Promise to Obey

by Whitelaw, Stella

  ‘Come and sit with me, Willdo,’ cried Lily, waving happily. She was proudly wearing her new navy and cream school uniform.

  ‘I’ll take your grandmother’s breakfast up first,’ said Jessica. ‘What does she usually like?’

  ‘A lightly boiled egg, bread and butter, coffee,’ said Mrs Harris. ‘The tray is all ready.’

  The egg will be more than lightly boiled by the time I get upstairs, thought Jessica. It’ll be half cold and starting to congeal.

  Jessica was wearing slim indigo jeans this morning with a crisp white open-necked shirt. If she was going to be walking her ladyship, running around with Lily and hunting for Daniel, she needed to be in activity clothes. She took the tray quickly upstairs. She had already helped Lady Grace to wash and dress and now she was sitting regally in her armchair by the window.

  ‘You haven’t changed,’ she said. ‘I told you I don’t like jeans on my staff.’

  ‘I’m not on your staff,’ said Jessica. ‘I’m employed by your son, Dr Coleman. He has no objection to what I wear. I shall be running about all day.’

  Lady Grace sniffed. ‘Bring the table over here and put the tray down. I don’t like my breakfast cold. Mrs Harris knows how I like my egg.’

  ‘You could have your breakfast downstairs in the dining room.’

  ‘Nonsense, I can’t do the stairs.’

  ‘Today you are going to walk along the landing and down the stairs to halfway where the stairs divide. There will be a chair for you to sit on and rest. Then you will come up the other stairs, along the landing again and back to your room. How does that sound? It’s not very far.’

  ‘It sounds ridiculous. This egg is cold.’

  ‘I’m not surprised. It was lightly boiled. You should know that a lightly boiled egg cools very quickly. Would you like something different? There’s a full English breakfast cooking on the stove. Would you like some scrambled egg?’

  ‘Leave me alone, you idiot girl. I can manage my breakfast by myself.’

  Jessica returned to the kitchen in time to catch Mrs Harris piling up plates of fried food for Lily and Daniel. She took the plates aside.

  ‘That’s far too much food for a five year old and a seven year old,’ she said.

  ‘Lily always eats hers and Daniel leaves what he doesn’t want.’

  ‘Let’s see what they would really like,’ Jessica suggested. She went back to the children who were wondering what was happening. She sat down beside them.

  ‘There must be things you like and things that you don’t like,’ she began. ‘You don’t have to eat everything that is put in front of you. Tell me what you don’t like, Lily. Think about it carefully. I’d really like to know.’

  Lily wrinkled up her nose. ‘I don’t like yucky mushrooms and hard meat.’

  ‘You mean the bacon?’

  Lily nodded. ‘Ba-con.’

  ‘Well, I never,’ said Mrs Harris. ‘I never knew.’

  ‘And what about you, Daniel?’ said Jessica, turning to the boy. He was thrown. Jessica hadn’t given him anything he could repeat as an answer. She helped him out. ‘Do you like bacon? Mushrooms?’

  He shook his head.

  ‘But you like eggs and fried bread?’

  ‘Fried bread,’ he breathed. The morning was new and young. He was not into speaking at all yet. He wanted peace and quiet. He wanted to be left alone.

  ‘There you are, Mrs Harris. They’ve told you what they like.’

  ‘Well, I never,’ said Mrs Harris again. ‘What about you, miss?’

  ‘I’ll have the same.’

  ‘And I’ll have everything that’s left over,’ said Lucas, striding into the kitchen, his eyes raking over her gently. ‘I’m famished. There’s nothing wrong with my appetite. Shall I join you?’

  A few hours’ sleep and Lucas had recovered. This was the normal doctor/surgeon self-imposed sleep deprivation routine. He looked casual in ancient brown cords and a sweater that needed mending at the elbows. He still hadn’t put a comb through his hair. And it needed cutting.

