Paying the Price

by Maria Quick

  Yeah, that was true. We can be pretty brutal when we want to be. Girl power.

  ‘Also, girls are the worst. We all had our own cliques. We all whispered and sneered at the others. In secret, of course.’

  I nodded. I’m a girl, I understand the politics.

  ‘Yeah, but that just means you got a thick skin,’ I pointed out. ‘Otherwise you would’ve become a lucy way earlier.’

  She frowned.

  ‘Crap, I guess you’re right. We never really had one kid that stood out as a victim. We were all victims and bullies. Weirdly, it worked, though.’

  ‘Great. Back to my original point: you’ve never been bullied, so you don’t know what it’s like.’

  ‘And neither have you, so stop pretending you’re a victim,’ she bit back.

  Oh hell no, I was not taking that sitting down.

  ‘Uh, excuse me? I’m the weirdo who sees ghosts.’

  ‘And? You wear that like a suit of armor. I never once saw you get upset by being called out on it. You just got mad.’

  ‘So, because I didn’t cry, I didn’t get bullied. Wow, okay,’ I replied. Good to know for future reference.

  ‘Naw, that’s not what I’m saying. Stop being so defensive.’

  Oh, I’m still reacting the wrong way. I swear, do people normally get taught how to react to things? Did I miss this when I was out ghost-hunting or something?

  ‘What are you saying?’ I asked, totally not defensively.

  She grimaced.

  ‘I’m saying, we’re the same. We don’t get upset, we get mad. The more people beat on us, the stronger it makes us. David isn’t like that, from what I heard and saw. He breaks a little more each time. Poor guy,’ she couldn’t help but add.

  ‘Right, exactly. And you still think I’m being dramatic?’

  She held up her hands in defense.

  ‘Hey, I’m not saying he isn’t upset. I’m saying, don’t overreact. It’s probably not as bad as you’re making out.’

  And it’s the “probably” that was destroying me right now.

  George finally came home just before I was about to hit the sack. Leesha had urged me to take my mind off David by putting on a crappy chick flick. I mean, it was hilarious and I wanted to watch the sequel, but I was not admitting that to anyone. I’ve got a façade to maintain.

  We’d made a night out of it. I’d brought all my pillows and stuffed animals out and threw them over the bed, which only made a difference to me, but you know. The thought was there. I’d lit candles and I’d painted my nails and accidentally, most of my fingers. I’d made s’mores, and we’d chatted about everything and nothing. It was really fun.

  Okay, it wasn’t. It was completely and utterly vacuous, but I did actually empty my mind. I was too busy focusing on my nails and who the hell was who in Leesha’s stories to think of anything else. So, yeah, I’m gonna go with “fun.” It’d be the last “fun” I’d ever truly have.

  Does that sound ominous enough? It does? Good. Let’s continue.

  So, we’d gossiped and I’d pampered, yada yada yada. Six hours after I’d seen him last, George was back and he was alone.

  Alarm bells, start ringing please.

  He was walking slowly, through the doorway instead of the usual wall entry. His blank eyes washed over the pillow fort with stuffed toy sentries, before coming to rest on my floor. He said nothing. Not even a “hey.”

  Alarm bells, step it up a notch, would you?

  ‘You took your time,’ Leesha noted.

  He said nothing again. By now, the alarm bells were beating me upside the head.

  ‘Where’s Izzy?’ I asked, staring at him. He didn’t move.

  ‘Gone,’ he whispered.

  No.

  ‘Gone where?’ Leesha asked. She didn’t get it.

  ‘Gone,’ he repeated.

  Is it loud in here? I feel like it’s loud. I know I was talking about metaphorical bells, but now I could actually hear them. They were in my head, pounding away and screaming.

  Is that weird?

  ‘Gone gone? Like for real?’

  Leesha finally sat up, interested. He nodded, very indistinctly but she saw it. She whooped, jumping off the bed in celebration.

  ‘It’s over! That bitch is finally gone and we can forget all about her,’ she sang.

  She still didn’t get it.

  ‘Was it painful? Tell me it was painful,’ she pleaded of George. Again, he said nothing. Confused, she looked from him to me, him to me, and back. She lowered her cheering arms.

