by Amanda
When was she going to realize that he wanted to share everything he had with her? Time. It would just take time. Speaking of time, he headed upstairs to get started on her surprise, and fifteen minutes later his help arrived.
"I can’t decide if this is adorable and romantic or bigoted and disrespectful." They were standing in the finished room admiring their handiwork.
"What are you talking about, Sam?" The girl was truly an enigma, he couldn’t tell if she loved her time with Anna, or resented the lifestyle they chose to live.
"It’s a weird gift, I mean, I know Anna would love something like this, but my moms would pitch a fit…you are giving her an entire room just for ‘women’s work’ that doesn’t sound at all chauvinistic to you?"
He hadn’t thought of it like that, he didn’t expect Aria to be a housewife toiling away at the cooking and cleaning all day, even though that’s what she had done all week. He remembered that she said she enjoyed sewing and wanted to try a big quilt, he’d spent the entire week faking meetings with clients in town to get all of the supplies rounded up for her new craft room. He hoped the space would give her something else to do other than cook, clean, and organize everything in sight. Now, thanks to the sixteen-year-old feminist standing next to him, he was reconsidering.
"Sam, he’s just trying to give her something special, you don’t have to make everything into a war on women, I’m sure if Mrs. Harris had expressed an interest in photography this room would be a dark room right now, or if she liked to paint, we’d have spent the afternoon hauling in easels and watercolors." Christian had come to his defense, the kid had a point and that helped to ease his mind, he wasn’t trying to keep her down, he wanted to lift her up, he hoped that this room would give her something to take pride in, and maybe help her to see she had skills and value.
"That’s true, I just wanted to give her a space of her own, to do what she likes. She said she enjoys cooking, reading and sewing. The kitchen is always well stocked, we have a library, and now she can sew all she wants."
"Alright, fine, I’ll give you that it’s a little sweet then." Sam said with a wry smile.
"They should be back soon, let’s get going," Christian said to his brother and friend as he headed out of the room.
"Thanks, I really appreciate the help," Brian handed each kid a twenty-dollar bill. James, the fourteen-year-old, lit up like a Christmas tree. They all tried to politely decline, but Brian could see in their eyes how grateful the two Erickson boys were, spare cash wasn’t something they were accustomed to. Sam on the other hand was used to having money to spend, both of her mothers had good jobs and their kids didn’t want for anything. Regardless, she still thanked him and was clearly grateful to be rewarded for her hard work.
Twenty minutes later Brian found himself pacing in front of the garage waiting for the women to return, he couldn’t wait to show her her new room, but he was also anxious that she wouldn’t like it. He thought of the look on her face while she cooked, she was so proud of everything she made, she would dance around the kitchen like cooking was the most wonderful gift she could have been given. She normally had a worried, distracted look about her, but when she was in the kitchen, it was like magic. All of her defenses were down and she looked happy and at peace. She was truly in her element, she was happy when she cooked.
That’s what he hoped the craft room would give her, another place to feel safe, open and peaceful. He wanted to bring her joy.
He heard the van pull into the driveway, this was it! His face split into a wide grin as Aria climbed out and eyed him suspiciously.
"Hey, Anna, thanks for distracting her for me," he winked at her.
Aria whipped around to look at Anna, "You didn’t really want to spend time with me?" Her voice was laced with disappointment.
"Of course I wanted to spend time with you! You’re becoming a dear friend, and as your friend I wanted to help with the surprise in any way I could and it just so happens, the best way I could help was to distract you for a few hours. I expect a call from you to let me know how you like it."
"I consider you a friend, too. Thanks, I’ll call you later." Her words dripped with relief. They waved as Anna backed out of the driveway. Aria turned to him with a raised eyebrow and an uncertain expression, "Another surprise?"
"Yup, come on, I hope you like it." He could barely contain his excitement as he led her up the stairs and stood in front of the door to the room he had set up for her.
