Be My Reason

by Brooklyn Taylor

  He started laughing. I took a seat on his bed and observed. “My dear mother wouldn't have had that.”

  “Really?”

  “Really. You look surprised.”

  He sat beside me, pulling me onto his lap.

  “Thank you for coming here with me.”

  “I love it. Certainly not something I’m used to, but I do love it.” I kind of hesitated holding back my thoughts. Was I good enough?

  “Not what you expected?”

  “To say the least. Wyatt, the things I love about you just don't fit with this life. You are so warm, and when I think about you, I think of home. You’re the person I want to be with. This place just seems so…”

  “White?”

  “Yes, but it doesn't have all the little touches that a house needs to make a home.”

  “I know. I agree. I had never felt like this was my home. Until I got my own place, I never really knew what that felt like. Maybe it is small and not what people expect, but I love it. It is me. Older, musky, and steady.”

  “Hardly older. You are in your prime. Musky, nah. I love your smell. And steady, possibly.”

  “I feel old.”

  “You work too much.”

  “That is what everyone says.”

  He lay back on his bed and I did the same.

  Both of our heads turned to look at each other as I reached for his hand.

  “I thought we would sleep in the guesthouse by the stables, instead of in the house. Are you okay with that?”

  “I’m good with wherever you are.”

  I kissed him quickly and then shot up. “Now, show me these horses. I’m ready to ride.”

  WYATT

  “Are you going to catch up or not?” Breigh said with a laugh.

  She was completely dishonest when she said she wasn't a good rider. That was the story she stuck with, but she knew what she was doing. There was no way I could say anything about it though, because her smile shined so bright as she rode, almost kid like, it made me happy.

  I’ve never been one to fear a good chase, and with Breigh, it was completely worth it. I didn't think I would ever see her more beautiful than I did today with the wind blowing through her hair as she rode.

  My mom conveniently got busy and wasn't able to ride with us. She excused herself with a smile and a pat on my arm.

  “You kids have fun. I’m going to order in some takeout, around 6:00ish? Does that work for y’all?”

  “Yes, Mom, that is fine. Or we can go out, don't go to any trouble.”

  “I want to spend some time with you and Breigh.”

  “Okay.”

  Breigh and I had already ridden around the perimeter of the property, and she was having the time of her life. I hadn't seen the smile leave her face yet.

  She had finally slowed down and we were riding side by side.

  “This place is a dream,” she said, as she patted Colton’s coat.

  “I always loved to be outside, growing up here.”

  “I would have been the same way.”

  There were a few pieces of our property that were not landscaped and let to grow as nature let it. I led us that direction and when we reached it, I dismounted and took her horse’s headstall in my right hand to hold her steady.

  “Get down, and come sit with me. The horses won’t go anywhere. They love to graze out here, and they don't get to very often.”

  She dismounted and stretched her legs for a minute and did a squat. “Little sore. I had forgotten how sore I can get.”

  She had no idea. Okay, keep the thoughts PG-13. This wasn't the time. All of that will come with time. And time with Breigh was definitely what I wanted.

  We walked until we got to the trees and she leaned up against one.

  “It is the perfect temperature here today, isn't it?”

  I shook my head.

  “I can’t thank you enough for bringing me here. I love to spend time with you, but this place is something I will always remember.”

  I leaned toward her and kissed her, holding her face in my hands.

  “Do you think you could spend a lifetime with me?” I asked her. I wasn't sure what her answer was going to be, but I knew I wanted to know. Maybe…

  “I knew I could spend a lifetime with you the first time I was on the dance floor with you.”

  She kissed me this time and I let her. There were questions I wanted to ask, but instead we took in the moment and enjoyed every minute of it.

  I had gotten our weekend bags to the guesthouse and showed her around, just in time for us to meet Mom for dinner. I honestly would have much rather had cold sandwiches and sat on the small porch that overlooked the stables than had dinner with my mother, but I knew it was important to her. Plus, I wanted her to get to know Breigh as well. I hadn't met anyone who hadn't liked her yet.

  I walked Breigh into the bathroom and helped her get the hot water running. My mother had fancy ridiculous handles installed, and you had to read an owner’s manual to figure the dang thing out.

  "The water is ready." I turned and caught the woman I had fallen in love with standing before me with her hands covering her breasts, in just her panties.

  I took a double take. "That is a sight to see. I could watch you all day.”

  She smiled and bit her bottom lip.

  She moved towards me and kissed me. I tried to keep my distance, Lord help me but I weakened.

  The only parting was of when she helped me take off my shirt.

  Our kiss was deep with tiny whimpers as we moved into the shower, excited for what was going to happen, but anticipating the closeness this was going to bring us.

  The steaming water hit our skin and it felt amazing, but not nearly as amazing as the woman I had in my arms, the touch of her skin, and the pleasure she brought me.

  I had a feeling we were going to be late for dinner, and it didn't bother me to think that my mother would be waiting on us.

  There was not a thing I didn't admire about this woman. And I wasn't letting her go until I had to.

