Without Regret

by Aubrey Bondurant

  His expression was sympathetic. “Sorry, friend. Maybe a little space is what she needs in order to miss you?”

  I held up my glass, clinking it against his. “Here’s hoping. Now then, distract me with what’s been happening with you lately.”

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  Emma

  I was a hot mess of bouncing emotions after arriving back in Dallas. Trevor had given me what I’d thought I wanted, which was a relationship in the sex-only category. Then he’d thrown me for a loop by saying he just couldn’t do that. Did that mean we were over completely? It would seem so unless I could give him more. I told myself I was probably better off that way, yet I was already missing him when I walked into my empty flat.

  I decided to go to the gym in the late afternoon to work off some of my frustration and saw his truck parked in the lot. But once I returned, it was absent. A pit in my stomach grew. Now I was pacing my living room, wondering what to do.

  If I preferred casual and didn’t want a relationship, why did I keep reaching for my mobile hoping he’d rung or texted? Why did my heart pound silly when I thought about him desiring more with me?

  I hadn’t expected to have feelings for him. And now that I did and was admitting it, what did I do? I thought about texting him, but I wasn’t sure how to express my emotions. Hell, I didn’t even understand them myself at this point.

  Dammit. This was exactly the type of complication which had me steering clear of romantic entanglements in the first place. Yet despite being a skeptic who’d never known love, I felt a glimmer of hope that this thing between Trevor and me had the potential for more.

  Three hours later, I was feeling stalkerish, having checked the carpark from my balcony over and over again until I finally saw his truck. The fact he was back made my heart leap into my throat. I took a deep breath, thinking it was now or never. I’d showered and changed into what I hoped was an appropriate I’m sorry ensemble, something sexy which I thought could serve also as a birthday present. I recognized the outfit was also a distraction technique. Because I still wasn’t sure what I would actually say to him.

  I threw on my long dress coat, slipped on my four-inch heels, and went around the outdoor hallway to his room.

  As I rapped my knuckles on the door, I had to keep myself from shaking. I could do this. I could take a chance and face my fear that he might have already changed his mind. I undid the buttons of my coat to give him a full-frontal view of the skimpy lingerie I’d donned.

  Instead of Trevor, a handsome stranger opened up the door.

  He simply stared with his brows sky high.

  I quickly pulled my coat together. “Bollocks. I was looking for Trevor.”

  “Hold on. He’s on the phone.”

  Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

  “Emma, is that you?” Trevor’s voice came from inside the apartment.

  I smiled tightly, watching him pop his head out the door to see me standing there. “Sorry, I, um... I didn’t realize you’d have company. I’ve gotta go.”

  What in the hell had I been thinking? I could feel my face flaming with heat, my pulse had jumped past the point of healthy, and my urge to flee propelled me past the point of saying anything rational. I turned on my heel, wishing I could sprint in four-inch stilettos.

  “Wait.”

  I felt my arm being tugged back gently before I got crowded against the hallway wall, effectively trapped.

  He lifted my chin so my eyes were even with his.

  “I shouldn’t have come over.”

  He smirked. “But you did. Come on.” He led me down the hall to my room, which I’d left unlocked.

  “You have plans with your mate, and I didn’t mean—”

  He cut me off with a tender kiss, both hands framing my face. “You didn’t mean to come to my room,” he breathed in my ear.

  Self-doubt crowded my brain along with its BFF, insecurity. “No, I did.”

  He stepped back, his amused gaze scanning my coat and heels. “Please tell me Mason didn’t see you naked under that thing.”

  I undid the belt, showing him exactly the view of black lingerie with garters and black stockings at which his mate had got a peek.

  “Holy fuck.”

  I belted it back. “You should probably get back to Mason. And I’m sorry you were on the phone.”

  “It was my aunt wishing me happy birthday, and we were wrapping up. And after getting a look at you, Mason will understand waiting. Why did you come by?”

