Encyclopaedia of Hell: An Invasion Manual for Demons Concerning the Planet Earth and the Human Race Which Infests It

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Encyclopaedia of Hell: An Invasion Manual for Demons Concerning the Planet Earth and the Human Race Which Infests It Page 6

by Olson, Martin


  For example, here are merely two of hundreds of passages which I personally interpolated into one of Lord Satan’s biblical texts:If there arise among you a prophet, or a dreamer of dreams, and he giveth thee a sign or a wonder... that dreamer of dreams shall be put to death... Thou shalt not consent unto him nor harken unto him; neither shall thy eye pity him, neither shall thou spare, neither shall thou conceal him; But thou shalt surely kill him; thine hand shall be first upon him to put him to death... and thou shalt stone him with stones, that he die...38

  And this:Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and

  Bible: Killing Guide For Xenophobics

  sisters — yes, even his own life — he cannot be my disciple”.

  These passages were two of my most successful practical jokes, giving human idiots Divine Justification for the Inquisition and other campaigns promoting the torture of humans in the name of their “God,” and for the joining of cults and abandoning loved ones.

  The fact that Lord Satan’s parables inspired the teachings of Jesus Christ39 also illustrates the role bibles and scriptures have played in the promulgation of evil on Earth. Demons with a playful spirit will enjoy searching out my more recent — and even more idiotic — interpolations to other works by Lord Satan, including world Scriptures, Constitutions and world religion blogs.

  BIBLE BELT (bī bəl bĕlt) p. Tightly notched strap which constricts the Flabby Pot-Belly of the Human Imagination.40

  BIGAMY (bĭg ə mē) n. A clinically demented human who desires the twaddle of more than one spouse simultaneously. See Marriage.

  BIRTH (bərth) n. See Incarnation .

  BITTER (bĭ tər) adj. To hungry Demons, the Caucasian race.

  Human Defiling Blackboard

  BLACKBOARD (blăk bôrd) n. A rock whose blank virginity, when accosted by a human teacher with chalk, is odiously defiled. See School.

  BLACK DEATH41 (blăk dĕth) n. 1. A welcome respite from the bane of human health. 2. Nature’s answer to vitamins and exercise. See Plague.

  BLACKLISTING (blăk lĭs tĭng) n. The act of giving a child a name and a Social Security number, branding him as a card-carrying member of the Human Race.

  BLASPHEMER (blăs fə mē) n. A human who contradicts idiots. See Heresy.

  BLOOD (blŭd) n. To Mankind, the least valuable of liquids. See Sewer; Vein.

  The Blood-Drenched Machine of Mankind

  BODY (bŏ dē) n. The gory printout of a human’s consciousness. See Flesh.

  BODY BAG (bŏ dē băg) n. A zip-lock sandwich bag for maggots. See War.

  BODY-SNATCHING (bŏ dē snă chĭng) n. See Archeology.

  BOOK (bk) n. That which disturbs the quiescent beauty of human illiteracy. See Library; Literature.

  BOTANY (bŏ tə nē) n. The act of insulting a plant by naming it after a human. See Plant.

  Secret Salute of Boy Rape Cult

  BOY SCOUTS OF AMERICA (boi skoutz əv əmĕr ĭ kə) n. Scheme contrived by inventive homosexuals for the mass fondling of boys in the woods. See Homosexual; Rape.

  BRAILLE (brāl) n. Means by which blind humans are able to read pornography.

  Skull Gristle Soured by Stupidity Warning: Inedible

  BRAIN (brān) n. 1. The human organ allergic to intelligence.

  2. With reference to an abode of awareness, a superstitious delusion of modern anatomy. 3. Bad-tasting clot which, when sucking brain fluid via a straw, must be spit out. See Mind.

  BRAKE (brāk) n. Hated mechanical device which inhibits the splatter of human gore on roadways. See Automobile.

  Flesh-Nodule Transforming Device

  BRASSIERE (brə zĭr) n. That which attempts to transform two ventral flesh nodules of fatty tissue into exquisite orbs of desire. See Lingerie.

  Milk-Exuding Flesh Nodules

  BREASTS (brĕsts) n. Sagging nodules on the chest of the human female which exude milk and are worshipped by infantile Humanity. See Wet Nurse.

  COMMENTARY BY BELIAL

  The bizarre worshipping of human mammary glands, an activity repulsive to Demons, is one of the chief activities of Mankind. Largely male human breast-worshippers seek out films, videos and photographs of these drooping, rubbery flesh nodules in various modes of activity, excitement and repose. Entire human industries have been created based on human breast-worship, producing a plethora of breast-based products such as:

  Brassiere — (See previous);

  Breast Copulating Pictorials — which record the squeezing and chafing of the flesh sacs around the male’s ridiculous erect penis;

  Wet T-Shirt Contests — ritual events in which male humans spray water over a female contestant’s torso-covering, in order to create an idealized outline of the oozing breast-bags.

  Sacred Altar of Alcohol

  BREWERY (brū ər ē) n. On Earth, as in Hell, a holy place.

  BRIBERY (brī bər ē) n. An act of beauty in which a human defiles his soul for money. See Badge.

