If Not for You

by Debbie Macomber

  CHAPTER 33

  Sunshine

  Sunshine’s Thanksgiving dinner had turned out far better than she’d expected. This was her first experience cooking a turkey, and she’d spent copious amounts of time studying instructions off the Internet. Thankfully, it had baked to perfection and her stuffing wasn’t half bad, either. This Thanksgiving was vastly different from years past. It was the first time since their parents’ deaths that she had shared the holiday with family.

  Correction—shared the day with blood relatives. In previous years, she’d spent major holidays with her artist friends and many were as close as family.

  Relaxed now, savoring the silence and the comfort of her own company, she sat in her living room. Almost against her will, her thoughts wandered to Peter. She suspected he’d spent the day alone. Perhaps one of his daughters had invited him to join her or he’d been with friends.

  Did Peter have friends? Her heart ached for him, for the bitterness that seemed to eat at his soul. Part of her yearned to reach out to him. She hesitated for fear that would do more harm than good, especially if he was in the same frame of mind as he’d been during their dinner. She was willing to give him a pass for the cruel words he’d said. Like her, he’d been in shock at the trick played on them. In light of their awkward dinner, all she was able to do was send him good wishes and positive thoughts.

  Exhausted now, Sunshine headed into her bedroom, intent on reading until she fell asleep. The gathering with Sam and Beth’s parents had gone relatively well, she thought, as she undressed and slipped between the covers.

  Sunshine saw the way Beth’s eyes had widened when Sam declared his love for her to Phillip and Ellie. The look on her sister’s face had been priceless. Ellie had been horror-struck, as if Beth had completely lost her mind.

  Phillip was Sunshine’s hero. She had never fully appreciated her brother-in-law until these last few months. He knew Ellie better than anyone, and while he might not wear the pants in the family, he controlled the checkbook. Phillip wasn’t about to let Ellie have her way when it came to their daughter’s happiness.

  Sitting up in bed, Sunshine reached for the novel she’d been reading for the last several nights. It was a whodunit and she’d gotten deeply involved in the plot. No sooner had she opened the book when her phone rang.

  Friends had called on and off all day, but it was after eleven—too late for friends to touch base. She reached for her phone and didn’t recognize the number. She was about to let it go to voicemail when she noticed the area code was from Chicago.

  “Hello,” she greeted tentatively. For no reason she could decipher, her heart raced at the speed of an Indy 500 car.

  Silence.

  “Hello,” she repeated, louder this time.

  “Sunshine?”

  She sat up straighter. How had she even guessed it could be him? “Peter?”

  Silence.

  “Happy Thanksgiving.” His voice sounded strange.

  If her heart was racing, her mind was going at warp speed. “Are you okay?” she asked gently.

  “Don’t think so.”

  His words were slightly slurred. “Have you been drinking?”

  “You could say that.” His laugh was more of a snicker. “You asked me on Saturday if I had a drinking problem.”

  “I remember.”

  “Do you remember what I told you?”

  “No.” Her heart was pounding so hard she could hear the echo of it in her ear.

  “I said, and it’s the honest truth, I didn’t until that day.” He snorted with a short-lived laugh. “Had more alcohol in the last week than in the last two years, and you know who I have to thank?”

  “Me?” Not exactly a wild guess.

  “Wrong. I blame that niece of yours. What’s her name again?”

  “Beth.”

  “Right.”

  Sunshine set her book aside. “Peter,” she said gently, “Why are you calling me?”

  “Why not? Do you want me to hang up, because I will?”

  “How did you get my number?” she asked instead.

  “I have my ways. It isn’t as difficult as you think.”

  “Are you alone?” she asked, wondering if he was in any danger.

  “Why do you want to know?”

  She pressed the phone closer to her ear, unsure he’d like her answer. “I was thinking about you earlier.”

  “Thought about you, too…every minute. Don’t want to. Don’t want you in my head, but you refuse to leave me alone and it’s driving me crazy.”

