The Power of Salvation

by Passarelli, Caterina

  “Vulcano,” the hostess shouts before scooping up four menus, “your table is ready.” She saves the day, amen. Serena is going to have plenty of questions for me later. Questions I don’t know how to answer. You know, the girly kind:

  When did you know you loved him?

  Have you told him this before?

  How big is his penis?

  When are you getting engaged?

  When are you moving out?

  Can I be your maid of honor?

  This all freaks me out. My hands are clammy—thank god we pulled our hands apart or else Luke’s would be drenched from mine. He’d definitely know something is up with me.

  Luke pulls out my chair and I take a seat. I watch as he does the same for all the ladies.

  “Well, well, well … what a gentleman you’ve got here,” Serena teases me with a wink.

  Luckily, the focus on our relationship dies down as my mom begins to grill all three of us with questions about our careers—or for me, my hopes for one now that I’m no longer a resident. Any day now I’d love to get the call that I’ve earned the role of attending.

  Our dinner goes by smoothly with easy flowing conversation and delectable foods. We avoid the tough topics and I appreciate that. Even with all the laughs, mom stays her stiff and proper self, but I won’t complain because she’s here and we are all together.

  My family.

  After dinner we hit the streets again to head back to our apartment for dessert. Apparently, my roommate whipped something up for all of us. I don’t think I’ve had a day this great in so long.

  “Oh. My. God!” mom shrieks, stopping dead in her tracks on a busy Chicago sidewalk. We all come to a screeching halt.

  “Are you okay?” I ask, grabbing her arm. She doesn’t seem to be having some kind of medical emergency. I’m utterly confused what the hell is going on until I follow her eyes to see she’s staring at …

  Our billboard.

  Luke and I in a naked embrace for all of Chicago to see. Oh my god is right. I never thought my mom would see this, and even if she did, I never thought I’d have to talk to her about it. Let alone be standing right next to her when she discovered it.

  “Ariana, how could you?” she asks as she gives me the most evil, disgusted look imaginable. “I can’t believe you’d do something like this. It’s pornographic. You put yourself out there for the entire world to see you like this. I’m disappointed.”

  All I can do is stand in silence not knowing what the hell to say. My heart is racing a million miles per minute.

  “I think it’s hot and done very tastefully!” Serena exclaims, looping her arm through mine and continuing to walk as if it’s no big deal. As if that’s the end of this discussion. And this is why I love her. With my arm locked in Serena’s, we stroll back to the apartment and I don’t look back. Poor Luke, I left him to deal with my mom, but I hear them chatting on in small talk behind me. I don’t think she scolded him for the billboard; apparently the disappointment is only meant for her child.

  Mom drops the topic of the billboard and I’m grateful of it. We sit down to eat the best bread pudding I’ve ever had after mom leaves. She has an early flight home and it turns out she flew in just for my celebration dinner.

  No hug goodbye, no ‘I love you,’ just an awkward ‘I’ll see you when I see you.’ But that’s how it is and any other way would make me feel weird.

  The days after my dinner I wait on pins and needles for the hospital to officially say I’m now an attending. I spoke to the other residents and they are waiting too. What gives? For good measure I’ve sent out a few resumes to surrounding hospitals in Illinois. I never thought I’d worry about staying in this state, but the thought of leaving Luke causes me even more anxiety. Of course, Oscar would go anywhere with me, but let’s not let Luke know that.

  A knock at the door startles me. Who the hell could this be? It’s two in the afternoon and most of the people I know are hard at work. Luke and Serena surely are. Glancing through the peephole I’m shocked at who I see on the other side of this door.

  “Drake,” I swing the door open, coming face-to-face with the best friend who I haven’t seen since he got into a nasty fight with my boyfriend. We’ve been dodging each other at the hospital.

  “Ariana,” Drakes says, trying to look around me into the apartment. “Is now a good time?”