  BRITISH EMPIRE (brĭ tĭsh ĕm pīr) n. A puny conglomerate of humans dedicated to the stealing of land and the enslavement of those with fewer weapons. See Great Britain.

  BRONZE AGE (bränz āj) n. An era in which humans celebrated the Ability to Kill Each Other With Metal.

  Self-Mutilation Tool

  BULLET (bŭl ĭt) n. Projectiles designed by Humanity for the endless mutilation of its own groupbody. 42

  Corpse Enclosure Insuring No Intercourse With Nature

  BURIAL (bĕr ē əl) n. The enclosing of a fresh human corpse in an airtight chamber. One of the chief characteristics of a human being is that the human corpse must have no intercourse with nature.

  C, C (sē) n. An archetypal shape, well known to Mankind: the Cupped Hand Whining for More.

  CAFFEINE (kă fēn) n. A drug that humans imbibe en masse every morning, which helps them pretend that they care about their meaningless existences.

  CALIFORNIA (kăl ĭ fôr nyə) n. A place of warmth infested with humans obsessed with material self-aggrandizement, spiritual enslavement or both.

  CAMPFIRE GIRLS OF AMERICA (kămp fīr gərlz əv ə mĕr ĭ kə) n. See Girl Scouts of America.

  CANCER (kăn sər) n. A self-generated spice which makes human flesh delicious.43 See Part 1, Section 8: On Eating Humans

  Cannibals Preparing Family Barbecue

  CANNIBAL (kă nə bəl) n. An ecological engineer who recycles Humanity. See Chain of Eating.

  CANON LAW (kă nən lô) n. Rules which allow Christian ecclesiastical authorities to elevate into Law scriptures which bring the most profit. For example, in 1878, a council of demented homosexual ecclesiastics voted that from that date onward, Jesus’ mother Mary was to be called a virgin; this justified a fundamental church precept that Sex is Evil, ordering the poor to pay priests in order to be forgiven for fornication.

  CAPITALISM (kă pĭ təl ĭz əm) n. A political theory in which the individual is less worthless than the group.44

  CAPITAL PUNISHMENT (kă pĭ təl pŭn ĭsh mənt) n. Death-Lite : all the satisfaction of murder with only half the guilt.

  Bespoiler of Nature

  CARPENTER (kär pən tər) n. That which soils natural settings by building churches.

  CARTOON (kär tūn) n. The most accurate depiction of human reality. See Nothingness; Reality; Surrealism.

  Final Evolution of the Human Bed

  CASKET (kăs kĭt) n. The exquisitely logical evolution of the human bed. See Bed; Pallbearer; Sarcophagus.

  Witness to Multiple Head Wounds

  CASH REGISTER (kăsh rĕ jĭ stər) n. That which daily witnesses a human clerk’s head blown off with a shotgun.

  CASINO (kə sē nō) n. Room attached to a Catholic Church. See American Indian; Gambling.

  CASTRATION (kăs trā shən) n. Radical disassociation of the human male libido without psychoanalysis. See Circumcision; Neuter.

  Soul Extortion Center

&
nbsp; CATHOLIC CHURCH (kă a thə lĭk chûrch) n. Human corporation dedicated to the marketing, exploitation and extortion of the soul. See Pope; Priest.

  Caucasian: Race of Stringy, Inedible Flesh

  CAUCASIAN (kŏ kā zhən) n., adj. See Invasion Manual, Book One, Section 8: On Eating Humans.

  CELIBACY (sĕ lə bə sē) n. A tiny cage door behind which rages the monstrous organ of lust. See Nymphomaniac.

  CEMENT (sĕ mĕnt) n. In Sicily, human footwear. See Concrete.

  CEMETERY (sĕ mə tĕ rē) n. Heaven for maggots.

  Insignia of Satanic Incompetents

  CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY (sĕn trəl ĭn tĕ lĭ jəns ā jən sē) n. A secret hierarchy of clodhopping knuckleheads infesting America (q.v.) and ineptly attempting to manage the Business Affairs of Evil through puerile and pedestrian acts of murder, drug dealing, assassination and mayhem.45

  COMMENTARY BY AHRIMAN

  By way of example, the C.I.A .’s incompetent marketing of cocaine and weapons would, in more intelligent hands, earn enough money to achieve the goal which eludes them in their incompetence: corrupting the world to the lusciousness of Evil as a gift to their Master, Lord Satan.

  Mankind: The Meat at the Bottom of the Eating Chain

  CHAIN OF EATING (chān əv ē tĭng) n. The Cosmic Precept which mandates that Mankind was created as a central, multipurpose foodstuff at the bottom of the Eating Chain to be gutted, seasoned and devoured by Demons.

  COMMENTARY BY BEHEMOTH

  All editions of this book have been soaked in alchemical poisons that kill humans on contact. Please devour any poisoned human carcasses found clutching this book.

  CHAIN STORES (chān stôrz) n. Places of commerce which chain human workers to minimum wage.

  CHAIR (châr) n. The most unfortunate of inanimate objects, destined to kiss the human ass.