  Jessica had a wild, unreasoning elation that he had joined them in the kitchen for a family breakfast. He chatted away to the children, to Mrs Harris, to herself as if everything was normal. Jessica nearly forgot the time, mesmerized by his voice.

  ‘The school bus,’ she cried. ‘You’ve only got five minutes to get ready.’

  ‘But I haven’t had my toast and honey,’ Lily protested. She hustled them into their coats, checked their school bags, and then ran with them out onto the drive. Daniel was away like the wind but Lily was panting and wheezing. Jessica slowed down.

  ‘Have you got your inhaler?’

  Lily looked vague as if she had never heard the word before. ‘I dunno.’

  Jessica searched the schoolbag and found the inhaler at the bottom. It felt light and empty. She checked the expiry date. She took Lily’s hand and started walking. ‘Now breathe with me slowly,’ she said. ‘In … and out. Again, in time with me, Lily, in … and out. Big slow breathes. That’s the way.’

  By the time they reached the waiting bus, Lily’s breathing had settled. Jessica smiled at the driver. ‘Thank you for waiting,’ she said. ‘We had a little problem.’

  ‘Anything for you, miss,’ he grinned back.

  ‘Will you be here when we come home?’ Lily asked as she climbed the bus steps, looking back anxiously. ‘Willdo, please, will you be here?’

  ‘I’ll be here,’ said Jessica. ‘We’re going to play some games in the garden, remember? I’ve some new ones to show you.’

  Lily smiled happily. ‘Games in the garden, Willdo? And you promise?’

  Jessica waved the bus out of sight, unaware that Lucas was standing behind her, hands in his pockets, rocking on his heels.

  ‘Ah, the Jessica magic,’ he said lightly. ‘New games in the garden.’

  Jessica started. She had not expected an audience. ‘Not really,’ she said. ‘It’s keeping a promise.’

  ‘And do you always keep your promises?’

  ‘It depends on what they are,’ she said, as they began walking back to the house. He adjusted his step to match hers. ‘If it’s a promise that’s been forced out of me, then I should not hesitate to break it.’

  ‘And have you made a promise to Lady Grace?’

  He was sharp. He knew that there was no way Lady Grace would do anything without a very large carrot. And Jessica had discovered a carrot.

  ‘I’ve promised to play cards with her this afternoon if she will walk a short distance with me this morning.’

  ‘Ah, cards. She’s an addict. Whist, bridge, poker. She’ll beat you.’

  ‘Winning isn’t important; it’s the playing that matters.’

  Lucas’s arm went round her slim waist. It was casual, unexpected. ‘And what are you going to promise me, Willdo, if I am very good and walk with you and do everything that you say?’

  Jessica was lost for words, reluctant to break the spell. She wished he had not begun this teasing. She could hear the electricity humming in the wires overhead, the wind rustling the trees, the faint engine of the school bus. But her heart was pounding even louder. She twisted herself out of his grasp.

  ‘Now that would be telling,’ she said, deliberately evasive.

  He drew away, putting space between them. He began to pull at a loose thread in his sweater, seemingly unaware that it needed mending.

  ‘So what do you plan to do this morning?’

  She was glad that the conversation had reverted to mundane things. ‘I have to unpack my things. Everything will be horribly creased. Then I want to check the children’s clothes and see if they have swimsuits. I could do this anytime. I’m really putting off the moment when I have to confront Lady Grace and get her walking.’

  ‘Do you need any help?’ He sounded genuinely concerned. ‘How about a whip or a gun? I think we’ve got an old airgun in an attic somewhere.’

  She was immediately drawn to his easy banter. She could cope
with this. It gave her time to look at the structure of his face and the imprint of Daniel echoed in the fine bones. She thought of the motorbike boy and shuddered. Accidents were always dreadful, but facial injuries could be devastating. She wondered what it would be like to look in the mirror and see a different face staring back.

  ‘Any medieval torture implements in the cellars?’ she asked.

