Finding Beautiful

by Amanda Kaitlyn

“Come here,” he says, his voice groggy with sleep. I hastily sit beside him as he sits up, slowly. I can see the tenseness in his muscles from the strain of the pain he must be feeling.

  “Please be careful, Gavin,” I whisper, but he doesn’t listen to me as he scoots forward, grasps the backs of my thighs and pulls me into his lap. Taking a hold of both my hands, his mouth comes down to kiss my knuckles gently. I blink up into the dark pools of blue and gray that are my undoing every single time. His eyes are fierce with so many emotions, it takes my breath away.

  “Please don’t apologize. I can’t tell you how sorry I am about what happened yesterday, but I promise you I will find a way to prove it to you. Jasmine—”

  I press my fingers to his lips, effectively silencing him and take his face in my hands. His rough stubble and smooth, warm skin of his cheeks make this moment all the more real, telling me that this isn’t a dream. He’s truly awake and here with me.

  “I listened to your messages, Gavin. I believe you, I’m just so sorry I didn’t stop and let you explain. I jumped to conclusions. I thought the worst. The image is still so fresh in my mind, but after hearing your voice mails I know I was wrong to think that you’d ever hurt me that way. I’m so sorry, Gavin.” My voice shakes, trembles as I remember the mistake I thought Gavin made, the betrayal and hurt I’d felt when I saw them.

  He shakes his head, grasping my hands again and looking deeply into my eyes. Tears trickle down my cheeks, and I close my eyes in an attempt to control the emotion that’s pouring out of me. I need to be strong, for now, at least.

  “Baby, please don’t cry. Please.” Gavin’s deep voice makes my eyes fly open, my hands are grasping onto his neck in need, fear, and relief.

  “Gavin, God, Gavin.” I’m overcome with my love for him as I lift my mouth to his and I kiss him. It’s a kiss filled with our mutual love and the tenderness that Gavin’s arms engulf me in feels like coming home. When we pull away, I’m panting for air. Our foreheads touch and Gavin presses me against him, his hands holding the back of my head as he gazes intently into my eyes. The tears fall to my cheeks still, and when his mouth closes over mine again, my body shudders in relief. He’s here, he’s alive, and we’re together. Oh, thank God.

  I could have lost him, I could have lost this. A sob erupts from the back of my throat, comes out in a hushed whimper against his mouth.

  “Shh baby, I’ve got you,” he whispers as he kisses me again. His lips engulf me, his breath mingling with mine and his hand delves into my hair as his tongue slips into my mouth. Need climbs through me, making me clench my hands to his hair and tug gently. My need for him overwhelms me, unfurling low in my core and I tighten my arms around his neck. His hands graze my cheeks, his touch so tender that it would make me cry if I wasn’t already. I lose my breath in his kiss, my lips never leaving his. I tangle my hands in his hair, now longer than I’ve ever seen it before. It comes down to the back of his neck. The silky light brown strands curl around my fingertips.

  When he pulls his lips from mine, his eyes are filled with such love, certainty, need, intensity—God, so many emotions at once.

  “Gavin… ” I begin to cry harder, my body shuddering with the force of the overwhelming emotions breaking the dam inside me. I need him…

  “Christ, no” he whispers, his lips coming up to my forehead tenderly as he wraps his arms tightly around me. I press my face into his neck, the warm skin under my nose comforts me and I breathe him in. His minty smell makes my heart lift with the memories it evokes. My arms are wrapped around his shoulders and I lean against him. Gavin’s lips press to my hair.

  “I love you, Aria.” His voice is filled with heavy emotion. I take a deep breath, needing to see his face when I say what I have to. I pull back, seeing the softness in his blue eyes. He’s really okay, he’s really here. Oh, thank you, Jesus.

  “I was so scared,” I murmur, placing my palms on his cheeks. I see the understanding register in his eyes, as if he’s just realizing our reality.

  Gavin pulls back fractionally, his eyes leaving mine for the first time since he’s woken up.

  They roam around the room, to the ceiling and the machines beside his bedside.

  “Do you remember what happened?” I ask, my hands running up his chest when I feel the sudden tension in his body. I see the realization tick in his blue gray eyes.