  “You’ve been on my mind, too.”

  He barked out a chilling laugh. “You pity me, don’t you?”

  “No,” she answered honestly. “Though I am sad for you. I’d hoped you’d had a good life.”

  “You’re not the only one. Answer me one question. Just one and then I’ll hang up and I swear by all I hold holy, which unfortunately is damn little, I’ll never contact you again.”

  “No, don’t promise me that. I want you to feel free to call me if you’d like.”

  Silence followed as if her words had shocked him.

  Sunshine bit into the corner of her lip. “What is it you want to know?”

  “Why you never married. I don’t understand it. Never have. Was it because of me, Sunshine? Did I destroy your ability to trust another man?”

  “No, Peter, that’s not it.”

  “Swear it.”

  “I swear it,” she said softly.

  “Why, then?”

  They’d already had this discussion once, and here he was again needing reassurances he’d not messed up her life along with his own.

  “I fell in love any number of times over the years,” she said, offering him what she hoped were reassurances.

  “Then why?”

  Time to own up to him and to the truth. “I had my career, Peter. I got sidetracked with my success.”

  “And?”

  He knew there was more, and Sunshine doubted that she could have hid it from him. “And,” she repeated, “I never found another man I could love as much as I did you.”

  The line went quiet. The only sound was their breathing, which quickly fell into unison.

  “You’ll never hear from me again,” Peter whispered, and he sounded completely sober now.

  “Will you do something for me?” she asked, saddened by his response.

  Silence again. “What do you want? You who has everything.”

  “It’s a simple request.”

  “Fine. Tell me.”

  She held herself stiff. “The woman you fired. Give her back her job.”

  Peter snickered.

  “Is it so much to ask?”

  “No.”

  Sunshine would rest easier now. “She had good intentions.”

  “Maybe,” he conceded.

  “Thank you.”

  “Always thinking about others…one of the reasons I fell in love with you.”

  Sunshine’s eyes teared up. “Good-bye, Peter.”

  She held on to the phone and then she heard the soft click as he disconnected. For several minutes she sat staring into space until she collected her thoughts. She didn’t doubt his word. Peter would rehire Sondra Reacher and never contact Sunshine again.

  After a while she sighed and reached for her novel.

  —

  Friday afternoon, Sunshine met her sister at Portland’s Waterfront Hotel. The invitation to lunch was unexpected, although she could guess the reason. Ellie was sure to plead her case in regard to Beth and Sam. The very idea of her daughter dating a blue-collar guy was abhorrent to her sister.

  They met in the lobby. Ellie wore a deep blue St. John knit suit and her hair, as always, was perfectly styled.

  “Thank you for agreeing to see me,” she greeted Sunshine stiffly.

  Sunshine nodded. “Of course. You’re my sister.”

  Ellie hesitated, as though the response had shaken her.

  “I thought we’d eat here,
” Ellie said. “I made a reservation and asked for a private table.”

  Sunshine followed her sister into the restaurant and they were seated right away. They each ordered Caesar salads with grilled chicken for lunch. After the waiter left, Sunshine said, “I heard from Peter yesterday.”

  Ellie’s eyes shot to her. “Peter Hamlin?”

  “Yes. It’s been over thirty years since we last spoke and then twice within a week.”

  Her sister looked dumbfounded.

  “Peter was in town for a conference,” she explained, “and Beth arranged for us to meet. It was a shock to us both.” It wasn’t necessary to tell her how badly their dinner had gone.

  “Beth would do anything for you.” Her sister’s words were weighed down with sadness and loss as if the love the two shared had robbed her of her daughter.

  “She loves you, too,” Sunshine reminded her.

  Her sister slowly nodded, as though she wasn’t completely convinced that was true. “Peter’s one of Chicago’s most successful attorneys. He’s been in the news several times with high-profile cases he’s won.”

  “So I understand.” Sunshine didn’t mention how miserable and bitter he was. No need for Ellie to know that.

  Her sister straightened and looked uncomfortable.

