by Meg Jolie
“What happened?” I asked. “You said you were in a downward spiral. What changed?”
“It took Kristy walking away for me to wake up. By the time I really got my shit together, she’d moved on. I can’t blame her. I know I was an ass. I was completely miserable to be around. I made everyone around me miserable. But once she left, I realized if I didn’t straighten out, I was going to push everyone away. That’s when I decided to start doing something positive with my life.”
“Is that when you started spending time with Tyler?”
“Yes. My dad was a shitty dad, even though he was around. My brother was always there for me, though. He stepped in just like Evan stepped in for Tyler. It meant the world to me that Darren was there for me, that I had someone to look up to. He was always looking out for me. Evan wanted to be that person for Tyler. But he’s gone and I think he’d appreciate it if he knew that there was someone looking out for his little brother.”
I nodded. “I know you’re right. Evan would appreciate it. I know I do. Tyler adores you.”
“He’s a good kid.”
“He is,” I agreed.
“So you and I? Where do we go from here?” Caleb asked. “Were you just looking for a one night stand? Or do you want to try the dating thing?”
Caleb and his questions, they always caught me off guard.
What did I want?
“I wasn’t looking for a one night stand, even if I gave that impression.” He chuckled at that even though I didn’t find the admission particularly amusing. “I would definitely be open to trying dating, if you are.”
“I am definitely open to dating,” Caleb said. “Just name the time and place. Later,” he said. “For now,” he withdrew the arm he had around me and let go of the hand he was holding, “how about I fix you some breakfast? I don’t know about you, but after last night, I kind of worked up an appetite.”
I was surprised when a laugh escaped my lips. “Yes, I could eat.”
He crossed the room to his dresser. His naked backside on full display. I did a quick visual sweep—very nice. I closed my eyes and flopped back against his pillow.
I had sex with someone last night.
Someone that wasn’t Noah.
It was a hard thought to grasp, even though the proof was standing feet away from me.
“I’ll go get the rest of your clothes,” Caleb said.
My eyes fluttered open. He was hovering above me. His chest was no longer bare and he’d pulled on a pair of basketball shorts. His face was inches from mine. He leaned over and pressed a kiss to my forehead. Then he silently left the room and pulled the door shut to give me some privacy. I scrambled out of bed, pulling on the few items of clothing that had made it this far.
When he came back, he knocked.
I pulled the door open, hiding most of myself behind it. I smiled sheepishly.
“Here you go.”
“Thanks,” I said. I snatched my shirt and bra from his hands. “I’ll be out in a minute.”
“Okay. Help yourself to anything you need in the bathroom. There’s probably an extra toothbrush or two in the bottom drawer,” he said.
I raised my eyebrows at him. “Do you keep extra toothbrushes for all of your…um…,” I wasn’t sure how to finish that sentence.
I didn’t need to. He laughed at me. “Don’t tell me you don’t have any extra toothbrushes at your house.”
“Good point,” I admitted with a sheepish smile.
He left and I finished getting dressed. I tried not to think about the fact that I was wearing yesterday’s clothes, or that I felt like I could use a shower. Or maybe not. I could smell Caleb’s scent, ever so subtly, on my own skin. I wasn’t so sure I wanted to wash that scent away.
I crossed the hallway to his bathroom. I could hear cupboard doors opening and pans being banged around in the kitchen. I found an extra toothbrush and hurriedly brushed my teeth. I snooped around for a washcloth and scrubbed my face clean.
Foraging around in his bathroom didn’t help me find a ponytail holder. I had to settle for running my fingers through my hair. When I looked semi-presentable, I made my way out to the kitchen.
“You like your pancakes with peanut butter, right?” Caleb asked as he looked up from flipping one.
I smiled and nodded, surprised that he remembered. Sure, he’d eaten breakfast with our family several times. That didn’t mean that I thought he’d paid attention to how I ate my pancakes. “So much better than syrup.”