  “A Jeep, and a loading truck, I didn’t even see them coming. Christ, it all happened so fast. I was coming to see you. Shit,” he runs his hand through his slicked back hair and he gazes down at me with confused eyes.

  “How long have I been here?” He looks down at me in question, trusting me.

  I take his face in my hands, my thumbs skimming the yellowing bruises across his jaw.

  “About twelve hours, I think. Are you feeling okay?”

  He nods, pressing his lips gently to mine. Reassuringly, I think.

  “I’ll be okay.”

  I gaze up at him then lean forward and reach my fingers toward the call button behind the head of his bed. I feel his eyes on me, watching me.

  Suddenly he grasps my hand and pulls me back, his eyes looking softer now.

  “Really, Aria, I’m fine.”

  “Please, the doctor needs to check you. They’ll give you something for the pain. Gavin, I almost lost you.” My voice shakes and I bite my lip to control my emotions.

  Gavin gasps, registering the imminent fear in my eyes, and nods. He runs his hands down my cheeks wiping away stray tears.

  I love how gentle his touch is, as if I’m a precious jewel that could break. It’s one of the many things I love about him.

  “I’m so sorry, Beautiful.” Hearing him call me that again makes me smile widely.

  As we wait for the nurse, I can’t help myself from pressing my hands to his chest and kissing him gently against the side of his mouth. When I pull away, I find myself wanting more, my thoughts being interrupted by Dr. Lee coming into the room and waving me out.

  I lean forward and press a kiss to Gavin’s forehead. He smiles my smile and lets our fingers slip from each other’s, just like the day we met.

  Nineteen

  I WAIT BY THE CLOSED DOOR of Gavin’s room, knotting my hands across my lap. I just left him with Dr. Lee ten minutes ago and I’m already missing his touch. I can’t believe he’s really okay. It’s all I can focus on right now. My thoughts are interrupted when Dr. Lee comes out of Gavin’s hospital room and looks at me with a much more convincing smile than he gave me before. His kind eyes and easy going nature is almost the polar opposite from the grim looking doctor I met twelve hours ago.

  “How are you doing, Aria?”

  “I just want him to be okay. He’s going to be okay right?” I can hear the hope in my voice.

  “He will, Aria. From what I can tell, all his vitals are stable and his scans all came back clear. He may have some pain in his ribs for the next few weeks and maybe some headaches depending on how he reacts to the pain medications we’ve given him so just keep an eye out for that. Other than that, he’s good to go.” All I hear is he’s going to be okay.

  I smile, wholeheartedly for the first time in twelve hours. I take his outreached hand and pull my messy hair back into a messy bun when it falls in my face.

  “Thank you for everything. When can he be discharged?”

  “I’ll file his papers now. You should be able to take him home in the morning.”

  “Okay.”

  He stalks away, leaving me beaming. I just want to have Gavin back home with me. God, I hate hospitals. Only a year ago this very hospital told me that my dear brother was gone from this world forever. I still remember the feelings of devastation, hopelessness, and confusion. I was lost in a sea of hurt, not knowing how to move on from not only Jeremy’s death but also the shattered heart I’d endured only months ago. But Gavin, he healed me, he saved me, he found me. I’m so very lucky to have him. He gave me a home when I thought I’d never feel that again. Home. Yes, that so
unds good.

  Hastily, I let myself back into the room, seeing my man scrolling through his phone as he sits up in bed. His eyebrows are drawn together in concentration, that mouth parted in the sexiest way. I lean my back against the closed door, watching him. His lips twitch with a smile and his eyes reach mine.

  “Come here, Baby,” he says, outreaching his hand to me as I come around the foot of his bed.

  “Miss anything important?” I ask, rubbing my thumb against his stubbled jaw.

  He grins, a boyish smile that reminds me of why I fell so hard for him just weeks ago. I sit beside him, running my hand over his roughened jaw, the stubble igniting my skin at the contact. His eyes alight with something that makes me want to swoon.

  “A few meetings, a business lunch with clients from Seattle, nothing earth shattering.”

