Encyclopaedia of Hell: An Invasion Manual for Demons Concerning the Planet Earth and the Human Race Which Infests It
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DETERMINISM (dĭ tûr mĭn ĭ zəm) n. See Predestination.
Devotee In Boy Rape Vestments
DEVIL WORSHIPPER (dĕ vəl wûr shĭ pər) n. See Church-goer.
COMMENTARY BY AHRIMAN
Since Lord Satan wrote all Earth scriptures as a joke, human churchgoers unknowingly rejoice in that which they revile.
Mineral Worshipped by Vaginas
DIAMOND (dī (ə) mənd) n. Worthless, shiny pebble which makes the finger joints, neck-folds and sagging, mutilated earflaps of females even more exquisitely repulsive.
DIAPHRAGM (dī ə frăm) n.
1. Detestable musculature which allows a human to draw in breath. 2. Blessed latex barrier preventing passage of the horrific human seed. See Air; Sperm.
Chance Determination Cubes
DICE (dīs) n. Useful tool for Demon desirous of killing humans at random.
DICTATOR (dĭk tā tər) n. A president with an incompetent PR agent.
DILDO (dĭl dō) n.1.An inert or mechanical sexual partner. 2. The human male.
Sleeping Certificate
DIPLOMA (dĭ plō mə) n. Document which certifies that a human slept through a prerequisite number of classes.
DISEASE (dĭ zēz) n. For the hungry Demon, that which deliciously spices human flesh. See Black Death.
DIVINE RIGHT (dĭ vīn rīt) n. Hypnotic phrase used to brainwash Idiot Humanity into thinking they are inferior to an inbred, hair-lipped, jewelry-draped fop. See King.
DIVORCE (dĭ vôrs) n. The joyous emancipation of two human slaves previously indentured to each other. See Detective; Love; Marriage.
Doctor Examining Patient to Finance Box Seats at Race Track
DOCTOR (dŏk tər) n. 1. A price-gouging purveyor of poisons. 2. A magician who transforms a case of terminal cancer into a gambling junket in Monte Carlo. See Drinking; Terminal Patient.
Man’s Best Parasite
DOG (dŏg) n. 1. Man’s best parasite. 2. That which alternates between lapping its filth and its groin. See Neuter.
DOG LICENSE (dŏg lī səns) n. Sliver of dead tree which signifies the human privilege of housing, feeding and pampering a filthy, insect-infested excrement machine.
Female Child Holding Anger Management Device
DOLL (dŏl) n. Anger management device which a female child throws against the wall, stomps on, beats, pulls out its hair and eyes, drowns in the tub, sticks with knives, and other Motherly Duties which require the seasoned ardor of Practice.
Child Dreaming of Sex Festival
DREAM (drēm) n. The brief preface to Nightmare.
COMMENTARY BY ZYK
Concerning Idiot Humanity’s confusion between the sleeping and waking state, I offer the following droning doggerel:
If men are curious dreams which
briefly wet
the eyes of sleeping gods on a star-
littered night
and men’s aspirations are sparkles
in a curving rivulet
down the cheeks of gods from their
pools of eyeless sight,
and if all the heights and depths
and pits and spires
of men’s raging love and hate are
mere bubbles
which a god’s dreaming mouth
drowsily expires,
and in the air, men’s spheres of fears
and troubles
delicately and silently burst, what
then may be said
of the dreams of men?
If humans are but dim transparencies
dreaming of gods with the brains of
gods for a bed,
then dreams into dreams converge
in formless vagaries.
For who is then dreaming who, gods
or men,
or is there yet another dreamer
dreaming them?
Sound Device Used to Inspire
Mass Genocide
DRUM (drŭm) n. 1. The greatest gift to bestow upon the child of one’s enemy. 2. The favorite instrument of generals which hypnotizes their slaves into bayonetting flesh in unison.
DRY ICE (drī īs) n. The chief ingredient in the lowest form of human industry, music videos. See Music Videos.
Manual Aid to Dry Heaving
DRY HEAVE (drī hēv) v. Rhythmic regurgitation when dead carcass remnants have been expelled from feeding tube. See Vomit.
DRY ROT (drī rŏt) n. The favorite hobby of a corpse.
Mother Holding Future Pile of Dust
DUST (dŭst) n. The filthy Mother of Mankind.
e, E (ē) n. Letter indicating the sound a Caucasian emits when being microwaved on High.
Crunchy Snack Naturally Seasoned With Waxy Sauce
EAR (îr) n. The divine head hole flap without which deafness to human language could not exist. The ease with which ears can be ripped from the human skull and eaten makes them a popular crunchy snack.
EARRING (îr rĭng) n. A metal spike with which females mutilate themselves in order to attract males. See Jewelry.
COMMENTARY BY LILITH
Earrings, which hang from the flaps on the head, facilitate the boring of holes in the head by the human female in order to demonstrate to males the zeal and alacrity with which she desires her body to be penetrated.
