Paying the Price

by Maria Quick

  All I had to do was pretend that last night never happened. Did it work? Let’s see, shall we?

  Well, I’m waking up. It’s a normal day. No big drama in my life, no sirree. I always start the day by going into my closet instead of my bathroom. Then, I follow that up by putting shower gel in my hair and shampoo on my loofah. That’s totally how I normally shower.

  I decided it was safer if I didn’t shave my legs today.

  Heading downstairs, I went into a guest bedroom to make my breakfast, as I usually do. Redirecting myself in a house I’ve known longer than I’ve known myself, I eventually ended up in the kitchen. My real dad had already left for work but my surrogate father Theo gave me a friendly wave. He watched with increasing bafflement as I poured my cereal, the same way I did every single-

  ‘Do you always put OJ in your Froot Loops?’

  I stopped pouring the imposter milk carton and blinked.

  ‘Yes.’

  He chuckled and turned back to his much more appealing breakfast.

  ‘Well, I gotta try that tomorrow. Or maybe today, for lunch.’

  I brought my gross cereal over to the counter with a glass of milk and stared at it.

  ‘You not eating?’

  ‘I’m not hungry,’ I told him. He shrugged.

  ‘Well, pass it over. I’m not one for letting a good meal go to waste.’

  I watched in horror as he picked up the spoon and dug in. He grimaced a little, but carried on eating.

  ‘It’s different, I’ll give you that. So, what are your plans today?’

  Other than screaming “why God, why” at the top of my lungs?

  ‘Not much. Maybe I’ll go to the mall or something.’

  Sure, just an average day for me. I always go to the mall. And shop there. Buy things. Try things on. Yup.

  ‘How about you?’ I asked.

  ‘Not sure yet. I’ve been meaning to catch up with some old college buddies, so I’ll probably do that. Later on, I gotta call my sister to see how the business is doing.’

  ‘Right, of course. What will you do about that?’

  ‘You mean who will we give it to in the future? Well, I think we’re gonna go with selling it to Craton. It’s going to be a lengthy process, though, and I don’t want to bore you with the details.’

  ‘Please do.’

  He looked up from his cereal and gave me a strange look.

  ‘Are you alright, Ann? You’re scratching that worktop like your life depends on it. Hell, you’re bleeding.’

  Yes, just another aspect of my morning ritual. The daily giving of blood to the kitchen. You mean to tell me you don’t do that?

  ‘I’m fine,’ I smiled, releasing my hands and wiping the blood on my dirty PJs. Infections, here I come.

  ‘You sure?’

  ‘Yes, I’m fine,’ I repeated. And as we all know, folks, when a woman says they’re fine, it really means they’re fine. Honestly.

  Since he’d known a few women in his time, he thought it was best if he simply turned back to his cereal. He’d pushed his bacon and pancakes away by now, thoroughly enjoying the monster I’d unleashed upon him. Different strokes, I guess.

  ‘Ahem.’

  Luckily I’d heard him come into the room before he’d cleared his throat, otherwise I would’ve jumped out of my skin. I casually turned around to acknowledge George and he gestured upstairs. Hard.

  ‘I have to pee,’ I announced, following him.

  ‘Thanks for sharing, Ann,’ Theo mumbled.

  Yeah, well. George waited until I was level with him before he led me to my bedroom. He glanced back sharply at the state of my hands.

  ‘What the hell happened to your fingers?’

  ‘Um, I bit them.’

  ‘Your nails are still long. You bit your actual fingers?’

  ‘Yes, yes I did.’

  ‘Why?’ he asked. I shrugged at him.

  ‘There was OJ in my Froot Loops,’ I replied.

  ‘Yeah, I saw what Theo was eating. You’re so weird. Do you even know how to be human without me being here?’

  ‘Only on Thursdays.’

  ‘It’s Thursday today,’ he pointed out.

  ‘Oh. Then, no.’

  He muttered something unsavory under his breath.

  ‘What happened last night? And don’t tell me you’re still hung up over Chuck. If you ever were in the first place,’ he muttered.

  ‘I am hung up over Chuck. I am,’ I said.

  ‘Okay, you sound like you just learned to speak English.’

  ‘I am only thinking about Chuck.’

