Off Balance

by Aileen Erin

  “But I don’t know if it’s a good idea.” She pressed her lips together and her frequencies shifted just a little to tell me she was scared. “People hate me.”

  She cared way too much what people thought about her. “Who cares? They’ll get over it.”

  “But you’re the king now.”

  “And that makes me not a person with a heart?” I took a breath. “Let’s try this another way.”

  “Okay.” She looked up at me and I couldn’t help myself. I brushed a quick kiss against her lips.

  Nope. That wasn’t enough.

  I moved closer to her under the covers and she shifted her legs until I was resting between them. I lowered until I was hovering over her—my skin just a breath away from hers—and ran the tip of my nose down her neck. Her pulse kicked up a notch, and mine raced to catch up.

  Need like I’d never felt before clawed at me to take, take, take, but I had to have an answer from her before I did anything else. “Answer yes or no. Fast as you can.”

  She gave me a half-smile. Her lids were heavy and I knew she had to be feeling the same need that I was. “This again?” She asked.

  I lifted one of her legs and rubbed against her.

  Her breath hitched. “Oh god.” She swallowed. “All right.” Her voice was a little too high and tense.

  She was so wet and warm and it was delicious torture not to slide right inside. “Are you attracted to me?”

  “Clearly.” She arched her back and moaned as I rubbed against her again. “Please.”

  I knew what she was asking for, but I wasn’t giving it to her. Not before I tortured us both.

  I kissed her until she was breathless under me, and then pulled back. “Do you love me?”

  She touched my cheek with her hand and her eyes fluttered opened. “Yes. I love you. But please… I need you.”

  I ran my fingers down her side and her skin lit bright and her fao’ana appeared. This—this—was the happiest I’d ever been. “Do you want to marry me?” I asked as I gave her what she wanted.

  She moaned as I moved inside her. I wasn’t stopping until I had an answer. I moved faster and harder until I felt her on the brink—until I was on the brink—and then I slowed.

  Her eyes were closed, but she was smiling.

  I could watch her forever. “Will you marry me? Please.”

  Her eyes opened wide. She tried to hit me but I grabbed her hands, pinning them over her head.

  “Not fair. You’re such a jerk and you’re cheating.”

  I kissed her softly. “Who cares about fair at a time like this?”

  She tugged on her hands, and I loosened my grip on them, letting her slide them free of my grasp.

  “Yes, okay.” She touched her hand to my cheek. “I’ll marry you, but Lorne—”

  “No. Sorry. I’m taking the yes.” I moved faster—waiting until we were both on the edge of ecstasy—before stopping again.

  Her hands were gripping the sheets as she arched up to me. “Please.” Her word was mostly moan.

  “Will you be my queen?”

  She whimpered. “Lorne. This is stupid. Just… Will you…” Her heel dug into my back, urging me forward, but I didn’t move. “Don’t stop, you jerk.”

  I lowered my face until our noses brushed. Her eyes fluttered open to meet my gaze. Her frequency shifted, and I knew what her answer would be. “Will you be my queen?”

  “Yes.” She didn’t hesitate at all.

  I felt her answer all the way to my soul. It felt like victory. It felt like I was winning the only thing that mattered. “Will you fight at my side?”

  “Yes. Okay. Yes to all of it.” She licked her lips and took a breath. “Just always together. Promise.”

  “That I can promise.” I never wanted to be without her again.

  That was all I needed to hear. I gave her all I had and I hoped she understood that she had my heart. I would give her anything.

  The sheets were tangled by our feet and we were out of breath and I’d never been happier. She was lying on top of me again, and I wanted more. I didn’t think I’d ever get enough.

  “Will you say it?” I asked her. It was pathetic, but she’d pushed me for weeks and now she was here. I needed to hear it again.

  “Say what?” Her voice was thick and when I ran my fingertips up her spine, goosebumps followed.

