If Not for You

by Debbie Macomber

  “It hurts Nichole that Jake is mostly absent for Owen.”

  Sam knew what he was saying. “That choice is his.” But Nichole wasn’t the only one who felt bad for Owen. Rocco did, too, and worked hard to be a positive role model and stepfather to the boy.

  “It’s a good thing Owen’s got Leanne and Nicolai.”

  Sam knew that the older couple spent a lot of time with Owen and with the baby as well, showering the newborn with love and attention.

  The door off the kitchen opened and Nichole appeared, wearing one of the apparatuses that carried the baby in the front, pressed against her chest. Matthew was sound asleep, his head resting against his mother’s breast. Sam reached out and cupped the baby’s small head. He enjoyed seeing Rocco with a young family, and his heart ached for all the might-have-beens in his own life.

  “Lunch is ready,” she said.

  Both men moved into the house, where Nichole had set the table.

  “How’s Beth?” Nichole asked as she set a tray of sandwiches in the center of the table.

  “Improving a little more every day.” Sam was proud of the progress she’d made. He didn’t try to hide his smile, which came to him whenever someone mentioned Beth’s name. Sam noticed Rocco watching him and frowning.

  “What?” Sam demanded.

  “You falling for her?” Rocco asked.

  “Maybe.” This wasn’t a discussion he wanted to have, especially now in front of Nichole. He turned his attention to the plate of sandwiches and said to Nichole, “Beth mentioned you were by recently.”

  “Yeah. Shawntelle and I came for a visit the other day. Now that she has a piano close at hand she’s resumed teaching piano lessons. A couple of her students were there at the same time. Kids from the high school have stopped by, too. Beth has improved a lot since the last time I was up to see her.”

  Sam knew Shawntelle was Rocco’s bookkeeper and a good friend to Nichole.

  “We arrived when she was arguing with the physical therapist about getting in the pool.”

  Sam snapped to attention. He didn’t know anything about this. “What’d you say?”

  “Beth didn’t want to get in the pool even though the physical therapist said it would help her.”

  “Why not?” he demanded. He’d kept close tabs on her treatment and was surprised she hadn’t mentioned anything about water exercises.

  “I don’t know why she refused,” Nichole admitted. “You’ll need to ask her.”

  “I will.” He would definitely find out what was holding her back.

  Rocco frowned. “What’s the deal? Is she afraid of the water?”

  “I don’t know,” Nichole said. “Shawntelle and I only heard the end of the conversation. I don’t think we were supposed to hear what we did. All I can tell you is that the therapists said it would help her, but Beth refused.”

  This didn’t make sense. Beth was one of the bravest women Sam had ever met. He couldn’t imagine her backing down from anything.

  Owen appeared and sat at the table. “Mom baked brownies this morning and she let me help.”

  “You want to be a chef when you grow up?” Sam asked.

  “I do if I can bake brownies.”

  Grinning, Rocco walked over to the refrigerator. “You want a beer or a soda?”

  “Soda.” Sam pulled out a chair and sat down next to Owen. Nichole had set out plates along with a big bowl of potato chips and sliced apples.

  Sam reached for a ham-and-cheese sandwich and studied it as if analyzing its contents. Finally, curiosity got the better of him. “Don’t suppose Beth mentioned me?”

  Nichole laughed. “Your name was every other word. It was Sam this and Sam that. Listening to her, one would think you walk on water.”

  Holding back a smile would have been impossible.

  “She said the two of you have been entertaining the patients and staff every night with your music.”

  Rocco reached for a sandwich. “You two are playing together?”

  “Yeah.” He could see that his friend was amused but unsure why.

  “What’s so funny?” Sam asked Rocco.

  His buddy shrugged. “Nothing. I just never thought I’d see the day.”

  “See what?”

  “You,” Rocco said, lifting the bowl of chips and emptying a large portion onto his plate.

  “What about me?” Sam had a feeling he should let this go, but he couldn’t make himself do it.

