The Thubway Tham Megapack

by Johnston McCulley

  “Tho? Jutht you remember thith, Craddock—I ain’t to blame for everything that happenth!”

  Even as he spoke, from the corner of one eye he saw Shifty Peter do his work. Thubway Tham found himself admiring the technic of his young understudy. Shifty Peter had extracted a wallet in the most approved manner, and had transferred it to his own pocket. He had done it just as the train came into a station, and had already moved a dozen feet away from his victim and was preparing to leave the train.

  Thubway Tham decided to leave it also. He followed Peter to the street, Craddock walking a pace behind him. They were at Times Square, in the midst of a throng.

  “Tham,” Craddock said, “I suppose you are going to at­tempt to dodge me in the crowd, so you can get back in the subway and lift a leather or two. Listen to me, boy—I’m sticking closer to you today than a silk undershirt. I have had words with the inspector, boy, and he made the remark that I had to curb your activities or look for a new job of some sort. You grasp me, Tham?”

  “I grathp you, all right,” Thubway Tham told him. “And you can jutht thtick ath clothe ath you pleathe! Nothing would pleathe me more!”

  “Tham, this is sarcasm,” Craddock accused.

  But it was not sarcasm. For once, Thubway Tham meant it. He wanted Craddock to stick close to him. He wanted Craddock to know that he had not “turned a trick.” Then he wanted Craddock to discover, when he returned to police headquarters, that there had been several robberies in the subway.

  In a very deft manner, Thubway Tham conveyed a signal to Shifty Peter, who was halfway up the block. Peter immediately started walking down Seventh Avenue. Tham started that way himself, and Craddock, whistling softly, paced beside him.

  “Thtick jutht ath clothe ath pothible!” Tham told the detective. “Ath clothe ath a thilk underthirt!”

  Shifty Peter set a good pace, and Tham kept within half a block of him. Block after block they went, until they came to the vicinity of the Pennsylvania Station. Tham sent another signal to Shifty Peter, who turned into the station and went down to the subway platform.

  Again the three of them got into the same car, Tham and Craddock at one end, and Peter at the other. Again the car was crowded. Tham maintained a conversation and watched his understudy. Once more, he was agreeably surprised to see with what skill Shifty Peter worked. The youth made an excellent protégé, Tham thought. He would be a credit to the profession if he kept a level head.

  Just before Fourteenth Street was reached, Shifty Peter did something of which Tham did not approve. He lifted another leather. It made Tham angry. He had explained to Peter that a man should lift a leather just as a station was reached and the car was in a turmoil, then leave the train immediately and get as far as possible from the victim with great speed. Lift a leather, take out the money, and get rid of the purse. Then it was time enough to think of repeating the performance.

  Shifty Peter, however, had continued on the train after getting the first wallet, riding a dozen feet from his victim, in danger of being searched and caught with the goods if the victim discovered his loss and raised a cry. Moreover, he had obtained a second purse before disposing of the first.

  Thubway Tham promised himself that he would read Peter a lecture as soon as he got him alone. He saw that Peter intended leaving the train at Fourteenth Street and prepared to do likewise. Up to the street they went, Craddock at Tham’s elbow.

  “What is the idea of this globe-trotting tour?” Craddock wanted to know.

  “I am a good thitithen,” Tham explained. “I thupport every in­duthtry I can. And how can you eckthpect the thubway to make a livin’ if people don’t ride in it?”

  “Very charitable on your part, Tham. What are we going to do now?”

  “I am going home to retht.”

  “Now, Tham, you know very well that I’ll go right along and stand on the corner and watch for you to come out again.”

  “Thtand on the corner all you pleathe!” Tham told him.

  He gave Shifty Peter another signal and started down the street. Peter quickened his pace and hurried on ahead. Thubway Tham walked leisurely and refused to hold further conversation with the grinning Craddock. Tham appeared to be angry. He wanted Craddock to believe that he had given up in disgust all idea of lifting a leather this day because of Craddock’s presence.

  He came to the lodging house and went up the stairs. He walked through the office and then went to the end of the front hall and glanced down at the street. Craddock was standing on the corner, from where he could watch both entrances to the place. Tham hurried up to his room.

