The Way You Love Me: A High School Bully Romance

by Lannah Smith

  There were bad vibes crawling out the window and pounding against me but my mind was blank with panic and my body numb with fear.

  "She was... our mother was hurting her when Dad or any of the household staff wasn't looking. Hurting her when I wasn't looking. I didn't know, John. I didn't know until I saw her trying to drown Terry in the bath tub with my own two eyes the morning of her 12th birthday."

  Another long silence. A very long silence. A very long, very heavy silence.

  "Jesus," John muttered. "Jesus Christ, why would she do that? Why would she hurt her own child? I thought... Fuck, are you telling me that Terry also suffered physical abuse from her mother?"

  "Terry didn't tell you?" Haru asked, then after a long, pregnant moment, he muttered, "Well I guess now you know everything."

  "Fucking hell!"

  "Our mother begged me not to tell father," Haru continued, his voice rising. "She begged me in tears and screams that she was only protecting me from my own sister, that Terry, in her crazed mind, was going to kill me."

  "You should have had her locked up!"

  "She's still my mother! As pathetic as that sounds, as weak as I may be, I recognized that she was losing her mind and seeing Terry as the enemy. I knew that the best recourse for all of us was if I went back to Japan with her and leave Terry in the States with our father. I did it to keep Terry out of harm's way."

  "It doesn't excuse the fact that you—"

  "That I what? That I hurt her? That I hurt my sister by controlling her? I was trying to protect her. You don't know the lengths I went through just to keep her safe. You don't know the shit I went through just to make she'd have a future, a future she'd fucking want without the strings of this family holding her back."

  What?

  I turned to look at the window through the tears that had sprung up in my eyes.

  What did my brother just say?

  "The clan wanted her to marry Lucas Russo," he continued in a calmer tone. "But when I found out he'd been playing with Terry's mind, calling her unworthy and other things you don't really want to know, I destroyed him and his family. Completely destroyed them."

  But he said...

  "I made sure no one in her school disrespected her. I left people to look after her. You have my gratitude for taking care of Dwayne Williams, by the way. But if it had been me, he wouldn't have a cent to his name."

  "Haru—"

  "And you. I didn't know why it took so long to have my people report to me that you were dating my sister but I knew she was hurt when you chose Leon Gage over her again. If my sister didn't care for you, I would have done everything, even willing to lose everything, just to repay you for that slight."

  "Haru, fucking listen—"

  "I love my sister!" I jumped back when Haru bellowed in sheer agony and the sound felt like it was tearing apart my ears and my heart, "I missed her when I was gone but I knew that without me, she was safe. I was the reason for her pain and why our mother kept on hurting her. And you don't know that it kills me to know that I couldn't protect her all the time. You don't know that it killed me to see her hands like that and the fact that I was too late to see what she'd been doing to herself."

  My mind shut out the rest of the words. I took a step back then another one, seeking retreat from the pain and horror of all the revelations.

  I ran into something.

  I whirled and looked at Kabakura who was standing behind me in the dark.

  "Please go back to your room, young miss," he whispered softly and with what, if I wasn't about to melt into a puddle of tears and steaming heartbreak, I would have noted sadness. "It's cold out here."

  "I want you to leave my sister alone."

  My hands started to clench but Kabakura caught my hands, protecting my palms from my nails. I was hurting him, my fingers were clamped so tight around hands that it must have hurt but he didn't show any signs of pain and I stared at his passive face, trying not to cry.

  "There's no way in hell—"

  Haru didn't let John finish. "And I want you to take the time to think about what you've just learned about my family. About Terry. And about me. I want you to be sure because I will break you this time if you hurt my sister again."

  John sounded offended when he replied, "I don't need time to think."

  "That wasn't a request," Haru interrupted in a quiet but hard tone.

  "Let's go, miss," Kabakura whispered and I didn't have the strength to fight him.

  My mind unclear, unable to think of anything else but what I have just heard, I let him lead me back inside the house.

  Julie's face was white as a sheet when we arrived in my bedroom.

  "I've prepared your bath, young miss," she murmured. "Let's get you in."

  I didn't even notice Kabakura leaving. Julie took my clothes off me because I didn't have the strength to move. She helped me into the tub and I hugged my knees as she sponged my back.

  I wished I felt fury.

  It would have been better to feel nothing but anger at John's betrayal of my confession and at Haru's deception even though both were for my sake.

  But I felt nothing. Nothing but heartache.

  Pain like no other, tearing me apart at the seams.

  Then they came.

  The tears.

  Silent but shaking my whole body in great quakes.

  ◆◆◆

  John wished he could get drunk.

  Sitting on the sofa, his head resting on the top of the back, he stared at the ceiling with unfocused eyes.

  He couldn't wrap his head about all the things he'd heard that day. Still couldn't believe that all that shit happened and he didn't even realize.

  Well, he had always been too late to see it anyway. He'd been too late to realize what Leon had been going through, too late to see Terry had been suffering and too late to see Haru was not who John really thought he was. And John thought he was so smart.

