The Way You Love Me: A High School Bully Romance

by Lannah Smith

  She had always hurt me ever since I could remember but I thought I deserved it. The pain, the insults, the bruises, everything. I kept telling myself that I was the bad one for making her angry. So I did everything to please her. But no matter what I did, I could never please her.

  After she almost killed me I realized it wasn't me. I wasn't the bad one.

  She was.

  She made me feel like crap. She made me think that I was going crazy. She made me lose a brother.

  And she made me lose John.

  "The doctors said it's not looking good, Terry," Dad spoke in my ear in a pain-stricken voice. "I know your examinations are next week but I want you to fly here as soon as you can, alright?"

  My eyes drifted from the hyacinths in garden and to the window. Sophia was answering a practice exam that I made her inside the house. She'd begged me to tutor her when she realized she hadn't done any studying, so focused was she on Leon's health.

  I closed my eyes and let out a long sigh.

  Then, my fingers tightening around my cell phone, I replied, "I will, Dad."

  "I love you, Terry. I'll see you soon."

  "Love you too, Dad. Bye."

  "Bad news?" Sophia asked when I went back inside.

  Taking a seat in front of her, I picked up my pen and said, "Why do you think so?"

  "You seem... sad."

  "I am sad. I'm sad you can't get to answer this problem right."

  Sophia gave me an annoyed look. Then she glanced at her cell phone that I had taken away from her as one of the conditions I gave before I helped tutor her.

  "I didn't think you were serious about your conditions," she mumbled.

  "No distractions."

  "You keep repeating that."

  I looked pointedly at her paper. "Are you finished?"

  She sighed and shook her head. Then she was back to scribbling again.

  It pained me to see her like this. Naïve. Happily oblivious. Sophia didn't know that her boyfriend had already cemented the plan to break up with her. And she didn't know I was in it too.

  Leon and I talked about it secretly in Skull's party. He was without remorse when he told me he needed my help. My hand hurt badly that night from the force of me slapping his face off. I was too angry.

  There he was, without the intricacies of life holding him back from loving Sophia freely except his own insecurities and selfishness, telling me that it was time.

  So I had to slap him. Then I told him that yes, I will do it, not for him, but for Sophia.

  Then I left him to get drunk on the terrace of Skull's house. Only he didn't get drunk. He took Sophia to bed and if I hadn't come back looking for her, he'd not only take her heart away with him to Boston but her virginity too.

  Admittedly, after hearing John and Haru's conversation in the library, I didn't think I'd be going. I didn't want to see John, not yet. But Skull had told Kabakura about his birthday. And through Kabakura, Haru had given me permission to go, thinking that it was what I wanted.

  He was avoiding me. Kabakura had told Haru that I'd heard everything and it broke my heart to see my brother avoid me when usually, it was him who went out of his way to check up on me and talk to me.

  This hurt.

  Loads.

  But I didn't let it show.

  And for the first time in years, I wanted him to find me and talk to me, even if it were purely insults.

  I went to Skull's party, thinking about him. John had honored Haru's wishes. He stayed well away from me during the party even when initially we exchanged heated words about the way I dressed. I didn't seek him out either. I wasn't ready to talk to him about the things he had learned about my family and I had my hands full trying to keep Leon away from Sophia.

  "Are you sure you don't want me to drive you home?" I asked Sophia as I accompanied her to the door.

  Sophia smiled at me. "Dad's coming. He said he's going to drop some documents for your Dad to sign."

  I stopped walking. She stopped walking too but only to stare at the antique Japanese screen painting we had in the foyer.

  I hesitated a moment before asking, "What documents?"

  "For the contract," Sophia answered distractedly. "I don't really know anything about it. He just said out of the blue that Grandmasent some documents for him to bring here." She looked at me. "Maybe your Dad is acquainted with her?"

  "I think he mentioned something about doing business with your family," I slowly said, pretending ignorance. "I heard your grandmother was a business tycoon in her days."

  Sophia giggled. "It's funny. She is such a grandmother that I never could see her as this business tycoonthat they say she is. Your Dad's lucky. Grandma barely conducts business these past few years because she's retired." I watched realization dawn on her and she smiled. "Grandma did ask me about the friends I made when she called me once. I told her a lot about you. I hope you don't mind."

  I wanted to ask her more but Kabakura appeared in the room and behind him, Sophia's father with his briefcase. Sophia smiled and rushed to hug him.

  "Good afternoon, sir," I greeted him.

  "Good afternoon, Terry," he smiled at me, "Always formal, I see."

  "The young master is in the library, Mr. Gideon," Kabakura informed him.

  "I see everyone in this family is formal," Sophia's father whispered to Sophia and Sophia grinned and shook her head. "I'll be back in a moment, Fia."

