage to moan.

  He lifts up and then backs away.

  “Shit!” He says and hits the bed with a palm. I feel the loss of his heat as an unwelcome chill. “Shit!” He says again and stands up.

  “God, what did you do to me?” He runs his hands through his hair. All his beautiful silky hair where my hand just was. “I don’t lose control like that. I can’t... we can’t!”

  “Caleb.” I sit up.

  “No.” He says with finality like he’s made a decision. “No, this can’t happen.”

  I nod. I know I’ve lost him, and it hurts. It fucking hurts bad. I don’t speak.

  He walks to the door and stands there a moment with his forehead against the wood and breathes. There a heartbeat, I think it’s mine. And another. He turns to look at me and I can’t so I look down. I know he’s left by the breeze that hits me after the door closes. I sob into my pillow for a long time. After my tears are dried, Jacob comes and holds me the whole night. I don’t say anything and neither does he.

  Caleb

  I lost it.

  I fucking lost it.

  I knew it was going to be good when we finally...but I didn’t expect that.

  It was like being hit by lightning and still be able to feel everything.

  When she teased about kissing, I couldn’t help it. I thought one taste and she’ll walk away.

  Shit.

  What now? My blood is burning in my veins. I’ve never wanted anyone this bad. Every time, even my first time, I have always been in control.

  I lost it with her, I almost attacked her.

  Yeah, she wanted it. But this is not the way.

  I can’t.

  We can’t.

  We’d ruin each other.

  Fuck.

  Jacob

  I saw them lose it.

  I saw him lose it, and I want to tell her that I’ve never seen him like that, but I don’t.

  I hold her after.

  Whatever I feel for her, felt for her, it’s nothing.

  I know now, he’s the one for her.

  I just want to still be here. I want to be with them during, after.

  I don’t want them to forget me.

  I don’t mean anything.

  I’m a leaf on the wind. Watch me disappear.

  Chapter 6

  Hannah

  I don’t see Caleb again for weeks. Not at home, at school, or anywhere. I miss him. I miss his scent, his warmth, the feel of his skin, but most of all I miss talking to him. It’s just crazy demented to lean on someone so much and I hadn’t realized that I was doing it till he was gone. Jacob took extra care of me, giving me smiles and hugs at school and spending most nights with me. If we didn’t have homework we played video games or watched tv in the upstairs lounge and he slept next to me in my bed, often holding my hand. Initially, I thought it was to protect me from Caleb but later I thought it was probably the other way around. I think he thought to keep me from going to his room and making a fool of myself again. I wouldn’t have done it anyway. I’d never been the type of person to tempt myself with something I couldn’t have. One place I did see Caleb was the games. Mandy and I still made a point to attend on Friday nights. Caleb still dominated the court like a basketball god, scoring the most baskets. The coach put Jacob in more but he was right, in front of his brother, no one saw him. Not even the other team, leaving him open a lot. Caleb did though, passing him the ball whenever possible and letting him make shots. After the games, we didn’t linger, either I was dropped home by Mandy or by Travis as Jacob was still banned from Coach’s parties. Avery and her friends hung out with us less and less. I probably bored them because I hadn’t hit anyone in a while, or because I had no news about Caleb.

  My mom and I had a strange conversation on Saturday night. The two of us were sitting in the family room by ourselves. I was immersed in Great Expectations, an old book I had found in Harry’s study. It seemed to correlate with my life way too closely.

  “Hey, Hannah, I know life here hasn’t been what we imagined and I’m sorry about that.”

  “It’s not that bad Mom.” I said.

  “I know but I’d thought, anyways isn’t it funny that the rich are just as messed up as the poor?”

  “People are people everywhere.” I said. I was coming to realize that.

  “Yes, but somehow when I imagined it. I expected it to be more, I don’t know, glamorous and happy? I pictured it differently, you know?”

  “Is that why we moved in here?” I ask.

  “No. We moved here because Harry asked and because I love him, but I thought. Well, I’d hoped things would improve for us.”

  “They have Mom, we’re not struggling to pay our bills, we have heat and plenty of food, a lot of food, to eat.”

  “I wanted more than that for you. I wanted, I’d thought you’d meet a better class of people.”

  “I’ve met Jacob and Caleb, and Adele and Travis. They’re all good people, Mom.” I look at her confused.

  “Yes, but...” she seems to have a hard time saying what she means.

  “Maybe you should ask Harry to take you out somewhere if you’re bored.”