  The door opened but he didn't lift his head to see who'd come in.

  "Son?"

  Fuck. Not her.

  John wanted to be furious at her unbelievable nerve.

  He couldn't be. He just didn't have the energy to fight someone else anymore.

  He felt her sit down next to him and she didn't speak for several moments.

  Then he felt her fingertips touching his forehead.

  "Are you unwell?"

  Turning his head, he told her, "Please get out, Mother."

  His mother removed her hand and put it on her lap. It seemed his civility surprised her into silence.

  Her head tilted slightly, she asked, "What's wrong? Is it Leon this time?"

  He shook his head and went back to staring at the ceiling.

  "I'll have the maid bring you something to eat and maybe some tea to help you sleep." She rose from her seat, patting his knee. "I'll let you rest now."

  "Will you really not tell me?" John found himself whispering.

  A pause, then, "What?"

  He lifted his head. "Will you really not tell me why?"

  John watched as her mother's face grew concerned rather than defensive. Her brows drew together as she stared at him, roaming her gaze all over his face. John didn't know what expression he had on his face but he didn't care. He was too tired and too miserable to pretend he was fucking fine.

  And he had to hope. After learning Haru was not the bastard he thought he was, he had to hope that his mother wasn't the witch he thought she was too.

  He needed her, he realized.

  He needed his mother to be a mother tonight because he just didn't know what to do anymore.

  "Why what, son?" she asked after awhile.

  He tore his gaze from her and shook his head, his jaw tensing. She would never tell him.

  His mother sat back on the sofa again. "Are you still seeing the Evans girl?"

  "Why?" he muttered. "Thinking of tearing us apart again?"

  She clicked her tongue. "Don't be offensive, son. I was merely asking y
ou a question."

  "And do you expect an answer? When you didn't give me your answers to all the questions I asked you?"

  "You want to know why I tore you and Terry apart."

  He swiveled his head back to her.

  Her gaze was on her hands that were clasped loosely and resting above her knees. But there was something distressing about this posture because of the way she seemed... vulnerable.

  John braced.

  She turned to him and locked her eyes with his.

  "It was because of her mother."

  "What?" he replied, stunned.

  "She was ambitious, that woman. Greedy, in fact. And I wouldn't let her use my son to get what she wants."

  Fucking hell, was Terry's mother the source of everyone's grief?

  "Why do you think Terry is a constant visitor in our home?" she asked him, her expression carved from stone and an unpleasant weight settled in his gut. "Back then, the Sakurai-Evans people were still a struggling group and they were willing to go through the dirtiest method to get what they wanted, with the exception of Terrence Evans of course. The man is a saint and thinks everyone in the Sakurai clan is anything but. He never realized he's just being used."

  "What's this got to do with Terry?" he asked, gritting his teeth.

  "I made you break your friendship with Terry Evans to protect you."

  His anger rose. "Protect me?"

  His mother carried on, ignoring his pissed expression. "Terrence was pressured to back out of an important deal with your father because the Sakurai clan found another company to leech. Thomas was furious because he'd lost a lot of money into the investment and would have promptly destroyed their reputation have I not intervened. And Anya, she was spreading gossip that you were betrothed to her daughter and if your father had heard, who knows what he could have done in anger."

  When she paused for a moment, John reminded her in a quiet, gentle voice, "So you made me lose a friend."

  His mother laughed bitterly and her frustration drove her to tell him more of the things she'd hidden for many years. "Do you think you'd still even have her as a friend when your father's through with them? I made you do it so she'd still have her privileged life to return to. I admit, I didn't like her but I'd never wish that to happen to such a young, kind and brilliant girl. And I didn't want you to get hurt by your father or her mother. So I chose to be the villain."

  Shit. He didn't know.

  John ran his fingers through his hair in frustration.

  He didn't know Haru and his mother chose to be the villains of his and Terry's lives so they could help them. Now he felt like an incredible ass for being such a dick to the both of them.

  "How could you not like her?" he said distractedly. "She... she was such a proper girl. The type you liked hanging around me."

  "Because she kicked you."

  His eyes sliced to her.

  She had an apologetic look on her face and for the life of him, John had never seen so many expressions cross his mother's face before. "No one touches my son in such a violent manner. It was for that reason that I didn't warm up to her right away."

  Eyes narrowing, he told her, "You do realize that Father punished me severely when I was a child?"

  Her face grew hard. "Do you think all of our arguments are all centered on his... his women? I never condoned those punishments, John."

  It was the first time his mother admitted out loud his father's womanizing ways. And John never recalled a memory of her striking him. She barely even berated him then.

  "You let me do what I want," he murmured in remembrance.

  "I tried to give you everything you wanted," she murmured back. "Things I didn't have as a child. I didn't grow in wealth, son. I struggled hard to be where I am now and I'm still struggling. But along the way, I was so focused on working to get the company to where it is now that I forgot being a mother." Her voice went gentle and upset. "And when I tried to be one, I completely lost your love."