  She was starting to get it.

  ‘Alright, what am I missing?’ she asked quietly.

  ‘Think about what Izzy wanted,’ I said. It was all I could force myself to say.

  ‘She wanted David to pay, for Chuck to get out of prison, and basically for us all to be her slaves,’ she shrugged.

  ‘Exactly, she wanted David to pay.’

  ‘Right,’ she nodded. Did I have to spell it out for her? I didn’t think I could, and George didn’t seem to be able to, either.

  ‘Okay, y’all are speaking in riddles, here. She wanted David to pay, so I’m guessing he’s been arrested. I don’t see why that’s a bad thing. I know you didn’t want him to, but-’

  She didn’t pause because she got it. She paused because my cell rang.

  The noise was so blaring that we all jumped and looked at the offending item.

  ‘It’s Rathers,’ I said, accidentally making eye contact with George. For the first time since he’d come home, he showed something in his face.

  Shame.

  ‘Great, and he’s gonna congratulate you on a job well done. Answer it!’ she cried. Unconsciously, I did. George’s eyes dropped back to the floor.

  ‘Seems I owe you an apology,’ Rathers sighed.

  ‘For what?’

  ‘Well, Mendes. It looks like you are always right, after all.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘David Schaffer. Seems he did kill Izzy Turner after prom night.’

  ‘He admitted it? You arrested him?’ I asked, pouncing on that one tiny little hope. It was immediately shot to pieces as he coughed, embarrassed.

  ‘Not exactly.’

  The wait was excruciating. Part of me wanted him to just come out and say it. A bigger part of me wanted to hang up and crawl into my pillow fort forever.

  As I waited for him to bite the bullet, George decided he’d had enough. He slunk out my room as silently as he’d entered. Leesha followed him, leaving me all alone as I heard the news.

  ‘His body was found this afternoon. Five hours ago, David Schaffer killed himself.’

  31

  So, that was it. David was dead, and it was solely due to me. Sure, you can mention that actually, he was a killer, and I only reminded him of it. But that doesn’t really help anyone, does it? He kills his tormentor, moves on and becomes a better person; and then, I zip into his life for a brief moment and he ends it.

  Those are the facts, people. I drove a man to suicide.

  And there’s not a damned thing I can do about it.

  ‘Seems it all got to him in the end,’ Rathers chatted on, oblivious. ‘He thought he could live with what he did, but I’m guessing it was too much. It can be, for some people.’

  ‘Who found him?’ I managed to ask, finding my voice.

  ‘A friend of his. He was stopping by to play some dungeons game, or something. Apparently they did it every Wednesday. We found a lot of stuff like that in his house. Action figures, dies, books upon books. A lot of them dating back to the eighties. Seems that he fell in love with that scene in school. Didn’t look like he’d changed much since then.’

  No, no he hadn’t.

  ‘Did he mention why- um, did he leave a note?’

  Usually, Rathers would be yelling and cussing me out, but he appeared to be in a chatty mood tonight. I guess that’s what solving two age-old murders does for you.

  ‘Why now, you mean?’ he correctly guessed. ‘No w
ay of telling what goes on in a person’s mind. He could have been thinking about this for years. Thing is, Mendes, things like that eat away at a person. Little by little, until there’s nothing left. I’m guessing that’s what happened here.’

  It’s a good thing I was there to help push him over the edge.

  ‘We did notice one thing, though,’ he said cautiously.

  At a million miles an hour, my brain went into overdrive. Did I leave my petition? Hannah Smith’s ID? Did he have cameras?

  ‘He got a letter from a guy he used to go to school with,’ he went on, allaying all my fears. I wanted to cry, I was so relieved. Then, I only felt sick with shame. ‘Apparently, they were having a high school reunion in a couple months, and everyone was invited. I’m assuming that might’ve been the catalyst.’

  Well, I’ll let you go on thinking that, Chief. I wish I could believe it, too.

  ‘When did he get the letter?’

  ‘From anyone else, that’d be a weird question, Mendes. Maybe you’re finally thinking like a real detective. Postmarked a week ago, from South Carolina.’