He laughed. “If you want to have a seat, I’m almost done.”
I watched as he sprinkled shredded cheese over the scrambled eggs. He loaded them onto one plate and the pancakes onto another. He placed them on the table and then went to the cupboard to pull out a jar of peanut butter.
As I watched, I couldn’t help but wonder if this was going to be the start of a great relationship, or if it was going to cause the complete destruction of a budding friendship.
***
“You’re probably going to hate me for this,” Riley said. “But I’ve been thinking. You’ve been dating for the last few years. Neither one of you has seriously dated anyone else.”
I remained silent even though I knew exactly where she was going with this.
She shrugged apologetically and when she spoke, her words were cautious. “I just think that maybe, possibly, this might be good for the two of you.”
“Good for us,” I muttered the words. I couldn’t help but wonder if Noah had handled our break up the same way I had. Had he jumped into bed with Amanda? I was pretty sure she wouldn’t have refused him. Yet, I was sure that Noah had more class than that. More class than me. I needed to stop thinking about him. I nodded. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”
She was pacing across my floor. I was sitting at the end of my bed, brushing out my wet hair. I’d showered and I no longer smelled like Caleb. On the other hand, I felt a little better, more like myself.
“I’m right?” She spun on her heel. Her hands dug into her hips and her eyes narrowed at me. “Did I hear you correctly?”
I braced myself and nodded.
“What aren’t you telling me?” Her eyes scoured over me. “Why aren’t you looking all…crushed and broken?” She took a step toward me. Her finger shot out, lifting my chin. Then it dropped and stabbed along my neckline as she plucked my shirt off my neck.
“Hey!” I said. “What are you doing?”
“You,” she said, her tone full of surprise, “have a hickey!”
My hand flew up to my neck. How had she seen that?! Caleb had left a mark on my collarbone. I had thought my shirt covered it. Apparently I was wrong. Panic sizzled through me. I hadn’t decided if I was going to tell Riley about last night or not. She’d been sitting on my bed, waiting for me when I’d gotten out of the shower.
“Oh. My. Hell.” Riley said as she slammed her fists into her hips. “You got laid last night! You have that look!”
“What look?” I demanded. How could she possibly know that?
She waved her hand in the general direction of my face. “That look…like you can’t decide if you regret it or not.”
Was she serious? I would’ve doubted it...except that she was right.
“Oh,” she narrowed her eyes at me. “Did you and Noah make up already? Did he show up last night for some make-up sex? Because if he did, then disregard everything I just said.”
My neutral face crumpled into a frown. “No. I haven’t heard from Noah.”
“Right…that makes sense since you just agreed with me when I said a break-up might not be a bad idea. Then who…?” She looked me up and down, as if maybe she’d be able to scrounge up a clue somehow. Then she groaned. “Please tell me it wasn’t just some random hookup. Some people can do random just fine. I don’t think you’re one of them. I know you. Within a few days you’re going to be freaking out over it.”
“It wasn’t random.”
“Aha!” she cried. “But you’re admitting it
was someone.”
“It was Caleb.”
She looked at me as though she couldn’t have heard me right. Or maybe she was just surprised I hadn’t made her pry it out of me.
“Caleb? Evan’s best friend Caleb? Hot, sexy, much older than you Caleb?”
“That would be the one,” I agreed. “But for the record, he’s not that much older than me.”
She pursed her lips together. Then for good measure, she pressed her fingers over her sealed lips. Obviously she had something to say but was a little afraid to say it.
“What?” I asked.
She narrowed her eyes at me and her tone was a little tense. “How long has this been going on? You and Caleb, I mean.”
I knew what she was really asking. Noah and I had just broken up last night. She wanted to know if this…this whatever we had…predated that.
“Just since last night. I mean, I’ve known Caleb for years. We’ve been spending a lot of time together, because of Tyler,” I stressed. “I guess I just feel close to him. Last night, I don’t know what to say. I was hurting and Caleb has this way of making me feel better. I mean, I wasn’t expecting anything to happen. I just wanted someone to talk to. We put in a few of Evan’s favorite movies and we talked. I know this sounds like a complete cliché,” I shrugged, “but one thing led to another. It just kind of happened.”