  ‘Alright,’ he nodded. Phew, I was in the clear. ‘Thinking what?’

  ‘Chuck?’

  ‘You’re thinking “Chuck,” over and over?’

  ‘Yep.’

  Or something that rhymes with it, anyway. He sighed, shaking his head.

  ‘I’m gonna let you off for now, purely because Leesha’s about to have a breakdown. You look like you’re already way past that point.’

  The boy knew me so well. I told myself to shake it off and focus.

  ‘What’s up with Leesha?’ I asked, unfortunately as soon as I was in earshot of her.

  ‘What’s up with me?’ she screamed. ‘My mom is what’s up!’

  Yeah, I should’ve known.

  George’s assumption seemed to be right about her, anyway. She was practically tearing her hair out, and she was pacing so hard I swear I could see indents on my carpet.

  ‘It’s my vigil today,’ she somewhat explained, managing to stand still for a brief second.

  ‘Your leg’s shaking,’ I told her.

  ‘I know, I do that. It calms me.’

  ‘Alright. What’s your mom doing?’

  ‘There’s a Mass before it,’ she groaned, resuming the pacing at double the speed. ‘The things she was saying were awful.’

  ‘Really? Like what?’ I frowned.

  She was clenching and unclenching her fists so quickly it was like she was powering up for a big attack. I stepped back, joining George in the doorway. Looked like she needed the space.

  ‘How she loved me, and how I was the best thing that ever happened to her. She was crying so hard the reverend had to console her.’

  Man, what a bitch?

  ‘You know how often she said those things when I was alive? Newsflash: she didn’t. Nothing I did was ever good enough for her. She sent me to boarding school, telling everyone else that she wanted the best education for me. She told me it was because I was a disappointment.’

  ‘If it helps,’ I suggested, ‘I’m a disappointment, too.’

  She glared at me. Oh goodie, I was a disappointment to somebody else now.

  ‘And how about you?’ she asked, turning to George. ‘Bet you were, too, huh?’

  He shuffled awkwardly, hiding a little behind the door.

  ‘No, actually, I had a pretty good relationship with my ’rents. I don’t think we ever argued at all. Sorry.’

  Leesha deflated and I hastened to cheer her up.

  ‘It’s okay, he’s poor. Love was the only thing they could afford.’

  ‘That’s a comfort,’ she said sarcastically, before thinking. ‘Though I did have a horse, out in Salem.’

  ‘For real?’

  ‘Yeah, I rode him all the time. His name was Kingsley. Then, my mom noticed I was having too much fun and she sold him to a ranch. I never found out where. Oh, Kingsley,’ she whimpered.

  ‘Okay...’

  ‘He was beautiful. He was all mottled and he had the most gorgeous mane. I rarely had to pull on his reins. He just knew. He was the most intelligent, caring being I’ve ever known.’

  George tiptoed over and whispered in my ear.

  ‘She’s still talking about a horse, right?’

  She heard that.

  ‘You don’t understand how deep the connection is,’ she said sharply.

  ‘Hey, I had a dog growing up,’ George defended himself. ‘Chester was my best fri
end. It really hurt me when he...passed. Hey, do you ever see dog lucies?’

  My God, imagine the horror. Hundreds of thousands of creepy dog ghosts barking at me constantly, wanting to play fetch with ghost sticks. Um, no thanks.

  ‘How exactly am I supposed to help a dog lucy move on?’

  ‘Oh, good point. It’s a shame, I would’ve loved to have seen him one more time,’ he sighed wistfully.

  Alright, enough of this weird sentimental stuff.

  ‘Back to your mom,’ I nudged Leesha. Her rage came back in full force.

  ‘She’s got everybody fooled. The cops especially. Any chance you can speak to Rathers? Try and convince him to look into my mom?’

  I pondered that very small request for a moment.

  ‘No, absolutely not. He will kill me if he lays eyes on me ever again,’ I told her simply.

  They both stared at me like I had two heads.

  ‘What the hell happened last night?’ George cried.

  ‘Nothing, nothing at all. Ow,’ I wailed, as my nails somehow started digging into my palms. Really not sure how that happened, I was totally zen.

