by Rhonda Shaw
Now Shannon didn’t know how to turn it all around, didn’t know how to stop, rethink and re-plan with this new information. She didn’t know what she even wanted to do anymore, and she definitely didn’t know how to tell her father. And if she was being completely honest with herself, he was what held her back.
Yep, she’d gotten herself into a fine mess; one she really had no idea how to get out of. Nor did she know if she had it in her to even try. Which only irritated her even more because she’d believed herself to be a strong person, but she didn’t know anymore.
Shannon leaned her elbows on her desk and picked up her pen. She needed to get this brief done and to Carol before eight in the morning, which meant getting her head back in the game. But, just as she started to write down some notes, her phone buzzed. Recognizing the number as the security desk in the lobby, she frowned as she picked up her handset.
“Shannon Morrison,” she answered.
“Good evening, Ms. Morrison. This is Dwayne from Security. We have a Karen Smutton who is here to see you.”
What the hell is she doing here? Not only had Shannon not spoken with Matt in six weeks, but she’d also turned away her family. Karen had called her multiple times, but each time Shannon had an excuse at the ready as to why she couldn’t talk before finally ignoring Karen’s calls altogether. She didn’t want to discuss Matt, which is what Karen wanted details on ever since finding out about them. Her plan to ignore Karen long enough in hopes she would eventually get the hint and leave her alone had failed, but really she should have known better.
Before Shannon could respond, Karen’s voice said, “Let me talk to her,” before some shuffling sounds came across the line, clearly indicating Karen had grabbed the phone from the poor man.
“You can’t ignore me now, can you? Get your ass down here,” Karen said without any prelude. “She’s my little sister,” Karen told Dwayne in a sweet voice.
Shannon gave a small chuckle even though the visit was going to be anything but friendly. “I’m on my way.”
“You better be or I swear—” Karen muttered over some more shuffling as she handed the phone back to the security guard and told him, “She’s on her way.”
Hanging up, Shannon slipped her feet into her heels and ran her fingers through her hair as she stepped into the elevators. Karen really had to be ticked off to show up unannounced, and now Shannon had to hear all about it, which she really did not have time for.
Stepping into the lobby, Shannon headed toward the security desk. The guy sitting behind the counter, who must have been Dwayne, spotted her and pointed toward a cluster of chairs. Only the back of Karen’s head was visible, but when the click-clack of Shannon’s heels sounded on the tiled floors, Karen straightened and turned.
“Oh, your ass is mine now,” she said as she used one of the arms of the chair to hoist herself up.
When Karen faced her, Shannon let out a small gasp. “Oh my god! Look at your little stomach! You look so cute.”
“Nuh-uh.” Karen strode past Shannon toward the elevators. “You are not going to try to get on my good side now by telling me how cute I am pregnant. You will save that for later, after I’ve bitched at you.”
Shannon grinned at the security guard overhearing their conversation and gave a small shrug. “Sisters.”
Pushing the button for her floor, she turned and found Karen glaring at her. “I can tell this is going to be a fun visit.”
“Six weeks,” Karen fumed. “Six weeks and I’ve heard nothing from you. What the fuck, Shannon?”
“I know, I know.” Shannon sagged against the back wall. “I’ve just been really busy.”
“Not eating too.” Karen eyed Shannon’s thin frame. “You are too tall to be that skinny.”
“I eat enough,” Shannon huffed as she exited when the doors slid open on her floor. She passed the empty reception area and Karen followed her to her office in the far corner. Collapsing behind her desk, she waited as Karen tossed her jacket into a chair before sinking down into its partner. She glanced around, her gaze falling over the piles of papers on every surface, and towers of files and books on the floor before she gave a small nod.
“So this is where you live. Nice,” she said.
Shannon rolled her eyes. “Okay, let’s skip the preliminaries, shall we? Let’s get the bitch session started so I can get back to work. I have deadlines.”
Karen’s eyes widened before narrowing. “Are you seriously going to sit there and tell me your work is more important than a surprise visit from your sister?”
Shannon instantly regretted what she’d said and her shoulders drooped in defeat. “I’m sorry, Karen. I’m under a lot of stress right now, and I know this isn’t a pleasure visit. I know you came here to ream me out.”
“Of course I did, but I would still like to believe that after that unpleasantness, we can get to the pleasant part of the visit,” she said sweetly, her blue eyes bright and innocent.
Shannon smiled and leaned her elbows on the desktop. “Okay, let’s get the unpleasantness out of the way.”
Rather than launch into a full-out bitch session, which Shannon would have preferred, Karen simply titled her head and said, “What’s going on, sis?”
Her sister’s concern was all it took for Shannon’s eyes to flood with tears. “I don’t know,” she whispered.
Karen scooted her chair closer to the desk and reached out to take Shannon’s hands in hers. “Tell me what happened.”
Shannon took a deep breath and wiped hastily at her eyes with one hand. “I told him we couldn’t continue, that there was no way things could work between us. I left the day after Christmas and I’ve been working ever since.”
“Trying not to think about him,” Karen added.
Even though she didn’t ask as a question, Shannon nodded. “Yes.”