  ‘I daresay I can find a few screws. My mother probably put them there.’

  Jessica laughed and Lucas was fascinated by the change in her features when she laughed. Her smile was dimpled and delightful, her rosy lips enchanting, her teeth perfect. But it was the deep-blue eyes that drew him more than anything. They sparkled like sapphires, like gems; priceless. How appalling if anything happened to these beautiful eyes. He could not replace them.

  ‘You will be careful when you drive, won’t you?’ he said without expression.

  ‘Of course, I’m always careful. It’s the other drivers who are careless and impatient. Especially those without any tax or insurance.’

  ‘Will you have time this morning for quick trial drive in the Austin, just to get used to it? I could come with you. Twenty minutes at the most. But I do have to go back to the hospital to check on my patient.’

  Jessica did quick mental calculations, some part of her alarmed at being so close to him in the front of the small car. ‘Thanks. I think it’s mobile library day at the village. I could get Lady Grace some new books. And some for the children. Did you know that Daniel can’t read properly yet?’

  ‘He’s having special help at school. His writing is poor as well. It’s all over the place.’

  ‘I could do a little work with him, every evening, five minutes say. Nothing too arduous. Little and often, one to one, often works the best.’

  ‘Thank you. That might help. It’s an epidemic, you know. There never used to be so many autistic children. Daniel seemed to develop normally for the first eighteen to twenty-four months then he somehow lost his skill. It’s a regression in ability. Some autistic children never speak, but Daniel can if he wants to. He has a limited vocabulary.’

  ‘He repeats back what you’ve just said,’ said Jessica.

  ‘It’s called echolalia or parrot back. He either repeats back immediately or maybe hours or days later, completely out of context, in an unrelated situation. Sometimes he picks up a phrase from the television or an advert and says it over and over again. It’s very strange.’

  Lucas’s strong features were fractured with anguish. This was his son, his first born, and he shuddered at the thought of the boy’s future.

  ‘We know autism is on the rise. There’s no explanation. He hates noise, bright light, crowds. It makes him worse.’

  ‘Autistic children often have some talent in a totally different and unexpected direction. We’ve simply got to find what it is that Daniel can do,’ said Jessica, aware that Lucas’s pain was as raw as her own. ‘He will have some talent. We’ve got to find it. Perhaps his guardian angel will guide us.’

  Only her pain was the emotion of being discarded ruthlessly, and in public, by the man she thought she had loved. The humiliation of it was still vivid in her mind. It would take years for the memory to heal. How innocent she had been that evening. Led to the slaughter. In an expensive red silk dress. A dress that she had later bundled up and thrown away.

  Lucas’s strong fingers suddenly laced hers in a firm grip. ‘Thank you, Jessica. I think I’ve found Daniel’s angel.’

  Jessica laughed again but this time most of her sparkle had gone.

  ‘Lily won’t think so when she finds that I have cut out cakes and jam at teatime. It’s apples and pears from now on. She’s consuming well over eighteen hundred calories a day at the moment. She’s becoming a plump little girl.’

  ‘She’ll grow out of it. I like Mrs Harris’s home-made cake.’

  ‘You can eat as much as you like. There’s not a superfluous ounce on you.’

  Lucas grinned. ‘And how would you know, Miss Willdo? When have you seen any of my superfluous ounces?’

  Jessica coloured. The words had come out without thinking. She turned away and hurried indoors. ‘Walkies time,’ she said, trying to cover her embarrassment.

  ‘Shall I bring a lead?’ Lucas asked from the foot of the stairs.

  ‘I need determination more than a lead.’

  ‘Call for help if my mother stabs you with a hatpin.’

  It took over an hour to talk Lady Grace into taking the few steps out of her room and onto the landing. She complained all the time of the pain, her stiffness, her back, her leg. Jessica gathered her patience and persuasive skill. It was exhausting.

  Eventually with the aid of the walker, Lady Grace did manage to walk the length of the landing, peering into Lily’s bedroom. It was a bit untidy.