  Could I be so pathetic to need to hear it again? Yes. Yes, I was. “Tell me you love me.”

  “Who knew you’d be so needy?” She laughed softly, and it was a soothing balm on my soul after a long and horrible day. This night made everything else worth it. I appreciated her more because of how hard we worked to get here.

  But I still needed her to say it again.

  I pinched her side.

  She rose up a little. Her brown eyes met mine and in them I saw the same kind of love I felt for her. A love that toed the fine line between obsession and need. And it was as if everything was finally okay.

  “I love you, Lorne.”

  Her cheeks pinked and I knew she wasn’t used to expressing her feelings. Which is why I needed to hear it again.

  “And we have a little problem.” She gave me a half-smile.

  I tucked some of her hair behind her ear. “What’s that?” My wrist unit buzzed and I ignored it. Whatever she was going to say was more important.

  “Knowing what I know now, I don’t think I’d be okay if we were apart again. My mother meant well when she took me to that doctor. I know she was desperate.” She chewed on her lip for a second. “But I think she did more damage than good.”

  I didn’t want to upset her—not when everything was perfect—but I couldn’t lie either. I hated what her mother had done.

  I touched her cheek because I couldn’t help myself. “We can see doctors. You refused it before, but just because Jesmesha said they’re gone—”

  She looked away from me. “I’m too scared to try. What if they accidentally take more?” She turned back to me, and I could see the fear in her eyes. “I can’t risk it.”

  “Then we won’t risk it. If you remember something, great. If not, then I stand by what I said before.” I ran my fingers through her hair. “We’ll make new memories.”

  There was another buzz. Then two more.

  She sighed, and it felt like it was heavy and filled with emotions. Amihanna might be strong and tough, but she felt everything so deeply. “I just…I didn’t realize that I missed you, but looking back, clearly something stuck.”

  “Clearly since you have my emblem tattooed on you.” I teased her, trying to lighten the mood a little.

  She huffed a tiny laugh. “I’m just…I feel like we’re in a little bubble tonight and I’m finally happy—maybe the first time that I can remember—and I’m scared of losing this.”

  “We won’t.” I hoped she’d eventually believe that. “I’m not going anywhere and neither are you.” It was as simple as that.

  She rested her head on my chest again. “I’m scared of everything that’s happening. That’s going to happen.”

  “Me, too.” I hugged her against me. “But I know we’ll figure it out together.”

  My wrist unit buzzed again.

  “What’s that noise? It’s driving me crazy.”

  “I’m getting a lot of messages.” It was driving me crazy, too. It only buzzed with that particular frequency when Rysden was messaging me, but I wasn’t ready to come out from our bubble. Amihanna was right. That’s what this felt like. We were happy and safe and protected in this little world we’d created in my bed.

  I wanted more time. We deserved more time.

  “Do you need to answer it?” she asked.

  “No. We’re in our bubble. I’m very busy right now.” I ripped it from my wrist and threw it across the room before flipping her over and lowering to kiss her again.

  She laughed against my lips. “Lorne. The estate was just invaded. You’re the king. You should probably get that.”

  �
�No.” I kissed my way down her neck. “I’m the king. That means I’m in charge and I get to tell them to leave me alone.”

  “But—”

  “They can wait another twenty minutes.”

  “Twenty minutes?” She sounded shocked, and I loved that.

  I slid under the covers. “Fine. Thirty.”

  “Lorne!” She was laughing now, and I loved that even more.

  “Forty. Final offer.” I slid lower and bit the inside of her leg.

  She moaned and we lost track of time again.

  I didn’t know how much time had passed, but we were sweaty and out of breath and probably could use another shower, but the maids hadn’t cleaned in there yet. Most of the blood went down the drain, but not all of it. If she wanted to take a shower, I was going to have to make something up.

  She was lying across me, completely spent. I couldn’t stop running my hands up and down her skin. There were some rough spots, and I wanted to ask what they were from, but I didn’t want her to feel like I minded. I just wanted to know everything that had happened to her over the last thirteen years.