  Most Unfortunate Household Object

  CHAOS (kā os) n. The Physics of Nightmare, beloved of Hell.

  Disgusting Cow Excretion Savored by Humans

  CHEESE (chēz) n. The curdled excretions of a fly-covered cowbag.

  CHILD ABUSE (chīld ə byūs) n. See Mother.

  Icon of Child Sacrifice Program

  CHILD SACRIFICE (chīld să krə fīs) n. Performed routinely by every human culture, presently under the guise of herding eighteen-year-olds and mind-controlling them to fight to the death in corporate wars. See Soldier.

  China: Admirable for Gutting Holy Men

  CHINA (chī nə) n. 1. Nation which glorifies its stupidest class, the gum-chewing factory workers who achieve their collective ideals by slaughtering holy men and perfecting nuclear arsenals. 2. Tacky one-room apartment wherein two billion roommates share the same urine-stained jumpsuit.

  CHLORINE (klōr ēn) n. Contaminant used by adults to poison swimming children.

  Hellish Eating Utensil

  CHOPSTICKS (chôp stĭks) n. That which pretentious Demons use to eat fried Asians.

  CHRISTIANITY (krĭs chē ăn ə tē) n. Scripture cult based on the plagiarized texts of Lord Satan. See Church; Crusades; Jesus Christ; Religion.

  Erection-Avoidance Bunker

  CHURCH (chûrch) n. 1. Building erected by humans as a refuge from the hysteria caused by their continually erect or tumescent sexual organs. These erection-avoidance bunkers are financed by wealth hoarded from the poor. See Vatican; Bible Belt; Devil-Worshipper.

  Fellatio Substitute for Corporate Executives

  CIGAR (sĭ gär) n. 1. A stinking baby pacifier for trendy morons.

  2. A handy fellatio substitute for corporate phallus-worshippers.

  Convenient Cancer Dispenser

  CIGARETTES (sĭ gə rĕts) n. Luscious cancer packaged in sleek rectangles.

  CIRCUMCISION (sûr kəm sĭ zhən) n. Suave term humans employ to describe the ritual mutilation of male infants.

  CIRCUS (sûr kəs) n. A human spectacle at which beaten animals are forced to jump through flaming hoops while alcoholics wearing giant shoes display painted smile-faces to hide their besotted misery. See Entertainment.

  CITIZEN (sĭ tə zən) n. Fleshy dildo used by politicians to achieve anal orgasm.

  CITIZENSHIP (sĭ tə zən shĭp) n. The human right to be bred, fattened and served raw at a corporate barbecue.

  Vertical Slave Encampment

  CITY (sĭ tē) n. A festive, brightly lit slave camp. See Office Building.

  COMMENTARY BY AHRIMAN

  In cities, the prisoners’ mass work detail takes place from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. within slave compounds known as “offices”; therein hypnotic Muzak is broadcast to keep the slave-workers subdued.

  After work detail, the prisoners are allowed to spend their work allowance on various forms of drugs46 which keep their minds distracted from understanding the ineluctable depths of their enslavement. After ingesting the drugs, workers return to sleep in their cells, also known as apartments. See Clock; Gum; Office Building; Work.

  CIVILIZATION (sĭ və lə zā shən) n. 1. The Fertilizer of the Future. 2. That which eats forests and excretes child pornography. See Empire.

  CLAIRVOYANCE (klâr voi əns) n. The human ability to perceive in advance that one will assuredly fail.

  CLOCK (kläk) n. 1. Tool used by Demons to hypnotize humans

  Purveyor of Paranoia

  into believing that their local reality is fixed, intractable and sterile. 2. Paranoia-producing device decorating walls of slave worker camps known as office buildings (q.v.). See Time.

  CLOTH (kläth) n. See Fashion.

  Alcoholic with Grease-painted Happiness

  CLOWN (kloun) n. Talentless entertainer who disguises his face to both hide the wrinkles of alcoholism and facilitate anonymity while molesting children.47 See Circus; Harlequin.

  Humans Creating Black Stomach Linings

  COFFEE (kô fē) n. When cooking a human, a layer of black scum which must be scraped off the stomach lining. See Caffeine.

  COFFIN (kô fən) n. See Bed; Casket; Sarcophagus.

  COLD (kōld) n. That which is found in its purest form upon dissecting an insurance executive’s heart.

  Human Cockfight Arena

  COLISEUM (kô lə sē əm) n. Magnificent edifice built to exhibit the human analogy of a cockfight. See Gladiator.

  COLONIZATION (kô lən i zā shən) n. The act of humans with more weapons enslaving those with fewer weapons.

  COLOR (kŭ lər) n. 1. The loud necktie which the Cosmos wears with its drab suit of matter. 2. Sensory nuances in the light spectrum, useful to arms merchants in encouraging race wars.

  COMMENTARY BY AHRIMAN

  Since a Demon’s sensory apparatus can only detect the primary colors Red and Black, be prepared for momentary blindness and nausea upon being exposed to Earth’s chief poison, Color. Infiltrating Demons, therefore, may recognize each other as those wearing absurdly expensive sunglasses. See Nature.

 

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