  As we were walking to the house, I let Breigh know that my mom could be nosy, and that if she asked something she didn't want to answer, not to. In Breigh style, she brushed that statement off and said there wasn't anything she had to hide.

  I smiled. She smiled. Mom was on her phone, seething mad.

  “I am not having the discussion with you right now, Rhonda. It’s not the time. He has his new girlfriend over and I’m not ruining the moment with him.” She paused. “Fine. Fine. I said, I will talk to him.” She turned around and saw us standing behind her. “I’ve got to go. They are back from the ride.” She hung up without a goodbye and turned to us, trying to make herself smile.

  “Dinner just got here. I pulled out a couple different wines since I wasn't sure what you wanted.”

  “Thank you. I’ll have a glass or two,” Breigh said. “I’m not picky though.”

  Mom had ordered in Italian, Bella’s, the best Italian food I had ever had.

  “Did y'all have a good ride?”

  “Yes, it was fantastic.” Breigh spoke up. “I could ride every day. Not sure my body would allow it.” She paused and let out a giggle. “I don't remember my body hurting this much when I was younger.”

  “Oh, sweetie, wait till you hit fifty and then we can talk.” Mom took a sip of her wine and then smiled, looking back and forth at Breigh and me.

  “What was that phone call about, Mom?” I asked, positive she wouldn't tell me.

  “Not anything worth discussing right now. Just some things my sister and I were talking about.”

  “Sounded pretty heated.” I commented.

  “You know how passionate she is about things,” Mom said and took a sip of her wine,

  trying to push whatever was discussed back in her mind.

  “Is she feeling okay? I was worried about leaving her so soon after she had been dehydrated,” Breigh asked.

  “Yes, honey, she is. She actually sounds grea
t. The fluids must have really rebuilt her.”

  “That’s great news.” She smiled warmly. “Are you okay if I bless our food?” Breigh asked.

  “Go ahead, baby,” I said, and took my mother’s hand and Breigh’s.

  After her blessing, our conversation was light. We talked about our work, and Mom asked her question after question. She asked generically about her family, and Breigh handled it like a champ. Let her know the information she wanted to know but didn't offer too much. I knew the details were not something she was going to openly share. I completely understood because I was the same way.

  “Are you close with your mom, Breigh? Wyatt is definitely the one who at the very least humors me. He has always been my baby.”

  “Mom. Breigh, we don't need to get into all that tonight.”

  “I’m okay…Mrs. Galloway, my mother died during childbirth with me. My grandmother raised me. She was a fantastic mother.”

  “Oh, dear, I am sorry.” Mom looked at her like she was shocked at her response, not able to recover in knowing what to say.

  “My grandmother is the most influential person in my life, she is my best friend. I couldn't have asked for anything better in my life growing up.”

  “You seem really maternal. I saw you fixing Wyatt’s plate, and trying to mother him in a way. I never had that.”

  “You never had what?” she asked my mom.

  “I just never had that instinct. I think you are definitely programmed for that or not. I wasn’t. I mean I tried my best with my sons, but I didn't have the maternal instinct, like you obviously already have. My sister did, Rhonda. He was always close to her and I know she gave him that maternal love I didn't provide. I can see Wyatt likes that.” She smiles.

  “Do you?” Breigh turned and asked me.

  “Of course, but it’s both ways. I like to take care of you too, when you let me.” We got stuck in a stare, looking at each other, forgetting my mother was here.

  “What do you think of my Wyatt being a deputy?”

  Apparently my mother still had questions.

  “I think it is a very admirable job. I think he does one of the most important jobs in the world, actually. To make the world a better place, even if people are against it.”

  I squeezed the hand she had in her lap.

  “Are you worried about his safety? I know as a mother, other than the low pay, I was concerned about that foremost. Fighting crime… and…”

  “Mom, really? This has nothing to do with money. Breigh makes a very good living.”

  “I wasn't insinuating she was after money. I don't get that feeling from Breigh in the least. I’m sorry if it came out that way.”

  “I didn't take it that way,” Breigh answered. “But I agree, for such an important job they are underpaid. As far as his safety, of course it scares me. I will always worry about his safety. But I have to have faith in him, and I know God will protect him.”

  “I suppose,” my mom commented. She had never been a very faith-filled person. Less so now that her sister was ill.

  “I can see why Wyatt is so hooked on you. You are one of a kind, sweetie. I’d like to make a toast.” Mom lifted her wine, and we followed suit. “To a wonderful couple, who I hope will have a bright future. Welcome to our family, Breigh.”

  “Thank you, ma’am,” she said.

  I leaned over and kissed her cheek and whispered, “You are my future, baby.” I had never been more confident making that statement in my entire life. I felt it with all my being.

  “I love you.” I pulled back from her and we went back to eating our food.

  …Two months later

  Getting the call from Rhonda was something I had been dreading. I wasn't ready to deal with it in the way I knew I was going to have to, later hopefully than sooner. I pretended that Breigh didn't know more information than me, but she did. She and my aunt had become fast friends, and spent time together even when I wasn't able. Sometimes they would break out in laughter about something, and I would start laughing just listening to them, it was contagious.

