Off Balance

by Aileen Erin

  This was more awkward than I was prepared to handle. “What do we do?”

  “Well, we’re not going to hide.” He gripped my right hand and tugged me out of his walk-in closet back into his room. “We’re here, Rysden.”

  “Are you okay?” My father looked at me. His hair was a mess and there were dark circles under his eyes.

  I nodded. “I’m fine.”

  Lorne looked at me and mouthed fine?

  Yeah. I was fine. How was I supposed to say anything else right now? I was happy and so exhausted I was shaking and when I thought about what had happened earlier in the hallway, I just…I needed a second before I could verbalize anything.

  Lorne seemed to see all my thoughts as if I’d said them aloud. He shook his head, and then turned to my father. “She’s understandably very upset about what happened and could use some sleep, but she’s physically unharmed.”

  My father closed his eyes and breathed for a second. “Good.” He opened them. “I’ll let your mother know. She was really upset and—”

  “Sorry.” I didn’t mean to worry my mom. She didn’t deserve that.

  “It’s all right. We’ve got updates ready for you if you’re ready to hear them, Your Majesty.”

  “Your Majesty?” I mouthed back to Lorne and he huffed a laugh. That sounded really official.

  “I’ve got an update of my own,” Lorne said, and I looked at him.

  He was going to tell my dad now? As in right now? Jesus. He’d just asked and I was still processing that. Not to mention everything leading up to him asking. I gripped his hand tighter and pleaded with my eyes for him to keep his mouth shut.

  Lorne shook his head at me.

  “Yes?” My father looked between us, waiting. He looked worried, and from the way today had gone, he was probably expecting Lorne to break some more bad news.

  “Amihanna’s agreed to marry me and be our queen.” He sounded proud, and for some reason, that annoyed me.

  I elbowed him. Hard.

  “What?” He looked between us again before stepping toward me. “You did?” His voice was full of hope.

  “Yeah, but—” My glow kicked in more and the room started to spin a little.

  I closed my eyes. Out for three. In for three. I opened my eyes but I felt like I was floating and I wasn’t sure if it was the exhaustion or nerves or something else entirely. “I’m feeling a little overloaded right now. Can we just move on to the other updates and not make a big deal about the other thing? I’m still freaking out a little bit.”

  “Excuse me. I’m going to make a huge deal about it.” Lorne had the stupidest grin on his face as he looked at my father. “Gitano’s going to need to add it into tomorrow’s speech.”

  “Of course. He’d be happy to adjust…” My father blinked and then he did something I’d never expected. He hugged me. “You’re going to make a wonderful queen, daughter of mine. I’m so proud of who you have become.”

  I didn’t know what to do or think about that, so I just hugged him back. It felt strange, but maybe one day it wouldn’t.

  When my father pulled away, Lorne was smiling before it faded away. “Okay. Who let in the traitors?”

  It took a split second for Lorne to turn from normal guy to king. He stood a little taller, his smile was smaller, and his eyes seemed to harden as if he were preparing to do something he wasn’t sure he’d like. It was subtle, but I wasn’t sure I’d ever get used to it.

  “Komae, from Amihanna’s elite guards,” my father said. “He was part of a contingent inside the royal guards that were working with Seri, your father, and a few others. We’ll get into that, but we’ve found who was working with Seri. How they got the bombs. Captain ni Eneko’s men were able to round up a number of SpaceTech officers tonight thanks to Amihanna’s and Roan’s identifications.”

  I was really glad to hear that, but I hadn’t even gone through a fraction of what I should. “I only went through a day’s worth of footage from one intersection and a little bit from a market. There will be more SpaceTech infiltrators hiding here.”

  My father nodded. “I agree. We’ll need you to keep watching.”

  “Okay, but not tonight. I’m wiped. Roan can help, too.” I sighed. “How’s Eshrin?”

  “Fully recovered and back on duty.”

  I didn’t like that. He’d been really hurt. “Shouldn’t he take a break?”

  “He’s refusing, and he’s fully healed.” My father shrugged. “He’s blaming himself for not knowing about Komae.”