  “Good time for … ?” I ask in anticipation for whatever he’s about to say next. I’m suddenly nervous having Drake here which upsets me a little. Drake was someone I was the most comfortable to be around. That’s gone.

  “To apologize and clear the air,” Drake answers.

  He doesn’t need to apologize or clear the air, but knowing him, he needs to get this off his chest and I can hear him out.

  “Would you like some coffee?” I ask, ushering him into the apartment. His face lights up as if the offer clears the air itself. We head into the kitchen as I put on a pot of coffee and Drake takes a seat at the table. It’s extra quiet as neither of us knows how to break the silence.

  “Well, this is awkward,” Drake says.

  “Damn straight, super awkward,” I say, handing him a cup of pecan pie flavored coffee. “I never thought we’d be able to sit in a room without saying a word.”

  “Especially because you don’t know when to shut up,” Drake says before taking a sip of his coffee.

  I stick my tongue out at him. “I wish I would have made that coffee just a little hotter.”

  Drake laughs but his face quickly takes on a serious expression as I join him at the table with my own cup of coffee.

  “I’m sorry I kissed you at the club. I’m sorry for everything that went down that night,” Drake says, clenching his hands on top of the table looking pretty defeated.

  “I accept your apology.”

  Drake sits in silence staring at me. “That’s it? You accept. No lecture about how what I did was stupid? How I shouldn’t ever put my hands on you? How I could have gotten myself or Luke seriously hurt? How I made our friendship basically non-existent?”

  “Well, you seem to have summed it all up nicely. Drake, I believe you are truly sorry. I know you were drunk, I know you’d never try to hurt me, and I know you weren’t going to back down from that fight. Neither was Luke. I’m glad that it is behind us now.”

  Getting up from the table I start slicing a loaf of banana bread Serena made yesterday. Bringing it back to the table, I place a slice in front of my always hungry friend. He doesn’t miss a beat as he digs in.

  “I’m also sorry I missed being at your dad’s funeral … and your celebration dinner. I fucked up and I didn’t know how to say I was sorry sooner. I wanted to be at those things for you.”

  Drake looks as if he’s in physical pain admitting all of this. I place my hand on top of his. “It’s okay. I promise. We’re cool. And you didn’t miss much. I know you were thinking of me.”

  The front door slams shut and I quickly pull my hand away from Drake’s. We both look towards the entrance of the kitchen as Luke strides in with Oscar in his arms. Spotting us at the table, his face takes on a different expression. A look of anger.

  “I didn’t know you were having a lunch date?” he asks with the words laced in ice.

  “This isn’t what it looks like,” I say, bolting up from the table to take Oscar out of his grasp.

  “You have a dog?” Drake asks, clearly not caring that Luke is angry that he’s in my kitchen.

  “We have a dog. And I think you should be going,” Luke responds.

  Drake looks at me like I should say something, Luke gives me the same expression, and I stand in the middle looking like a damn fool with her mouth wide open but no words coming out.

  “I don’t know what to say. Why can’t we all get along?” As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I know they weren’t the right ones to say.

  “Are you fucking kidding me? You know why we can’t ‘all get along,’” Luke mocks me. “This guy wants t
o fuck you and I don’t want to be friends with guys who want to fuck my girlfriend.”

  “Okay dude, you don’t need to talk to her like that. She didn’t do anything wrong. I showed up here unannounced,” Drake says, getting up from his seat.

  “Don’t tell me how to talk to her,” Luke hisses. His hands clench into fists at the side of his body. Drake notices Luke’s fists as well before he takes on a defensive stance too. “Now it’s time for you to leave before I kill you.”

  And it’s then everything Luke told me about his father comes to my memory. He thinks he’s just like his dad and right now he’s acting extremely jealous.

  “Don’t tell me to leave a place that’s not yours, you piece of shit,” Drake yells.

  “Okay boys, this is getting a little overly dramatic,” I say, putting Oscar down so he can scamper out of the kitchen to find a toy. “Drake didn’t tell me he was coming over or I would have discussed it with you Luke. But he came over to apologize for everything and I accepted. It’s not a big deal.”