  John didn't know what to say to that. So he just stared at her.

  "If you want to pursue the Evans girl now, I won't stop you. And your father may dislike the Sakurai people but he'd always adored Terry like the daughter he never had."

  "Her mother hurts her."

  She didn't look surprised.

  "You knew?" he asked.

  "Why do you think she is so submissive?" she asked.

  "I don't understand," John said in frustration. "How can she love his son and not her daughter?"

  "Because he's the golden child. And in her eyes, Terry is the black sheep."

  "She is not a black sheep."

  "She is to a narcissistic mother." When John looked even more surprised, his mother went on, "You don't think I didn't have her investigated? Yes. She has a narcissistic personality disorder. She also has depression and probably schizophrenia stemming from a life in a rigid and controlling family. Although Terry's grandparents are kind to their grandchildren, they weren't so keen on being kind to their own daughters."

  "I heard her aunt was disowned for running away."

  She nodded. "She was."

  John fell silent.

  Fuck. There were too many things going through his mind right now.

  Then he said, "Her brother—"

  "Ah, yes. Haru. Fiercely protective of his sister. You don't know this but he came by the day after Terry's birthday."

  Startled, he leaned towards her. "He did?"

  She nodded. "He was very angry. He wanted to talk to you but I didn't let him in. And I told him what I told you. About his father, about his clan and about Thomas' plans to destroy them. He's a brilliant boy even at 15 and I had no qualm telling him everything so he'd know how to protect his sister."

  "I thought he hated her."

  "Hated her?" she snorted. "When everything he's done is for her? Fighting for power, struggling to be noticed and accepted by their group even though he's still in college, suffering their hostility and aggression so he'd one day be CEO and have authority over all of them. Everything was because he didn't want Terry to live her whole life under the Sakurai thumb. And in order to do that, he had to sacrifice himself."

  John shook his head, astonished. He assumed that everything was just handed to Haru on a silver platter. Never ever would he have imagined that Haru had to go through all and at that moment, John felt like the worse fucking person in the whole world because what had he really done with his life? He was a delinquent, a lazy asshole and a disgrace.

  But what astonished him most of all was how Haru made everything so easy. Fuck, but John could never be like Haru and his admiration for him returned.

  "I think the reason Haru didn't show Terry favor was because he didn't want his enemies to know he treasures her the most," his mother went on. "So that they wouldn't use her against him. And, if I guess correctly, he ignores her completely in front of their mother so she wouldn't get jealous of his affections for her."

  "I know," he sighed. "He told me."

  "Does he still hate you?"

  He chuckled sadly. "Unfortunately. He said I've hurt Terry far too many times."

  "But?"

  He looked at her. "But he thinks that I can make his sister happy. And," he grinned at his mother, "he wants what the Steele family can offer to him as soon as he has complete control. I bet he wouldn't break any deals with us again."

  And John may have told Haru that he'd respect his request not to see Terry for awhile but by God, he was not waiting too long to see her again. John would get his approval one way or the other.

  His mother laughed. "Of course he wouldn't. Why do you think your father was willing to do business with them again? Thomas is in full support of him as CEO in the future."

  He smiled as he stared at her laughing face for a moment.

  Then he said, "This was what I wanted as a child."

  Her laughter died as soon as he said those words. They stared at each other for long moments.

  Finally, she said, "
I'm sorry, son. But I hope it's not too late for me to make amends."

  John blew out a sigh.

  He thought of Leon, who'd lost Maria and would have done anything to get her back. He thought of Terry, who'd only wanted a mother but got a demon incarnate instead. He even thought of Skull, who'd lost both his parents and even though he acted like he was already cool with it, he knew it still hit him deep.

  John still has his parents. And they still have a chance to be a family again, unlike them.

  "It's never too late, Mother," he told her. "Just be... patient with me. It's not easy, letting go of 17 years of resentment."

  "I know, son." She reached out and squeezed his hand, her eyes tearing up. "Thank you."

  He squeezed her hand back.

  This day may have been filled with so much pain and misery, but he finally had something that can help him sleep that night.

  Knowing that he had his mother back, knowing that he finally found out the truth he'd been craving like mad, even if they broke his heart, made him feel lucky he was still alive.

  Because he still had a chance to set things right. To help the people that he loved.

  And damn if it didn't bring tears to his eyes.

  "By the way, your father wants to introduce you to our chemists."

  John chuckled and patted her hand before he let go.

  "Nice try, Mother."

  Chapter 38

  When I was a small child, I thought I was fortunate to have a family like mine.

  My parents loved me, my brother adored me and my grandparents and relatives doted on me.

  Looking back, I realized that was what I wanted to think. I was a naïve fool. I wanted to see the light, the positive in everyone. I looked at everything through rose-colored glasses and never took them off until it was too late.

  My mother almost drowning me was the turning point of my life.