The Adventures of Ferdinand Count Fathom — Volume 01

by T. Smollett

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

  FRESH CAUSE FOR EXERTING HIS EQUANIMITY AND FORTITUDE.

  The reader may have observed, that Fathom, with all his circumspection,had a weak side, which exposed him to sundry mischances; this was hiscovetousness, which on some occasions became too hard for his discretion.At this period of time it was, by the circumstances of his situation,inflamed to a degree of rapacity. He was now prevailed upon to take ahand at whist or piquet, and even to wield the hazard-box; though he hadhitherto declared himself an irreconcilable enemy to all sorts of play;and so uncommon was his success and dexterity at these exercises, as tosurprise his acquaintance, and arouse the suspicion of some people, whorepined at his prosperity.

  But in nothing was his conduct more inexcusable than in giving way to thedangerous temerity of Ratchcali, which he had been always at pains torestrain, and permitting him to practise the same fraud upon an Englishnobleman, which had been executed upon himself at Frankfort. In otherwords, the Tyrolese, by the canal of Ferdinand's finger andrecommendation, sold a pebble for a real brilliant, and in a few days thecheat was discovered, to the infinite confusion of our adventurer, whonevertheless assumed the guise of innocence with so much art, andexpressed such indignation against the villain who had imposed upon hisjudgment and unsuspecting generosity, that his lordship acquitted him ofany share in the deceit, and contented himself with the restitution,which he insisted upon making out of his own pocket, until he should beable to apprehend the rogue, who had thought proper to abscond for hisown safety. In spite of all this exculpation, his character did not failto retain a sort of stigma, which indeed the plainest proofs of innocenceare hardly able to efface; and his connexion with such a palpable knaveas the Tyrolese appeared to be, had an effect to his prejudice in theminds of all those who were privy to the occurrence.

  When a man's reputation is once brought in question, every trifle is, bythe malevolence of mankind, magnified into a strong presumption againstthe culprit. A few whispers communicated by the envious mouth ofslander, which he can have no opportunity to answer and refute, shall, inthe opinion of the world, convict him of the most horrid crimes; and forone hypocrite who is decked with the honours of virtue, there are twentygood men who suffer the ignominy of vice; so well disposed areindividuals to trample upon the fame of their fellow-creatures. If themost unblemished merit is not protected from this injustice, it will notbe wondered at that no quarter was given to the character of anadventurer like Fathom, who, among other unlucky occurrences, had themisfortune to be recognised about this time by his two Parisian friends,Sir Stentor Stile and Sir Giles Squirrel.

  These worthy knights-errant had returned to their own country, afterhaving made a very prosperous campaign in France, at the end of which,however, they very narrowly escaped the galleys; and seeing the PolishCount seated at the head of taste and politeness, they immediatelycirculated the story of his defeat at Paris, with many ludicrouscircumstances of their own invention, and did not scruple to affirm thathe was a rank impostor. When the laugh is raised upon a great man, henever fails to dwindle into contempt. Ferdinand began to perceive achange in the countenance of his friends. His company was no longersolicited with that eagerness which they had formerly expressed in hisbehalf. Even his entertainments were neglected; when he appeared at anyprivate or public assembly, the ladies, instead of glowing with pleasure,as formerly, now tittered or regarded him with looks of disdain; and acertain pert, little, forward coquette, with a view to put him out ofcountenance, by raising the laugh at his expense, asked him one night, ata drum, when he had heard from his relations in Poland? She succeeded inher design upon the mirth of the audience, but was disappointed in theother part of her aim; for our hero replied, without the least mark ofdiscomposure, "They are all in good health at your service, madam; I wishI knew in what part of the world your relations reside, that I mightreturn the compliment." By this answer, which was the more severe, asthe young lady was of very doubtful extraction, he retorted the laughupon the aggressor, though he likewise failed in his attempt upon hertemper; for she was perhaps the only person present who equalled himselfin stability of countenance.