“Which means you don’t really believe what you told him.”
Frustrated, Shannon stood and started pacing. “I do, but I don’t. If I’m going to keep this job and continue pursuing partnership in this firm, then yes, I do believe. But…” She broke off unwilling to actually speak the words.
“But if you don’t want this job, then…” Karen let the rest hang in the air unsaid. “Is that what you’re struggling with?” she asked, cutting right to the chase.
Shannon leaned against her bookshelf and crossed her arms. “Yeah, I guess,” she admitted quietly.
“And what’s wrong with that?” Karen asked.
“It’s not that easy,” Shannon said as she sat back down in her chair.
“But it is,” Karen stated.
“No, it’s—”
“Shannon, I’ve said this before and I’m going to say this again. This is your life, not his. You’re always trying to make him proud and I get that, believe me I do, but if you do everything for him and not yourself, you’ll be miserable for the rest of your life. If you’re having second thoughts now, then you’ll always have them.”
“It’s not so simple, Karen,” Shannon insisted. “I’ve worked so hard to get here and now I’m just going to throw it all away? For a guy? This is what I’ve wanted for so long and now I don’t? It doesn’t make sense, not even to me.”
Plus, she could already see the look of absolute disappointment on her father’s face if she told him that not only did she not want to be a partner in a prestigious law firm, but also by doing so, she felt like the life was being sucked out of her. Her father was a very serious and often difficult man, and Shannon had worked so hard to make him proud of her. Now she was going to destroy that pride simply because she had doubts about how much she really wanted to follow in his footsteps.
“I didn’t say it wasn’t going to be hard. You are so against the possibility you might be changing your mind that you won’t listen to yourself.” Karen stopped and shifted. “Let me ask you this. Before Matt, were you having any second thoughts about any of this?” She caught Shannon’s shifty eyes and added, “Be honest with yourse
lf.”
Shannon sighed. “Some,” she muttered.
“So adding Matt to the mix upped it a bit?”
“Yes, I guess you could say that.”
Karen sat back in her chair. “You really like him. Tell me about it.”
Unable to sit still, Shannon stood and started pacing again. “I don’t know what to say. He’s great and amazing and perfect.”
“Is he serious about you?”
“Yes, I mean, I think so.” Shannon strode around the small space. “He was always telling me how much he wanted things to work out between us. He took me to meet his family, for crying out loud. He told me the last girlfriend they’d met was some girl he dated back in college.” She stopped and faced Karen. “He wasn’t very happy with how we left things.”
“And neither are you,” Karen said simply.
“Aagghh,” Shannon cried in frustration. “No, I’m not, but I don’t know if I want to change things either. I’m a conflicted mess.”
“Look,” Karen said as she walked over to her. “If you want to try things out with Matt, do it. Just because you’re changing, it doesn’t mean you’re changing for him. You’re trying to find yourself and he’s part of your journey. Don’t you want to at least try instead of always wondering what if?”
Shannon gave her a small smile. “You sound like him now.”
“Then I like him. He’s smart.”
Shannon laughed as she glanced around her office, recognizing it for the first time as the jail cell it was. “Oh, what a mess this is going to be. I don’t even know where to start.”
“What would tell me to do?”
“Huh?”
“If I was going around and around about Jerry and my job, what would be your advice to me?”
Shannon mulled it over even though she knew without a doubt what her guidance would be. But she wasn’t so sure she wanted to follow the same for herself. “Quit your job and find him.”
“Well?” Karen said. “If that is what you would tell me, then why can’t you do the same?”
“Quit? I don’t know about outright quitting...” She broke off as panic flooded through her. Mr. Barnes had been a strong advocate for her within the firm as a favor to her father, which had landed her the job, and her quitting would definitely put a dent in their relationship, something else her father would blame her for, rightfully so. Any way she turned, she was going to be leaving a big mess.
“How else are you going to make the change? You already said this job doesn’t leave you time for anything else. If you don’t quit, what changes?” Karen asked. “Seems like we’re still in the same spot.”
“I don’t know,” Shannon said with a shrug. “Maybe I can try to work something out,” she suggested even though the possibility was slim, but she still couldn’t get her head around completely quitting either.
“When you thought about yourself as a lawyer, is this what you envisioned?
“I don’t know. I guess.”
“Shannon…”
“Fine.” She blew out a breath. “Not really. I mean, not in a big firm like this, representing crooked executives.”
“Then why would you stay in a job you don’t even like?”
“Because I need to be doing something!”
Karen raised a skeptical brow and Shannon pressed on, attempting a different angle. “Besides, I’m not even sure Matt even wants to see me. It has been six weeks. Who knows? He might be seeing someone else now. Seems like I should figure that out before quitting my job.”
Karen didn’t seem concerned. “Nope, he isn’t, and of course he does.”
“Karen…”
“So it seems the only part of your advice left is to find Matt. And I’m pretty sure we know where he is…”
Shannon glowered at her sister. “Florida.”
“Correct!”
Shannon hesitated. Was she seriously considering going to Florida? Apparently she was because she had no other ideas. If she wanted to see Matt, then heading south remained the only option since Spring Training had started. Besides, this definitely wasn’t a conversation to have over the phone.