  I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “I’m sorry for yesterday.”

  His eyes were locked on mine. “Don’t be if it’s how you feel. If you don’t want something more than sex, then I’m a big boy and will have to accept it.”

  “I didn’t like the way we left things.” I took a deep breath. “I realize this is more than sex, Trev. I just don’t know how to talk about it.”

  He broke into a grin. “Then we’ll go from there. Okay?”

  It was that simple? I don’t know what I’d been expecting, but visions of a contract negotiation kind of came to mind. I expelled a breath. “Yeah. Okay.”

  “Give me a minute to go check on Mason and Rufus?”

  “If you have plans, I get it.”

  “We don’t. He was in town for business and is heading to Irvine tonight, but he wanted to say hello to Rufus first.”

  “You could bring Rufus here when you come back.”

  He stroked my face. “You missed him?”

  “Yes.” I think we both knew we weren’t talking about just the dog.

  “I have his bed and stuff at my place.”

  “I can come down there instead.”

  “I’ll call you once Mason leaves.”

  When Trevor rang, I was down in his room in minutes. I found myself a bundle of nerves.

  He must’ve read the panic on my face for he pulled me inside as if knowing I was about to flee. Even though he’d said we could go from there, the simple acknowledgment this was more than sex, I knew I needed to give him more.

  “You okay?”

  I shook my head, trying to fight my emotions. Best to blurt it all out. “I have a tough time talking about my childhood. Nothing about it was good.”

  My words obviously took him off guard. He cursed under his breath before grabbing my hand and leading me to the wingback chair in the corner of the living room. There, he settled me onto his lap. But Rufus wasn’t content to be left out. He lumbered over and set his head on the armrest, waiting for me to pet him and thus making me emotional. Rufus had come from a rough start, too, yet he seemed to have no issue with accepting love and affection now.

  “Hey, big guy. I missed you, too.” I scratched him for a few minutes before he turned and went back to his bed. “He’d make a great therapy dog.”

  “Some people say a dog can see into a person’s soul. That they can tell when you need a good listener.”

  I’d believe that.

  “I don’t have a family, and I don’t talk about anything before moving to New York at eighteen,” I said. “I don’t celebrate my birthday, and I don’t have anyone I keep in touch with from that time before New York. I realize I may not be opening up completely, but it’s a big step for me to share that much.”

  He kissed my forehead. “I can imagine it is. Just you coming over here tonight speaks volumes. As for the rest, I’ll respect the boundary. And if there are any other questions which bother you, then you can tell me. I promise not to push.”

  Tremendous relief flooded my heart and head. “All right.” I wanted to do this. Fight the apprehension and let him in. “Maybe we can do a lightning round of questions to get to know each other better.” I figured him prompting me was better than trying to get it out myself. And I was ready to rip off the band-aid.

  He gave me a sexy smirk. “When you first arrived in New York, what was your first impression?”

  I smiled because that was easy to talk about. “Magical. It was my new beginning. I was broke and lived
with a ton of roommates, basically renting a cot in the corner of a room. I started working as a receptionist at the Stone Group that first year. Didn’t meet Simon until a year later, and I’ve worked for him as his assistant ever since.”

  “I hate that I’m about to ask this, but you two—?”

  I shook my head, accustomed to this perception. “Nope. Never. He was always like an older brother and, well, wasn’t my type.”

  “My sister said you may have been hurt by someone. You told her that first day you met.”

  I weighed my words carefully. “I let someone in. Trusted him. Turned out he was married, and he broke that trust. That’s really all I want to say about him.”

  “No wonder you bonded with Avery that day in the gym.”

  “Yeah. So, um, how about you? Any serious girlfriends?”

  “Girlfriends, yes. Serious, no.”

  I told myself I didn’t care, but his answer relieved me. I didn’t want to think of him having been in love with another girl. This was selfish, but what could I say? Suddenly I was becoming possessive.