"I wanted you to have a place that you could go and do whatever you want, create whatever you want, I remembered you said you liked to sew, so…" he pushed the door open and waved her in. He waited nervously as she walked in and looked around.
Anna said she might like it better if it was a general craft room instead of just a sewing room, so there were scrap booking supplies, stamping supplies, and even yarn and needles along with the sewing machine and enough fabric to supply a store.
"What do you think, you’re making me nervous."
She turned to look at him, tears streaming down her face, and before Brian could react her arms were around his neck. He felt the warmth flood through him, this felt so right, so natural, he wanted nothing more than to put his arms around her waist and hold her close to him forever. Without giving it any thought his arms snaked out and enclosed her in an embrace.
Immediately he knew this was the wrong choice, she froze, her body went stiff as an iron rod. He let his arms drop to his sides, and she jumped back immediately, she bit her lip and looked up at him under her lashes.
"I’m sorry, Brian, I shouldn’t have…I don’t want to give you the wrong…I’m sorry, I didn’t even think. I was just so overcome with…with gratitude for all of this, you are the most generous person, this is so thoughtful, thank you, I love it."
"I’m the one that should apologize, I know you don’t like me touching you, I shouldn’t have hugged you back," this gave him an idea, "I just realized, you seem to be okay when you’re in control. The one initiating the touches, right?"
She looked at him wearily, "I guess so, yeah. I just don’t want you to get the wrong idea, I just, I trust you, I do, it’s just so hard for me to feel…"
"Shh, it’s okay, I know. I was thinking, what if we came to an agreement? I don’t mind you touching me, the hug, the hand holding at Zimmer’s last week, you’re welcome to touch me whenever you’d like. I know it bothers you when I initiate it, so what if I promise to keep my distance, as I have been, but you can touch me whenever you’d like, and I won’t return your touches unless you make it clear that you want me to?" Her lips puckered in thought, and her brows drew together, reveling a tiny crease between them, it was the most adorable thing.
"So, I could hug you, or hold your hand on my terms, and you wouldn’t return the gesture, or expect to be able to initiate those things with me? Unless I told you it was okay?"
"Exactly. I want to earn your trust and your respect, I want you to know that you’re safe here…with me." Why did he feel so nervous? After a few thoughtful moments she answered.
"Okay, I think that could work, I know it’s an odd arrangement we have, and I can’t believe how wonderful you’ve been in this whole situation. Thank you for being so understanding," she smiled, but her eyes reflected a bit of timidity about the situation. Brian released a pent up breath.
"It’s in the job description, I’ll draw up a contract if you want," a teasing smile spread across his face, she answered with a shy one of her own, and then held out her hand.
"Let’s shake on it, then, no contracts," she smiled sarcastically. He carefully took her small hand in his, oh how he loved the feel of her soft skin, even if she still tensed up at his touch. He relished every touch from her, no matter how simple, he tucked each one safely away in his heart.
"So," she began, dropping his hand and turning back to the room. "How did you manage this without me noticing?"
"I don’t know much about sewing or quilting or any of this stuff, but I k
new you wanted to make a quilt, so on Sunday I talked to a few of the ladies in the quilting club to get advice, and Mrs. Simpson, she’s their leader, you met her briefly last week, remember?"
"Your football coach’s wife?"
"Yeah. So, I asked her what I needed and she started rattling stuff off so fast, I couldn’t keep up. I ended up having her, Anna, and a few of the quilting ladies give me an estimated budget and then Monday night after the courthouse when I said I needed to run to my office in town, I really took cash to her. Tuesday they took a trip to Iowa City and bought all of this, and kept it at her house. Anna said you might like more crafts than just sewing, so her and I ordered several things online, again, when you thought I was working. I had it all delivered to my office so you wouldn’t be suspicious and the last of it came in yesterday. I couldn’t wait to give it to you so I had Anna take you with her to town and Christian, Sam, and James came over and helped set this up for you."
"Wow, that’s a lot of sneaking, I really love it, thank you."