  Notwithstanding this appearance of unconcern, he was deeply touched withthese marks of alienation in the behaviour of his friends, and,foreseeing in his own disgrace the total shipwreck of his fortune, heentered into a melancholy deliberation with himself about the means ofretrieving his importance in the beau monde, or of turning his addressinto some other channel, where he could stand upon a less slipperyfoundation. In this exercise of his thoughts, no scheme occurred morefeasible than that of securing the booty he had made, and retiring withhis associate, who was also blown, into some other country, where theirnames and characters being unknown, they might pursue their old plan ofcommerce without molestation. He imparted this suggestion to theTyrolese, who approved the proposal of decamping, though he combated withall his might our hero's inclination to withdraw himself before thetrial, by repeating the assurances of the solicitor, who told him hemight depend upon being reimbursed by the sentence of the court for greatpart of the sums he had expended in the course of the prosecution.

  Fathom suffered himself to be persuaded by these arguments, supportedwith the desire of making an honourable retreat, and, waiting patientlyfor the day of trouble, discharged his sureties, by a personal appearancein court. Yet this was not the only score he discharged that morning;the solicitor presented his own bill before they set out for WestminsterHall, and gave the Count to understand that it was the custom, from timeimmemorial, for the client to clear with his attorney before trial.Ferdinand had nothing to object against this established rule, though helooked upon it as a bad omen, in spite of all the solicitor's confidenceand protestations; and he was not a little confounded, when, looking intothe contents, he found himself charged with 350 attendances. He knew itwas not his interest to disoblige his lawyer at such a juncture;nevertheless, he could not help expostulating with him on this article,which seemed to be so falsely stated with regard to the number; when hisquestions drew on an explanation, by which he found he had incurred thepenalty of three shillings and fourpence for every time he chanced tomeet the conscientious attorney, either in the park, the coffee-house, orthe street, provided they had exchanged the common salutation; and he hadgood reason to believe the solicitor had often thrown himself in his way,with a view to swell this item of his account.

  With this extortion our adventurer was fain to comply, because he lay atthe mercy of the caitiff; accordingly, he with a good grace paid thedemand, which, including his former disbursements, amounted to threehundred and sixty-five pounds eleven shillings and threepence threefarthings, and then presenting himself before the judge, quietlysubmitted to the laws of the realm. His counsel behaved like men ofconsummate abilities in their profession; they exerted themselves withequal industry, eloquence, and erudition, in their endeavours to perplexthe truth, browbeat the evidence, puzzle the judge, and mislead the jury;but the defendant found himself wofully disappointed in the deposition ofTrapwell's journeyman, whom the solicitor pretended to have converted tohis interest. This witness, as the attorney afterwards declared, playedbooty, and the facts came out so clear, that Ferdinand Count Fathom wasconvicted of criminal conversation with the plaintiff's wife, and cast infifteen hundred pounds, under the denomination of damages.

  He was not so much surprised as afflicted at this decision, because hesaw it gradually approaching from the examination of the first evidence.His thoughts were now employed in casting about for some method ofdeliverance from the snare in which he found himself entangled. Toescape, he foresaw it would be impracticable, as Trapwell wouldundoubtedly be prepared for arresting him before he could quitWestminster Hall; he was too well acquainted with Ratchcali's principles,to expect any assistance from that quarter in money matters; and he wasutterly averse to the payment of the sum awarded against him, which wouldhave exhausted his whole fortune. He therefore resolved to try thefriendship of some
persons of fashion, with whom he had maintained anintimacy of correspondence. Should they fail him in the day of hisnecessity, he proposed to have recourse to his former sureties, one ofwhom he meant to bilk, while the other might accompany him in hisretreat; or, should both these expedients miscarry, he determined, ratherthan part with his effects, to undergo the most disagreeable confinement,in hope of obtaining the jailor's connivance at his escape.

  These resolutions being taken, he met his fate with great fortitude andequanimity, and calmly suffered himself to be conveyed to the house of asheriff's officer, who, as he made his exit from the hall, according tohis own expectation, executed a writ against him, at the suit ofTrapwell, for a debt of two thousand pounds. To this place he wasfollowed by his solicitor, who was allured by the prospect of anotherjob, and who, with great demonstrations of satisfaction, congratulatedhim upon the happy issue of the trial; arrogating to himself the merit ofhaving saved him eight thousand pounds in the article of damages, by theprevious steps he had taken, and the noble defence that he and hisfriends the counsel had made for their client; he even hinted anexpectation of receiving a gratuity for his extraordinary care anddiscretion.

