by Lauren Wood
By the end of the evening, I was feeling better about work and I hoped that I had convinced Grant that me and Sam had nothing going on. He tried to kiss me as we were leaving the restaurant, but I dodged it and his kiss landed on my cheek. I smiled at him, but I could see the yearning in his eyes. He didn’t get what he wanted and when he leaned in for another kiss, I sidestepped it all together and told him I would see him at work tomorrow.
I drove home and thought about what kind of a mess I had put myself in. I cared about a man that I couldn’t have and was already getting additional admirers that I didn’t want. I swear that there was some way for guys to know that something in me had changed. It was like they knew that I was a full woman now and my loss of innocence made them more aware of that. It was silly to think about, but that’s how it felt. Or maybe now I was more attuned to a man’s desires and how he showed it. Either way, it was harder to deal with men now.
Pulling into the driveway of my apartment, I saw a blacked out car that looked familiar from before. I knew before I saw him that Sam was in there. “What is he doing here?”
I parked and got out, waiting for the car door to open as well. When it did, I didn’t look back, just fished out the key for the front security door and waited a few moments for Sam.
“How did you know it was me?”
“I had a feeling that it was you when I saw the car. What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to see you.”
“So you aren’t here to see if I was going home alone tonight or not, right?”
Sam had a look on his face and I could tell that it was definitely one of the reasons that he was here. He didn’t like that I knew and I just waved it all off.
“How did you know that I wouldn’t stay the night with him?” I had no intentions on doing such a thing, but that didn’t matter. What mattered was that I had bothered him just a little bit. Served him right. He had me all twisted up inside.
We got to the door and I stopped. He thought he was coming in with me, but I wasn’t going to let that happen.
“Sorry Sam. I am really tired. It was a long day and I am ready for some sleep. I would invite you in, but I don’t think that I would be very good company.”
Sam didn’t like my answer and for a second I thought he was going to insist. I don’t know what I would have done if he had. I would have most likely let him in and let it play out like it was supposed to, but that didn’t happen. Instead he told me to have a good night and he moved back down the stairs, only looking back once before he left out of the front door. Why did I feel like I had just made a mistake in letting him go?
Chapter 16
Sam
The woman was infuriating and by the end of the week, I had reached a point of no return. It was almost impossible to know what Meri was thinking because she did her best to stay as far away from me as possible. When I asked her to lunch again, Meri was always busy or at least always had an excuse why she couldn’t go with me.
It was getting to me and by Friday at the end of the day, I made it my mission to track her down. She was hard to find, never in the accounting department because she was always retrieving reports and dropping things off throughout the very large building. Finally I called down to her department and requested she picked up some reports that I didn’t even need down there, but it was an excuse to see her. Meri wouldn’t be happy, she would think I was bringing attention to her that she didn’t want, but I didn’t care. All I wanted was to see her and that is what matters.
Meri knocked. I was so hard up for her that I could recognize her knock as opposed to others. She had only been in my office a couple of times and it didn’t take long for me to get to know her knock.
“Come in Meri.”
She smiled as she came in, but it didn’t reach her eyes. It wasn’t the welcome that I was hoping for. I kept hoping that I would get the same smile I was given in Thailand. It was that open and free look that I missed the most.
“Close the door behind you Meri.”
Doing as I asked, I offered her the seat across from my desk and Meri sat down, crossing her legs in a modest way.
“So this is your first week over. How did everything go?”
“Pretty well I think Sir. Thank you for the opportunity.”
I sighed at Meri. “Please don’t call me Sir. I think we know each other a bit too much to be so formal.”
“Yes.”
“I got some paperwork in from Thailand that I have been meaning to give you. It is releasing you from all of the charges officially. It has been hard to find you lately. Have you been avoiding me?”
“No, not at all Sam. I have just been busy and want to make sure I am doing a good job. This job means a lot to me.”
She was trying to steer the conversation away from what I wanted to talk about. I tried to think through it while I went through a stack of papers on the desk for the ones for her. It wasn’t that important, not really, but it kept her here and gave me a little more time to think about all of it.
“Here it is.”
“Thank you for everything Sam.”
Again she was reminding me of how she owed me and it was ruining where I wanted this conversation to go with this. It made me feel like I was taking advantage of her and I wasn’t. Damn she made this so much harder than it had to be.
“Was there anything else Sir?”
Back to Sir, again. I shook my head and told her that there wasn’t anything else. I was at a loss of words and the more I thought about it, the more it drove me crazy. Why couldn’t she be like every other woman? I could barely shake them, but the one woman I wanted, wouldn’t give me the time of day. It really just didn’t make any sense at all.
“I will see you Monday Sir. I hope you have a good weekend.”
“It would be better if you would go out with me on Saturday. We could do whatever you want to do. Go wherever you wanted to go.”