  Luke doesn’t lose the look of rage even after my calm explanation.

  “Drake, next time you want to hang out please send a text beforehand. Out of respect for my boyfriend, I want to tell him.”

  “Ariana, what the hell kind of relationship are you in? You need permission to see your friends?” Drake asks, looking at me like I’m an abused woman or something.

  Luke grabs Drake by the shirt collar with a look of pure rage, “Don’t speak to her like that.”

  “Or what?” Drake spits out in Luke’s face.

  “Luke, please,” I plead touching his bicep, “don’t do this. You’re better than this. Please. Both of you; knock this off.”

  With his fist still clenched near Drake’s neck, Luke looks at me with a completely different expression after hearing my pleas. Gone is the anger and rage, replaced with a look of sad understanding. He lets go of Drake’s shirt and backs away. Luke doesn’t say a single word; instead, he leaves the apartment in a flash.

  “What in the fuck just happened?” Drake asks, just as confused as me.

  “I have no idea,” I say, falling into a kitchen chair before putting my head in my hands suddenly exhausted.

  A few squeaks cause me to lift my head and smile. Oscar trots back into the kitchen with a dinosaur stuffed animal bigger than him in his mouth. He squeaks the toy and wags his tail, as if he’s trying to break up the tension in the room.

  I’m thankful for this little guy.

  Now I need to go find his daddy.

  Chapter thirty-one

  Luke’s penthouse is empty. His office at Vulcano Enterprise is as well, which perky intern Chelsea was happy to let me know.

  Where the hell is Luke? I need to find him to make sure he’s okay. I can’t even imagine what is going through his head right now. All I can think about is the look of shame and conflict in his hazel eyes when he told me about the death of his parents.

  He needs me to fight this battle with him. Maybe even for him.

  I’ve got one more idea and then I’ll have to suck up my pride and call Lisa or Eric. Walking into Molly’s Diner, I look towards our booth. As I slide into the seat my heart feels confused.

  “How are you?” I ask Luke, who is holding a cup of coffee between both of his hands.

  He doesn’t look up but answers my question with one of his own, “Why are you here?”

  Kathy walks towards our table, but I shake my head to alert her that now is not the time to take our order. She catches my signal and heads over to another table.

  “Why wouldn’t I be here? You are my boyfriend. You were just thrown into an extremely uncomfortable situation that I did not make any easier for you. I’m sorry. I am here to fight for you.”

  Luke looks up from his black coffee with a blank expression across his face. He’s hard to read, and I don’t know what words to say to ease this situation. I can’t imagine what’s happening inside his heart or his head. The struggle to break the chain you think your father holds on you.

  “You’re sorry? You don’t need to be sorry,” Luke responds.

  “Of course I do,” I say, reaching across the table to touch his hand.

  Please don’t push me away again.

  Tears collect in my eyes but I refuse to let them drop. My instant reaction is to guard my heart too, closing off my feelings to protect myself from the pain I know all to well.

  But another part of me can’t do any of that. If I close my heart up I don’t know if it will ever open again. I want to love. I want to love Luke. I do love him.

  He faces battles too, deep and grave, but you need each other.

  Fuck this. I will be our fighter.

  Getting up from the booth, I slide into the same side as Luke, invading all of his personal space. He flashes me a bewildered look before scooting over just a tad so we aren’t uncomfortably pressed together, which I didn’t mind.

  “Luke, you made me proud,” I say, placing my hand on his thigh under the table. The bewildered look does not leave his handsome face.

  “Proud of me? How can you say that, Ariana?”

  “You had the look of rage and murder in your eyes when you had Drake in your grasp,” I start saying as he cuts me off.

  “Exactly! How can you be proud about that?” he asks, getting worked up. His face turns red and he moves even closer to the wall. Pretty soon he’ll be pressed against it just to get himself away from me.

