Without Regret

by Aubrey Bondurant

  I marched up right to Adrienne’s face. “Where do you get off making Avery feel as if she can’t do better? I have news for you. She can do a hell of a lot better than some tosser in boat shoes in a pink club or a so-called friend who set her up and used her to try to get to her brother. Who, by the way, only sleeps with real women. Not plastic, fake ones like yourself.”

  Because I clearly wasn’t thinking about what it meant to out us in front of a crowd, I landed a big kiss on Trevor’s amused lips. Adrienne’s outrage gave me great pleasure. “Now we can go.”

  I didn’t have a clue how Avery would react to my outburst, but she started giggling. “God, I love you, Emma.” She threw her arms around me, making me feel like a hero despite the scene.

  “Come on, love, let’s get you home.” I took Avery’s arm, letting her put some of her weight on me as she appeared tipsy.

  Trevor’s truck was parked with the valet directly outside the exit. He placed a large bill in the eager kid’s hand and lifted Avery up into the back seat of his club cab, where he buckled her in.

  “I can get an Uber.” I thought it polite to offer, especially if he was irritated about my little stunt.

  “Get in the car, Emma. Please.”

  How he managed to be authoritative and still have manners I wasn’t sure. But I got into the truck.

  CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT

  Trevor

  As I pulled my truck away from the curb, I noticed in my rearview mirror that Avery had already fallen fast asleep in the back, her head to her chest. A drinking tolerance she clearly didn’t have. Poor thing.

  “How much did you guys have to drink?” I asked Emma, glancing over to see her looking out her window.

  “A few shots and maybe a cocktail. Not much, but I believe Avery hit her limit anyhow. Not fall-down drunk, but buzzed.”

  “I’m glad you decided to go with her. She’s far too trusting of her so-called friends.”

  “So you were on your way once you got Adrienne’s text?”

  “I was pulling in when you sent yours. Truth be told, I was on my way before I got either text.” I glanced over to gauge her response to my admission I’d planned to crash the party.

  “Decided you wanted a night of clubbing?”

  “Maybe I just wanted to see you.”

  “Didn’t trust me?”

  “You gave me your word about being exclusive, so I’m trusting that, but it doesn’t mean I didn’t want to take you home. Plus, I was worried about Avery. Didn’t like the coincidence of Adrienne just showing up at the party tonight.”

  “Yeah, I didn’t, either.”

  I doubted Emma would enjoy me pointing it out, but she was becoming quite protective of my sister. That made me smile.

  “I’m not staying at your house, Trevor.”

  With my father and sister there, I wasn’t about to bring her back to my home. “I know. Let me drop off Avery, and then I’ll take you back to the hotel. Both Simon and Tom flew out tonight, so there’s nobody to notice if I sneak into your room.”

  She didn’t bother to argue about getting an Uber for once, which was a relief. Back at the party, I’d spent another hour shaking hands and fulfilling the obligation of being Charles Newhall’s son before changing over and taking Rufus on a walk. Then I’d hopped into my truck, needing to see Emma. Now, I decided, was a good opportunity to talk, especially since my sister had passed out. So I went for it.

  “I owe you an apology.”

  “No, you don’t.”

  I fought my irritation. “Yes. I do. If you won’t take it because you’re still convinced this is only sex between us, then at least take it as a professional courtesy. I overreacted about you hinting to Simon I might not be able to handle the layoffs.”

  It already seemed a lifetime ago. Probably because I’d yet to sleep. No wonder everything was a blur.

  “My intention was for him to relay it isn’t easy for him, even now. I didn’t realize how it would look and I’m sorry. I thought if anyone who could share that perspective, it would be Simon.”

  I sighed. “I realize that now. And thank you. I sometimes get extra sensitive about people questioning my ability.”

  She turned slightly towards me. “After meeting your father, I can see why. I have to be honest and say I was expecting not to like him. Then he went and put Tom in his place about his assistant, Pearl, and I think I wanted to hug him.”