  Shifty Peter was there. On the bed were three wallets, and Peter was extracting their contents.

  “You ath!” Tham broke out, whirling around, slamming the door and locking it. “Tryin’ to get in jail? Why did you bring them thingth here? Didn’t I tell you to get rid of the leatherth ath thoon ath pothible? And here you thit, like an ath, with the door unlocked, gloatin’ over them. Thuppothe Craddock had come up with me to take a look around! Oh, you thilly ath!”

  “Gosh, I never thought of that!” Peter said.

  “You want to think, boy, or it thoon will be curtainth for you!” Tham replied. “Thpill out them billth and get out of here with the walletth. Get rid of them, and don’t do it around the houthe, either. Then come back and we’ll thplit!”

  “Why not split now?” Peter asked.

  “Do ath I thay!” Tham commanded. “Do you think I won’t thplit even?”

  Thubway Tham suddenly became menacing. He did not like the idea of a fellow crook imagining him crooked. Shifty Peter cringed against the wall.

  “I’ll—I’ll go!” he wailed.

  He sprang to the bed, emptied the wallets, handed the mass of bills to Tham, stuffed the empty wallets into his pocket, and bolted through the door.

  Tham locked the door again and counted the swag.

  “Two hundred and ten dollarth!” he whispered. “The boy ith all right, but he ith liable to cauthe me trouble if he ith not more careful. Runnin’ a rithk like that—the thimp!”

  III.

  Upon the following morning, Tham looked from the window of his room to see Shifty Peter standing across the street. Peter made a signal which meant that Detective Craddock was at the corner waiting to attach himself to Tham when he emerged, and Tham replied with another signal which meant that he would be out in a few minutes.

  He had given Peter a lecture the day before when the youth returned for his share of the receipts. Peter had accepted the rebuke with good grace, especially since he had a hundred and five dollars as the result of Tham’s teachings.

  “The betht way to pull off a thtunt ith right under the nothe of the polithe!” Tham had said. “I alwayth thaid tho, and now I know it!”

  He swaggered from the lodging house and started up the street, ignoring Detective Craddock purposely, but Craddock caught up with him before he reached the end of the block.

  “Good morning, Tham!” he said.

  “My heaventh!” Tham groaned. “You thpoil every day of my life! Here ith your ugly fathe again before I have had my breakfatht!”

  “Business, Tham.”

  “I thuppothe you want to thearch me or thomething like that?” Tham said. “I thuppothe thomebody in Than Franthithco wath touched latht night for hith roll, and you think I did it!”

  “Why, Tham, how sarcastic. Surely you are not sleeping well these days. I just wanted to say, Tham, that somebody is working your district.”

  “I don’t grathp you.”

  “Tham, I was sticking mighty close to you yesterday, and I know blamed well that you didn’t get your hands into anybody’s pockets except your own. And yet, Tham, old boy, three gentlemen were relieved of their purses in the subway at about the same time I was with you.”

  “Well, my heaventh!”

  “I guess they are beginning to think you are done, Tham. You’re slowing up, they think. Somebody surely is working the district that is su
pposed to be yours.”

  “Me, thlow up?” Thubway Tham gasped. “Not for yearth yet! Man, I am jutht gettin’ into my thtride! And I am thurprithed at you, Crad­dock!”

  “How is that?”

  “I thertainly am thurprithed that you don’t accuthe me of doin’ thothe trickth! I thought the thilly polithe alwayth thuppothed I did everything that wath done.”

  “Well, you’re innocent this time, Tham.”

  “Thankth for them kind wordth! They are thertainly appre­thiated. It ith not often you are tho kind!”

  “Doesn’t it make you a bit mad, Tham?”

  “What?”

  “That somebody else is working the subway.”

  “Are you tryin’ to inthinuate—”

  “Let us drop all pretense, Tham, and put the cards on the table, faces up. You’re a professional dip, and I know it; work the subway, and I know that. I’ll get you if it takes me ten years. But one of you is enough! If there’s another man working the subway game, I want to nab him before he gets a good start. And you don’t want any competition, do you?”