  “And definitely none who wore sexy lingerie for me as a birthday present.” His fingers rubbed over the lace at my thighs.

  “That’s only the start of your present.”

  He lifted a brow while I climbed off his lap, shed the coat, and went to my knees in front of him.

  “Happy Birthday, Trevor,” I breathed, unfastening his jeans. We were in new territory, but for the first time, I felt as though it might not be so scary, after all.

  CHAPTER THIRTY ONE

  Trevor

  Things shifted between Emma and me after my birthday. Now, two weeks later, I was on my way to New York with Simon, trying to keep the big goofy grin off my face. She’d given me quite the send-off last night, knowing I’d be out of town for a couple of days. I wished she could’ve gone with us, especially since she loved New York so much.

  The level of intimacy was at an all-time high. Although she couldn’t or wouldn’t share all of her past with me, I respected her reserve. Over these last few days, we’d fallen into an easy routine, spending our days acting professional around the office and then our nights together. We’d go out for dinner or order in, but always ended up tangled in bed. The best part was waking up with her in the mornings. She wasn’t ever in a hurry to leave and instead kissed me as if she knew she’d miss me during the day.

  Upon landing in Newark, we drove in a town car into Manhattan to meet with Phillip and Tom about a possible new venture. This one was a large PR firm out of Chicago. One thousand people were involved, and we intended to keep most of those who were billable. That meant only a couple dozen non-billable people we might need to evaluate in the back office.

  The job was going well in that I was learning what to look for in a potential acquisition. By going through the last three years’ worth of deals, I was educating myself on the ins and outs.

  Although I’d suggested putting Rufus into the doggy kennel for the few days I’d be gone, Emma had insisted on watching him instead. It was yet another way our relationship was progressing. I hadn’t missed the way she seemed to have bonded with him. To me, it looked like two wounded hearts with rough beginnings had found a connection.

  My challenge, however, was not to dig deeper with her. I needed to be okay with the possibility she might never feel comfortable enough to share her past. Easier said than done. When you loved someone, it was difficult not to want to learn what caused the shadows.

  Yes. I was in love. After I finished up my meetings in New York over three full days, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was no longer falling. I’d fallen. Although she might be tiptoeing into our relationship, at least she was proceeding in the right direction. The fact she hadn’t ever done so before gave me a rush. It also made me nervous that the slightest thing could spook her.

  When I arrived back at the corporate housing complex on Wednesday evening, I was impatient to see Emma pull in. Luckily I didn’t have long to wait. I stepped outside with Rufus on a leash and watched her park.

  I shook my head at her crooked attempt, trying not to laugh that she either didn’t notice or couldn’t care less. She got out of the driver’s side resembling a supermodel in her designer suit, heels, purse, and sunglasses.

  “Nice parking,” I quipped, earning a smile from her when her eyes found mine.

  “I learned to drive in the US only a few months ago. I’m afraid driving on the wrong side of the car and the wrong side of the road still doesn’t come natural.” Bending at the waist, she scratched Rufus’s head, making me insanely happy.

  “It’s actually the right side of the road, literally. Since sixty-five percent of countries in the world drive on the right, clearly most would agree.”

  She grinned. “How the hell do you know that? Or I should ask why do you know it?”

  I stepped close enough to her that I caught a whiff of her perfume and had to restrain myself from pulling her into me. “I use it to impress British chicks.”

  She laughed. Music to my ears.

  “How many exactly are you impressing these days?”

  “One is more than enough for me, sugar.”

  She closed the gap, lifting her face, voice low and husky. “You better believe it. How was your trip, by the way?”

  “Productive, but I missed you.”

  My declaration seemed to surprise her, and I almost regretted it, but then she relaxed, putting her hand on my chest. “You weren’t the only one, cowboy.”