  “God. My heart is beating so fast, I think I can really hear it.”

  “No.” I laughed so hard I was crying. “Someone is banging on the door.”

  She lifted her head up just enough to see my face. “What?”

  “I think they’re probably worried about us because I haven’t answered my wrist unit. I’m sure it’s still buzzing like mad on the floor. But you’d think that they’d figure out we were busy by now.”

  “Wait.” Her face got a nice rosy hue. “They know that we were…”

  “They don’t know anything other than that I’m taking care of you, and that I asked them not to bother me.” She looked so adorably embarrassed that I couldn’t help but rise up enough to kiss her. “Yes. They might assume that something was going on between us.”

  She buried her face against my chest. “Lorne.”

  The way she said my name made my skin brighten a few degrees, but I didn’t mind it one bit. “Yes?”

  She lifted her chin up just enough to look at me. “What do we do now?”

  “I hate to say it, but we should get dressed and then deal with whoever is banging down the door before we need to replace it again.” But getting out of the bed meant escaping our bubble of bliss, and I hated that. We’d earned the right to have a couple of hours to ourselves, but I was king now. And that meant doing things that I didn’t want to do. Like answering the door.

  The only thing that kept me going was that she’d said yes. Which meant she’d be here tonight and every night after.

  “Moving is really unappealing right now. I think I found my favorite spot.” She pressed a kiss against my neck and I felt like I’d been given a gift I didn’t deserve. “I don’t have any clothes in your room. Can I borrow some of yours?”

  She really hadn’t looked around at all? “You can always have whatever you want of mine, but are you sure there’s nothing of yours in the closet?”

  She sat up. The crease between her brows told me she was confused. “You moved my clothes into your closet? Was I that much of a done deal?”

  “No, but a man can hope.” And pray, beg, and do anything I could to try to show her that I loved her. And that she could trust me with her heart. I stroked my hand up her back, down her shoulder and arm, and then back again. “When you took the room in the guest wing, I had all the rest of the stuff from your room down the hall moved to mine. I assumed you wouldn’t move back to the family wing unless you were moving into my room. It’s good you didn’t take much over there since all that stuff was destroyed by Seri’s first bomb.”

  I wasn’t sure if she forgot she was naked or if she just didn’t care—either way was fine—but she jumped off the bed and ran into our closet.

  “Lorne!”

  This time she said my name with some shock, but I assumed it was a good shock. I wasn’t sure my skin could glow any brighter, and I could care less if everyone knew when they saw me how in love I was. “I’m starting to understand what you felt when I said your name all the time.”

  “Jerk! I’m getting dressed. Did you know that there are like fifty different versions of Almya’s top in here?”

  “She’s really thankful for her new job. I told her to start redesigning your formalwear, too.” I got out of bed and followed her into the closet. She was already halfway into a pair of pants, so I guessed that meant that we had to face reality.

  I turned to my side of the closet and grabbed the first thing I saw and threw it on. I didn’t care what I was wearing. I needed to get something for her before we saw anyone.

  I went to the back of the closet to the safe and placed my hand on the panel until it beeped. The door opened, and Amihanna came to stand beside me.

  “What’s in there?”

  “Lots of things.” I looked over my shoulder at her. “Everything in this estate that’s keyed to me is also keyed to you.”

  “That’s how you got into my room when I had it locked?” She didn’t sound angry, just curious.

  “Exactly. Our signatures are nearly identical anyway, so most readers wouldn’t have noticed the difference between us, but some can. Like the one on this safe. Once you learn more about flying our ships, I’ll key you in to fly any of mine and have the controls automatically switch to Earther English.”

  Her eyes widened. “Really? You’d do that?”