Meri told me thanks, but she wouldn’t be available. She had plans with Ashlyn and I watched her leave. This was becoming too complicated and I didn’t like complications. If Meri wouldn’t have me, someone would. I had never had trouble before. I just needed to get the vixen out of my mind.
***
Meri wasn’t getting out of my head like I needed her to. She was stuck there and when I decided that I was going to find someone else to push her out, I knew that I was going to call an old friend that I hadn’t seen in a few months. Angie wasn’t what I was looking for, but she would have to do.
I called her up and Angie was always ready to see me. I knew that she was just as sexual as I was and unlike other women, she wasn’t afraid to show that side of her. It was one of the things that I liked best about her, though I had never said it out loud. I don’t know if she would have been offended if I had.
We met at the Castrov bar and she was waiting for me at a table when I got there. Angie stood up and I took her slim body into my arms. She was beautiful, her long brown hair swept back in a ponytail and a tight dress that showed off how trim and petite she was. The feel of her body was so different than Meri. I immediately felt the difference and wished that they were built alike more. It would have been easier for my brain to pass her off as Meri that way.
“It has been a long time Sam. I thought you had forgotten about little old me.”
“How could I forget about you Angela? I have just been too busy to partake in the better part of life.”
Angie chuckled and took a sip of her wine. She had a grin on her face that I had loved to see. It was full of mischief and I knew what she was thinking about. Angie moved closer to me and I felt her hand go on my thigh.
“What are we doing here?”
“We are having a drink.”
“Why here? Don’t you want to go somewhere where we can be alone and we can act on the urgings that we are feeling right now?”
It was exactly what I wanted, but I wasn’t as ready to leave with her as I would have thought I was. I needed this, my b
ody needed this and even though she wasn’t Meri, that didn’t mean that it wasn’t going to be enough. My body was working on the invitation of privacy, even if my brain hadn’t caught up yet. It was hung up on a woman that I couldn’t have, so there seemed to be no real reason to deny myself.
I finished the drink in front of me and took her hand, leading her out of the bar and into the waiting car that was out front.
“You had me worried there Sam. I missed this side of you.”
The door was opened and she kissed me on my lips, her tongue pushing through to mine and I could tell that she was ready, most likely wet. That was something that I remembered very fondly about Angie, that and her willingness to please.
When we got into the car, she sat so close to me, her hand back on my thigh as I told the driver to take me to the hotel. There was a part of me that knew this was wrong, but I tried to push back the thoughts that were haunting me. How was I ever going to get anywhere this way?
It didn’t take long for Angie to do what she does best. She was pulling my pants down and before long I was in her hands. The palm was soft and small, though not as small as they should have seemed. I wanted to take her, make her mine, but the rest of me now wasn’t so sure. I had been hard for weeks it felt like, but now there was nothing tenting my pants.
“Are you sure you are okay? Did you drink too much?”
Her hand rubbed on my shaft, but nothing happened. This had never been a problem before and I didn’t know what to do. After a few minutes, we were at the hotel and I was no closer to being with Angie than I was before. She even tried to use her mouth to get me going, but I couldn’t help it. I didn’t want to.
“What is going on here Sam? This has never happened before. Do you not like me anymore?”
The driver was opening the door as I was sitting up to get my pants back where they belonged. I was embarrassed to no end, but it wasn’t as surprising as it should have been. Angie wasn’t what I wanted, no matter how talented she was. I wanted Meri, the innocent one that had no experience. My pleasure from her was derived from the reaction to her own. I didn’t need to know anymore. It was clear that my body wasn’t going to go with it.
“I am sorry Angie. I am really tired and I thought that I would be able to muster through it.”
“Do you want to come up and see if we can get you back on track?”
If I thought that it would actually work, I would have went upstairs with her and tried. But I knew that it wasn’t going to work because I just didn’t want it to. I didn’t want to try when it was like banging my head against a wall anyways.
“I’m sorry to have called you out and then left you wanting.”
“It’s okay Sam. I have missed you and it was good to see you. Are you sure you won’t come up?”
Her tone was confused and I felt like I should second that notion. I was confused too. How could Meri be affecting me so much? She made it clear that she didn’t want to pursue anything further. I should back off and give her space, but what if I wasn’t able to ever move on? Was I really supposed to wait for her to come around, or worse, what if she doesn’t come around ever?
Chapter 17
Meri
Things were getting easier at the office, though I couldn’t say if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Sam didn’t pursue me as much anymore. I did check him looking at me from time to time when he thought I wasn’t paying attention. I didn’t like what happened between us, but I felt like it was all for the best.
It was almost the holidays and since I was staying in the city and didn’t have any family anymore, I volunteered to stay around and get the work done while most of the accounting department took the week off. I needed the extra money and with nothing else to do, it seemed like the natural course of things. I hadn’t even put one decoration up, so it wasn’t feeling very festive at my apartment anyways.