  Vaguely, I wonder why he never tells me about his work; he’s very vague about it and he should be proud of the work he does. He’s well off and could retire at his young age of twenty four, but I can tell Thomas Innovations in Technology means a lot to him. He enjoys it, even though he hasn’t admitted it.

  “Why don’t you tell me about your work?” The sentence just tumbles out of me, and I realize that the words actually were said out loud. I bite down on my lip and continue to explore the skin of his jaw, reaching up to ever so gently run my thumb against the fading bruises on his face.

  Gavin shrugs, his hand coming up to the back of my head and his fingers pull on the ribbon-tie holding my hair up and lets it fall back down my shoulders. I feel his fingers tease through it and I lean myself into the touch.

  “I love your hair.”

  He runs his decadent fingers through the waves and tucks strands behind my ears.

  After long moments of just playing with my hair and pressing soft kisses to my temple, nose and parted mouth, Gavin starts to speak.

  “It’s always felt like my father’s company, not really mine. Don’t get me wrong, I love Thomas and the business is thriving; the work intrigues me. I enjoy it, but it’s not an empire I’ve built, it’s my father’s. My father built everything, groomed the company to what it is today. I’ve only been a part of all of it for seven years or so.”

  I run my fingers over his chest, waiting for him to continue.

  “The work he put in, Jesus, for half of his life—it’s been his legacy, you know? How can I just take over all of that without feeling a little indebted?” His voice is filled with vulnerability. I know in this moment, he trusts me more than ever before. I’m seeing the intensity in his eyes and realize I’ve never thought about it that way.

  “But you should be proud of it, Gavin. Your father may have built it, but it’s your empire now, and the work you do is completely your own. Baby, I’m proud of you.”

  In a flash, Gavin’s eyes heat as he takes in my words and abruptly he pulls me into his chest, grunting lowly from the pain the motion causes. Oh, shit, his ribs!

  “Gavin, careful, your ribs.” That slow smile crosses his lips and he doesn’t let me go.

  “Trust me, it’s worth the pain having you in my arms again. You have no idea… ”

  I have no idea about what? What was he going to say? Before I can ask, he speaks again with a voice filled with promise.

  “You amaze me baby, I’m in awe of you. Even after these last twelve hours, I should be taking care of you, but here you are, loving me as always.”

  I see such love in his blue gray eyes and it brings tears to mine again.

  “Gavin,” I whisper, taking his face in both my hands.

  “I’m always going to love you.” The words come straight from my heart. I know I’ll forever love this man. From the very moment I saw him, he’s worked his way into my heart and there’s no going back to my sheltered existence before I met him. I gaze up into the endless pools of blue and gray that are his eyes and the smile that he gives me is almost worth the pain of the last two days that we’ve been apart.

  “I love you so much, Aria, baby.” His deep voice makes my heart constrict in sheer joy at hearing those deep, reverent words. Then his mouth comes down onto mine, fingers tangle in my wavy, unruly hair and I’m clutching onto him with everything I have. In his kiss, I’m home. Our tongues collide, dancing together. He pulls my bottom lip into his mouth tantalizingly and sucks. I moan softly in response. I feel him smiling against my lips.

  “You are going to have to let me pamper you for the next few weeks. Doctor’s orders, babe”

  “Is that so? Now what did the good doctor say?” He begins to kiss down my throat ever so slowly.

  I giggle, hearing the tease in his voice. Oh, he’s so good at distracting me. His lips graze down my neck, making goosebumps surface against my skin from his teasing touch.

  “That you need to take it easy. Did he give you something for the pain?” I pull back, meeting his eyes and placing my hands on his shoulders.

  When he sits back he shows the prescription slip Dr. Lee gave him and a roll of white bandage tape.

  “Oh, good.”

  Gavin turns me so that my back leans against his chest and I can feel his heat in every line of my body. From my shoulders to my hips, I feel the hardness of his muscular frame against mine. I also feel roaming hands up and down my arms, soothing my goose bumps away.

  “Mmhm.” I press closer and turn to rest my head on his warm chest.

  Time slows as we just sit with each other. The silence is comforting and I have no idea how much time has passed when I hear Gavin’s gravelly voice close to my ear.