  With George’s fear of me increasing, Leesha randomly broke out into a grin.

  ‘I don’t know what’s going on, but I think you’re mad as hell. Even better, I think we can use that.’

  ‘How?’ I asked suspiciously.

  ‘Remember when I said you looked like Andy? I say you do it again. You march into that vigil and call my mom out for the murderer she is.’

  You mean, I can yell at people? Scream at the top of my lungs? And I can cry and vent to my heart’s content?

  All my Christmases were coming at once.

  33

  The vigil was being held at a local park, in one of the beauty spots. There was a great turnout. People of all ages, races and creeds had gathered, holding candles and praying softly. It was actually kinda nice, in a way. Something as horrific as murder could bring people together. They might not have known her well, but they were still giving up their afternoon to connect. You know, I am proud to say it warmed my dead heart. Maybe there was hope in this world after all.

  ‘I swear, I have no idea who half of these people are,’ Leesha mumbled.

  And there goes that hope. I should’ve known. They only came to make themselves look good.

  ‘Hey, don’t look so gloomy,’ George encouraged, seeing our dour expressions. ‘People are coming together as one. It’s a good thing. They might not have met you, but you were a part of this community. You will always be a part of this community now.’

  ‘Well, that’s depressing,’ Leesha shuddered.

  ‘No, it’s beautiful! Look at this! There are hundreds of people here from all walks of life. They have nothing in common, but today they’re all coming together for one purpose. When have you ever seen such a diverse group of people converging like this?’

  She thought about it.

  ‘Black Friday? I bet all these people will be clawing at each other’s throats in a couple months.’

  Aww, poor Georgie looked crestfallen. I’d offer him pity, but I had none to give and also, it was pretty hush on the living side. Leesha’s mom had taken up the mantle, obviously, and was droning on and on. She looked every inch of a grieving mom, right down to the tear-stained school photograph of Leesha. Man, their uniform was appalling.

  ‘Well, you still got a vigil. I never got a vigil,’ George scowled, folding his arms.

  There, there. We watched her mom a little while longer, Leesha growing more and more irate.

  ‘Look at her. Every word out of that mouth is a lie and the crowd is eating it up.’

  ‘Say the word,’ I whispered out the side of my mouth.

  ‘You know what? I am giving you full rein here. Do whatever you have to do. Go crazy.’

  Go crazy, you say? Don’t mind if I do.

  ‘...she was the shining star in my life. And I know that she’s looking down on us right now, thinking-’

  ‘MURDERER!’ I screamed. Timed to perfection.

  ‘Bellissimo,’ Leesha groaned. ‘I’m gonna enjoy this.’

  The crowd parted amidst a sea of oohs and aahs. I stepped through them and focused my eyes on a highly confused and terrified Tamara.

  ‘Remember me?’ I yelled. Whatever makeup I was wearing seemed to do the trick. The photo slipped through her shaky fingers as she boiled with rage. Sensing a terrific drama, most people whipped out their cells quicker than others could blink.

  ‘I have no idea who-’

  ‘No? Then, let me give you a hint! The night of Leesha’s murder at Leo’s bar. Remember me now?’

  Man, my throat was starting to hurt, but it did feel good. Tamara, to her credit, was still trying to play the poor mom role. Nobody knew what to do, but they were starting to get a little antsy. I mean, I had interrupted a remembrance service to scream at a supposed victim. I was on borrowed time before somebody decided to shut me up.

  ‘My daughter was killed and you come here to her vigil to threaten me?’ she whined, raising a pointed finger at me. ‘Officers, arrest her!’

  Before I could panic, Leesha and George did a quick sweep around.

  ‘No cops, you’re good.’

  Ooh, you’d pay for that one.

  ‘You’re the one who needs arresting. You ruined our date, you homophobic bitch.’

  And with that one jibe, the crowd were mine.

  ‘I don’t know what you mean,’ she said icily.

  ‘You know exactly what I mean. Your daughter was a les-’

  ‘Don’t you dare speak ill of my daughter!’

  Oh, calling her gay was speaking ill, was it? Bad move, Tammy. This crowd was full of millennials and people sick of your act. She seemed to realize her mistake, as she inexplicably began shaking again.