  What was with the men on this planet taking blame for something that wasn’t their fault? “I’ll try to talk to him.”

  My father nodded. “Regarding the speech tomorrow. Do you want to speak to the people?”

  I looked between Lorne and my father, hoping that I was misunderstanding them. “Me?” I pointed a finger at my chest, praying that I was wrong. “You want me to give a speech?”

  “I’m asking you if you’d like to give a speech.”

  I turned to Lorne. “Can’t you just say something? I don’t know if…” I flat out didn’t want to do that.

  He laughed, and I knew he’d seen through me. “Okay. Yes. For now. But eventually you’ll need to say something.”

  “Fine.” I’d deal with that later, and maybe I could keep on avoiding it.

  “How about an interview here at the house? One with the two of you?” My father wasn’t smiling, but the way he said the words seemed lighter.

  That I could do. Anything not in front of a crowd was preferable to giving some sort of speech. “Okay.” I had an idea. “That Himani guy from the tournament said he’d interviewed me before, and he seemed pretty decent. He hasn’t been talking trash about me on the news. Can you get him to do it?”

  “I’m sure he’d love nothing more. I’ll have Gitano contact him and set it up for tomorrow afternoon.” My father took a breath. “There are quite a few people outside your door waiting to see you.” He looked at me, but he had to mean Lorne.

  “Me?” I pointed to myself again. “Don’t you mean him?”

  Lorne shook his head at me. “We’re going to work on your self-worth. I know that it was hard on Earth, and it will be hard here, but you’re the future queen. People already look up to you.”

  That was just weird. “I don’t think I can go out there and see—”

  “It’s been cleaned up,” my father said.

  That was impossible. “I’ve cleaned houses before. That would take days to clean. Carpets would need to be ripped out. Maybe the tile. No way is it cleaned up yet.”

  “Our household staff have talents for cleaning. A vase and tapestry were destroyed, but everything else looks as it did earlier today.” My father crossed his arms. “If you don’t believe me, all you have to do is open the door.”

  I swallowed. “Can it wait?” I asked. I was getting really tired. The weightless feeling was slipping away, and the muscles in my legs were feeling as if they were slowly filling with lead.

  “I don’t think it should.” My father’s words should’ve come off like a suggestion, but his tone wasn’t.

  There was no way I was getting out of this. “Fine.” I didn’t have the energy in me to argue. Anything I’d had a few minutes ago was fading fast, and I didn’t think I’d ever been this tired before.

  Lorne kept me tucked to his side as we walked to the door. Rysden opened it, and we stepped into the hallway.

  The staff were lined up and down the hallway. Kitchen maids. Guards. Gardeners. Everyone was there. Roan was front and center with Declan and Ahiga. Even Eshrin was there.

  As one, they knelt on one knee with their right fists to their hearts. All except for Roan, who gave me a shrug that said I-don’t-know-what-they’re-doing-but-I’m-not-doing-it.

  “I think they’re waiting for you to say something,” I whispered to Lorne.

  He leaned down. “No. They’re waiting for you to say something. And don’t say me again and point to yourself.”


  Shit. What was I supposed to say? I couldn’t think. My mind was getting foggy and I was fighting to keep my eyes open. “I’m sorry about the mess. Seriously. You’ve done a fantastic job cleaning everything up.”

  There were a few chuckles from the household staff.

  Eshrin looked up at me with a grave look on his face. “I’m sorry for letting a traitor into the estate. It was my decision, my recommendation, that we hire him as my second. My life is yours.”

  Solan looked up then. “It was my job to secure the estate. My life is yours.”

  I looked at Lorne. “What are they talking about with this my-life-is-yours thing?”

  He gave me a solemn look. “It means that you can order their deaths if you—”

  “Jesus Christ!” He didn’t think to tell me that before I stepped outside? “Everyone up. Everyone stand up!” While they all moved to stand, I looked up and down the hallway. “Look. It was no one’s fault. I’m sorry I made a mess and I regret killing anyone, but I—”

  “Cut the shit.” Roan pointed his finger at me. “You did what had to be done, and you were a total, fucking badass.”