  I chuckled, thinking she’d summed up how I felt about my dad myself. Sometimes he could be difficult, but he was also one of the best men I knew. “Told you. Nobody messes with Pearl. My father has a lot of unfortunate expectations of me when it comes to my career, but he’s always treated his people right.”

  “Guess that’ll make him a good politician.”

  “It would indeed.”

  We were silent during the last few minutes of the drive before reaching the gate of my house. I drove up in front and parked by the stairs. “Hold tight, sugar. I’ll be back.”

  Once I got Avery up the stairs and into her room, she woke up and insisted on brushing her teeth and washing her face. I tucked her into bed, kissed her on the forehead, and figured she was fine by the way she mumbled about Edward being a prick and Adrienne sitting on a used toilet seat cover.

  I halfway wondered if Emma would still be in my truck when I returned. I was happy to find she was. When I opened the door, I appeared to have woken her.

  “You can go back to sleep,” I offered as I climbed into the driver’s seat.

  She shook her head. “No. Especially not with you having pulled an all-nighter.”

  Yeah, I was tired. “You flying back to Dallas tomorrow morning?”

  “I am. Just have to get everything shipped out, then I’m off. How about you?”

  “I’ll drive in tomorrow afternoon probably. It’s actually my birthday tomorrow.”

  “What?”

  “Tomorrow is my birthday. I turn twenty-eight.”

  “Oh.”

  She responded as I thought she might. Not a lot of enthusiasm. It shouldn’t bother me as much as it did, but then again, this had never been just sex for me.

  We pulled into her hotel a few minutes later. I drove around back and looked towards her for my cue. “You want me to come up?”

  “Definitely.”

  I parked my truck, happy she’d offered.

  Exhaustion may be creeping into my body, but I wouldn’t miss an opportunity to spend more time with her. Even if it came at the cost of my heart.

  I followed her up to her room, and she was on me before the door shut all the way.

  Her lips were soft and sweet, making me growl at the fact it had been days since I’d tasted them.

  “I missed this.”

  Nothing from her except her hands frantically working my belt and then my jeans’ snaps. Her hand snaked inside my boxers and curled around my shaft before she dropped to her knees in front of me. All thoughts of talking or my feelings left my mind as soon as her wet mouth descended around my cock. She wasn’t gentle. But I found I didn’t want her to be. It was her edges which fascinated me the most.

  Her hands gripped my ass while mine did the same to her hair, bobbing her up and down until I erupted in her mouth. There was nothing sexier than watching her swallow and also lick me clean as if she couldn’t get enough.

  I hauled her up, my hand hiking up her dress and diving for her center, where I found her already aroused. “This from sucking me off?”

  “Yes. Oh, God, Trev. I need it fast and dirty tonight.”

  I spun her towards the wall, set her hands on the surface, and spread her feet from behind. My body crowded hers from the back while I whispered in her ear. “How about I tell you how I wanted to take you into a closet at my house? Fuck you from behind up against a wall.” My hands went up and rid her of her thong, dragging it down her legs.

  I paused to put the condom on before thrusting up and inside of her.

  “Yes, just like that.”


  Our coupling was raw, primal, and quickly over when I flicked her clit jewel and brought her to climax. But not being the type who simply settled for one, I brought her over the edge one more time. Then, because she desired it dirty, I pulled out and swiped her wetness up her ass crack to her pucker.

  “Yes. There. I want you there.”

  “I don’t want to hurt you honey.” It wasn’t as though I had any lube. But she was so fucking wet it was dripping down her legs.

  “You won’t.”

  I rubbed her come over my dick, breaching her slowly. Christ, she was tight.

  “More. More. I need it.”

  “You want me in your ass?”

  “Yes. Now. Right now.”

  I eased in slowly, rubbing her clit as she started to grind on my cock, taking me deeper inside. I gritted my teeth, trying not to hurt her as she took me to root.

  “Fuck me.”