  “It’s not me, Baby. I want, I want better for you.”

  “I really don’t get it, Mom.”

  “I was hoping you’d have a better social life and meet
better guys.”

  For a minute I pause. What I am wanting to scream is that there are no better guys than the ones that live in this house but I don’t. Probably because I don’t know if that’s true.

  “Don’t worry about me. I’m not looking for a guy.”

  “If you had a guy, one with means, then I wouldn’t worry about you.”

  “Mom, please! I don’t need a man to be happy.” I say. I had known my mom was naive and weak but now I come to realize that she is shallow too.

  Thankfully, she leaves soon, letting me get back to my book.

  Jacob talks to me at night. Lying in my bed, my head resting on his shoulder.

  “Tell me.” He says.

  “What?” I ask, my voice is raw and groggy.

  “What do I do to make you happy.”

  “I am happy, Jacob. I mean I’m not unhappy.” I say.

  “Really? Could’ve fooled me.”

  I don’t respond.

  “I mean I would screw you if I thought it would work. Works for some girls, but I’m not the one you want.”

  “I thought you felt nothing for me.”

  “Yeah, but I can make it work if you need it. It’s like a game, you know, sometimes you are not into it, but once you get on the court, your body takes over.”

  “You mean like a chore? Or a job you don’t like?”

  “No, not exactly. I mean I like you.”

  I can’t help but smile.

  “Tell me about him.” I say, playing with the edge of his t-shirt.

  “Well, he’s an asshole, what else do you want to know?”

  “How is he? Do you see him?”

  “Yeah, I talk to him every day.”

  “Is he happy?”

  “Hannah.”

  “No, I want to know.”

  “Yup, I’m sure he is, he’s out every night, you know. Partying it up, screwing girls. He hasn’t changed a thing, and you need to stop thinking about him.”

  I don’t answer.

  “I’m not some pathetic heartbroken girl, you know.” I tell him, “I just miss him.”

  “You know what? He sits on the balcony for hours.”

  “The balcony?”

  “Yeah, the one outside his room, I don’t know, looking at the stars or something?”

  “But it’s winter.”

  “You think that bothers him? That guy is like the ice-man.”

  “Well, I’m not going out in the freezing cold to talk to him.” I say though I do think it for a minute.

  “Good, you’re a smart girl. You should date, you know, other guys.”

  “Like Molsky?” I ask putting my arm across his abdomen and snuggling in.

  “Shit! Not that fucker! Real guys, not ballers.”

  “Okay.” I agree and close my eyes.

  Jacob

  Molsky? Why did she say Molsky? Shit, he’s my homie. I know him, he’s a tool. I know there’s no one better than Brother but I don’t say it.

  I’m glad I’m there, I’m glad I have a little time with her before him.

  He’s being a tool like always though. Ignoring her. Fucking other girls.

  I don’t know how he could, when he’s got her at home.

  But I never know what’s in Brother’s head.

  Hope he doesn’t hurt her too bad though. Anyways, I’ll be here if, when he does.

  Hannah

  Another week passes and one Saturday morning in February my mother knocks on my door. I’m about to go downstairs for breakfast so I step out in the hall instead of letting her in.

  “Baby, there’s something I have to tell you.” She looks worried.

  “What?”

  “Your Uncle Jerry called.”

  I frown.

  “It’s your dad. He’s getting out.”

  “When?”

  “Sometime in the middle of March. You know it’s nothing to worry about, we’re safe here, but I thought you’d want to know.”

  “He doesn’t know where we are, right?” I ask her.

  “No. No, he doesn’t.” She says as if reassuring herself.

  “No one does, right Mom?”

  “I, I told Jerry, but he won’t tell.”

  “Mom! Why the fuck?”

  “Don’t cuss.” She looks around nervously and from the corner of my eye, I see a dark form at the end of the hallway. I know who it is just by the feel.

  “How do you know Jerry won’t tell him? He still kept in touch with him!”

  “He’s my brother, he won’t! He wants us safe.”

  “Mom, Uncle Jerry doesn’t give a fuck about us, and he’ll tell Sarah.” Jerry’s trailer park wife had an unhealthy obsession with ex-cons.

  “No, he won’t. He swore to me he wouldn’t. Anyways, we’re safe here.”

  “In the house maybe, Mom! But we both have to go to work.”

