If Not for You

by Debbie Macomber

  “My daughter needs me.”

  “For what?” Sunshine asked. “To buy her clothes, to decorate her apartment, to introduce her to men you consider a good match for her? Just whose life is this? It doesn’t sound like Beth’s. It sounds like yours. For the love of heaven, Ellie, don’t you realize you’re smothering the poor girl?”

  “You’re as bad as Phillip.”

  Nicest compliment Sunshine had gotten all week.

  “All right,” Ellie said grudgingly. “I’ll keep my original flight, but if I hear one more thing about Beth and this accident there is no way anyone is going to keep me away from my daughter.” The words and the way she spoke told Sunshine further arguments would be useless. Her sister’s mind was made up and there was no changing it.

  “Beth will be out of the hospital soon and well on her way to recovery.” She didn’t mention that Beth would be transferred to a rehab facility. Sunshine would let her niece explain that.

  “Thank you, Ellie. I know Beth will appreciate your restraint.”

  Ellie didn’t say anything for a long moment, and when she spoke next her voice was less brusque. “Is my baby hurting?”

  “She was in the beginning, but she’s getting better day by day.”

  “Thank you,” her sister whispered, sadness fusing with her words. “I’d like to say it was a pleasure, but alas, it never is with the two of us, is it?”

  “No. I wish it was different, though.” Once again Sunshine extended a hand to Ellie. It was up to her sister to reach for it.

  Her words were met with silence and then “Good-bye, Louise,” Ellie said as she cut the connection.

  One final dig.

  It saddened her that they couldn’t let go of the past. This matter with Peter stood between them as wide as the Grand Canyon. And it didn’t look to be shrinking anytime soon.

  Sunshine remained in the hospital hallway for several minutes, mulling over her conversation with her sister. It hadn’t always been like this between them. As teens they’d been close, trading each other’s clothes, telling each other secrets. Naturally they squabbled now and again. What two sisters didn’t? They decided early in their teen years to attend the same college. That was the start of all the problems, although they would never have guessed it at the time.

  A year ahead of Ellie, Sunshine was a junior when she met Peter. The two of them dated exclusively. A few times they even doubled up with her sister. It was all so perfect, so wonderful. Peter loved her and she loved him. Loved him still.

  Ellie liked Peter, too, and repeatedly told her how lucky Sunshine was to have him in her life. Young as she was, Sunshine hadn’t realized how fragile love could be.

  Sunshine swallowed down the sense of hurt and betrayal just as she had so many times before. The two people she had loved most in the world had betrayed her; they might as well have ripped her heart out of her chest and stomped on it. The pain had lessened with the years. She refused to allow herself to wallow in it again. It served no useful purpose; nothing positive would come of dredging up the memories that had the power to torment her.

  Once more Sunshine reminded herself all that was in the past. She had a good life, friends, a career she loved, and she made enough money from her artwork to live comfortably. What she didn’t need was the strife and angst of her emotionally needy sister.

  Yet here they were again, and the prize this time was Beth.

  The phone conversation with her sister had shaken her. It took several minutes to calm her nerves. Once her head and her heart were settled, Sunshine returned to Beth’s hospital room.

  Her niece looked up, her eyes and face full of anxiety as she waited to hear. “How’d it go?”

  “I should have talked to your father.”

  “Mom answered the phone?” Beth tilted her head back and stared blankly up at the ceiling.

  Sunshine didn’t need to explain further. It’d been an error in judgment to hope Ellie could put their differences aside when it came to Beth, seeing that they both loved the young woman.

  “Is she rebooking a plane ticket as we speak?” Beth asked, nervously rubbing her palms together.

  “She says she isn’t, but only time will tell.”

  Beth looked miserable. “I suggested she discuss it with Phillip. My guess is your father will talk her out of it. She did have something important on her plate this week, so that works in your favor.”

  “Dad might think she should come, though.”