I thought about how sweet he’d been during breakfast. I could tell he was trying to make me feel at ease. He’d succeeded. When I’d left, he’d pulled me in for a kiss. It hadn’t been nearly as heated as the kisses we’d shared last night. It simply felt like a promise for more.
“So you and Noah?” she cautiously asked as she cut into my thoughts. “You’re done, for real?”
“We broke up, if that’s what you’re asking,” I stated. After what had happened between Caleb and me last night, I couldn’t imagine that Noah and I weren’t done. If he had any interest in saving our relationship, he should’ve said so. Granted, I was the one who had hung up on him. But he hadn’t called me back. He’d gone back to his party, the one Amanda was at. “Yes,” I added on, “Noah and I are done.”
I just wished it didn’t hurt so much to say the words out loud.
Riley didn’t seem to notice.
“Is this thing with Caleb going to go somewhere? Or was he just a onetime thing?”
“We’re going out next Friday,” I said. “As in, a date. We’re going to see where things go.”
A wicked gleam lit up her eyes and I stifled a groan. She bounced down on the bed next to me. “Then I feel I have every right to say this. I want to hear about Caleb. I want to hear everything.”
Chapter EIGHTEEN
The following week passed far more quickly than I had thought it would. I talked to Caleb daily.
I didn’t hear from Noah at all.
In truth, it was kind of a relief. At this point, with my impending date looming, I wasn’t sure what we would even have to say. His silence felt like permission to move on.
Tyler’s last game of the season was tonight. Caleb and I decided we would go to the game together. After, we’d go out for a nice dinner. And after that…we’d see where the night led. I had a hard time picking out my outfit. I wanted to stay semi-casual for the football game. Yet, I wanted to look nice for our date as well.
I settled on a new pair of jeans and jade colored sweater. It brought out the green in my eyes. I pulled out my opal pendant, a birthday gift from Evan. He’d given it to me almost two years ago. I didn’t wear it very often. I was afraid of losing it. However, it seemed fitting that I was wearing it tonight.
I debated about my hair. I wanted to wear it down but ended up pulling it back in a sleek ponytail. I spent an absurd amount of time straightening it, trying to tame my sometimes unruly waves. The wind could be an issue and I didn’t want to tempt Mother Nature. I was carefully applying my lip gloss when the doorbell rang. It startled me and I jumped.
I glanced at the clock next to my bed. Caleb wasn’t supposed to be here for almost half an hour. I did another quick scan of myself in the mirror on my dresser. Maybe it was good he was early. It meant I couldn’t second guess my outfit, or my hair. I was ready, whether I was ready or not.
I bounced down the steps. I paused for a moment with my hand on the doorknob. I pulled in a deep breath and I felt my lips curve into a smile. That smile fell away when I opened the door to find Noah standing there.
“Noah?”
“Hi. Sorry for not calling first. But our last few phone calls haven’t gone so well. I thought it would be best if we talked in person…Can I come in?”
I hadn’t realized I was just standing there, one hand still on the door, until he asked. “Um, yes, sure.” I moved aside and let him come in. I was grateful that Mom and Tyler hadn’t come home before the game. Caleb and I had planned on just meeting them there.
My heartbeat kicked up to an erratic rhythm. When I hadn’t heard from Noah all week, I had assumed that I wouldn’t. I had not expected him to show up at my door. I couldn’t imagine why he’d driven all the way here. What was I supposed to say?
What was there to say, at this point?
His gaze scoured over me. “You look really nice. I love when you wear that sweater. It really sets off your eyes.”
I wasn’t sure why I was surprised that he’d noticed that.
His hand came up and brushed against my cheek. I didn’t actually see sparks fly, but I could’ve sworn I felt them. I took a step back.