  So, he’d been sitting on it a couple days. Brooding, worrying. Outta nowhere, a cop comes by and starts asking questions. Then, some random girl tells him she knows about his secret. Everything comes flooding back. The terror, the laughter. Prom night. Thinking about it, a reunion was similar to prom night, wasn’t it? People getting dressed up, talking about school. Maybe the reunion was going to be similar to his prom night. Maybe it was all a ploy.

  Maybe not, but I’m guessing that all went through his head.

  ‘He read it and it was too much,’ I basically parroted. It was a lame attempt at making myself believe it. Needless to say, didn’t work. Rathers was enthusiastic, though.

  ‘That’s it exactly, Mendes!’

  ‘Right.’

  ‘He said as much, anyway. Oh, he did leave a note. Only a quick one, like he was in a hurry. He rambled a bit, but the gist was that he’d killed Izzy after prom night and had spent years forgetting about it. Recently, it’d come to his mind again and this time, he couldn’t forget.’

  ‘Poor guy.’

  ‘Yeah, poor guy. Not that I’m agreeing with murder, but he went through a lot, or so I heard.’

  ‘From who?’ I asked, surprised.

  ‘My brother,’ he said after a moment. ‘He’s four years younger than me and went to the same school. Everybody knew Turner and Manning. And everybody knew David Schaffer. Sissy Schaffer, they called him.’

  ‘Yeah, they did.’

  He was silent. Maybe I’d scared him off. I worked quickly to bring him back. I wasn’t sure why, but I think I needed to talk. I didn’t really want to be alone right now, and even Rathers was better than nothing.

  ‘So, when does Manning get out?’

  He cleared his throat.

  ‘That’s the thing. He doesn’t.’

  Guy who was wrongfully arrested does not go free after new evidence proves his innocence.

  Okay.

  ‘Um, why not?’

  ‘Manning’s not a good guy, Mendes. I made some calls after this all came out, and he’s been in a lot of fights in prison. Enough to prolong his sentence. Twenty years ago, there was a huge brawl on his block. Witnesses and surveillance footage caught him slitting a guard’s throat. It wasn’t accidental. The guard didn’t make it. That murder alone was enough to keep him inside. He is never getting out.’

  I couldn’t help it. I laughed.

  Purely out of shock, you understand. I did not find this funny at all. It was anything but. But...

  ‘What’s so funny?’

  ‘It was all for nothing,’ I said.

  Could I have ignored Izzy? Maybe. I think I could’ve. If I could go back in time... I’d do the same things again, because I wouldn’t know what I know today. Frankly, I’m not sure what I could’ve done differently.

  All I did; all I’ve ever done, is help the dead find peace. And as always, it’s at a cost to the living. It has to be. That’s the way it is. Maybe... I don’t know. I don’t know, anymore.

  ‘It can seem that way, Mendes. Fact is, we can’t predict what anyone will do, given a choice.’

  Was he talking about me or David? Wait, who am I kidding. Of course he was talking about David. He didn’t even realize that I had anything to do with this.

  ‘Well,’ he said after I hadn’t spoken, ‘I just wanted to let you know that you were right. Again.’

  ‘You don’t usually call me for that. I always have to read it the next day in the papers.’

  ‘Okay, you got me,’ he sighed, sounding irritated. ‘I wanted to thank you.’

  My, how the mighty have fallen. He wanted to thank me? We were basically nemeses, in a half-assed way.

  ‘For what?’

  ‘For allowing me to end this, in a way. I’ve thought about Elizabeth ever since I was called to the scene. It never seemed right to me. When you said that Schaffer did it, it made me realize that I was right all along. That murder weapon... I always kept it at the back of my mind. All the other officers on that case shrugged off my concerns, making out that I was just a rookie who’d seen too many movies. They said that there was never a perfect case, and there’d always be a loose end of some sort.’

  ‘Yeah, I remember you saying that to me not so long ago,’ I pointed out.

  ‘Yeah, well. You hear the same thing enough times you begin to believe it. Or try to, anyway.’

  David’s death wasn’t my fault. David’s death wasn’t my fault. Maybe one day, I’ll believe that.