  “Travis. Travis is good. He’ll keep us safe. I don’t want you to worry. Jerry won’t tell and even if he somehow finds out, Harry and Travis will protect us.” My delusional mother pulls me in for a hug and leaves. My heart is a rock inside my chest and I feel my body freezing. We may have to run again. The dark form moves closer to me. A part of me wants to run to him and bury my face in his chest but I stand against the wall instead waiting for him to pass so I can run back into my room and start packing.

  He stops in front of me. I don’t look up.

  “Who?” He asks. My ears had missed his low, smooth voice.

  “My dad.” I say softly.

  I hear him inhale.

  “You’re not going anywhere but school and work and Travis will bring you straight home after.” He announces like a dictator.

  “Caleb, I...” I look up. His face is dark and menacing.

  “No. Nothing doing. Harry has friends in the police, tell him his name and what he looks like, they’ll keep an eye out.”

  “Why? Why the hell does it matter to you?” I ask.

  He turns his face to look down the hall. “You matter to Jacob and your mom matters to Harry.” He says.

  I can’t look at him anymore so I look at the floor and blink. I know he’s staring, I can feel his gaze. I know he sees a pathetic, weak girl always in need of protection and I hate that. He finally walks away, releasing me to go inside my room.

  Caleb

  Fucking shit, as if we didn’t have enough to deal with!

  Now her dad?

  I hate this.

  I don’t like not knowing where the threat is coming from. I wish I could just go where he is and end him, right there. So she never has to worry about him, ever again.

  But I can’t.

  Pretty sure they’d put me away and then who’d look out for her? Or Jacob?

  Hate that I thought of her before him, but that’s how much she’s gotten under my skin.

  I will protect her.

  Whatever it takes.

  Hannah

  I don’t listen to his order. On Monday, I tell Travis to come to Percy’s later and go there after work. I’ve been working with Percy at least twice a week now and am getting much better. He says my blocks have gotten stronger and I feel more confident.

  “Looks like your ride is here.” Percy says to me when we take a break.

  I’m surprised because Travis never comes inside. I look up and see Caleb making his way. Percy helps me with my gloves as I hope Caleb isn’t angry that I disobeyed his order though it may feel good to finally have it out with him.

  “Hey.” Caleb says. I ignore him.

  “She’s almost ready to go.” Percy answers for me.

  “No, I’m not here for her. Her ride’s outside. I wanted to talk to you.”

  “Sure. What can I help you with?” Percy asks.

  I walk to the bench to pack up keeping my ears on their conversation.

  “Would you have some time to train me?”

  “Alright, just a workout, or do you mean to fight?”

  “I want to fight.” Caleb says. I look at him but h
e doesn’t turn.

  “Where?” Percy says.

  “The street fighting ring you told me about. I want to be a contender.” He says and I stop breathing.

  “You actually want to fight? You know those fights are rough, with no safety gear? Sure you want that pretty face ruined?” Percy asks.

  “I have no use for it.” Caleb says coldly.

  My skin aches weirdly and I don’t know what to do. Caleb turns to look at me.

  “Travis is waiting outside.” He says, dismissing me.

  I am pissed, there are a thousand things that I want to say running through my mind but I see Percy nodding at me and I know he will keep him from doing anything crazy. I pick up my bag and walk out.

  Travis picks me up directly from work for the rest of the week. He tells me he’s not allowed to get me from Percy’s anymore and I don’t ask him who gave him the order because I know. I imagine invading his room and having it out with him every night but something always distracts me, mostly his brother.

  I have nightmares nightly now and am woken up in Jacob’s arms. I tell him they’re about my dad though half of them are of his brother, broken and bloody after a fight. I hate him again and it feels better than the morbid gray fog I’d been in most of February. Rage feels cleaner and burns brighter somehow. Since I’m not allowed to go to the gym anymore I convince Harry to get me a heavy bag. He has one installed in the basement the next day. It’s the first thing, material or otherwise, that I’ve asked Harry for and I feel guilty but only for a second. Self-protection has always come first for me and I would give up all my morals for it. Maybe that’s what Mom did. Would I sleep with a man for safety? Maybe if I didn’t know what Caleb felt like. My feelings for him have nothing to do with feeling safe because he scares me the most.

  Another couple of weeks pass with me always anxious. I imagine I see a large burly man outside of school and work though it isn’t March yet. I know I can’t keep living like this and wish he’d just show up so it could be over. Mandy and I don’t go to the championship in Richmond because Travis won’t drive me so I invite her over for a sleepover instead. I know the boys won’t be back until the next day since Jacob isn’t grounded anymore. We hear later in the night that they lost, though just barely.