“Are you going out with Riley tonight?”
I shook my head in answer to his question. I was not going to elaborate. Not if I could help it. “Noah, what are you doing here?”
I followed him across the foyer, into our family room. He took a seat on the couch. I settled into the chair across from him.
I willed my rattling heart to calm down. My hands were shaking. I clenched them into fists and settled them onto my lap. Noah looked like he hadn’t slept all week. His complexion was pale, shadowed circles rested under his eyes.
He raked a hand through his hopelessly rumpled hair. I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen him this way before. Was this because of me? I wanted to put my arms around him but I didn’t dare.
It was easier to pretend that I had a grip on my emotions—as far as he was concerned—when he was far away. Out of sight, out of mind, I supposed. Well, not out of mind completely. He was always hanging around the outer edges of it. Now that he was here, it was another matter completely. I felt his pull, even from the other side of the room. I was nothing more than a moth to his flame.
I had a feeling that we were both about to get burned.
“Like I said, we need to talk in person,” he quietly began. “After the fight we had…I haven’t been able to think about anything else. I haven’t been able to sleep.”
“Noah, we didn’t just have a fight. We broke up.”
He shook his head. “Don’t say that. Please, don’t say that. As soon as you hung up, I knew I didn’t want to break up. But I needed to figure some stuff out.”
“Figure some stuff out,” I repeated. “What stuff?”
He shook his head. “I never should’ve said what I did about Amanda. Last week, I was missing you. You were shutting me out. When you called, I was at that party and my friends were with their girlfriends. I was in a shitty mood. You’ve been keeping things from me. You’ve been withdrawn. You think I don’t know that? That I don’t feel it? I do. And it fucking sucks. I’ve tried to be there for you. I want to be there for you. I love you. That’s why it’s so damn hard when you shut me out. When you called, I was just pissed off. I was feeling sorry for myself.”
“You’re right. I never stopped to think about how that was affecting you.” I hung my head, wishing this conversation was over. Or wishing that we’d had it weeks ago.
“I’m sorry for what I said about Amanda. Honestly, I don’t know how I feel about her. I think I started twisting my feelings into something that they�
��re not. I thought maybe I felt something for her. Maybe I even wanted to because I thought it would be easier.” He stopped to study my face. I wondered what he saw there. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. After you and I hung up, I walked back to the dorms. I needed some time to think. Hell, that’s all I’ve been doing all week long. I’ve been thinking about how we ended up here. More importantly, I’ve been thinking about how we can fix this. Some major changes need to be made. So that’s what I came here to tell you.”
He wanted to fix this, fix us. The words slammed around in my brain. My heart felt conflicted, torn. The part of me that realized just how much I still loved him ached to tell him that’s what I wanted too. The other part, the one that felt something for Caleb, was telling me I needed to give that relationship a chance.
My common sense was telling me that the moment Noah found out what I’d done, that I’d shared my body with someone else, his words would all be retracted. I glanced at the clock on the wall. The minutes were ticking down, getting closer to the moment I expected Caleb to arrive. I needed to get Noah out of here before that happened.
“I’m not sure we can fix this,” I told him.
“Yes,” he said firmly, “we can. I’m not perfect. I make mistakes. I was missing you so damn much and I was confused. But the minute you said you were ending things, I knew that wasn’t what I wanted at all. I should’ve called you back right then but things were so heated. I didn’t want to make matters worse. Believe me when I say I don’t have feelings for anyone else. I was wrong to think that I did. I don’t. It’s only you that I want. I think you were right. I think Amanda was manipulating me.
“I started thinking about my phone. I don’t know how it could’ve possibly gotten into her house. I’m almost positive that I had it charging in my truck. I think she did take it.”
I nodded but didn’t know what to say. His moment of enlightenment was too little, too late.
“So can we just move past this? Forget this past week ever happened?” he asked.
Was that something I even wanted anymore? I didn’t know. But it wasn’t an option anyway.