The Dirty Version

by Hadley Quinn

  “Nah, it just hit me quick.”

  “Mmhmm.” He nodded knowingly. “I’ll have to remember one glass is enough for you.”

  I leaned onto the table and gazed at him flirtatiously. “One glass relaxes me. A second loosens me up.”

  He raised both eyebrows that time. “Noted. I’d really like to loosen you up as well.” He stood and held out a hand to help me up.

  “Ooh, where are we headed?” I teased, brushing my hand over the crotch of his jeans.

  Laughing, he pulled my hand away and led me to the couch. “To the detox booth.” He sat and pulled me down with him.

  “Pssh, you’re no fun.”

  “I’m a lot of fun,” he corrected, looking me square in the eye. “But only when you’re sober.”

  Well shit, I finally get the nerve to be bold with the guy and get turned down. He clicked on the TV while I sat there staring, the room feeling frivolous and carefree. I’d been shut down but was still feeling the joy of a buzz.

  “Can I at least kiss you?” I asked after a minute.

  He looked at me and smiled. “Yeah, babe, you can kiss me. But if you grab my dick again, I’m leaving.” Even drunk, I could tell he was only partially joking, but I giggled anyway.

  “I promise, I won’t.”

  It didn’t look like he believed me.

  I held up my hands and then put them behind my back. “I promise.”

  The plus side of getting reacquainted with Josh was that he didn’t know me well, either. So when I kissed him and then straddled his lap, he wasn’t expecting it.

  ~23~

  The bolder edition of myself was a nice change, and I liked her. She was probably on the fast track to Hell, but she was fun while it would last.

  It just took a bit of boob acknowledgement, and I had Josh’s participation. I felt in control, but with his hands in reciprocation, it seemed like a successful seduction.

  Until he moved me to the couch.

  “Okay, slow down, hon,” he exhaled.

  “I don’t wanna slow down,” I argued, attempting to return to his mouth. The drunk me was starting to get annoying, but I couldn’t stop her.

  “I know you don’t, sweetheart, but you’re going to.” He stood, distancing himself from me, and then walked across the room toward the hall.

  I threw myself onto my back. The room was swirling so I closed my eyes. I was such a loser. The only way I can show a guy that I want to sleep with him is by getting drunk?

  Yep, loser.

  Liquid courage was the coward’s way.

  ~

  The room slowly came into focus. It was dark, but the television was on. When the blurriness cleared, the digital clock on the DVD player read 11:43.

  I stretched my body, wondering how I let myself fall asleep in the front room. When my feet bumped into something hard in the middle of the couch, I sat up.

  “Josh.” Seeing him there made my heart flutter. Or maybe that was the alcohol dissipating.

  He reached out and rubbed my calf. “Hey. How you feeling?”

  I swallowed down the nasty taste in my mouth and then remembered kissing the hell out of the guy only a couple hours ago. If I tasted like that, no wonder he denied me. But I knew the real reason was that I’d come on a bit too strong, and I at least remembered Josh turning me down because I’d had too much wine.

  “Sorry about that,” I mumbled, tucking my legs under me. “I don’t drink very often.”

  He gave me a gentle smile. “No need to apologize. I’m glad you could relax a bit.”

  I scoffed. “Relax? I don’t think I was very chill.” Horny was more like it.

  He scooted closer to me. “Jo, nothing to be embarrassed about.” He touched my cheek, which was probably red as hell with humiliation and wine. “I’m glad you could be a little more honest with me.”

  Honest? Oh, Jesus. What had I been honest about? I imagined myself trying to rip his clothes off, begging him to impregnate me or something else just as disturbing. I’d read stories and watched movies about drunken love confessions that caused misunderstandings or breakups.

  What if I’d been that careless? Of course I wasn’t in love with him—I barely knew the adult Josh—and starting all of this up again needed to take some time. Blowing it with stupidity was the last thing I wanted.

  “Wh-what was I honest about?” I asked tentatively.

  He studied me hesitantly, almost like he was deciding what to tell me.

  Shit, shit, shit. “Hell, if I said something completely awful, Josh, just tell me. Okay?”