  “You’re so quiet, baby. Are you still worried about Jasmine?”

  I lift my eyes to his and see the worry in them. Somehow, I feel a vulnerability now that everything is settled between us. My insecurities about Jasmine got the best of me and how do I know that won’t happen again?

  “Do you have feelings for her?” I whisper, my voice shaky with renewed doubt.

  Gavin’s eyes widen and before I know it, he’s gently taking my face in his hands. Those eyes that I love so much are intensely locked onto mine and I lose my words, seeing the fierce determination in them.

  “Listen to me, Aria. When I met Jasmine, I was a sophomore at Georgetown and she was the first girl that ever held my attention. I loved her, in my own way and when she left me, I was heartbroken. After that, I focused on the business, my career, establishing myself in the world of technology. I never thought I’d find love again, not until you, Aria. I love you, baby. I have no feelings whatsoever for Jasmine.” I hear the honest emotion in his voice and my heart leaps, his heartfelt words breaking through my apprehension. I believe him.

  I wrap my arms around his back and rest my forehead against his, reveling in the feel of his thumbs stroking along my collarbone. I breathe in his minty scent for a long moment in time.

  “Gavin.” I lean back, clasp his face in my urgent hands and kiss his temple, then his eyes and down until my lips brush against his parted mouth.

  “I love you, too,” I whisper, seeing his eyes heat as he exhales and then grasps the back of my neck.

  “God, Aria, I missed you.”

  His voice is deep with emotion and before I know it, his mouth closes over mine and I’m lost. His touch, the feel of his lips crushing to mine, his hot breath against my mouth as he delves his hands into my hair. The passion erupts from within me, desperation coursing through my veins as I realize how wrong I was about this man. I cling onto him, kissing him with every fiber of my being and when his tongue slips hungrily between my lips, a soft moan escapes me. I’m breathless, exploring him and feeling the tremors in his taut back as he licks expertly into my mouth, nipping teasingly on my bottom lip.

  “Oh God, I want… ” I whisper, my voice pleading but then his mouth hovers over mine again. He chuckles, a low youthful sound that makes desire pool low in my core. I love that sound.

  “You want me to make love to you, baby?” Gavin asks, looking down at me with blazing blue-gray eyes.

  A moa
n escapes me when he nips along my jaw and then soothes the skin over with his magical tongue.

  “Gavin.” It’s a plea. For what, I’m not sure. To continue with this delicious torture or to stop?

  Leaning back, he gives me a heart stopping, earth shattering smile and I can’t help biting my lip to hide my answering smile.

  “When can we get out of here?” he whispers, running his hands achingly slow up my thighs.

  The promise in those words is infinite and I slip off the bed, settling myself against the chair beside him to regain my equilibrium.

  “In the morning, I think. But you have to take it easy.”

  He shakes his head, grazing his knuckles down my cheek. I have a feeling he’s not going to want to take it easy when we get home to our bed.

  “Will you come home with me?”

  His question surprises me and I hear that his voice is raw, vulnerable I think. It takes my breath away, making me realize how new all this is to us. It’s as if we’re teetering, getting to know each other for the first time with the fear of losing everything we’ve built so far.

  “Gavin, of course I will,” I say, my voice is just shy of a whisper.

  I watch as he exhales deeply and leans forward to kiss the side of my mouth.

  “I don’t want you to worry about Jasmine.”

  His palm rests on my cheek, tipping my eyes up to his.

  “I don’t trust her, Gavin.” I don’t know why I have the need to say this, but I do. She knew that we were involved when she went to Gavin’s office last week. She was upset, yes, I can understand that. But that woman had no right to make a move on him, especially when she was the very person to break his heart years ago. I still picture the image of her lips on Gavin’s. God, I hate that she kissed him. His kisses are mine, solely mine.

  “You have nothing to worry about. You’re all I see, Beautiful.”

  I look up at him, then squeeze his hand in mine. I lift it to my lips and kiss his palm.

  “I trust you.” I trust him completely. It’s her that I don’t trust.

  “Then trust me to make sure she never comes between us again.”