by Amanda
"But you guys want babies right? You’d make a good mommy." They were bringing the food to the table now.
"Ami, that’s not poli—" Julia chastised, but Aria cut her off.
"It’s fine," she said with a bright smile, though he noticed the tears shining in her eyes. "Yes, I want to be a mommy, and I know Brian wants to be a daddy, but sometimes it just isn’t that simple." She wanted to be a mom? Really? What was stopping her? And then he remembered her cautious behavior, the hurt in her eyes, the stiffness of her spine when he accidentally touched her, the fear on her face when he was upset, and he knew that the answer was her past.
Ami seemed thoughtful for a moment and then asked another too personal, yet innocent question, "Will you adopt? I have friends that are adopted." Again, Julia began to scold her, but again, Aria waved her off. He was suddenly jealous of the way Ami got her to open up so easily, these weren’t things they had even discussed, other than when she cried and said she could never give him a family, but that’s as far as it went.
"Maybe, I’ve actually been thinking about that lately, but it’s something Brian and I need to talk about in private." He sucked in a deep breath, she’d been thinking about adopting? Starting a family with him?
At the sound of his intake of breath Aria looked up and flushed bright red, clearly forgetting they had an audience. She rushed to begin lunch, letting the subject of babies and adoption drop. For now, at least, this was a conversation they needed to have, soon, privately.
"Dad and I have decided that tonight you’re all going out." Genie Harris stood in the middle of the living room with her hands on her hips. The two couples were chatting in the living room, and listening to the baby monitor as the children all napped downstairs. His parents had gone to their room to rest as well.
"Mom, we just got here, we can’t ask you and dad to watch the kids, you’re on vacation." Julia tried, but should have known better than to challenge her mother.
"You didn’t ask, we volunteered. You two rarely get a night off, and you’ve never been out with Brian and Aria, so the four of you have the night off. They’re having the street dance tonight."
"But it’s Brian’s birthday…"
"Yes, and he’s already had his cake and presents. What better way to end the night than dinner and dancing with his wife and sister? We expect you gone by six." She tossed over her shoulder as she strode out of the room.
"Well, that gives us an hour and a half, just enough time to get ready, Zimmer's and then the dance?" Julia asked.
They all agreed and stood to go to their rooms. They watched Steven and Julia head downstairs, and Aria started towards the stairs, he cleared his throat and she flushed bright red again before mumbling an apology and making her way to the room that they now shared.
*~*~*
"We need to talk." She felt the heat rise in her cheeks at his words. She knew what they needed to talk about, she never should have had that conversation with Ami, especially in front of his family, but she got so caught up in the moment that she didn't even think before the words tumbled out of her mouth.
"I'm sorry," she said, dropping her head. She knew that he would never hurt her, but something in her still made her fearful whenever he was upset.
"Sweetheart, look at me, please," she was pasted to the door, and he had gone to sit on the edge of the bed. When she looked up to meet his gaze she was surprised to see him smiling that big, dimpled grin.
"Aria, you have nothing to apologize for. Maybe for telling a five year old, before you told your own husband, but of course, I forgive you. Why don't you have a seat, so we can talk?" She moved to the opposite side of the bed, and he turned so that their bodies were both facing forward with their backs against the headboard, and heads turned towards each other. She was relieved that it was a king-sized bed and he stayed on the edge, leaving plenty of space between them.
"So, you really want to start a family?" She should have been surprised by the way his eyes danced with excitement., but she wasn't.
"Yeah, I mean, I had never had any real experience with kids or babies until I married you, but I've realized how much I love them, and sometimes, a lot lately, I wish that I had kids of my own. That's something I had never really seen for myself before…but now…now, I think I want that. But, I still can't…um…be with you…in bed," she flushed as she realized that they were in bed together, but this was the only way she could handle being in bed with him, she was shocked to feel pain and longing at that thought.
"Well, in that way, at least…this way is fine," he smiled and nodded his understanding, but remained silent, waiting for her to finish. "Anyway, I think I want us to be parents, but I know we can't do that the normal way, so I was thinking that maybe adoption might be a good option for us. There are so many kids without parents, and we wouldn't have to have a traditional marriage to adopt and raise kids together."
"Why haven't you talked to me about this before?"
"It's too soon. It's not something I'm thinking about doing now, but in the future. I don't think we're ready for that, yet, at least I'm not. I'm still getting used to…um…" She faltered, she had almost let her past slip, that was another thing, she couldn't raise kids with him with all of the secrets she had hanging over her. She wanted to spill them all so badly but the guilt, shame, and fear that he wouldn't want her in his life anymore held her back. She searched for a way to finish her thought. "Life, this new life, I mean."
He studied her for a long moment before nodding his agreement. "It's good to know that we're on the same page as far as kids, I'm glad you want them too. We can talk about it more when we're ready." She felt a sense of relief wash over her, that conversation had gone much better than she had anticipated.
A knock at the bedroom door startled her, Brian was in the shower and she was picking over her clothes trying to figure out what to wear.
"Hey, It's me, are you decent." It was Julia, Aria flushed, of course they were decent, they were always decent…but Julia didn't know that.