  Aunt Rhonda had begun showing her illness badly. She moved slowed, ate very little, and had begun to show that she was giving up. I was pretty sure she had lost her hair and was wearing wigs, but I would never have brought that up. I must have stared at it one day, because Breigh whispered to me to not even think about mentioning it.

  We had started to go with her to Sunday service, and help her in and out. I wasn't ready to handle the reality that was staring me in the face. But tonight, I had a bad feeling that I was unable to get out of my mind. My nerves felt it even more so.

  My phone rang and I froze, unsure that I wanted to answer it. “Wyatt, can you come over and sit with me for a while?” My aunt’s voice was quiet and shaky.

  This was a huge request with her being as independent as she was.

  I sped there as fast as I could and fought the urge to call and wake Breigh for her to comfort me. She always knew what to say to make things better. I was rendered speechless in these situations, and especially with the most important person in my life.

  Walking into her house, I felt empty. I had to be strong, but every fiber in my being was feeling differently. I wasn’t ready to do this, to see her like I knew she was going to be.

  “Wyatt, come in here.”

  I found Rhonda sitting in her recliner with a blanket on top of her. She had started to have nurses come throughout the day and assist with the pain pump she had inserted.

  “How are you feeling tonight?” I asked, right from the get-go.

  Stupid question, dumbass.

  “How do I look?” she asked. She read my face, just like she had my entire life. “That bad, huh?” She giggled but then cleared her throat, struggling to breathe.

  “Not bad…” I muttered, a plain lie and she was going to know it in a heartbeat.

  “Bullshit. You are a deputy, you should know how to fake a statement.”

  “You would think.” We both let out a laugh. I sat beside her and touched her hand. Shockingly she let me. She was never touchy-feely, loving but by her rules.

  I didn't know what to say so I said the only thing that came to mind. “Can I do anything? I feel so helpless.” I wasn't one to cry. I could count on one hand how many times I had. But tonight, sitting beside her as I did, I wanted to cry so very badly. Bawl like a baby. I didn't want to be the strong one.

  “No, Wyatt. You can’t do anything. I wanted to talk to you tonight…”

  “Please don't say…”

  “I’m not saying goodbye right now. But I am at a point in my life when I feel something, or think something; I am going to say it. So I need you to listen.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “And listen good.”

  I shook my head.

  “I need to tell you how important you are and have been in my life. Your uncle and I had several miscarriages and were unable to have children. It was my fault…but when I held you for the first time, I knew you were special. I felt a connection with you that I had never felt with anyone.”

  “Me too,” I interrupted, knowing how much she hated when I did that.

  “I was never one to say I love you all the time, but I do. I love you, Wyatt. I am so proud of all you have accomplished. You standing on your own two feet, no matter what the cost with your parents, your successful career doing what you wanted to do, and most of all, your caring heart.”

  Tears started to puddle in my eyes. I had to be strong for her.

  “I wish I would’ve told you that more.”

  “I knew it, you showed it.”

  “I hope so. I certainly can’t now.” She had begun to close her eyes. Her energy had been like this for the last month.

  “I need you to reassure me that you will continue doing what you are doing. Be happy. And love Breigh for all the good she is.”

  “You will be here to see that I do.”

  “I wish that was the case, but we both know it isn’t.�
��

  “You never know…miracles happen. Every day I see miracles happen.”

  “Not this time, but I’m okay. I am ready for what God has in store for me.”

  “Please don't say that.” The lump in my throat was choking me. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and not let go.

  “If you are going to say what I meant to you, please let me tell you what you mean to me…” I said, observing how she was trying to keep her eyes open but they were resisting her. She moaned a little bit and I worried she was in pain.

  “All the things you said that were good about me are because of you. You have been the reason I tried to always do my best, why I saw the things that really mattered in life. You made me see what real love was, and showed me the man I wanted to be. It is all because you loved me when I didn't feel loved. You let me be me…”

  “I can still see you running through our pasture smiling, trying to catch butterflies,” she said.

  “Or what about when I killed that deer with Uncle Kurt and then cried and cried. You held my hand and loved me. Not once did you tell me what I was feeling was wrong.”

  “It wasn’t,” she muttered. I thought she had fallen asleep but she was still listening. “Wyatt, always appreciate what God places in your life. I have. And that is why I knew you were such a blessing.”

  “You were the blessing.”

  She let out a light moan, and I could see the pain she was in clearly. She wasn’t attempting to hide it from me any longer.

  “My body is hurting so bad; I need you to give me some medicine. Will you be able to do it in the pain pump?”

  “I can try.”

  “If you can't, Breigh knows how. Call her to come over.”

  “I’m afraid I am going to mess it up and not give you enough. Let me call her.”

  “Okay.” She pulled her blanket up farther on her chest like a child does when they are trying to comfort themselves.

  “Do you want a sip of your water?” I asked.

  She nodded her head in refusal.

  I walked into the hallway and called Breigh. “I’m sorry to wake you up.”

  “What time is it? Is everything okay?”