  Over the last few days, Sunshine had done a lot of thinking about the past and the role her sister had played in her relationship with Peter.

  Ellie spoke first. “I think it’s time you and I settled this awkwardness between us…I want you to know how dreadfully sorry I am for what happened between Peter and me. I won’t make any excuses…I thought I loved him, thought we would be perfect together. It wasn’t long after you left that we both realized it would never work. He blamed me for ruining his relationship with you, and you…you were justifiably angry with me. It was easier for me to get angry back rather than own up to my role in everything.”

  Sunshine was stunned speechless. Her sister had apologized. She couldn’t believe it. “Ellie, I forgave you a long time ago.”

  “I know,” she whispered. “It’s taken me this long to forgive myself.”

  “Oh Ellie.”

  Something had happened. She didn’t know what. The woman sitting across from her wasn’t the same woman she’d shared dinner with the night before. There was a complete turnaround in less than twenty-four hours.

  “I lost my sister because of what I did.” Ellie paid an inordinate amount of attention to the napkin in her lap, smoothing it out with her hand, keeping her head lowered. “And I hurt a good man.”

  Sunshine leaned forward and teasingly asked, “Okay, who are you and what have you done with my sister?”

  A smile cracked Ellie’s tight features. When the waiter delivered their salads, her sister looked grateful for the interruption.

  “Phillip and I are going through a bit of a rough patch,” Ellie admitted with some reluctance, as if it caused her physical pain to say the words. “We’ve had some heated discussions these last few months. I don’t mind telling you I’m lost without Beth. My days are empty. I hardly know what to do with myself.”

  Her sister’s honesty was out of character. All Sunshine felt capable of doing was listening. And an attentive ear was all Ellie really needed.

  “My husband and Beth have given me a lot to digest in the last few weeks.” Ellie’s lower lip trembled. “Phillip was right when he said my friends are shallow. I’ve come to fear that perhaps I am, too. I have no one that I am close to any longer. I realize I ruined my relationship with you years ago.”

  “Ellie…”

  “No, please, let me get this out. What Peter and I did to you…There’s no way I can undo the damage. If I could turn back the clock I would. You…you have a wonderful life. Your paintings are magnificent and you’re this huge success…and I have no one.”

  “You have a sister.”

  Tears welled in Ellie’s eyes. “Do I really, Sunshine?”

  “Yes, of course. You always have, and the truth is I need my sister, too.”

  Ellie gestured with her hand as if she didn’t know what to say. When she spoke, her voice trembled. “I’m afraid I’ve lost Beth and my marriage is hanging on by a thread. I feel like I’ve been cast adrift without a life raft.” She dabbed at the corners of her eyes with the linen napkin. “I have no one else.” Tears rained down her cheeks and she sniffled in an effort to hold them back. “This is ridiculous. I can’t believe I’m admitting this.”

  Sunshine couldn’t believe it, either. She didn’t know it was possible to heal her relationship with her sister.

  Ellie took a moment to compose herself, squaring her shoulders, straightening. “I expect I’ve ruined my makeup.”

  “You always look perfect. You got the looks in the family.”

  “Perhaps, but you got the talent.”

  Sunshine smiled but then grew serious. “You haven’t lost Beth. She needs her mother.”

  “I need my daughter, but this man she’s seeing. Surely you can see how impossible the two of them are together.”

  “As a matter of fact, I can’t. Sam is good for Beth. Whatever happens in this relationship is up to them. I will tell you that if you push it, you’ll only drive them closer together and your daughter further away.”

  “He loves her,” Ellie admitted. “Even I could see that.”

  “And she feels strongly about him, too.”

  Ellie’s shoulders sagged with defeat. “That was just as apparent.”

  Sunshine could see how difficult this was for her sister. “Beth is her own person, Ellie.”

  “She’s more like Phillip,” her sister admitted. “His mother was a pianist and Beth inherited her musical talent from that side of the family. I miss her something terrible. It killed me to have her move so far away.” She sniffled again. “Phillip…Oh Sunshine, I don’t know what to do. He’s so angry with me, and you know Phillip, he’s not an angry man.”