  “Maybe, but I doubt it.” Sunshine felt bad. “She said she didn’t need me to act as a go-between and that you’ve been talking to her.”

  Beth rubbed her palms together and looked away, but not before Sunshine saw the look of guilt.

  “Beth?” Something was definitely up. “You have been talking to your mother, haven’t you?”

  “Yes…sort of.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “I haven’t lied,” Beth rushed to add. “I couldn’t even if I tried. Mom would see through that in a heartbeat. I haven’t been telling her the full truth is all. She might…you know…assume things.”

  The way her sister had kept Beth under her thumb was just plain wrong as far as Sunshine was concerned. Her niece was an adult and her sister insisted on treating her daughter as a child. Little had pleased Sunshine more than the day Beth announced she was moving to Portland. The fact that Beth had chosen to live in the same city as Sunshine had rubbed salt in Ellie’s wounded pride.

  Beth was smart. Smarter than Ellie gave her credit for. Sunshine loved her niece and they were tight, but Beth chose to live in Portland because she knew her mother wouldn’t be inclined to visit often, for obvious reasons.

  “What assumptions has your mother made?” Sunshine asked.

  “You know…that the accident wasn’t nearly as bad as it was,” Beth reminded her, and bit down on her lower lip.

  Sunshine nodded.

  “I did tell her it would be awhile before I returned to work and I might have let her assume all I needed was a few days to rest up.”

  They both knew it would be weeks before Beth returned to teaching, possibly even months. Beth was in for a long haul of physical therapy due to the rod in her hip. She’d been up and walking, but it was difficult and painful for her. The doctor had scheduled her for intensive physical therapy until she’d gotten the blood clot in her lung. Now her rehabilitation had come to a standstill.

  “Do you still call your mother every day?” Sunshine asked. That was one of the stipulations Ellie had made when Beth chose to leave Chicago.

  “I did in the beginning,” Beth admitted. “Now it’s every other day. I’m weaning myself away from her.”

  “Good for you.” Sunshine was happy to see her niece make the break. It was long overdue.

  Beth looked down and avoided eye contact. “Unfortunately, Mom isn’t taking it so well. If I don’t call her, then she calls me.”

  There was more to this, and Sunshine waited for Beth to explain.

  “I let her calls go to voicemail.”

  A smile crept across her mouth as she struggled to hold back her amusement.

  “I explained I can’t be at her beck and call while teaching. I have a life, and really it’s ridiculous. I’m twenty-five years old, not fifteen. Mom asks the most outrageous questions.”

  No doubt. Ellie’s real fear was that Beth, given her own choice, would steer away from the life path she had chosen for her daughter. It astonished her how little her sister knew Beth. Again and again Sunshine had been impressed with her niece’s kind heart, her passion, and her insights into the teens she worked with at the high school. Beth was wonderful, and her sister didn’t seem to appreciate or understand her own daughter, nor did she trust her.

  “How’s that working for you?”

  “Up until now, fairly well. Mom isn’t controlling me, and it’s like her main purpose in life has been taken away from her.”

  “It’s time, Sweet Pea.”

  “Past ti
me.”

  Sunshine more than agreed but didn’t say so. Beth had been smart enough to figure this out on her own.

  “Now, about your young man—”

  “He isn’t mine,” Beth cut in, her cheeks flushing pink.

  Sunshine held back the giggle as best she could. “My dear girl, I know your mother has controlled most of your social activities from the time you were old enough to date. You should know no man spends the night in an uncomfortable chair if he doesn’t have a strong interest in a woman.”

  Beth’s shoulders tensed. “If you’re going to make an issue of the fact that he isn’t someone—”

  “Hey, hey.” Sunshine did laugh then. “I like Sam. He’s good for you.”

  Beth’s eyes smiled, although Sunshine could tell she struggled to hide her feelings for Sam. “I think he’s good for me, too.”

  Before Sunshine could comment, Beth continued.

  “We’re not dating or anything…”

  “Yet.”