  I leaned over enough to press a kiss to her lips. “What’s mine is yours.” She seemed confused at that, but I was going to leave that alone. She still seemed to have a tough time dealing with money, but she was going to have to get over that. We hadn’t had the time to go over her accounts today, but I’d make a point to do it tomorrow.

  “There are a lot of safes around the estate, but this one has money, my personal jewels—mostly my mother’s—and our crowns. I’ll take you to the others tomorrow and show you what’s inside.”

  “I don’t need a crown.” She took a step back from the safe. “I’m not wearing a crown.”

  I wanted to laugh at the look on her face—the pure panic—but I held it in. Barely. I grabbed her hand before she got the idea to run. “You don’t need to wear a crown tonight, but you can if you want to once we marry. It’s all about personal preference. You want to see it?”

  “No!” She pressed her other hand to her stomach. “This is feeling real.”

  “That’s because it is real.” I pulled her toward me before she could step back. “Breathe. I’m here with you, and I know you can do this. It was always your destiny. It was our destiny to love, to marry, and to rule.” I reached in and grabbed the crown that my mother had commissioned for me when I took over and slid it on my head, and then grabbed a box.

  The box was small and didn’t weigh much, but I hoped Amihanna didn’t think the emotional weight of it was too great.

  “It’s not Aunare custom to trade rings like Earthers, but my mother thought you might prefer it. Just as your mother did. She had this made for you before she died, and if you like it, I’d love for you to wear it.”

  I handed her the box.

  She opened it and stared for a second before her gaze looked up at mine. “Lorne.” The way she said my name with a hint of awe told me she loved it.

  My skin was ridiculous, but I wanted her to say my name over and over again in a thousand different ways. “Yes?”

  “It’s too much.” She brushed her fingertips over the stones.

  “For the queen of the Aunare?”

  The box snapped shut as she gripped it in her hand, and I felt her panic surge. “Jesus fucking Christ. Don’t say that.”

  I brushed a kiss on her forehead. “When panicking, I find it helpful to breathe.” She was still holding her breath. I gripped her shoulders. “Breathe, Amihanna.”

  She inhaled shakily and pulled the ring from the box. It was designed to symbolize Sel’Ani’s solar system. Two planets close together were glittering gr
een gems to the top right of the center stone. Two suns—one a red, one yellow—were represented by gems of the same colors to the bottom left of the center stone. And then a large, round opalescent gem that looked like it glowed took up the center. It represented home, Sel’Ani.

  I took the ring from her and took her left hand.

  Her gaze met mine and she nodded.

  I slid it on her finger and I was finally balanced. For the first time in thirteen years, I was calm and happy and I knew I could face everything that was going to come tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.

  Because she was here and we were together and nothing was going to change that.

  Chapter Thirty

  AMIHANNA

  My hand shook as I held it in front of me and stared at the giant, gorgeous, and completely overwhelming ring on my left ring finger.

  I’d said yes? I knew I had. I knew that this was what I wanted. I didn’t question my feelings for Lorne at all. But I was still scared.

  If I was just marrying Lorne, it would’ve been easier. But queen? War?

  My stomach was telling me I was free-falling but my eyes said my feet were firmly planted on the floor. I wasn’t sure which to believe.

  I looked up at Lorne. “We can do this, right? Because I’m freaking out a little.”

  He pulled me to his chest, and I felt better. I breathed in for six and out for three and that plus the scent of him calmed me down.

  “We can do this.” His chest rumbled under my ear. “And—”

  “Lorne! Amihanna!” A voice in the bedroom yelled.

  “Oh my god.” I took a step away from Lorne. “Is that my father?” We’d been having sex like five minutes ago and now he was here? In Lorne’s room?

  “Yes.” He grumbled the word, but he didn’t seem nervous about seeing my father. Just annoyed at the intrusion. “He must’ve overridden my locks.”

  My cheeks heated. “Shit.” I needed a shower. And the bed was a mess. He’d know what we were doing and… I still wasn’t comfortable with my father. At all.