  “Thay! What ith the big idea? You talk a lot without thayin’ much!”

  “Why, I’d like to make a little arrangement with you, Tham. I want this bird, and you certainly don’t want him working your game and spoiling it. If you’ll scout around and locate him—”

  “Thay! Are you propothin’ that I turn thtool pigeon?”

  “Something like that, Tham, but only to land this fellow, of course. It’s as much to your interest as mine. And afterward I might turn my back—just once—and then our merry little feud will be on again.”

  “You make me thick! I am withe to you. I know how much you’d turn your back! There are crooked copth, but you ain’t one, Craddock—I’ll thay that much for you!”

  “Thanks, Tham.”

  “Tho don’t lie to me! It ith a wathte of time! And I will not be a thtool pigeon! There probably ith twenty dipth working in the thub­way, and I alwayth get blamed for what all of them do!”

  “So we can’t make the deal?” Craddock asked.

  “We thertainly can not! I thaid you wath an honetht cop, and you might thay I am an honetht crook at leatht.”

  “Very well, Tham. I suppose I’ll have to worry along without your valuable aid. But don’t get the idea for a minute that I am going to take my eyes off you.”

  “Thuit yourthelf!” Thubway Tham told him.

  “Do you happen to be going into the subway now?”

  “I happen to be goin’ to eat breakfatht,” Tham said.

  He went down the street and turned into his favorite restaurant. Detective Craddock took up a position in front of the window to wait. Shifty Peter watched things from across the street. This was another precaution of Thubway Tham. If an­other detective showed up, and Crad­dock turned Tham over to him, Peter would observe it and warn Tham when he came out. Tham took plenty of time about his breakfast, and then talked at length with the cashier before he went out upon the street again.

  Craddock, though, was a patient man. “I’m right with you, Tham, old boy!” he said.

  “Tho I thee! Closer than a silk underthirt, I thuppothe!”

  “Still sarcastic, eh? I thought you’d be in a better humor after breakfast.”

  “With your ugly fathe in thight? That ith impothible!”

  It was too early for the rush-hour crowd, and Thubway Tham walked up the street slowly, puffing at a cigarette and refusing to hold any conversation whatever with Craddock. Those were not new tactics. Tham had used them before in an effort to make Craddock so disgusted that he would cease shadowing. Craddock imagined that was what Tham was trying to do now. Tham wanted him to imagine just that, knowing that Craddock would stick close to him in such event.

  For an hour, Thubway Tham prowled around the streets and finally came to Madison Square. Craddock hung on his heels, and Shifty Peter watched from across the street. Tham walked on to Twenty-eighth Street, and there he gave Shifty Peter the working sign. They went toward the subway entrance.

  It was a downtown train they caught. The car was jammed with humanity. Tham stood in a corner with Craddock beside him, and Shifty Peter was near one of the doors.

  “You thtill here?” Tham said to Craddock.

  “I certainly am, Tham. I had begun to think that you had forgotten how to talk.”

  “A man mutht thpeak now and then or lothe hith voice.”

  “True words, Tham.”

  “Are you goin’ to pethter me all day? The firtht thing I know, everybody will be thayin’ that I am a thtool pigeon, runnin’ around with you all the time.”

  “I fear it is necessary that I pester you, Tham.”

  “Can’t a man have any privathy?”

  “Not in the subway, Tham—not in the subway! Especially you, Tham!”

  Tham was watching Shifty Peter, of course. He realized that Peter had spotted his victim, and Tham did not approve of the choice. The man was a sensitive, high-strung individual, Tham could tell at a glance, the sort of man who would know instinctively that he was being robbed. Tham tried to flash Peter a warning, but Peter was thinking of nothing now except the work in hand, and he did not even glance in Tham’s direction.

  Now the train was approaching the station at City Hall. Thubway Tham saw Shifty Peter move closer to his victim. Just as the train started to slow down, Tham saw Peter lurch forward, saw his hand make a lightninglike movement.

  At the same instant the train stopped, the doors were opened, and Shifty Peter’s victim gave a shriek and whirled around, hurling men and women right and left.