  “If you let me explain,” I say, giving him an, ‘I dare you to cut me off again’ look. “I was scared you were going to kill Drake. But whatever I said to you, you heard me. You let him go. The look on your face was conflicted, embarrassed, I don’t even know how to describe it.” I’m now rambling. I need to get to the damn point before he loses his mind. “Luke, you are nothing like your father,” I say squeezing his thigh. “You were able to handle your emotions and push your jealously aside. I’m proud of you for that.”

  Luke lets out a breath before running his hand through his thick hair. “Ariana, this was one reaction. Next time, I could go off. How do we know? It’s in my blood.”

  “Oh Luke,” I say as I lean over and kiss his cheek, intertwining my fingers through his. “You have your battles, so do I. Would you give up on me if I still didn’t let you touch me? Would you have ditched out on our relationship if I was struggling?”

  Luke is silent for a just a second too long. I’m nervous he’s gone mute. “I would not ditch out on our relationship.”

  “So then why do you want me to be a quitter?” I ask with a whole lot of sass. He tries holding it back, but I see a smile slowly creep across his face.

  “You’re a piece of work, you know that?”

  I cuddle up against him and kiss the small scar on his temple. “And you love me because of it.”

  Luke turns towards me as much as this tiny booth will allow. Cupping my face in between his hands, he leans in to kiss me. And not just any old kiss—the most passionate kiss I’ve ever felt. If I were standing up, my leg would do that stupid lift like girls do in the movies. I moan into his mouth, not wanting this to end.

  And like déjà vu from our first kiss, we hear someone clearing her throat standing next to us. Pulling apart we forgot we are in a family diner. Now would be the time to feel embarrassed, but everyone seems to be minding their own business, except for Kathy who’s smirking at us.

  “You kids want me to get you a room at the hotel down the street?” she teases, putting down two glasses of water on our table.

  “Ha-ha, Kath. You know I have a penthouse now. I don’t need to hide out in hotels or random houses anymore,” Luke says laughing, but the comment reminds me that he hasn’t always had this silver spoon. No spoon at all. He’s a man who built himself up from absolutely nothing.

  “I know sweetie. And I’m proud of you,” Kathy says, truly beaming at Luke. She uttered the same words I just did to him. I feel a sensation like I’m meeting his mother or grandmother—an older w
oman in his life who has seen him through the worst and now is looking at all he’s become. “I’ll give you two a few more minutes and then I’m coming back to get an order. Got it?”

  “Got it,” we say in unison. Kathy doesn’t seem like the kind of lady you want to piss off.

  When she walks away, I plant one more kiss on Luke’s luscious lips before returning to my rightful side of the booth.

  “Are we done with all this bullshit about how you are going to kill someone because of me?” I ask, trying to play it cool even though I know what I’m asking means the world to him. He truly doesn’t see himself the way I see him, but I’m going to make it my mission to get him to. It will take time and I will be patient.

  “I can’t say that I won’t stop fighting for you if I think you need my protection … but I can work on acting my jealously out in anger.”

  Wow. What he just said means the entire world to me. I don’t have much experience with men, but the ones I do know hardly ever admit their faults, let alone say they’ll work on changing.

  Just then Kathy shows up to break up this serious topic.

  “Alright kids, what are you having?”

  We place our orders and keep the conversation light for the rest of the meal. We need light—we really do.

  Back at Luke’s, we cuddle up with Oscar on the plush brown couch before throwing in a movie. At some point Oscar jumps off the couch and waddles to his little doggy bed to pass out.

  Luke makes it halfway through the movie before he starts running his fingers up and down my arm. He moves from my arm to rub slow circles across my back as I’m lying on his broad chest. Luke’s hand gets a little more adventurous, moving from my back to slip inside my yoga pants squeezing my butt.

  Luke leans me back into the couch. Now lying on my side, he slips his hand into the front of my panties where he teases around my clit.

  “I love how wet you are,” Luke hisses. He runs his fingers through my wetness but refuses to touch me where I’d just love him to.