  "Okay, Dad."

  Kabakura and Mr. Gideon disappeared into the hall. I crossed my arms and tapped my fingers on my skin as I stared at their backs. Sophia tapped me on the shoulder, taking my attention, and I looked at her.

  She was pointing at the wall. "Are those swords real swords or are they for decoration only?"

  "Real," I answered, looking at the samurai swords on the wall.

  "So... hack and slash?"

  "If you're asking if they ever were used then yes. Hack and slash. Think Samurai X."

  Sophia looked disgusted and I grinned. She'd always been fascinated by the endless antiques in the house. The last time she was here I showed her the arms and armor collection we had in the room next to the library and it completely blew her mind.

  True to his word, her father was quick to return to the room. This time, Haru was with him.

  "Thank you for taking the time to come, Mr. Gideon," Haru was telling him. "Are you sure you don't want to join us for dinner with your daughter?"

  "No, thank you. My wife is waiting for us at home."

  "She didn't cook, right?" Sophia asked him worriedly.

  "Don't worry, Fia. I turned the gas off and locked away all the pots and pans." Looking at Haru, he said, "Thanks for having us, Haru."

  "I'll see you tomorrow, Terry," Sophia told me with a wave.

  We said our farewells and Kabakura accompanied them to the door, leaving me and Haru alone. I took a deep breath before I faced him. Haru was reading the folder in his hand, flipping page to page, a tiny frown on his lips.

  "So you finally got what you want," I said but my voice sounded small.

  His head lifted and his eyes caught mine. For a moment, his expression seemed surprised, like he thought I'd already left the room or something, before it turned carefully blank.

  "Yes," he replied, closing the folder. "As soon as this contract is signed, the deal is final. It's up to you if you want to end your friendship with Sophia or not."

  "I'm not going to end it," I instantly said.

  He didn't seem like he cared what my decision was going to be. He was already turning to the hall. I looked at his retreating back in frustration.

  Why was he so determined to ignore me?

  "Dad called," I said in desperation. When he looked at me over his shoulder, I went on, "He wants me to go visit Okaasan."

  He shook his head. "You're not leaving the country, Terry."

  "But Dad said—"

  "I know what he said." His face was stony and a hot knot settled in my chest, burning me. "We sp
oke on the phone before he called you. I'll be leaving for Japan tomorrow. I'll come back before Christmas so until then, stay put."

  He started to leave and I felt the tears hit the back of my eyes, stinging there. The knot in my chest expanded, searing painfully through my chest and lungs. I followed him. I couldn't just let this conversation end now that I had this chance.

  "Oniisan."

  He didn't stop walking nor turned to look at me.

  "Can we talk?"

  "Not now, Terry."

  "Please!" I shouted through the tears clogged in my throat. "Please just talk to me."

  But he didn't. He entered the library and slammed the door shut.

  And knot in my chest spread to my heart, burning through me that I just lost it.

  I fell to the carpet, buried my face into my knees and promptly burst into tears. I cried hard and wailed, shoulder-shaking, uncontrollable sobs, like the little girl that I had never been.

  It was ripping me into shreds, the pain of inevitably losing my mother that deep down, even through the abuse, I loved so much. It was ripping me apart to constantly lie to my father and relatives and it was ripping a brand new hole in me to know that I may never again have Haru talk to me again.

  Let the household staff look on and watch as I finally succumb into the hell I've been trying to climb out of. I was tired of acting strong and tough. I was tired of acting like a Sakurai, tired of being who they want me to be. I was tired, just fucking tired of this life.

  Arms went around me and I pushed them violently away. But they came back, insistent to hold me. I lifted my head, turned to fight and stilled at what I saw.

  I thought it would be Kabakura.

  It was Haru.

  "Talk to me," I cried, grabbing into his shirt with both fists and shaking.

  "I will, sister." His face was hard with worry. "Just calm down."

  "You keep avoiding me."

  He pulled me close so my face was in his neck. "I didn't know how to face you," his voice was thick with emotions, "I didn't know how to face you anymore, Terry."

  It came to me them. All the stuff I hadn't remembered in years. All the stuff I had forgotten because I felt so hurt by his aloofness.

  I closed my eyes tight against the memories.

  Memories of how he used to take care of me when we were children. Anytime I'd fall over, anytime I was bullied and anytime I cried, I'd always go running to him and he'd always be there, comforting me, protecting me. I just portrayed him in my head as the asshole brother when he went away, leaving me in the States.

  How could I forget?

  He's always been on my side.

  "I want a brother again," I whispered pitifully. "I want you back in my life again. No more pretenses. Please, Oniisan. I'll do anything, just don't leave me anymore."