  He shook his head and squeezed my thigh. “No, Jolie, that’s not what I meant. I just mean I like seeing you…uninhibited.”

  He meant slutty. He liked seeing a dirty side that could compete with his. I sighed. “You like aggressive women.”

  He seemed surprised. “No. Actually…no. I like having you want me. And that’s the fucking truth. Just you.”

  I assessed the sternness in his voice. “You like my slutty side?”

  A smile slowly spread on his sexy mouth. “Only for me.”

  “Well, you’re the only person who has seen it.”

  Damn, and that was total honesty. I’d tried to be sexy with Chris, or tell him erotic things I thought he’d like, but it never truly reached my core. It never felt authentic. Just like the sex. It was…obligatory.

  How sad.

  I swallowed, a reminder that my mouth tasted like ass. I made my way to the bathroom, took a pee, washed my hands and face, and brushed my teeth. For good measure, I rinsed with mouthwash.

  When I returned to the front room, Josh was standing like he was considering an exit. I didn’t want him to leave, and since I was completely sober, I wondered if he’d be more interested in staying the night.

  Staying the night.

  I’d imagined sleeping with him a dozen times. More than a dozen times. That carnal attraction to someone was foreign and confusing. When it came to Josh, my body always said yes, but my mind disputed, convincing me it was too soon and there were other steps to take first.

  But…what were they?

  He moved toward me then hesitated. I didn’t want to wait for his words or excuses to leave, so I headed him off. Looking up, I simply asked, “Will you stay?”

  His expression didn’t change, but his eyes seemed to liquefy with the true meaning of my question. He placed a warm hand against my neck and took a step closer. “I would love to stay if that’s what you want,” he answered in a soft but resolute tone. “But I also want to spank your ass for driving me so fucking crazy.”

  Leave it to Josh to add something so offhand but effective. My agreement was in my kiss, which was completely introductory to the passion I could feel building in my chest. Josh’s response seemed to match my own enthusiasm, and that alone magnified my feelings by ten.

  Lips demanding more and tongues melding, our continuing kiss led us to my bedroom. My nerves were competing with my craving for this man, but I knew it was a decision I was fully ready to make. I trusted him, and with that realization, I allowed him to take care of me.

  If I thought his earlier handlings of me were arousing and carnal, having him kiss my skin as he unclothed each bit of it was a sensation I couldn’t describe. He ran his fingers along my curves when I was completely naked, eyeing my flesh with reverent attention. Kissing my lips with commitment, his fingers slid against my wetness, causing my body to jolt with more desire.

  He kissed down the middle of my body until his lips lingered at the apex of my thighs. My body shuddered when his tongue traced over my clit before sliding further down, fully partaking in the most erogenous and sensual manner. What he did to me was like nothing I’d ever experienced, and although I’d only heard about women orgasming from such a thing, it was something I’d never been gifted.

  Until that night. When Josh removed his lips from my body, licking them of the flavor, he ran a thumb along his chin to wipe away the rest. And then he gave me the sexiest, dr
unk-in-me smile I’d ever seen. It reached his eyes, and I knew the pride he felt in his performance so far was only the beginning.

  What I thought was my nerves acting up was actually an excited tremble that coursed through my body as I laid on the bed, watching him remove his clothes. He was beautiful. Every bit of him. I studied his broad shoulders and defined chest, both significantly contoured these days. My eyes raked over his tattoos. Anna was right, he had more across his chest, and they seemingly continued around to his back.

  When he slipped on a condom, his eyes locked on mine and all I could feel was his desire to make me happy. I didn’t feel nervous anymore, but I did feel an undeniable connection when he gently filled me with his size.

  My fingers gripped the sheets until I could ease into the newness of having him inside me. As we naturally progressed, I couldn’t help but slide my hands up his back, feeling all that I could of his form. His lips and tongue merged with mine again, and when they did, I could feel the dissipation of angst and discontentment that had encumbered me over the past year.