"Yeah, come in," Julia didn't need to be told twice, the door swung open and she walked in, carrying a cream-colored lace dress and a thick brown belt.
"I thought it would be fun if we coordinated our outfits—but, not too macthy. Do you know what Brian plans on wearing? Never mind, cargo shorts and a polo." With an exasperated sigh and an eye roll she dropped the dress and belt on the bed and disappeared into Brian's closet. Aria chuckled, she knew her brother well, that's exactly what he had planned on wearing.
"Here, take this in to him, and tell him I said to wear them, or else." She gave a mock glare and handed Aria the pile of clothes she had collected. "The dress is for you, I assume you have boots and a hat?" Aria nodded. "It might be a little big, I didn't realize how tiny you are!" She beamed at her and breezed back out of the room.
Just like her mother Julia was a force to be reckoned with. Aria tentatively knocked on the bathroom door, she could hear that the shower was still on, so she cracked open the door the slightest bit so she could hear him.
"Aria, is that you? Is everything okay?"
"Everything's fine, um, Julia picked out a different outfit for you—for both of us—we have to wear them or else." She was actually relieved that Julia had told her what to wear, she was no good at deciding what to wear to anything, in her old life clothes were handed to her, and she wore them. No questions, no choices. She hated it, and was glad to have choices now, but she still wasn't good at navigating social situations like this, she was used to being told what to wear and how to act.
"Ha! Of course she did! Just bring them in, and set them on the sink."
Taking a deep breathe she pushed the door the rest of the way open and walked in. the steam from the shower was warm and thick, the mirrors and the doors to the shower were clouded from it. As she made her way to the sink and saw the clothes Brian had been wearing in the hamper her face flushed when she realized that she was currently in the same room as a naked man, a naked man
that she was married to. She dropped the clothes on the counter next to the sink, on top of the ones he had planned to wear, and got out of the bathroom as quickly as possible, she slammed the door shut behind her and plopped onto the bed, trying to decipher her own reactions.
She had been in the same room with naked men before, so many she'd lost count. This was different. This felt more intimate, even though she didn't see him and they didn't touch, the feelings she got in that warm, steamy bathroom were far different from any other she'd had. In the past when she was in the same room with a man, naked or otherwise, she felt sick and scared, she would spend the time counting down the minutes until she'd be free of him.
Not with Brian, with Brian she felt safe and cared for. She had already been trying to come to terms with that. And now this, being alone with him in the bathroom didn't scare or disgust her, it made her feel things she didn't really have names for. These were new and confusing feelings, they made her stomach stir, and for the briefest of moments she entertained the idea of joining him.
She shook her head, what was wrong with her? This wasn't what she wanted. But taking his clothes to him while he was showering just felt right and natural, as if she'd been doing it for years. It felt as normal as making his coffee for him in the mornings did now.
She was still running through the implications of this, and what these feelings were and what they meant when the bathroom door opened. She couldn't face him right now, not when she had just been thinking about him in the shower, and why that didn't make her want to run screaming. She picked up the dress and underclothes she had laid out on the bed and ran to the bathroom, again, slamming the door, once they were on opposite sides of it.
She spent as much time in the bathroom as possible, drying and curling her hair, and even putting on a little makeup, which she rarely did. Time had run out, she couldn't avoid him forever, and she couldn't think of anything else she could do in there. She looked in the mirror and liked what she saw, she looked healthy. Her skin was lightly tanned from all of her time outside, her hair had lightened slightly in the sun as well, and she now had natural highlights. The cream-colored lace dress contrasted nicely with her newly darkened skin, though the dress was strapless, she hadn't wore anything that showed this much skin since she got here.
Modesty had never been something she paid attention to before—she didn't have that choice—but now she found that she just naturally preferred to be more covered, it was probably because all of the women she was friends with placed such a high value on it, and talked about it frequently. She took a deep breath, enough stalling, Aria.
11
Brian looked up when she closed the bathroom door behind her, and her cheeks were immediately hot, she could even feel the heat in her ears. The look he gave her was one she recognized, one she'd seen thousands of times, but her reaction to that look was new, and completely unwelcome. Though Brian often told her she was beautiful, and she would occasionally catch a glimmer of hope and desire in his eyes he normally looked away or hid it.
Not this time. This time he just sat there staring at her, worshipping her with his eyes, like she was the most beautiful person on the planet. Normally this look and anything close to it set her on edge, the hair on the back of her neck would stand up, she'd break out in a cold sweat, and fight to keep the contents of her stomach in place. Now, she liked it, she felt beautiful, adored, cherished, and strangely, safe.
Brian broke the silence first; "I haven't seen that dress before, is it new? It looks amazing on you." If it were possible her face grew even hotter yet.
"Julia told me to wear it. I like it, but I feel a little, um, exposed." He smiled and looked almost relieved before hopping off the bed and going to her closet.
"I think I have the solution, it's the top that bothers you, right?" he asked from inside the closet, "yes" she responded, the bottom was fine, it went just below her knees and she felt comfortable with that.