  Her plea was about to be my undoing. I pulled out slightly and then thrust home, allowing her to get used to my size. “You’re tight. So good.” I wouldn’t last long with the vice grip she had on me.

  “I’m going to come. Oh—”

  Everything she said was incoherent. I moved faster now, gripping her hips for leverage as she climaxed a third time, sending me over the edge with her.

  I pulled out slowly and then went into the bathroom to wash up. When I came back out, suddenly things seemed awkward. It was almost as though she was trying to treat me like one of her one-night stands.

  My hands shoved into my pockets, and I let her speak first.

  “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, depending on when you get in—unless you have plans for your birthday.”

  In other words, don’t include her in them. “Sure. Maybe.”

  I watched as she took off her shoes. She seemed to be counting the seconds until I left. In that moment, I realized if I wanted more I had two choices. Tell her and risk losing her altogether. Or keep my mouth shut and enjoy what we had, understanding it was temporary. I chose the risk.

  “When is your birthday?”

  “Why?” She instantly stiffened at the question.

  “Why do I want to know your birthday?” As if I’d just asked her something so private and out of bounds.

  She sighed. “It’s in a few months.”

  I was pushing despite my understanding it might change things. But considering how off I was feeling about her continuing to keep things casual, perhaps change was the point. “Okay. That was vague. Is it too personal to know your birthday?”

  “Sort of. I mean given what this is.”

  Wrong thing to say. I’d had enough reminders of that tonight.

  “Given this is only sex, and I shouldn’t bother to ask a simple question. Right.” I walked towards her door, pausing when she called my name.

  “Trevor. We agreed.”

  I crossed to her in two strides, cupping her face. “Yes, well, I no longer agree. Because I’ve figured out it’s not enough for me. We work together. I thought we were becoming friends before the sex. But now that we’re having it, it’s like you’re purposefully trying to put it back into casual. I’m not one of your one-night stands, Emma.”

  Her wince made me regret the way that had sounded. But she was deflecting, and I was tired of playing the game.

  “I missed you this week,” I said. “Missed the taste, the smell, and even you calling me cowboy. Despite seeing you in the office, it wasn’t enough for me. But you. You either didn’t miss me the same as I did you, or you’re doing a great job of pretending in order to ensure I don’t get any closer.”

  “What do you want from me?” Her voice was a whisper of vulnerability.

  “More. And if you can’t talk about parts of your past, then tell me. I can respect boundaries. What I can’t abide is pretending I don’t care about you. Because I do. And if you don’t feel the same, then this is it for me. I can’t do it anymore.”

  She swallowed hard. “What about work?”

  “It won’t affect how I treat you on the job, and I’d hope for the same from you. I respect you too much to let it interfere with our working relationship.”

  I dropped my lips to hers for what could be the last kiss I’d ever have with her. Although my body wanted to rebel and tell her we could continue as we’d first agreed, my heart knew I’d only be setting myself up for more hurt in the long run.

  “Bye, Emma.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY NINE

  Trevor

  What I hated most about the way I’d walked out on Emma was how empty I felt afterward. But when I woke up the next morning after finally getting a good night’s sleep, I knew I’d made the right decision. I’d thought I could do casual, but I was wrong. Hell, scratch that. It had never been casual for me. Instead, I’d hoped I could convince her to go for more by initially agreeing to her rules. I’d gone in hoping she would change and then was disappointed when she didn’t. It wasn’t fair to feel disappointed, but feelings often weren’t.

  Fuck.

  I went downstairs to the kitchen, purposely delaying my return to Dallas. Once back at the corporate housing, I knew I’d be tempted to go over and see her. I needed space. Right now, I was too vulnerable. Too hurt that she hadn’t asked me to stay. Too upset at myself for pushing the point. And too full of hope she’d come knocking.

  Avery was hungover and probably disappointed about last night’s debacle, what with her fake friends calling in her ex. But she got up early to make me a big breakfast for my birthday, French toast casserole like my mom used to make.