"I normally wouldn’t lie to you, but I think an exception can be made when it comes to surprises."
"It’s not really a lie since you had no intention of permanently keeping it from me. I can barely contain myself, I just want to dive in and get started." She was like a small child, her excitement filled the room, it was palpable.
"Go ahead, it’s all yours, you should have everything you need to make at least twenty quilts, at least that’s what it looks like. You even have a computer and a new camera, I think Anna was really picking out stuff she’d like. She assured me you’ll be able to do all manner of creative things with this lot, we even made sure to get patterns and instruction books."
"This is…amazing doesn’t even cover it, I’ll never be able to express how grateful I am for this."
"The look on your face says it all, I hoped you’d like it, plus I figured it would give you something better to do than sneak into my office to organize while I’m gone."
She gasped and her eyes went wide, "You know? How?" He snickered.
"Of course I know, I’ve known Helen my whole life, she is the least organized person I know, and you expect me to believe that all of a sudden my seventy-five year old assistant has decided to catch the organizing bug?"
"I guess I didn’t think about it, sorry, I shouldn’t have intruded, it’s not my place." His brow furrowed as he watched her cheeks pink up and her gaze fall to the floor.
"Of course it’s your place, you’re my wife, my entire life is your place. I really appreciate knowing where my files are and having them grouped together, thank you. You don’t have to sneak around, you’re welcome to organize whatever you’d like."
"Oh, well, in that case, when I finish the office that loft above the garage is a disaster," she smiled and he let out a long laugh.
"Whatever makes you happy, dear. I’m going to leave you to check out your new room, It’s pretty decent out so I’m going to take Thunder out. I’ll have my phone if you need me, oh and I want to eat dinner out tonight, so don’t get anything out
"Sounds good, thank you."
He smiled and left the room, he heard her squeal with delight as he headed toward the stairs. It pulled at his heart, she found such pleasure in so many ordinary things, it made him curious about her life before last week, but she still wasn’t talking about it, and he wasn’t going to push it. He was going to follow his dad’s advice and just let God and time handle it.
The following Wednesday Brian had managed to be up earlier than Aria, usually on days that his assistant, Helen would be at the house she made sure to be downstairs long before she got there, but she must have decided to sleep in this morning.
He decided to get started on breakfast, he had just gotten the hash browns on the stove when he heard the door to his office open, he turned to see Helen walking in, and Aria coming downstairs at the same time. Crap.
They’d been caught red handed, he looked at Aria, her face was filled with alarm, but that didn’t overpower her glassy eyes and pink nose, he took in the rest of her appearance, she was wearing a pair of pink fuzzy pajama bottoms, and matching thermal top. This was unusual, he hadn’t seen her in pajamas since that first night in the hotel, she was always dressed when she came downstairs. She looked sick, but before he could ask her about it, Helen cut in.
"What’s going on here, why are ya’ll pretending to be married?" Helen looked like a small child that had just had their ice cream snatched away.
"We’re not. We really are married." He had no idea how to explain this odd arrangement that they had. He said a quick prayer for guidance.
Helen’s eyebrows drew together as she looked between the couple. "Why are you sleeping in different rooms if you’re really married?"
Brian sighed, "Have a seat, Helen, and we’ll try to explain," he motioned for Aria to join them, and they all took a place around the old oak table that held so many childhood memories for Brian.
"We got married on a whim, without thinking about it, or knowing much else about each other than our names." Brian started to explain, but Helen cut him off.
"Well, we all know that part, but that don’t explain why you’re sleeping on different floors."
"It’s my fault," Aria began before Brian could say anything, she took a deep breath and forged on. "I have some…issues, with men, I’ve been, well, through a lot, and I have a really hard time trusting people or letting people touch me. I know it sounds insane for a girl that can’t even stand to be touched by a man to marry a complete stranger, but I was….in a…tough spot, and it was really the best option at the time. Once we actually went through with it, I freaked out. I realized what a mistake it was, I thought when I met Brian that I could let him touch me and that I could share a bed with him, but then I realized I can’t. I tried to get him to agree to an annulment, but he’s the most stubborn person I know and he refused." She was fidgeting with her hands in her lap, refusing to look at either of them, by the end of her confession she was barely whispering.