  Sunshine couldn’t imagine it, either. “Do you love him?”

  Her sister’s eyes filled with tears again. “So much.”

  “What happened?” she asked gently.

  Ellie reached for her fork and held it over her plate for several seconds. “Phillip and I disagreed over Beth moving to Oregon and it sort of escalated from there. Then she was in that dreadful car accident and I flew out for the brief visit. I wanted to return, take care of our daughter, but Phillip insisted I keep my word and stay away for the promised six months. He had no appreciation of how hard it was for me to stay in Chicago when Beth was hurting.” She still hadn’t taken a bite of her lunch.

  Sunshine reached for her tea and sipped it.

  “I wanted Beth to come home for Thanksgiving, but Phillip made it clear I was not to meddle in her life. I didn’t speak to him for three days, and you know what he said?” She stiffened. “He told me those were the happiest three days of his life.”

  It wasn’t a good idea to laugh, but Sunshine was unable to hold back a smile. She didn’t know her brother-in-law had it in him. Her admiration for Phillip escalated.

  “You sent Kier to check on her?” Sunshine asked.

  Ellie nodded.

  “Something happened between you and Phillip yesterday, didn’t it?” It only made sense, seeing how fragile Ellie currently was.

  “At dinner yesterday when I made a fuss over Beth and Sam’s relationship, it caused more problems with Phillip. He doesn’t like confrontation and ordinarily avoids it until he can’t hold it in any longer. Don’t misunderstand me. Phillip would never shout or make a big fuss, that’s not his way. Once we were back at the hotel, he laid into me about how I spoke to Sam.”

  “Have you two patched things up now?” she asked.

  Her sister went pale and fresh tears filled her eyes. “I…I don’t know where he is. After our argument, Phillip left the room and he hasn’t come back. I’ve been up all night fretting. I’m sure he must have gotten another hotel room. It kills me that he would go to that extrem
e. I feel like my entire world is imploding. I’ve alienated my daughter, and now it seems my husband as well.”

  Sunshine could see that her sister was a miserable wreck. “You know what you need, don’t you?”

  “A day at the spa, for starters,” Ellie said, and rotated her neck as if to ease away the stress and tightness there.

  “No, how about a day with your sister instead?”

  “Can we get a massage?”

  That did sound heavenly. “I think I can arrange that.”

  “Can we shop? There are some wonderful bargains. This is Black Friday, you know.”

  Sunshine shook her head. “I’m not much of a shopper.”

  “Oh come on, Sunshine. It’s time you updated your wardrobe, and I’m just the woman to make it happen.”

  She couldn’t help smiling. Sunshine was telling the truth when she said she missed her sister. While she didn’t know what the future held for Ellie and Phillip, she was fairly certain they could manage to be sisters again.

  CHAPTER 34

  Beth

  Beth was pleased with how Thanksgiving went with Sam and her family. They held hands through most of the meal and couldn’t seem to keep their eyes off each other. Sam had told her father that he loved her.

  Loved her.

  Her father had smiled and nodded as if it was understood. Naturally, her mother had freaked out, but that was to be expected. For the rest of the meal everything had gone smoothly, although her mother had remained suspiciously quiet. As soon as the table was cleared, Sam announced he would do the dishes. Beth offered to help while her aunt and parents retired to the living room. No sooner had Beth and Sam gotten the dishwasher loaded when her father announced they would be returning to the hotel. Just the way he spoke told Beth something wasn’t right, and she knew whatever it was involved her mother. Her father’s eyes narrowed in on Ellie as he steered her toward the front door.

  Before he left, Phillip hugged Beth and must have noticed her concerned frown because he whispered, “No worries, sweetheart.”

  She motioned with her head toward Sam, who was busy filling the sink with soap suds. Her father’s approval meant everything, knowing she’d never get it from her mother.