  Even my father joined in, reminding me of old times. But then he announced he was off to New York for a few days. He did, however, give me a birthday gift: a silver Mercedes CLS coupe. In his words, a true businessman couldn’t be driving his pickup truck to the office every day. I would have argued that in Texas he sure as hell could. Not that it wasn’t a beautiful car and I wasn’t appreciative of my father’s generous gift. It’s just that it hadn’t come without an unveiled criticism about how I could be more polished.

  My sister, on the other hand, went for something more sentimental, having framed a picture of the two of us with our mother on a summer day out by our pool. I was on the arm of the chair with my mother’s arm around me while Avery sat on her lap, smiling up at me. My mother had been so beautiful. So full of life. The touching gift meant more than anything. Once I arrived in Dallas a few hours later, I put it on my dresser.

  At least I wouldn’t be sitting around alone in my room tonight. My friend Mason was coming in from Austin. He arrived in the early evening, and we went to a nearby sports bar.

  “How the hell are you, man?” he asked, sitting across from me in a booth.

  It had been at least a year since I’d seen Mason. We’d been college roommates, but while I’d gone to business school at Harvard, he’d gone to Iraq with the Marine Corps. We couldn’t have come from more different backgrounds, yet we’d been the best of friends now for ten years.

  “I’m good. Approaching thirty isn’t feeling nearly as bad as I thought.”

  “Good, because my birthday is next month. How did everyone get so young?” He posed the question while looking around the bar crowded with college kids.

  I laughed and took the menu the waitress offered. “We got older. How have you been?”

  Mason appeared in the same great shape I’d seen him in last year. He worked out religiously. “Can’t complain. Starting up my security business is going well so far. I have two guys and a small contract in Houston next month for providing building security.”

  I knew he was getting into both electronic security, monitoring of commercial buildings and residences, in addition to physical security details for high-profile clients.

  “That’s great.” Although Mason didn’t talk much about what he’d experienced in his four tours to Iraq and Afghanistan, I knew the demons lingered in his eyes. It was good to see him finding something to focus on post-military, not to mention have him
back in Texas.

  After the waitress delivered our bottles, we clinked beers together, and he toasted. “To you turning twenty-eight and always being older than me.”

  The waitress came back to take our dinner order and attempted to make conversation. “Ya’ll from Dallas?”

  Mason wasn’t much of a talker, and her attention was focused on me, so I answered. “Nope. Just in town for work. I’ll have the rib-eye, medium rare, baked potato and broccoli as the sides. Thanks.”

  I waited until she took Mason’s order and then left to continue the conversation. “So how long you in town?”

  “Heading to Irvine tonight, then back up to Austin day after tomorrow. What was that about?”

  He glanced towards the waitress who was looking our way.

  “Sorry. Were you interested? Should I not have answered?” She was a pretty thing, I supposed, although a tad on the young side. The problem was that in comparing her to Emma, there simply was no comparison.

  “Nah, man, it’s good. Little too close to jail bait for my taste, but I’m wondering what’s up with you. You didn’t even flirt or anything, which isn’t like the Trevor I know.”

  He was right. A few weeks ago, I would’ve given her a wink, at the very least, complimented her, and done some harmless flirting.

  “I guess I’m off my game.”

  He chuckled. “Which means you’ve met someone?”

  I turned, motioning for the waitress to come back over. “Can we get two shots, please? Patron.”

  Mason laughed as she walked over to the bar to get our drinks. “Damn. If we’re doing shots of Patron, that can’t be good.”

  “It’s not great.” And because I could use a friend to talk to, I laid it out for him.

  Ten minutes later after I’d stopped talking, he sat there in shock. “So you have a drop-dead gorgeous woman—with a British accent I might add—who only wants casual sex, and yet you want more.”

  I sighed, thinking perhaps Mason wasn’t the best person to talk to. He’d never, that I knew of, had a serious girlfriend. He would’ve definitely been into what Emma was offering. No strings. “I realize it may sound ideal on the surface, but believe me when I say I’d give anything to become more involved with this woman.”