Earth: Low-Rent Entity Factory
EARTH (ûrth) n. An entity factory, notorious throughout the galaxy for producing substandard product.
COMMENTARY BY MEPHIS TOPHIEL
Due to the Execrable Odor of the Human Planet and its Insignificant Occupants, Earth-Density has indeed become the Official Cosmic Dump for Demons’ excess offal, trash and garbage in all time-densities of this portion of Hell’s Galactic Arm.
Earth-Density is admirable in its ability to absorb the toxins and poisons of its Future into its Air, Soil and Magnetic Flux, and evenly distribute it into its ecosystem and thus, through the eating, breathing and procreating of its Organisms, into the innermost atoms of Soiled Mankind.
Indubitably as a result of the early experiments of Abra Kadab, Humans are unparalleled in the Cosmos in their innate attraction to Excrement and Putrescence. A Human is utterly unable to pass the scene of a traffic accident without gazing wistfully in hopes of seeing a glut of blood-spattered gore.
Moreover, as ambulatory Swill Containers, Humans ecologically distribute filth betwixt themselves in their constant interactions and flesh -interpenetrations.
Thus Earth and its layer of parasitic organisms known as Humanity has the honor of serving Lord Satan as the veritable Compost Heap and Toilet for the Infinitely Vile Sewage spewing day and night from the Hyperbolic Anus of the City of Hell.50
See French kiss; Copulation.
Monuments to Devoured Heads
EASTER ISLAND (ē stər ī lənd) n. A small island of cannibals who devoured each other utterly. An etymological corruption of its original name, Eater Island.
EAT (ēt) v. See Chain of Eating ; Food.
ECHO (ĕk ō) n. The detestable medium which replicates yodeling.
ECONOMICS (ĕk ə nôm ĭks) n. The science of disguising the amount of money being hoarded by billionaires. See Finance.
EDUCATION (ĕd yū kā shən) n. The process of teaching young lemmings to follow their forefathers over the Cliff of Knowledge.
Symbol of Humanity
EGG (ĕg) n. 1. A symbol of human life, often cracked and fried. 2. A substance, excreted from a chicken’s rectum, which humans naturally find delicious. 3. The Cosmos, which hatches the monster Mankind.
COMMENTARU BY LILITH
The fact that the Universal Egg hatches both the Intelligent Beings of Hell and the Parasitic Beasts of Humankind is a Cosmic Perversity incomprehensible and depressing to those who characterize the Cosmos Itself as Intelligent.
Although not a popular view, my intuition is that Humanity began as a lower life-form design which was aborted by the Cosmos as Monstrous shortly after it appeared and began fouling the Ethers of Space-Time with its Repu
lsive Presence.
But eventually, through the dint of Time, the Race of Mankind evolved a Unique Style in its Organic Dementia, serving as a welcome (and hideous) amusement to the Race of Demonkind.51
Annihilation Genius
EINSTEIN (īn stīn) n. 1. The inventor of the most hellish means to annihilate humans; therefore, Mankind’s greatest genius. See Atom; Genius.
ELECTION (ĭ lĕk shən) n. 1. Ritual in which the human populace votes for one party disguised behind two names. 2. The opportunity to vote for a human freely chosen by a corporate interest.
Electricity: Organic Means to Fry Human Flesh
ELECTRICITY (ĭ lĕk trĭ sĭ tē) n. A word which humans use to camouflage their ignorance of the friction of spin against spin which empowers Creation. See Electron.
COMMENTARY BY ASMO DEUS
Electricity is a superstitious term for the ocean of untapped energy which humans have brainwashed themselves into believing does not exist, and in which their flopping group-carcass unknowingly swims.
Excitement for the Human Buttocks
ELECTRIC CHAIR (ĭ lĕk trĭk châr) n. The sweetest repository for the human buttocks.
ELECTRON (ĭ lĕk trŏn) n. Camouflage term for a virtual ghost which haunts the graveyard of human science. See Perpetual Motion.
Animal Designed to Trample Humans
ELEPHANT (ĕl ə fənt) n. A creature which never forgets — after being hunted to extinction for its teeth — that trampling humans is all that matters.
ELEVATOR (ĕl ə vā tər) n. Oven-shaped box which allows humans the novel experience of being roasted in a fire.
ELOQUENCE (ĕl ō kwĕns) n. A sickly-sweet babbling sound used by humans in inverse proportion to the amount of truth being conveyed.
Corpse-Pickling Fluid
EMBALM (ĕm bä(l)m) v. To pickle a corpse for the purpose of making it more delicious for worms and maggots.
COMMENTARY BY BEHEMOTH
For health reasons, under no circumstances should a Demon eat a human corpse which has been embalmed. An embalmed human must first be drained of noxious fluids and effluents, douched with warm spring water and lemon juice and scrubbed down vigorously with a loofah sponge until the flesh is pink and natty.