  Leave it to Roan. “What my best friend said. I guess. But it seems like we’ve all had a really long day. It’s been exciting and horrible and kind of gross if I’m being honest.” I was rambling. What was I even saying? “But I really appreciate you cleaning it up. I cleaned houses on Earth and really didn’t think it was possible for this to ever look okay again. I was all for tearing down the estate and starting over. I mean, three attacks in one day means we should move. Right?”

  There were some soft laughs down the hall.

  “We’re all going to have to keep an eye out. People hate me. I don’t get it really, but they do. I’m sorry if it causes anyone problems. But I guess I agreed to marry this guy—”

  There were so many loud cheers in the hallway that I stumbled back into Lorne.

  He bent down. “Now you’re really not getting out of it,” he whispered against my ear.

  Oh god. What did I do? “I’m totally wiped and feeling a little goofy, clearly. So, I’m going to sleep. Everyone else should, too. Because I have a feeling tomorrow could get crazy.”

  “Amihanna. Are you feeling okay?” Lorne asked in my ear. “Your arms are starting to…”

  I looked down. My arms were doing this soft strobe thing. “Why’s it doing that?” The strobing flickered faster and faster.

  For a second I thought the world was moving, but then I realized Lorne had just picked me up.

  “What’s happening?” My arms felt hard to move as I tried to wrap them around his neck.

  “I’m sorry. I should’ve noticed earlier. You’ve hit the end of your well. You’re about to pass out, but I’ve got you. Everything’s okay. Trust me to take care of you.”

  I trusted him with my life. My arms loosened and dropped as I relaxed in Lorne’s arms.

  “Don’t be alarmed, everyone.” He stood there cradling me in his arms as he talked to the staff. “She’s used too much of herself today defending herself and the estate. I wanted to tell you…”

  His voice rumbled through me. His calm, soothing tone helped me drift off to sleep.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  LORNE

  I said a few words to the staff—I wasn’t even sure what I’d said—and then headed to see Mae’ani. Amihanna was sleeping softly in my arms, but she needed a healing pod. Her skin was still strobing, and that was worrying me. I knew she was stronger than this. She’d killed a lot of men tonight, but when she was six, she could’ve done much more damage without burning herself out. If I’d known she was this close to burning out, I would’ve taken her straight to a pod after the shower.

  I was trying not to worry, but I wasn’t going to be able to handle it if there was something wrong with her. I thought Jesmesha fixed her fao’ana. But now…now I wasn’t so sure.

  I moved a little quicker down the hall.

  The door to the healing room slid open as I approached. Mae’ani was waiting just inside the door.

  “Rysden told me you were coming, Your Majesty. This way. I have the pod ready for her.”

  I nodded, not able to trust my voice yet. I lowered her carefully onto the soft mattress and brushed a kiss on her forehead. She was okay. I knew she was okay, but I couldn’t turn off the fear that something or someone would take her from me again. The fact that she’d burnt out so quickly made that fear even more real.

  I stood and looked at Mae’ani. “Don’t close it.”

  “I won’t make that mistake again. Let me see how she’s doing.” She tapped on her tablet, running scans.

  I grabbed a chair from the seating area and placed it next to the pod. I reached inside and grabbed her hand. The ring I’d just put on her finger nearly slid off, and I held it in place. “What’s it saying?”

  “She’s exhausted herself. She’s too thin—like I told you earlier today. She needs sleep and food. And she’s not used to using her power this way. As far as I know, she hasn’t used her fao’ana since she was lost. Is that correct?”

  “That’s right.” She hadn’t used it in thirteen years. I’d never heard of anyone going more than a day or so without using their abilities. “Will she be okay? Has she harmed herself by not using them?”

  “You know as much as I do that this kind of neglect of our talents isn’t natural for us, but I’ll start doing some research, but I doubt that she’s harmed herself.”

  “I’d appreciate you finding out a little more about it, please.”