  “Pickpocket! I’ve been robbed!” he cried.

  There was instant turmoil. Craddock sprang forward. Shifty Peter had darted through the door and was already on the platform. The incoming crowd added to the confusion.

  The victim shrieked again, so much that he could not reply to Craddock’s questions. Shifty Peter had made good his escape by this time. Thubway Tham remained standing in the corner of the car, waiting.

  Craddock made a report of the occurrence and inspected those in the car; he failed to see a known crook. The train rushed on, but before it started, Tham and Craddock had stepped out to the platform.

  “Right before your thilly nothe!” Tham told him. “I thuppothe you think I did that.”

  “Don’t be an ass, Tham. I know blamed well you didn’t! But who did? That’s what I want to know.”

  “Right on the thpot,” Thubway Tham said, “and yet the man got away.”

  “Oh, I don’t know! The fool probably lost his wallet an hour ago and just now discovered it. Believe me, boy, when I am right on the spot in a case like that, I get my man.”

  “Yeth?”

  “Yes! And if there is another man working the subway, I’ll get him—just as I am going to get you one of these days!”

  They ascended to the street. Tham saw Shifty Peter a short distance away, looking very innocent and puffing at a cigarette. Tham gave him the home sign and walked down the street.

  “I am goin’ home to get thome retht,” he told Craddock. “And I don’t want to be pethtered any more today.”

  “I’ll take care of that part of it, Tham.”

  “Thuit yourthelf!” Tham said.

  He walked down the street slowly. He came to the lodging house and entered and made sure that Craddock remained outside. He watched for ten minutes and finally saw the detective turn up the street and hurry away. The “pestering” was over for the time being. Craddock evidently had other business.

  Tham hurried up to the room. Shifty Peter was waiting for him.

  “Well, I got rid of the leather this time, Tham,” he said.

  “You are an ath!” Tham told him. “After thith, you indicate the man you have picked, and I’ll let you know whether he ith all right. Anybody but a thimp would have known that wath not the thort of a man to touch.”

  “Well, how was I to know that he would make a noise about it?”
/>   “Uthe your judgment, if you have any,” said Tham. “After thith, you leave it to me! How much?”

  “Sixty dollars.”

  “Thixty dollarth, and you almotht got pinched!”

  “Why did you give the sign to come home so soon?”

  “Great Thcott! Anybody but a thilly thimp knowth that when you are almotht caught, it ith betht to lay off for a time! It ith a thraight hunch that trouble ith lookin’ your way!”

  “That’s bunk!” said Shifty Peter.

  “Ith it? You athk any good crook. It ith not bunk!”

  “Well, I didn’t like the idea, Tham—coming home after turning just one trick and getting only sixty dollars.”

  “But it wath the only thing to do.”

  “You old-timers may believe in that stuff—”

  “Thay! Don’t call me an old-timer, Thifty! I won’t thtand for it! You do ath I thay—get me? You carry out orderth and let it go at that. I know what ith betht! Grathp me?”

  “Yes, I get you!”

  “You’d better!” said Thubway Tham.

  IV.

  For the following three days, Thubway Tham was trailed closely by Detective Craddock, while Shifty Peter worked on Tham’s signals and lifted leathers under Craddock’s nose.

  Craddock was in despair. He had received a rebuke at headquarters because he had done nothing. All Craddock could say was that the man doing the work was not Thubway Tham. And so the subway was flooded with detectives and plainclothes men.

  But that did no good. Thubway Tham knew them all. If there happened to be one in the car, he signaled Shifty Peter, and no leather was lifted.

  These three days were prosperous ones. The sum total was almost one thousand dollars, the total having been swelled considerably by the wallet of an out-of-town buyer. Thubway Tham and Shifty Peter divided the proceeds, and Tham gave Peter a lecture on not showing sudden prosperity.

  “More men have been caught that way than in any other,” he said. “A man turnth a trick, and then blothomth out in glad ragth, and thpendth money on hith friendth. And along cometh thome detective to athk where all the coin came from—and then curtainth!”