  ‘Sure. Well, you’re welcome,’ I sighed, about to hang up. My thumb hovered over the End Call button. It’s one of those moments that I always come back to. I can see everything vividly. I can even recall the credits on the chick flick scrolling by. And I scream at myself to hang up. I wonder how everything would’ve changed if I’d just pressed that damn button.

  But I didn’t.

  And I heard him say, ‘this doesn’t change anything, you know.’

  ‘Excuse me?’ I said, bringing the cell back to my ear.

  ‘I said, it doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t matter how many murders you solve, Mendes. It doesn’t absolve you.’

  ‘You think I’m doing this for penance?’ I snapped. ‘I’m doing this because I have to. Something you will never understand.’

  ‘Yeah, right. This day could’ve gone differently, you know. You could’ve died. Do you even care about that? Do you care about anyone?’

  ‘Of course I-’

  ‘You know how often I think about the Keller house? Every single day. I bet you don’t even remember it, anymore,’ he sneered. It was like a punch in the gut. I couldn’t breathe. ‘Keep your nose out in future. We don’t need your “help.”’

  ‘I lost someone too, that day,’ I blurted out.

  I couldn’t help it. His words were hurting me. We’d never gotten along, but I’d thought we’d had a shaky understanding, at least. I realized then that he’d never understood me at all. He was just like the others.

  ‘Alright, I’ll bite,’ he sighed. ‘Who?’

  I’d made a promise to him that our relationship would be a secret from cops. I was the butt of their jokes, and if he wanted to be taken seriously and get promoted then they could never know. I’d kept that promise ever since, but I was tired of it all. I’m sorry, Tommy.

  ‘Tommy Perez,’ I said, and it was like a huge weight had been lifted. ‘He was my friend. We met about eighteen months before and-’

  ‘Who the hell is Tommy Perez?’

  I think being stabbed in the heart would’ve hurt me less. Even now, those words send a shiver down my spine. Who the hell is Tommy Perez? Was this some sort of joke?

  ‘What?’ I could just about mouth the word.

  ‘I said, who the hell is Tommy Perez?’

  ‘He was a cop-’

  Rathers exploded at the same time my world did.

  ‘You think I don’t remember
their names, Mendes? Julie Moreno. Tariq Sharif. You want me to add more to that list? You want me to go through all those cases you’ve ruined and destroyed?’

  ‘No, I-’

  ‘Warren Fielding. Mitzi Miller. Andrew Li. Bonnie Poplar. You had enough? You want to hear more? Maybe you should hear these names everyday like I do.’

  Each name hit me like a ton of bricks but I only cared about one.

  ‘What about Tommy-’

  ‘There is no Tommy Perez, Mendes!’ he screamed. ‘Wake up from your little dream world. I have given you the benefit of the doubt for far too long. I am done with you, Mendes. You hear me? I am done. Stay the hell out of my way because the next time I see you, I’ll kill you myself.’

  He rang off, and I let the cell slip through my fingers.

  Who the hell is Tommy Perez?

  I couldn’t even- I don’t know where to begin.

  ‘Everything okay?’

  Startled, I looked up to see Leesha and George watching me warily. I don’t know how much they heard.

  ‘George told me. Man, that’s bad news about David, but I’m not sure he would’ve survived in prison. It sucks to say, but it’s probably the best deal for everyone.’

  What?

  ‘Ann? You don’t look so good. What did he say to you?’ Leesha frowned.

  I blinked a couple times, managing to recall a little of the conversation before...

  That.

  ‘He, um,’ I coughed. ‘Chuck killed somebody in prison so he’s not getting out. It was all for nothing.’

  Their eyes widened, thinking they were now on my wavelength.

  ‘Oh, man. That’s awful. I don’t even know what to say. Do you wanna talk or-?’

  ‘No,’ I cut her short. ‘I just want to sleep.’

  ‘Alright. Catch you tomorrow, I guess. You coming?’ she nodded at George.

  He watched me a little longer before following her without a word. He knew something was up.

  I switched off the TV and the light and waited for sleep to come.

  I didn’t sleep a wink.

  32

  Day one of my new life. That’s what it felt like, anyway. And you know what? It was the same as any other.