“Meri. You are still here?”
I shrugged and didn’t even look up. I had learned that if I didn’t really look at Sam, I wasn’t pushed into that strange place where I could barely utter a word around him.
“Just finishing up some reports so I don’t have to come in tomorrow.”
“Why aren’t you with your family, gone like everyone else?”
“I don’t have much family, so it is better to work and keep my mind off of everything. Why are you still here Sir?”
He growled at me under his breath and I had a feeling that it was because I still didn’t feel comfortable calling him by his real name, no matter what we had gone through together. Here everything was different and I had to forget how it was in Thailand.
“I have a party to attend tonight. I am just staying around until it is time to go. No sense in going all the way home if I don’t need to.”
I nodded my head like I understood and went back to my work. I could see that he was still in front of me and he wasn’t budging. What more did he want?
Finally I looked up and our eyes met for a moment. I shouldn’t have done that. I really shouldn’t have because I felt a wave of pleasure when I did. He was hungry for me and I looked away before I saw more there than I was supposed to. My body was already responding, my nipples getting harder by the minute.
“Why don’t you come with me? I believe that you will know some of the people there. Ashlyn will most likely be there.”
His mention of Ashlyn made me straighten up. I didn’t like being around him and Ashlyn at the same time. It made me feel like I was crossing a line somewhere. She had warned me about Sam and I hadn’t listened. Once I got the warning, it was too late. It felt like it was too late now.
“I don’t think that is a good idea Sam. Not with everything between us.”
He waved me off and said that he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. I remembered a time when I couldn’t tell him no, though now it was a little different. Now I knew that I could, but I was to the point that I didn’t want to tell him no. I really missed him and what he could to do my body. I swear it was the extra hormones or something, but I couldn’t get this man out of my head.
“Fine, but only for a few moments. I don’t want to stay out too long.”
Sam got this look on his face as if he had won and that made me far more nervous than anything else. It felt like he had something up his sleeve and I wasn’t sure what it was. I had a feeling that I could guess though. It didn’t look like he was going to be good, so I was going to have to be for the both of us.
I finished up my work and met Sam down by the elevators. It wasn’t like the first ride that we had taken, this time it was much more awkward and I think both of us were at a loss of words of what to say. I didn’t say anything and Sam was quiet for once as well. He was so close to me though that it bothered me, I could feel his presence so clearly. I started talking to fill in the dead space.
“Was there something on your mind Sam? I don’t think I have ever seen you this quiet.”
“I miss you.”
I wasn’t ready to go back there again, so I ignored the sentiment. “I am sure you have moved on Sam. I know how it is for men like you in the city. I bet tons of women are trying to get into your bed. You are rather good looking.”
He surprised me with a chuckle and then he sat closer. “You know that you are the only one that I want Meri. When are we going to stop this charade and see where this all goes?”
I knew what he was talking about, what he wanted, but there was too much at stake. I couldn’t agree to it, not when I knew that he would drown me again and I would have no help getting back to the surface.
“We both know where it will go Sam. That is why we are going to be professional. I don’t want you to think that me coming with you means anything more than it sounded better than sitting at home all night by myself.”
“You really know how to kill my hope.”
“Someone needs to. We both need to stop pretending that this is something more than it is.”
He didn’t answer me, but by the wa
y his teeth gritted together, making his jaw twitched, I knew he was upset with me. “I don’t feel that way at all. I think you need to stop pretending like you don’t feel something for me. I know you do and all I have to do is touch you and you will turn to jelly in my hands. Have you found someone else to do that for you?”
Sam was really upset and I wasn’t sure how to respond. Was he jealous? If I didn’t know any better, if it wasn’t Sam, I would have thought that he was being jealous, but for him it just didn’t make sense.
“I don’t think that is any of your business Sam. You are getting out of line.”
“Maybe so. But I have seen you and Grant running around the building. You two are attached at the hip. What does he say that has you giggling in such a way?”
He was definitely jealous and I really liked the way it looked and the way he felt about all of it. I know that I wasn’t supposed to. I was supposed to be getting over him after all, but it was nice to know that he couldn’t just get over us as easily as he had tried to make me believe when I was leaving Thailand. It was good to know that I wasn’t the only one hurting because of all of this. I missed him, as he told me he missed me, but I didn’t see a resolution coming out of this. How was this even supposed to happen with the way things were going right now?
“You are not being very nice Sam. You are my boss, nothing else that would give you the right to say such things to me. You can just let me out right here.” For wanting to be with him one minute, the next I was ready to knock his head off of his shoulders. That was how frustrated he made me about everything.
“We are here. No reason to get so dramatic. We are just talking.”
I tried to keep my temper in check. My emotions were all over the place lately and I just didn’t feel like myself. It was all because of Sam.