  Beth did smile then. “Yet,” she agreed. Almost right away the smile faded and her eyes grew dark and serious. “I know Mom will be here soon, and I’m worried.”

  “About her meeting Sam?”

  Beth nodded. “You and I both know Sam isn’t someone my mother would consider suitable for me. Which in my mind is ridiculous. What about character? What about being a man of his word? Those are qualities I consider important. Okay, I know all about The Dog House from Nichole, but—”

  “The Dog House?”

  She snapped her mouth closed as if she wanted to yank back the words before she quickly added “Never mind.”

  “Beth, you don’t need to defend Sam to me. I’m on your side.”

  Her niece’s shoulders visibly relaxed. “Good, because I like Sam…a lot.”

  “I know you do, and that’s great.”

  —

  Sunshine left the hospital shortly afterward and headed to her studio, eager to get back to her latest project. Often, when she returned from a business trip or a few days away, her head would swim with ideas. She could barely wait to get to the studio and get a paintbrush in her hand. Not so this day. Once in her studio she found she couldn’t paint. This was what Ellie did to her. She’d allowed her sister to steal her joy. So many times over the years, Sunshine had wished for a better relationship with Ellie. It hurt that they couldn’t be sisters, couldn’t be friends.

  After an hour of fussing around her work area, Sunshine drove home. Agitated, she cleaned her house and scrubbed the stovetop until she wore a hole through her rubber gloves. Then she set to work in her yard, clearing the flower beds despite the threat of rain. It was necessary to do whatever she could to take her mind off the sadness that made her heart ache for the sister and the friend she might have had in Ellie. This lifelong tug-of-war that had left them divided and wounded. Sunshine couldn’t help wondering if it would ever end.

  CHAPTER 11

  Sam

  Beth’s doctor said he wanted to keep her an additional three days in the hospital. With this latest scare, Sam decided he didn’t care what Nichole or anyone else thought. He fully intended to keep seeing Beth. She let him know she looked forward to his visits, and the truth was he liked spending time with her. Thursday night, however, was his poker night with the guys. He never missed. It was ritual. Him and the guys. All his friends were married and they faithfully attended unless it was a family emergency. Usually Sam was the first to arrive and the last to leave.

  This Thursday was different. As always, Sam joined his friends, but his mind wasn’t on the game. It was on Beth, wondering how she was doing, if breathing had gotten easier for her, if she was regaining her strength. Worries for her circled his mind. He missed her and his concentration wasn’t on the game. He lost his money early, and much to everyone’s surprise made an excuse to leave.

  “Already?” Alex asked, not bothering to hide his surprise.

  “What’s the rush?” Charley wanted to know. Charley was a high school friend of Rocco’s and had become a friend to Sam, too.

  Even Rocco looked surprised. “It’s not even nine-thirty.”

  Rather than explain, Sam grabbed his jacket and headed for the door. He knew even as he pulled away from Charley’s house that he was heading to the hospital. By the time he arrived it was after ten.

  Sure enough, Beth was awake. The minute he walked into her room, her smile nearly blinded him. It was as if she reached out and grabbed hold of his heart. Try as he might, he couldn’t explain his reaction. No woman had ever affected him this way.

  “I had a feeling you were going to show,” she said and stretched out her arm to him.

  Gripping her hand, Sam kissed her knuckles and felt mildly guilty. “You should be resting.”

  “I couldn’t sleep. I just had this feeling you were coming.”

  “Yeah, I did, too,” he admitted. Beth got to him in ways that should make him run for the hills, yet he remained rooted to the ground, unable to stay away. He wasn’t sure where this relationship was going. Hadn’t taken time to consider the future, and knew he probably should. He didn’t want to think about anything but the present. He was living one day at a time with Beth, and while he fully expected this to blow up in his face sometime in the future, he didn’t care. He’d deal with it when the time came.

  “Did you have a good day?” he asked, and noticed she no longer needed the oxygen tube to aid with her breathing. That was an improvement.