  “You,” Rocco repeated, “hung up on a girl.”

  “I’m not hung up on Beth.” He was. He so was, and he had no clue why he would deny it.

  “Would you two stop,” Nichole interceded. “You’re beginning to sound like kids on the playground.”

  Sam was happy to drop the subject. This thing with Beth was new and he had yet to fully take in what it was exactly, that they had other than a shared love of music and a connection he would be hard pressed to explain to anyone, even himself. And of course her addictive kisses.

  Hearing that she didn’t want to get into the pool for her physical therapy puzzled him, and he was anxious to talk to her about it. As soon as he finished with his sandwich, he made his excuses.

  “I best head out,” Sam said, scooting back his chair.

  “You didn’t eat a brownie,” Owen announced, as if Sam had decided against sampling nectar from the gods.

  “Next time, kiddo.” Sam ruffled the top of the boy’s head, raised his chin at Rocco, and hugged Nichole. “See you.”

  “Thanks for the help,” Rocco called after him.

  “Anytime,” Sam returned as he headed out the door. He didn’t hesitate and drove directly to the rehab facility.

  —

  When he found her bed empty, he did a search of the hallways, knowing she was probably walking the corridor. She used every excuse to stay out of bed, walking until the pain was too much for her or she grew weak.

  It didn’t take him long to find her. Watching Beth walk, he was once again amazed at the progress she’d made in such a short amount of time. Seeing her without her being aware, Sam felt a tug against his heart. She made him proud, knowing every step brought her pain. Sheer resolve was what drove her. Her concentration was keen as she purposefully moved one foot in front of the other. Several times he saw her grimace, and it was all he could do to keep from rushing forward, lifting her in his arms, and carting her back to her room. If it were possible, he would gladly take on that discomfort himself rather than see her suffer.

  Sam never expected such strong feelings for another woman. The depth of his attraction stunned him. It was like his heart reached out to her, willing her health and happiness, even if that meant it wasn’t with him.

  No, that wasn’t true.

  Just thinking about Beth with another man and his jaw tightened. He’d be lying to himself if he said he didn’t want her with him. That on its own was a surprise, seeing how he felt when they first met. Beth, sweet and proper; him being his irreverent self. It’d taken the accident for him to discover how much they had in common.

  As if sensing his presence, Beth glanced up. Immediately her face broke into a smile, her eyes widening with inexplicable joy.

  “Sam. When did you get here?”

  “Just a few moments ago.”

  She started toward him, nearly stumbling in her rush to reach his side.

  Sam lunged forward, wrapping his arms around her before she had a chance to lose her balance. “Hey there, one step at a time.”

  “I’m glad you’re here.”

  “Me, too.” He hugged her and kissed the top of her head. He wanted to really kiss her, the way he normally did when they were together. Prying eyes prevented him from doing something he knew would embarrass her.

  “You got the dryer moved for Rocco and Nichole?”

  “We did. Nichole dutifully fed me lunch and now I’m here.” He released her and she apparently noticed his injured hand.

  Her eyes lit up with alarm. “You hurt yourself
.”

  “It’s nothing,” he said, dismissing her concern, loving that she’d noticed.

  Frowning, she tenderly rubbed her thumb over the back of his hand. “It looks painful.”

  “It isn’t, but if you want to kiss it and make it better…just saying.”

  She laughed as he knew she would and pressed her lips over the small injury.

  “Better?”

  The question fell gently from her lips. He loved hearing the tenderness in her voice. “Much.” Although it wasn’t necessary, he kept his arm tucked around her waist and kept her as close to him as possible.

  He waited for a few moments, letting her set the pace as they walked, then asked, making the question as casual as he could, “What’s this I hear about you refusing to do water therapy?”

  “Who told you that?” Her voice held more than a hint of defensiveness, the subtle change in her obvious.

  “Does it matter?”

  “Yes…no, I guess not. It’s no big deal. I’d rather not do it is all.”

  “Why not?”