  Mae’ani glanced back at her tablet and started tapping on the screen. “I’ll feed her through an IV, but solid food would be better. That might be the root of it all. She can rest easy in here, Your Majesty.”

  I looked back at Amihanna and ran my fingers through her hair. “Why did she burn out so quickly? One second she seemed okay, and almost in an instant, her skin was strobing and she passed out. We usually have more warning.” I couldn’t take my eyes off Amihanna as I spoke. She’d scared me when she passed out, and I felt like such an idiot for not noticing what was happening. For not warning her what might happen and telling her about the internal warning signs.

  “She doesn’t know how to properly harness what’s inside her yet. Think of it like a muscle that’s weakened by going more than a decade unused. You’ll train her again. She’ll rest and eat. It might be as simple as that.”

  Mae’ani was quiet for a moment, so I looked up at her to see her scanning me.

  She lowered the tablet. “You need a pod yourself.”

  “I’m not leaving her,” I snapped at Mae’ani, which she didn’t deserve, but I was exhausted. And I wasn’t leaving Amihanna.

  “Then, why don’t you get in the pod with her?”

  “Is that allowed?” It was maybe wide enough for two, but it would be a tight squeeze.

  “Not usually, but you’re her shalshasa. Your frequencies are so tuned that it might even help the healing to have you with her. And some time in the healing pod will do you good as well.”

  She didn’t need to tell me a second time. I was up and sliding in beside Amihanna without another word.

  The door to the healing room slid open and Rysden and Liz stepped through.

  Goddess take it all. I didn’t have the energy or patience for anything else.

  “How is she?” Liz asked as she came to stand beside the pod.

  “Exhausted.” I ran my hand over Amihanna’s forehead and let my fingers run through her long, silky straight hair. “But Mae’ani says she’ll be okay.”

  Rysden cleared his throat. “We need to talk about the speech tomorrow and—”

  That was the last thing I wanted to do right now. “Can it wait until morning?” Now that I was lying down, I wasn’t sure I could keep my eyes open for much longer.

  He studied me, and then Amihanna for a moment. “Yes,” he said, finally.

  “Then let it wait.” Because I couldn’t handle one mo
re thing today.

  Rysden nodded, and Liz came over with a blanket. She tucked us both in, and then sat in the chair beside the pod. “Go to sleep. You look nearly as exhausted as she does.”

  I tugged Amihanna closer—until her head was resting on my chest—and slid one of my legs under hers, and then—only then—did I close my eyes.

  Amihanna’s warm breath hit my neck as she sighed.

  “Love you,” she whispered softly in her sleep.

  Her words echoed through my mind, my heart, my soul.

  Amihanna was it for me. She was everything. I squeezed her tight against me.

  “I love you, too,” I whispered back as I drifted off to sleep.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  AMIHANNA

  By the time I woke up in the healing pod, it was almost time for Lorne’s speech. Mae’ani’s treatment made me feel like I was back to full-strength, even though she said I wasn’t. Before I left the room, Mae’ani gave me a full lecture on the signs of burning out, and the second I felt the least bit dizzy, I was supposed to stop what I was doing, rest, and tell someone before I passed out.

  If I was unconscious, then I couldn’t fight, and that was unacceptable when enemies seemed to get into the estate at every turn. So, I happily agreed to her rules.

  I wouldn’t use my talents until I was stronger.

  And if I was being honest with myself, I hoped I didn’t need to use them for a long time. It was going to take a while for me to forget what the gore felt like as it splattered my face.

  Lorne went off to talk to his advisors, while I showered and ate quickly so that I could ride on the ship with him. Thankfully, they’d decided that Lorne would give the speech alone. He was going to tell everyone that he was now the king and that I’d agreed to marry him, which I was nervous about. I was pretty sure he was going to face some serious backlash because of me. He was also going to tell them that war was imminent, and no one was sure how the people were going to take that news.

  But at least I didn’t have to go on stage with him. I had a feeling that both Lorne and my father were too afraid of what might happen if I was out in public again. Three attempts on my life in one day was apparently a couple more than anyone felt comfortable with.