  ‘Get her away from me, please. I just want to mourn my daughter.’

  And cue the croc tears. Surprisingly, not one person was moved by them. And not one person tried to move me.

  ‘You killed her because she was gay,’ I announced, in case somebody in the back hadn’t quite gotten the message.

  ‘No. She was my baby girl. I would never lay a hand on her.’

  ‘She pulled my hair in Leo’s, too,’ muttered Leesha.

  ‘You pulled her hair!’

  ‘And that’s not all,’ Leesha added. She began listing all the awful things her mom had done, and I gleefully relayed them back. The crowd was eating this up. They believed me. They didn’t know what the hell was going on or who the hell I was, but they believed me.

  ‘You spat at her. You locked her in her room. You sold her horse. You called her stupid. You laughed at her. You mocked your own daughter.’

  ‘That was for her own good,’ she growled.

  Oh, sure. Nothing like a little emotional abuse to gee up somebody, right?

  ‘No, that was for you. You hated her, admit it.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘And all because she was gay-’

  ‘Stop saying that! She was nothing of the sort.’

  ‘But that’s why you killed her. You followed her out of Leo’s, down a dark alley and you strangled her to death. Your baby girl,’ I finished sarcastically.

  And with that, I waited. The whole vigil had their eyes and cells trained on Tamara. They knew I was right. They could feel it. And you know what? I think Tamara knew, too. The jig was up. But she still had one last arrow in her quiver.

  ‘You can’t prove that.’

  She was right, folks. I couldn’t prove a thing. I’m guessing Leo’s would’ve had camera footage of them arguing, but could a jury or the cops prove beyond reasonable doubt that she killed her?

  No.

  ‘You’re right, Tamara. I can’t prove that. I just wanted you to know that I know. And now, so does everybody else.’

  There was nothing more for me to do. Leesha seemed fairly peaceful and happy with the outcome. I don’t think she was expecting her mom to suddenly admit to it, any
way. Hell, she could barely admit to abusing her all these years. I think the knowledge that her mom’s image was destroyed was enough.

  The crowd turned hostile, baying for her blood. They booed, picking up where I’d left off and began calling her a murderer, too. It’s great how a mob mentality works. You feel a real sense of community, here.

  As they converged around her, I decided it was high time I left. I passed Zainab who mouthed a “thank you” at me, and another face who looked remarkably similar to me.

  ‘Andy,’ I nodded at the stricken individual.

  ‘Oh my God. All that time searching for her and she turns up here? I’m so sorry I wasted your time,’ Leesha mumbled apologetically, glancing back at her in dismay.

  ‘Wait, you’re just walking past? You’re not even going to-?’ George asked.

  ‘Nope.’

  And honestly, I think that was the only option I had. Although a huge part of me did want to turn back and yell at her, “the ghost made me do it.” That’d be fun.

  Probably not for Andy, though.

  We made it back to the car in one piece, and I just assumed that Tamara did the same. Or she might’ve been beaten to death by an angry mob. Who knew?

  Who cared?

  Leesha certainly didn’t. She was finally free from her mom’s control. She got what she wanted. She was free to leave.

  ‘You’re thinking of that damn horse, aren’t you?’

  ‘You don’t know how close we were,’ she whimpered.

  Alright. Kingsley, here we come.

  34

  We were on our way back from Kentucky when I got a text from Zainab, asking to meet up. Thankfully for Kingsley’s sake, he hadn’t been turned into glue and was actually living a pretty nice life in a sanctuary. Nice for a horse, anyway. Kingsley had spotted Leesha as soon as we’d driven by. He’d been eating hay or whatever the heck they eat, when he’d lifted his head and locked eyes with her. He’d bounded over and she’d waited by the fence for him. They’d shared a moment, and then pop went the Leesha. I swear Kingsley bowed at me before he went back to his food.

  I swear it.

  This is why I avoid animals like the plague.

  I wasn’t too far out at this point, so we agreed to meet up at the park, right where Leesha’s vigil had been. George stayed in the car while we had our girly chat. To be honest, I was wondering if I’d find a dead body. There wasn’t much lighting, but I used my cell to look around for any blood splatter. Couldn’t see a single drop. Tamara must’ve lived.