"Okay, I'm no fashion guru, but with the dress and the belt and what she wants me to wear, I assume we're going with a country theme, Julia loves her themes. Just wait until we go to one of her parties. I think this will go quite nicely." He held out her short denim jacket to her, she put it on and immediately felt more comfortable. She thanked him and went back to her closet for her hat and boots.
He was sitting on the bed pulling on his cowboy boots when she re-entered the room, and she finally took in what he was wearing; Wranglers, and a Western style shirt, with his nice, clean, off white Stetson on the bed next to him. She'd seen him dressed similarly whenever they went riding or he went to help on the farm, but then he wore his old, worn clothes, boots, and hat. These were all crisp and new looking, this time it was her turn to look appreciatively. He looked fine in his suits and business casual attire, but something about the cowboy look on him just fit, he even looked more comfortable like this.
"Are you ready?" He asked, thankfully ending her dangerous thoughts, she had donned her own boots while watching him.
"Yeah…Oh, no, wait, I wanted to wear this too." She went to the dresser and picked up the jewelry box that he'd made her from in front of the line of photographs, and pulled out the first necklace he'd ever gotten her. She had a few more pieces in the box now, but this was always her favorite.
"Will you put it on me?" She asked, looking at him through the mirror, surprise registered on his face, but he came to stand behind her and held out his hand.
She watched as he carefully brushed aside her hair, avoiding any contact with her skin. She was shocked to feel herself disappointed that he hadn't touched her. That feeling didn't last long, as if reading her mind his fingers lingered on the back of her neck after clasping the necklace. The contact sent jolts of electricity through her body.
After six long months of avoiding his touch, she was now craving it, his fingers had just left her skin and she already wanted to feel them there again. Brian cleared his throat and asked in a husky voice if she was ready. She nodded and tried to keep her blush under control.
She could feel the dynamic of their relationship shifting. This was going to be a long two weeks.
*~*~*
"Hey, Bri, I know we've only been here about an hour and a half, but this pregnancy has me completely wiped out…sorry, we should have brought two cars." He swallowed his disappointment; Aria was being more open tonight than she had in the entire six months of their marriage. He'd taken a huge risk in letting his fingers brush the back of her neck earlier, but he just couldn't resist the temptation. To his great relief, Aria had actually leaned into his touch, instead of freezing. He thought it must have been his imagination, but three times already tonight she'd "accidentally" brushed her hand against his…that was three more accidents than she'd made in half a year.
He sighed, and stood, preparing to take them home when he noticed Aria's crestfallen look; apparently, she was having as good of a time as he was.
"Julia, Steven, I'm about ready to head home myself, why don't you ride with me and let's leave these party animals here, poor girl hasn't even talked Brian into a dance yet." Brian silently willed Julia and Steven to accept Will's offer, he knew it was selfish, but he wasn't ready to go home yet, and could tell his wife wasn't either.
"That would be great, thank you, Mr. Majors. We'll see you guys in the morning!" With a wave and a wink Julia and Steven were off, leaving Brian alone at the picnic table with Aria. They'd ditched their dinner plans for barbecue once they were in town. Every year they had a street dance on July third, there was a hog roast, and a few local vendors with drinks and snacks, they also had several local bands lined up and a DJ later in the evening.
"Brian! Are you just going to sit there and watch everyone else have fun, like you always do, well, since you brought her home? Or are you going to let a real woman show you a good time." He ground his teeth together, that woman would never take a hint, he and Aria had been sitting side by side at the table watching their friends and neighbors dance, and, as usual
, Tasha had to ruin a perfectly good time. He had hoped that knowing he was married would put a stop to her advances, but if anything, it made her even more aggressive, especially when Aria was around. He looked at Aria and noticed that the two women were engaged in a sort of staring contest, both looked heated, then Aria's lips curved up into a sugary-sweet smile.
"Tasha, it's so good to see you again, but if you'll excuse us, my husband and I were just about to dance, we've been waiting for a slow song, and they just started playing one." Aria stood, and held her hand out to Brian, completely dumbfounded, he took it, this was so unlike Aria, he wasn't sure what had gotten into her, but he was going to savor every touch she shared.
"Whatever, enjoy your dance, but make sure to save me one." Before he could even respond, Aria jumped in again.
"Sorry, I made him promise earlier that he'd save all his dances for me." With that, she tugged him out onto the street. Once they were away from Tasha she turned towards him, looking up under her lashes and nibbling on her lower lip she asked in a voice so quiet he had to lean in to hear it; "Was that okay? Did I overstep? I know I lied, but she just—"
"I know, you didn't do anything wrong, sweetheart." He took a risk and brushed his thumb over the knuckles of the hand he was still holding. She didn't stiffen, freeze, or pull away. "You didn't lie, I've been dying to dance with you all night, but, I didn't want to push you, dancing involves touching, and you're the only woman I ever want to dance with again."
"I'd like to dance with you, if you want, I mean, you don't have to, and I don't really know how, but, I want to…" she had an adorable shy smile that sent his heart racing, he wanted more than anything to take her in his arms and hold her close while swaying to the music.