  My first time with Josh was comparable to the damn zipline, where all my fears and worries, all my doubt and insecurities, just disappeared into nothing so something new could take over. Something more exhilarating and powerful. When Josh made love to me, I could feel the new me developing into someone I was excited for, someone I couldn’t wait to conquer life with.

  Someone my heart and soul finally felt at peace with.

  “Being inside you feels perfect,” he whispered.

  I felt the same but was honestly too overcome with pleasure to respond more than an approving moan.

  He nuzzled my neck, gently thrusting, maintaining a steady rhythm. Reaching down, he wrapped his fingers under my thigh and repositioned my leg. That move was a gamechanger, and my body quivered before it gave in to a much needed, extremely liberating orgasm. Josh followed soon after, and watching him come was as satisfying as my own release. It was worth the wait.

  He kissed me tenderly before lying onto his back. We laid there in silence for almost a minute, catching our breath while our heated bodies had a chance to cool off. We managed a quick clean-up before tangling ourselves back up with one another. Our legs were intertwined, and my head was cradled lovingly in the crook of his arm.

  I ran my fingertips across his chest. The ink was intriguing, and even though I knew how personal tattoos could be, I still asked him about their meaning.

  “Wow, where do I start?”

  “Hmm, how about the very first one you got?”

  He pointed to the one over his heart. It was a beautiful tree rooted in stormy waters; the roots were even larger than the tree itself. “An oak tree, known for its strength,” he answered. “Reminds me of my mom. She was always the steady voice, keeping everyone rooted. Even when she was fighting cancer.”

  I traced the bottom of the tattoo where it appeared letters formed from the roots. “Mer…”

  “Meraki. It’s Greek for doing things with passion and love; putting your soul into whatever you do. She used to tell us to always be rooted to our true selves; to always do what we loved.”

  I knew Josh’s mom was of Greek descent, but the meaning behind the entire tattoo was beautiful. “I love it,” I whispered. My finger trailed to the next one on his shoulder. “What about this one?” It was a streetlamp on a dark corner. Scripted along the edge of the sidewalk was lux in tenebris.

  “Light in darkness.”

  He explained how lost he felt when his mom passed, and how he wished he could go to her when he was struggling in college. Another tattoo was of a gorgeously crafted arrow with the words Ad Maiora, meaning “toward greater things.”

  Every tattoo on Josh’s body was some sort of inspirational message, and I was blown away. He’d taken his life’s regrets and difficulties and inked them into permanent encouragements.

  He may be rough and edgy on the outside, but he was definitely a very wise and learned man.

  I fell asleep that night wrapped in his arms, tucked against his chest. I wanted to bottle up the moment and keep it with me, always. There are people who come into your life, just to give you the missing pieces.

  And Josh Cameron had enhanced mine in ways I could have never expected.

  ~24~

  “So, the deed is done.” Anna smirked with satisfaction. “So when I said you had that freshly sexed look the other day and you rolled your eyes at me…you basically lied to me.” She seemed amused, not mad.

  I’d debated even telling her about it, but after three days of keeping it to myself, the urge to share became too much.

  “I wasn’t ready to talk about it,” I told her as I continued to replenish the napkins on each table. She was trailing behind, wiping down the salt and pepper shakers.

  “Hey, I get it. You don’t owe me play-by-plays every day. Just once in a while.” She winked. We moved on to the next table and completed our tasks in silence. Finally, she asked, “Okay, but can you at least tell me how you feel about it? Are you glad? Regret it?”

  I smiled, thinking back to my tired and useless body lying in bed after round two. It was utterly and completely mind-blowing. Josh even took the morning off, walked down to the bakery to bring back bagels and coffee, and we sat on the bed and reminisced about high school.

  Sounds cheesy, but it was amazing.

  Regret it? Absolutely not. The only sexual relationship I’d ever had was with Chris. Being with someone else had been a bit scary at first, but Josh put me at ease. Not only that, but there’d been an incredibly powerful connection between the two of us, one I couldn’t explain.

  I’d felt like our souls had linked, but that felt too sacred to share with Anna.