  She shrugged. “I like the beach and everything, but I’m not a good swimmer and—”

  “It’ll help, babe.”

  “Sam, please, I’ve listened to all the arguments. No one is more eager to get back to my life than me. I’m not convinced it will do much good, and I don’t want to put myself through the anxiety of getting into the water. It’s not a big deal.”

  He went still, preparing an argument.

  Beth interrupted his thoughts by punching him playfully on his forearm. “Stop calling me babe.”

  He frowned, taken aback by her request. “I thought you liked it.”

  “Generally I do, especially when you say it in that sexy tone of voice. One look into your eyes and I’m ready to dive into the deep end of the pool.”

  “Good, that’s what I want to hear.”

  “But not when it sounds like you’re disappointed in me. Then it sounds like a chastisement.”

  “You’re afraid?” He suspected that was the case.

  Her beautiful eyes looked up at him. “I’m not much of a water person and—”

  “Would it help if I got in the pool with you?”

  Her eyes widened, as if she wasn’t sure she’d heard him correctly. “You’d do that?”

  “If it would help you, of course.”

  She appeared stunned. “I…I don’t know.”

  “If you’re worried about getting in, I’ll lift you so you won’t have to climb down the steps.”

  “It isn’t that.”

  “Then what’s the problem?”

  “It shouldn’t be a big deal—”

  “Something happened, didn’t it?”

  She sighed and after a moment nodded. “I was eight and the son of a family friend held my head underwater. He was older and he thought it was funny. I thought I was going to drown. I’ve been uncomfortable in water ever since. It’s silly, I know.”

  “It isn’t silly.” Sam didn’t know the name of the boy who’d frightened her, but if he ever met the jerk he was determined to make him pay for terrorizing Beth.

  “It’s time I got over this, isn’t it?”

  “You can do this, Beth.”

  “You’ll come in with me the first time?”

  “Said I would, didn’t I? I’ll come more than once if you need me to.”

  She looked at Sam with such adoration that he thought his heart would quit beating. What she didn’t know was that he’d be willing to walk over hot coals if she asked it of him. Hot coals, sharp knives, anything. She was that important to him.

  Yup, he was in big trouble.

  CHAPTER 14

  Beth

  Beth was convinced it was a mistake to let Sam talk her into getting into the pool for her physical therapy. This phobia of being in the water was completely irrational. It wasn’t like someone would leap into the pool, grab her, and hold her head underwater. She wasn’t a kid any longer.

  As a young girl Beth had been terrified of drowning. The ocean didn’t bother her nearly as much as an enclosed swimming pool, even though a pool with lifeguards and people around was actually much safer than the potential for disaster in a vast ocean. Still, little soothed Beth more than spending time on the beach. She’d gone several times as a youth with Sunshine to Seaside, Oregon, and had loved every minute. Their time at the seashore held some of her favorite childhood memories. But an enclosed pool terrified her.

  Monday morning, Beth hoped Sam would forget all about his promise. It meant him taking half a day off work. That was a lot to ask even if he had volunteered. She’d tried to talk him out of it, claiming it wasn’t necessary, but Sam had insisted. She hated that he would need to be away from the garage because she was afraid of the pool. It embarrassed her to be weak. Repeatedly Sam had assured her it was nothing. She knew otherwise.

  Beth kept a close eye on the clock, dreading the physical therapy. When Sam hadn’t shown up by the time the therapist arrived, she felt a certain relief. And an equal measure of dread. Unfortunately, the pool time had been set. As much as she would have liked to get out of this, there was no backing out now.

  “It’s going to be fine,” Cassandra, the therapist, assured her. “We’ll go nice and slow. If you get uncomfortable, let me know and we’ll make other arrangements.”

  “You promise?”

  “Of course, but I know you’re going to be just fine.”

  Beth didn’t find her confidence reassuring, especially since Sam seemed to have been delayed.