The human may then be eaten, but remember that the delicious heart and torso organs will have been removed, leaving only the viscera, which is largely gristle.
Still, by sucking the remaining juices through holes punctured in the armpits and buttocks, a satisfactory repast may be obtained despite the perverse and bothersome embalming procedure.52
Diplomat: Absurdly-Dressed Cannon Fodder
EMBASSY (ĕm bə sē) n. A concrete cage on enemy land, stocked with absurdly-dressed diplomats who will be sacrificed first in the event of war.
EMOTION (ē mō shən) n. In humans, that mind-body function which modulates hatred for other humans, and sentiment for puppies. 53
Diagram of Human Entertainment: While Humans are Hypnotized by Entertainment (e) , Demons (b, c, f ) Pull Them into the Maw of Death.
Decorative Bag of Sentient Dust
EMPEROR (ĕm pər ər) n. A sentient bag of dust which rules its acre of rubble.
Nothing compared to the Furious Vortex of Hatred the Average Demon has for the Irritating Swill of Mankind and all things pertaining to the Fetid Human Realm.
Empiric Categorizing Body Parts
EMPIRICISM (ĭm pĭ rĭ sĭ zəm) n. The scientific method, deemed magnificent by humans, by which they create better ways to incinerate enemy children.
EMPLOYMENT AGENCY (ĭm ploi mənt ā jən sē) n. The human institution which most reeks of urine.
ENEMA (ĕn ə mə) n. That which cleanses the repository of human knowledge.
ENEMY (ĕn ə mē) n. Other humans.
ENTERTAINMENT (ĕn tər tān mənt) n. That which distracts humans from the gaping Maw of Death. See Diagram of Human Entertainment .
Equator of Human Orb
EQUATOR (ē kwā tər) n. That which tastefully separates one hemisphere of idiots from another.
EQUILIBRIUM (ē kwə lĭ brē əm) n. That which allows a human to walk upright to the gas chamber.
ERROR (ĕr ər) n. For humans, the decision to incarnate. See Wrong.
ESCAPE (ĕs kāp) n. 1. Death. 2.Divorce. 3. Religion. 4. Drugs. 5.Television.
ETHICS (ĕth ĭks) n. That which inhibits an attorney’s profits.
EVIL (ē vəl) n. A particle spinning in a direction opposite to your own. See Cosmology of Hell.
COMMENDTARY BY ASMO DEUS
Evil, that which Denies Oneness With All and Asserts the Independence of Darkness, is curiously and paradoxically intertwined conceptually with the imaginary quality Goodness with respect to Lord Satan’s entry on this topic. For subjective holonomy makes the opposite spins (or charge) of a particle interchangeable — and thus intimately and invisibly connected.
At first glance, this might seem to imply that Evil and Imaginary Good are the same energy wearing merely a different Mask. But the Wisdom of Eons of Evil Experience emphatically denies this Scabrous Error as a phenomenal delusion, for the power of the Lustrous Evil of, let’s say, a Decapitated Infant on Christmas Eve can never ever be even approached by the paltry Goodness of a Limp, Rose-Scented Love Poem scribbled by a Rhyme-Jangled Poetaster.25
EVOLUTION (ē və lū shən, ĕ və lū shən) n. See Cosmology of Hell.
EXCELLENCE (ĕk səl əns) n. A fashionable catch-word which peaks in an age when humans worship mediocrity. See Authentic.
EXCREMENT (ĕks krə mənt) n. See Ordure.
25 NOTE BY ZYK: Asmo Deus’ ineptly veiled attack on My Muse is beneath the dignity of this Serenely Umbric Volume, and is the clearly the result of His jealousy over My Role as Chairman, as well as my obviously Superior ability to manipulate meaning in the concatenation of Verse.
COMMENTARY BY ZYK
The following sonnet explicates, from the human point of view, another aspect of this noble subject:
If by dint of time and twist of
chance
The crust of mindless, wriggling
atomic parts
That is my love had rearranged its
stance
From her present shades of dark
and delicate arts
(Through which her eyes, wet with
love, do shine)
To stinking anal matter festering
in a ditch,
Excreted in organic, dank design
By some half-mad, hairless, rabid
bitch,
And if across this ditch I chanced
to go,
And thereby tripped upon a clump
of gorse,
And tumbling down upon this
stinking flow,
I would not sympathize, nor feel
remorse;
From my shoe I’d scrape my love
before I’d go,
Using words of love the clergy do
not know.
Idiot Priest Freeing Demon Invader from Flesh Carcass
EXORCISM (ĕks ôr sĭ zəm) n. That which frees Demons sightseeing on Earth who have become inadvertently trapped in repulsive human bodies.
Human Expert
EXPERT (ĕks pûrt) n. See Imbecile.
The Ultimate Truth
EXTINCTION (ĕks tĭnk shən) n. The Ultimate Truth which drove humans to hallucinate Heaven.