  “Definitely don’t regret it,” I answered. “And being exclusive is nice. Having had that discussion and all. It’s like everything is upfront, expectations are clear, and we can just be…”

  “A couple,” Anna finished with a sigh. “Ah, Jolie, I love it. I’m so happy for you.”

  “Thank you.” And it felt good to have someone be happy for me. I had my family to support me, and even though I wasn’t sure how my parents would take to Josh—the bolder, tattooed form of him—I knew my brother would at least be thrilled.

  There were only a few tables of patrons being tended to an hour before closing, but the bar had filled up with almost a dozen bodies. As I walked by, I noticed a pair of eyes watching me from the stool at the end, and my veins filled with ice.

  Chris.

  “Oh, shit,” I groaned under my breath.

  I didn’t even care that I had fifteen minutes left in my shift and made a beeline for the break room. But Chris hopped off his stool and blocked my way.

  “Come on, Jo, don’t be like that.” He was so close, I could smell the booze on his breath.

  I took a step back when he tried to grab my arm. “Don’t touch me.”

  He scoffed, and when I attempted to go around him, he moved in my way again. “You can’t even talk to me?” I was about to throw some choice words in his face, but he sighed to mask his agitation. “I’m sorry, didn’t mean to be so harsh. I just haven’t seen you in so long and seeing you just…You look amazing, Jo.”

  I grunted some sort of disgusted response and pushed past him. He caught my arm anyway and jerked me back. Startled, I was about to scream my reaction but realized several people were watching us.

  Including my boss.

  In a low voice, I said, “Get the fuck out of here, Chris, before security throws you out.” I yanked my arm out of his grasp, just as Anna joined my side and shoved him in the chest.

  “Get your damn hands off her, asshole,” she warned. She motioned to Patrick to alert our security guy, and I started to panic.

  That was not what I needed.

  Chris gave both of us a nasty smile. “Ah, power duo, huh? Bitches in bunches?”

  I was actually surprised by how rude he was. Chris was all about appearances, wanting everyone to think he was su
ch a standup guy. I guess with a little alcohol and a bit of butt hurt, he wasn’t so calculated.

  He turned on his own and left, just when Damian came from around the bar to intercede. But Chris breezed on past him and disappeared out the exit.

  “Do I need to make sure he leaves?” Damian asked sternly, looking over the both of us.

  “No,” I answered. “It was nothing.”

  “Yes,” Anna opposed. “And walk Jo to her car tonight.”

  He agreed, and Anna looped her arm through mine. “You okay, babe? What started all that? What a fucking tool.”

  We headed for the break room, and I sighed. “That was Chris,” I admitted.

  She stopped and faced me, her eyes flashing with fury. “Shut the fuck up. Seriously?”

  I nodded as I slipped off my apron.

  Anna touched my arm. “Jolie, tell me this guy hasn’t been harassing you. Because—”

  “No, he hasn’t. That was the first time I’ve seen him in a year.”

  She seemed to consider that for a second. “So what did he want?”

  I clocked out and gathered my things. “Apparently ‘to talk.’”

  She narrowed her eyes. “About what? Not like you have kids to talk about or anything important. Right?”

  “Exactly.”

  “So tell him to fuck off.”

  “I pretty much did. That’s why he grabbed me.”

  “God, Jolie, I don’t like it. He can’t be showing up here and harassing you. And what if it’d been somewhere else, like your home or somewhere you weren’t as safe?”

  I hadn’t even thought that far ahead. “Just do not tell Patrick that I knew him, okay? Can we just blow it off like some random drunk getting a bit stupid? I can’t let him affect my job, Anna. Please?”

  She sighed heavily. “Fine, but I still don’t like it. I want you to talk to your parents about it, okay? Tell them what happened, tell your brother, all of them. Just tell them so other people are aware of what happened. And tell Josh. Promise me, Jo. Tell Josh.”

  Her persistence was worrisome, but I nodded in agreement. I’d barely seen my parents in the last few months. Just at two of my brother’s games. And they’d wanted me to come over for dinner a few times, but I usually worked that shift, and Sundays were days I wanted to unwind with my own plans.