  I couldn’t help myself. I leaned into her and captured her lips. And she didn’t disappoint, melting into me and allowing access for my tongue to slip inside. Her sigh of pleasure had me hauling her body up against mine and wishing we weren’t in the parking lot. But knowing we were, I gave her one more for good measure and pulled back, still cupping her face, running my thumb over her luscious bottom lip. I was about to suggest we take this upstairs when an intruding voice came from behind me.

  “I have to hand it to you, Trevor. Never in a million years would I picture Emma the type to make out in a parking lot, especially with a clean-cut country guy such as yourself.”

  She instantly stiffened with a muttered “fuck” when she realized it was Tom.

  After schooling my expression, I turned. I might not care for the man; however, I wasn’t about to let him see he could get under my skin. He was the type who would feed off of it. I recognized it would do our professional relationship no good if I got into a pissing match with him.

  “Guess it must take the right man. What are you doing here?” He’d flown back with us, but I’d assumed he’d be staying at the Four Seasons Hotel like he normally did.

  “The hotels in the area were booked for some big conference in town, so Simon suggested this corporate housing complex.”

  Emma barely flicked her gaze in his direction, her expression visibly souring with his very presence. She at least smiled as she whispered to me. “I’ll let you finish walking Rufus and see you upstairs in a few minutes.”

  I matched her smile, loving the intimate way we were talking despite our intruder. I knew she wasn’t happy about Tom finding out about us, given her contempt for him, but it was refreshing that she wasn’t pushing me away. “Sounds good.”

  With one last pat for my dog, she turned on her heel and went up the stairs.

  I could sense Tom step closer and knew, without glancing at him, that he was staring at her ass. Hell, so was I.

  “I’ll warn you, she goes through men like she does her shoes. I would’ve thought the story about her tattoo game would’ve been a good indication about the way she is.”

  I found it interesting he’d concern himself with offering me unsolicited advice. “I’d take care how you speak about Emma to me, Tom. You have your opinions, and you’re certainly entitled to them, but I suggest you keep them to yourself.”

  The bastard smirked. “Smitten already? In that case, I hope you can manage to put business first, and this doe
sn’t cause any unnecessary drama within the team. Especially if Phillip were to find out. On second thought, perhaps your father would be happy to have you back, following in the family footsteps.”

  Although I was ninety-nine percent certain Rufus couldn’t comprehend what he’d said, my big dog bristled. Most likely, he could read my body language enough to know I’d love nothing more than to sink my fist into Tom’s face. But I wasn’t a violent guy. “Careful, Tom. I don’t react well to threats, especially the passive-aggressive kind. Call it a Texas quirk.”

  His gaze flicked from me to Rufus, clearly getting the message. “Duly noted. Have a good night, then.”

  “Yep. Good night.”

  I walked Rufus around the grassy perimeter of the parking lot one last time, watching as Tom went up the stairs to his own room. After putting Rufus back in my apartment with a treat, I knocked on Emma’s door. No answer, but I could hear soft music coming from the other side. A turn of the knob revealed it was open.

  Walking inside and flipping the lock, I was about to chastise her about security when she appeared, stepping out of her bedroom door. Completely naked. And not at all surprised to see me. In fact, a seductive smile painted her red lips.

  “I was about to take a shower. Care to join me?”

  All thoughts of Tom or the conversation quickly vanished from my thoughts. I couldn’t get across the room fast enough.

  But she was quicker, running into the bathroom and turning on the water. Laughter bubbled up from her throat as I shed my clothes in about two seconds, my cock already standing at attention, and now—ahhh—in her palm.

  “This is a nice surprise, but your unlocked door makes me nervous—”

  She’d gone to her knees and put me between her sexy lips, using her tongue to make my brain go to complete mush. Then she took me deep, and I had to grip the counter of the bathroom vanity to keep my knees from buckling. Dear Lord, the woman knew how to suck a cock. And the thing she did with her tongue swirling over the tip was about to cause me to lose it. I wasn’t ready for that, so I hauled her up, not hesitating to kiss her.