  His arms tightened around me. "I hurt you," he whispered back. "All these years, to keep you safe, I pushed you away. I stepped back, wanting to give you your life, the kind of life I thought you wanted here. Away from our mother. Away from our spiteful relatives. But you were still hurting. I didn't know you were still hurting."

  Fresh tears slid down my cheek. I tilted my head back and stared at his blurry face. His hand came to touch the tears, wiping them away with his thumb.

  "How can you even look at me?" he said hoarsely.

  "Because I love you."

  His eyes widened.

  I kept talking, "And when you love someone, you forgive and forget."

  Haru stared at me and I waited, the tears coming and seconds sliding by slowly, each one feeling like hours.

  Then his arms came around me again and he pulled me deep into him. We sat there, on the carpet, holding each other, letting years of resentment, bitterness and anger wash away. We held onto each other for awhile, until my tears were spent, until I could calm down.

  Then I whispered in his ear, "I wish you had told me everything."

  His arms gave me a squeeze. "You're not very good at hiding your emotions when you were a child, Terry. You got that trait from the Evans side of the family."

  "Funny," I sniffed. "John said the same thing."

  "John's an asshole." I laughed quietly at his words. Then he went on, "Are you certain about him, sister?"

  I pulled back and looked at him. "I'm sure, Oniisan," I said, wiping my tears away with the back of my hands.

  Haru's eyes narrowed on me. "I don't like him."

  "You never liked him because he took my attention away from you," I said, laughing again.

  He fell silent and his gaze became gentle.

  "It's nice to see you laugh again," he muttered.

  I choked on new tears and he hugged me. I felt his mouth kiss the top of my head and I smiled.

  "I'm glad to have you back, Onii-san."

  Haru sucked in breath, held it then let it go.

  "Thank you for taking me back, Terry."

  John followed his friends to the front door of Leon's house.

  He was furious. Skull seemed worried. Rohan was simply tired.

  Leon was wearing a miserable face, like the hideousness of what he had done had finally taken its toll. There was a tightness around his eyes that was distressing to see. And his hands were clenched into fists.

  Served him right, the fucking asshole, John thought angrily. After what he had done to Sophia, after manipulating all of them to stage that fucking sight for her to see, it damn served him right to be feeling like shit.

  John had never regretted being best friends with Leon.

  Until that day.

  He thought that Leon had changed his mind. At Skull's party he'd been up with Sophia in one of the rooms possibly doing what, that was until Terry crashed their private party. He'd truly believed that Leon had changed his mind. He didn't talk about it anymore, probably because they were all busy preparing for the exams before Christmas break and Terry was tutoring Sophia so Leon didn't see her much, but John really thought he'd scrapped the idea.

  But the minute he saw Sophia inside the warehouse, the fucking minute he saw her shock, her fear and her revulsion, fuck, fuck, Leon was so fucking cruel to do this to her. And Timothy, the guy who asked them for help to take care of his sick and perverted pedophile of a cousin, he blamed himself.

  And it was hilarious how Leon had the time to reassure him that it wasn't his fault when he couldn't even chase after Sophia and explain what was going on.

  They hit the living room and Leon immediately turned toward his bedroom.

  "I'm going to sleep," he mumbled, his hands still fists.

  "You're not," John stated firmly, grabbing his arm. "We're going to talk."

  Leon turned to face him, pushing his hand away, his expression cold. "I don't want to talk."

  John wasn't going to be denied. "It doesn't matter now what you want. We are going to fucking talk."

  "I'm tired, John."

  Leon sounded tired.

  He also sounded shattered.

  "Let him sleep, John," Rohan had the fucking courage to say. "It's been a long day."

  Without hesitation, John switched directions and fisted a hand. Skull immediately blocked his way and in frustration, he looked at the kid over Skull's shoulder.

  "You know this was going to happen," he accused sharply. "You knew and didn't tell me."

  Rohan stared at him, defiance written in every line of his body. "Leon asked me to."

  "Leon asked you to help him viciously tear Sophia apart with that crap?" John shouted. "Congratulations, you two," he turned to look at Leon, "because you fucking did it. You terrified the girl, tortured her mind and broke her heart. Congratulations, Leon. You have just let go of the best thing that has ever happened in your life. And I hope to God you won't regret this."

  Leon's face changed, anguish tore through it but for the life of him, John couldn't find it in him to sympathize.

  Fuck him.

  He didn't deserve pity.

  "Stop talking, John," Skull whispered. "Let's
just go home."

  John ignored him. Leaning into Leon, he said through gritted teeth, "You even went and dragged Terry into this."

  "She wanted to," Leon muttered, sliding his gaze away.

  "Of course she wanted to! She did it for Sophia. She did it for me!"