  Which surprised her. Usually Sam was punctual; being late was unlike him. A hundred excuses ran through her mind. He might have gotten unexpectedly called in to work or he’d gotten delayed in traffic. Perhaps he’d changed his mind and decided it was time for her to put on her big girl pants and face her fears. None of that added up, though. If he’d been delayed or something unexpected had come up he would have sent a text. Now she had two concerns on her mind. The pool and Sam.

  Cassandra glanced at her watch. “I’m afraid we can’t wait for your friend any longer.”

  Beth swallowed against the tightness in her throat and squared her shoulders, determined to make the best of it. “Okay. Let’s do this.”

  By the time they got into the pool area, her heart was palpitating at an alarming rate. The pool was booked for the hour and Beth did her best to delay as long as possible, taking off her robe, pulling back her hair.

  Unable to put it off any longer, Beth let Cassandra help her into the water. Although it was a welcome eighty-three degrees, the shock of it caused Beth to gasp. She stood on her tiptoes and hugged her arms close to her sides.

  “You’ll warm up soon enough,” the therapist assured her.

  Beth offered her a weak smile, struggling not to hyperventilate from the cold and the ever-present fear of actually being in a pool.

  “How are you doing?” Cassandra asked.

  Unable to answer verbally, Beth nodded, certain all the blood had drained from her face. Thankfully, Cassandra had a tight grip on her hands, steadying her.

  “We’ll be finished before you know it.”

  “Good.”

  The door to the pool opened and Sam came inside. Beth’s grip on the therapist’s hands instantly loosened.

  “Sam.” She didn’t bother to hide how happy she was to see him. She was about to say more when she noticed the somber look about him.

  “Sorry I’m late.” He looked decidedly uneasy and his gaze just managed to avoid meeting hers. Something had happened, and while she wanted to ask him what, it wasn’t a conversation she wanted to have in front of her therapist.

  After a moment, he looked her way and offered her a weak smile. That was all she needed to relax. Having Sam with her was enough to soothe her fragile nerves. Her fear didn’t completely vanish, but with him in the room, it became manageable.

  While they waited, he quickly divested himself of his jeans. He had on his swim trunks. Beth noticed his long l
egs and the dark hair that covered them. He started toward the steps leading into the water when Cassandra stopped him.

  “You’ll need to remove your shirt.”

  Sam hesitated. “I can’t keep it on?”

  “No. Street clothes aren’t allowed to be worn in the pool.”

  After several uncomfortable moments, Sam grabbed the T-shirt at the back of his neck and jerked it off, tossing it carelessly aside. He was in the water in quick order, almost as if he couldn’t get in fast enough.

  Beth didn’t understand. His naked torso instantly captured her attention. He had washboard abs and was a fine specimen of manhood. There wasn’t a spare ounce of fat on him. Certainly there was no reason for him to be self-conscious about his body. Then she noticed the tattoo over his heart.

  Lucinda.

  He had a woman’s name tattooed there in a flowing French script with curves and swirls that were artistic. As she repeated the name in her mind, it sounded almost poetic.

  They hadn’t discussed his past loves. The subject had never come up in casual conversation. It was clear, however, that Lucinda was someone special to Sam. This helped explain why he was late and why he’d wanted to wear the T-shirt into the water. He hadn’t wanted Beth to see the tattoo or to know about this woman.

  She didn’t understand what the problem was. It was understood that he had been involved in other relationships. Perhaps not recently, but in the past. And really, why should it matter? But apparently it did to Sam.

  Beth remembered when Nichole first mentioned her meeting Sam. Her friend told her it had been awhile since he’d been involved with anyone. At the time, Beth hadn’t given it a second thought, and really, why should she? That night at the dinner, Beth never expected they would have any kind of relationship.

  On the positive side, seeing the other woman’s name etched on Sam’s chest like a banner helped distract her from her fears as she went through the therapy exercises. With Sam next to her in the water, it helped quiet her fears. He ignored the question in her eyes.

  Cassandra started to run Beth through a series of movements, but with Sam at her side, it was becoming a major distraction.