“I can’t believe I’m actually considering this,” she finally said.
“If he truly wanted things to work out with you guys, then I don’t think you have anything to worry about. He’ll be ecstatic to see you.”
“It’s not only that.” Shannon walked away and swept her arms out. “Everything, all of this, it’s…crazy.”
“No, it’s different. It’s different than what you had planned and so it takes getting used to.” Karen smiled at her. “You know, when I was so adamant I didn’t want anything more from Jerry than hot sex, there was one thing you said to me that always stuck.”
“What was that?”
“What’s so wrong with liking him, with wanting more from him? And I say the same to you now, what’s so wrong with wanting to be happy with your life, with wanting to be with Matt?”
“Nothing,” Shannon said.
“Exactly.” Karen brushed a hand up Shannon’s arm. “So, we’ll go with your plan of quitting and then go to Matt. You can come down with me. I’m heading down to Florida the day after tomorrow.”
“Wait, what? Why are you going?” Shannon asked, confused. “Plus I don’t have a ticket.”
“I only have a short time left where I can travel, so I’m going to head down to surprise Jer. Once things get going with their games, I won’t see him much. So, I made plans to visit him and I got you a ticket as well. Just in case.”
“Well, that was pretty cocky on your part? So sure I was going to go?” she said with a grin, which Karen returned with a shrug. “So I’m just supposed to show up with you?” Shannon asked and at Karen’s nod, she grimaced. “Yeah, I don’t know.”
“Why not? How else would you do this?”
“What if he doesn’t want me back?” she whispered, putting voice to her biggest fear.
Karen titled her head. “Aside from being his loss and a drastic change in my opinion of him, then you’ll move on, but you tried, and that’s what matters. But what’s most important is you’re learning something about yourself and what you want and don’t want.”
Shannon eyed her unusually subdued sister. “How did you get all calm all of a sudden? Where’s the bitch session in this?”
“Oh,” Karen said with a wave of her hand. “I’m mad about you ignoring me, don’t get me wrong, but I’m working on keeping myself calm. This baby doesn’t need to hear me swearing all the time. I slip every once in a while and Jerry gives me a look, but I’m trying.” She collapsed back in the chair with a gusty sigh. “Plus, I’m starting to get so tired that I don’t really have the energy to yell at anyone for too long.”
Shannon smiled. “Well, that’s a good thing, I guess.”
“Yeah, good for everyone else, but I’m the one bottling everything up inside.” They made eye contact and started laughing. “I just want you to be happy, little sis, and I can tell you’re not.”
“I know,” Shannon said. “And I appreciate it, I really do. It’s just scary, especially when I think about telling Dad.”
“That’s why I’m here,” Karen said. “I’ll help you through this and dealing with him, and then you get to help me through this kid. I’m going to need all the help I can get, I can tell. If this baby is anything like his father, then I’m in deep trouble.” She kicked back and propped her feet up on the chair next to her. After a few moments of silence, Karen broke it. “Well, finish up what you need to so we can get out of here and get something to eat, and then you can get back to telling me how cute I am with my little belly.”
Shannon laughed, feeling much better after talking with Karen, which only emphasized how idiotic she’d been for pushing her off for so long. Karen only wanted the best for her, and she’d forgotten that. Now Shannon needed to put things into action. She had to figure out how to break the news to her father, which downright terrified her, but Karen was right. Sh
annon had to think about herself and only herself. This change didn’t mean she wouldn’t stay in the field of law. It just wasn’t going to be in this law firm nor in some other big, prestigious firm. She needed a balance as she had other dreams, some she hadn’t even realized, and she refused to give those up. She was determined to find a way where she could have everything.
Chapter 15
Crouching behind home plate, Matt eyed where Jason stood in the infield. Throwing drills took priority on the agenda for the day, and Matt was working on his throws to second with Jason, who was working on covering second base from his position at short in a steal situation.
The pitch came in away from the left-handed batter. Matt shifted his weight as he caught the ball and threw it to Jason, who moved toward second base. Jason fielded the toss cleanly, placing his body in front of the bag in order to prevent the imaginary runner from being able to sneak in a hand or foot, as he dropped his glove to simulate the tag.
“Nice and quick, Buck, and right on the money. Perfect,” Jason yelled out.
The next one crossed inside the plate, causing Matt to step back to throw behind the hitter. His momentum carried him too far, however, and he fell toward the dugout, causing his line to be off.
“Goddammit.” He grimaced as the ball sailed between Jason and the third baseman into the outfield.
“Come on, Bucky. You’ve got it,” Jason said in encouragement.
“Of course, I do,” Matt yelled back as he arranged his mask over his head. “Make sure you’re ready, Kirb.”
“Always ready, baby. Ready is my middle name,” Jason replied. “You just need your fat ass to get it down here.”
Some of their teammates chuckled and Matt sent Jason the middle finger, triggering Jason’s hoot of laughter, before crouching down. This time, he made sure to tighten his shuffle as he threw hard. As promised, Jason stood ready and waiting. He leaped to snatch the ball out of the air above his head, before dropping down to graze the ground with his glove.