  Fathom, galled as he was with his misfortune, and enraged at theeffrontery of this pettifogger, maintained a serenity of countenance, andsent the attorney with a message to the plaintiff, importing, that, as hewas a foreigner, and could not be supposed to have so much cash abouthim, as to spare fifteen hundred pounds from the funds of his ordinaryexpense, he would grant him a bond payable in two months, during whichperiod he should be able to procure a proper remittance from his ownestate. While the solicitor was employed in this negotiation, hedespatched his valet-de-chambre to one nobleman, and Maurice to another,with billets, signifying the nature of the verdict which his adversaryhad obtained, and desiring that each would lend him a thousand poundsupon his parole, until he could negotiate bills upon the Continent.

  His three messengers returned almost at the same instant of time, andthese were the answers they brought back.

  Trapwell absolutely rejected his personal security; and threatened himwith all the horrors of a jail, unless he would immediately discharge thedebt, or procure sufficient bondsmen; and one of his quality friendsfavoured him with this reply to his request:--

  "MY DEAR COUNT!--I am mortally chagrined at the triumph you havefurnished to that rascally citizen. By the lard! the judge must havebeen in the terrors of cuckoldom, to influence the decision; and the jurya mere herd of horned beasts, to bring in such a barbarous verdict.Egad! at this rate, no gentleman will be able to lie with another man'swife, but at the risk of a cursed prosecution. But to waive thisdisagreeable circumstance, which you must strive to forget; I declare mymortification is still the greater, because I cannot at present supplyyou with the trifle your present exigency requires; for, to tell you asecret, my own finances are in damnable confusion. But a man of CountFathom's figure and address can never be puzzled for the want of such apaltry sum. Adieu, my dear Count! we shall, I suppose, have the pleasureof seeing you to-morrow at White's: meanwhile, I have the honour to be,with the most perfect attachment, yours, GRIZZLEGRIN."

  The other noble peer, to whom he addressed himself on this occasion,cherished the same sentiments of virtue, friendship, and generosity; buthis expression was so different, that we shall, for the edification ofthe reader, transcribe his letter in his own words:--

  "SIR,--I was never more astonished than at the receipt of your veryextraordinary billet, wherein you solicit the loan of a thousand pounds,which you desire may be sent with the bearer on the faith of your parole.Sir, I have no money to send you or lend you; and cannot help repeatingmy expressions of surprise at your confidence in making such a strangeand unwarranted demand. 'Tis true, I may have made professions offriendship, while I looked upon you as a person of honour and goodmorals; but now that you are convicted of such a flagrant violation ofthe laws of that kingdom where you have been treated with suchhospitality and respect, I think myself fully absolved from any suchconditional promise, which indeed is never interpreted into any otherthan a bare compliment. I am sorry you have involved your character andfortune in such a disagreeable affair, and am, Sir, yours, etc. TROMPINGTON."

  Ferdinand was not such a novice in the world as to be disappointed atthese repulses; especially as he had laid very little stress upon theapplication, which was made by way of an experiment upon the gratitude orcaprice of those two noblemen, whom he had actually more than onceobliged with the same sort of assistance which he now solicited, thoughnot to such a considerable amount.

  Having nothing further to expect from the fashionable world, he sent theTyrolese to the person who had been bail for his appearance, with fullinstructions to explain his present occasion in the most favourablelight, and desire he would reinforce the credit of the Count with hissecurity; but that gentleman, though he placed the most perfectconfidence on the honour of our hero, and would have willingly enteredinto bonds again for his personal appearance, was not quite so wellsatisfied of his circumstances, as to become liable for the payment oftwo thousand pounds, an expense which, in his opinion, the finances of noforeign Count were able to defray. He therefore lent a deaf ear to themost pressing remonstrances of the ambassador, who had recourse toseveral other merchants, with the same bad success; so that the prisoner,despairing of bail, endeavoured to persuade Ratchcali, that it would behis interest to contribute a thousand pounds towards his discharge, thathe might be enabled to quit England with a good grace, and execute hispart of the plan they had projected.

  So powerful was his eloquence on the occasion, and such strength ofargument did he use, that even the Tyrolese seemed convinced, thoughreluctantly, and agreed to advance the necessary sum upon the bond andjudgment of our adventurer, who, being disabled from transacting his ownaffairs in person, was obliged to intrust Ratchcali with his keys,papers, and power of attorney, under the check and inspection of hisfaithful Maurice and the solicitor, whose fidelity he bespoke with thepromise of an ample recompense.