"You got that right, sugar, that boy right there is the most stubborn thing God ever created, but he’s the most honest and trustworthy too. You won’t find a better man than Brian Harris."
"I’m beginning to realize that, Helen." Brian’s heart lodged in his throat, he couldn’t believe his ears. Could it be possible that she was beginning to trust him, starting to fall for him as he was her? He certainly hoped so.
"So, lemme get this straight, you got married to a stranger to get away from your old life, but you’re too scared to share his bed, and you realized that wasn’t fair to him, so you tried to call it off, but he’s too stubborn for his own good so he insisted you come home with him and sleep separately. Did I get all that?" they both nodded.
"Okay, so why are ya’ll lying and carrying on like everything’s peachy instead a just telling the truth then? Surely your folks would understand, Brian. You got your mamma all excited talking about new grandbabies and her new daughter, but you aren’t going to give her that." He sighed and looked out the corner of his eye to see a fat tear roll down Aria’s cheek, he knew she felt guilty over this enough already.
"To make it easier and better on everyone, if anyone finds out what’s really going on here I’m going to be beating the men off with a stick. Lyle was practically salivating the first time he met her. You know just as well as I do that if word got around every single man in the county would take that to mean she’s available, and she isn’t." He saw Aria shiver and heard her sharp intake of breath as if she hadn’t though about that reason.
"And, I don’t want to hurt my parents. This is what we discussed, and what we want to do, it’s what we feel is the best course of action in the situation, now, can we count on you to help keep our secret?" He prayed she would understand and help them, he knew it was crazy, but he was holding out hope that they could transition into a real marriage.
They sat for what felt like hours while Helen mulled it over and made her decision. All
of a sudden Aria’s head snapped up, "What’s that smell?"
"Oh, shoot, my hash browns!" Brian jumped out of his chair and made his way to the stove, turning off the burner and tossing the whole blackened mess into the sink.
When he returned to the table Helen finally looked up at him.
"Okay, I’ll help you. I think it’ll be easier this way when you’re ready to have a real marriage, then nobody’ll even know the difference."
"Thank you, Helen, that’s what I was thinking—" Aria jumped up from the table and pushed her chair in with much more force than necessary.
"Don’t you get it? I’m broken! I can’t do this! I’ll never be able to give you what you need, I can’t be your wife!" The tears were flowing freely, and her eyes were full of pain, guilt, and remorse, it was obvious she really believed what she said.
He couldn’t, though. He couldn’t believe that she was so broken that she would never be able to live happily. His heart broke with the pain on her face, she turned and stomped up the stairs, slamming her bedroom door, and all Brian could do was watch with a sinking heart. Who had hurt her this much?
"You need to go talk to her, don’t pressure her, that little girl is hurtin’ somethin’ fierce, it’s going to take a strong man to bring her around." Helen had moved over to stand next to him with her hand on his shoulder.
"I sure hope so. It breaks my heart to see her like this, Helen. Can you cancel my appointments for the day and then just take the day off?" She smiled indulgently at him, gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze and made her way to his office.
8
She dropped herself back onto the bed and pulled the blankets up over her head. What was she going to do? Every day that went by she felt worse and worse because Brian was sweeter and sweeter. He never pushed her, never touched her, was never rude or unkind. She didn’t know what to do with him, or how to handle him. She’d never met a man like him, she’d never met a person like him. He didn’t seem to want anything from her other than her company and partnership, and that wasn’t too much to ask by any means, but she just couldn’t wrap her head around it. She had never known such kindness, anytime anyone had ever done anything for her it was because they wanted something, and expected something from her, but Brian didn’t seem to. Brian seemed content with how their relationship was, and with how she was, who she was.