  “I’m anxious to get out of here. People die in here.”

  Sam snickered at her joke.

  “What about you?” she asked. “How was your day?”

  They’d texted back and forth a few times and talked over his lunch break. “Best parts were talking to you.”

  She smiled again, her eyes bright and warm. “For me, too.”

  “Are you being transferred tomorrow?”

  “That’s the word.”

  He saw the fine lines etched between her eyes in a soft frown. “You worried about something?” he asked, and realized he was getting to know her well enough that he could tell when something troubled her.

  “What makes you ask?”

  Sam waved his finger at her like a pendulum. “You can’t answer a question with a question. That’s breaking the rules. Now answer the question.”

  She sighed, her shoulders sagging slightly. “I talked to my mother this afternoon.”

  “And?”

  “She’s arriving next week.”

  “This worries you why?” He’d heard scant little about her family. He’d noticed that every mention of her mother produced a frown.

  “She’ll meet you, Sam, and she’s going to—”

  “Going to what?” he asked, his grip on her hand tightening.

  “Judge you.”

  Sam held her gaze. “And that bothers you?”

  She didn’t meet his gaze. “Yes, because I’m afraid she’ll scare you off and you won’t have anything more to do with me and that would devastate me.”

  “Beth, babe. Listen. Your mother might be a dragon lady, but she isn’t going to run me off.”

  “You haven’t met my mother.”

  “Beth, listen to me.” He tucked his index finger beneath her chin and raised her head so she couldn’t avoid looking at him. “Your mother isn’t going to influence my feelings for you one way or the other.”

  Hope widened her eyes. “Promise.”

  “Promise.” Sam hated the thought of Beth stressing about this.

  Leaning forward, their foreheads touched and Beth whispered, “I’m holding you to that promise, Sam.”

  “You do that.” The temptation was to kiss her. He thought about it often enough; in fact, it’d been paramount on his mind for several days now. Slightly lifting his head, he rubbed his nose against hers and then, because he couldn’t resist a second longer, he pressed his mouth to hers. It seemed Beth, too, had been waiting for this moment with the same eagerness as Sam had. As soon as their lips me
t, she released a low groan and parted her lips, welcoming him. Sam wound his hand around the back of her neck, his fingers tangling with her hair as he slanted his head slightly. She placed her hands against his chest and then gripped hold of the fabric of his shirt, clinging to him.

  Delicate as she was, he didn’t dare kiss her the way he wanted to. The hunger was there, the need, the desire, but he restrained himself, lightly brushing his mouth over hers so they were barely touching. Gradually he pressed more firmly, rubbing the slick moisture back and forth until he swore he’d never experienced a more erotic kiss in his life.

  When he broke away, his breathing was irregular and harsh. He held her for several heart-throbbing seconds while he regained his composure. It took him that long to find his voice.

  “I better go.” He continued to hold her, finding releasing her harder than ever.

  “Okay.” She, too, continued to cling to him. Expelling her breath, she eased away and whispered, “That was nice.”

  “That was more than nice,” Sam said, and kissed the top of her head as he pushed back. “It was wonderful.”

  Beth’s eyes remained closed. “I’ve been wanting you to kiss me forever. What took you so long?”

  Sam grinned. Good question. “The hell if I know. All I can say is that it was worth the wait.”

  Her smile widened. “Yes, it was.”

  —

  Friday Sam knew Beth was scheduled to be discharged from the hospital and transported to the rehab facility. Sam wished he’d taken the day off so that he could be with her, which didn’t make sense. Sunshine was sure to go with her. Still, he remained distracted, concerned about Beth. The kiss changed things between them. He found it impossible to stop thinking about Beth and wanting to kiss her again and again. All he knew was that within a matter of a week she had become important to him. More important than was logical or reasonable.

  Despite all their differences, he was drawn to her in ways that he hadn’t been to a woman in longer than he could remember. Okay, he could remember, but that was a relationship he’d prefer to forget.