  ‘That child’s bedroom is a disgrace,’ she said. ‘Chaos.’

  ‘That’s why you need to be up and about,’ said Jessica. ‘To take charge of things again. The more exercise you take, the less pain there is.’

  Lady Grace snorted. ‘You’re merely saying that. You’ve no proof.’

  ‘I’ll get you some proof.’

  There would be a self-help book in the mobile library, Jessica felt sure. She would get one today.

  The journey back was marginally faster as Lady Grace had seen her mid-morning coffee arrive. She sank back into her armchair by the window, pushing the walker away. Jessica sorted out the blood-thinning medication.

  ‘Don’t forget we’re playing cards this afternoon,’ said Lady Grace. ‘The cards are in the sitting room. I’ll tell you where they are kept.’

  ‘After you have done your straight leg exercises,’ Jessica said. ‘They are very boring but necessary. You could listen to music or watch television at the same time if you like. We could find some decent music on the radio.’

  ‘I don’t allow television in bedrooms. Not character building.’

  It was going to be a busy day.

  Jessica hurried down to the kitchen, hoping to catch Lucas before he went back to the Queen Victoria Hospital. But he had gone. His patient came first as was to be expected. She poured herself some coffee from the percolator and sipped the reviving caffeine gratefully.

  ‘I needed that,’ she said. ‘Thank you.’

  ‘I could hear you having a time of it upstairs,’ said Mrs Harris. ‘I didn’t interfere. I hadn’t done Lily’s bedroom, more’s the pity. I’d better do it now before her ladyship starts into me.’

  ‘You put up with a lot,’ said Jessica.

  Mrs Harris nodded. ‘Sometimes we have to. That’s life.’

  ‘Where’s the nearest swimming pool, Mrs Harris? I really want to get Lady Grace into the water. Walking in the shallow end of a swimming pool is one of the best exercises after a hip operation. Because the water is buoyant and holds you up, there’s very little stress on the hip. She would enjoy it.’

  Mrs Harris said nothing. She knew about Lady Grace’s aversion to water.

  ‘A pool would be a good idea,’ Jessica went on.

  ‘She’d say the water was too warm, too cold, too wet,’ said Mrs Harris, going upstairs. She paused halfway, lowered her voice. ‘Yet she used to be a champion swimmer. Used to swim in the sea, off Brighton beach, any weather, I’m told.’

  Jessica found a copy of Yellow Pages and roamed through, looking for leisure centres. Brighton and Worthing were both unsuitable having large pools. Lady Grace would certainly refuse to go anywhere that members of the public might be using at the same time.

  Lucas was a puzzle, one minute kind and charming, and the next cold and aloof. Perhaps one day he would tell her what had made him so unfathomable. There was no antagonism between them but she never knew where she was with the man. He was unpredictable. And yet so attractive. But he was the last thing she wanted. There was no place for another man, however good-looking, in her life.

  She had to keep him at a distance.

  He could be
dangerous. One move from him and she might find herself unable to forget him. He had spirit and texture and soul. Not many of those about.

  There was a range of keys hanging from hooks near the kitchen door. Jessica glanced at the labels. There were more keys than doors. One of them was the key to the vintage car waiting for her in the garage and this was a good time to try it. She knew how to drive and it was not far to the village. If Mrs Harris could cycle the distance, she could drive it.

  It was a small, low-roofed car with sleek lines, not what she had expected at all. She thought all Austin cars were saloon, family cars. This was a neat shape, park it anywhere, with a walnut dashboard, leather seats and the famous picnic trays at the back. She slipped into the driver’s seat and switched on the ignition, took off the hand brake. The car shot into life, almost taking the garage doors with it.

  Jessica stamped hard on the foot brake, was flung against the wheel, no seat belt fastened. She gasped. She had not realized that automatic gears need very gentle handling to ease the car away.

  She sat back, regaining her breath, slowly fastening the seat belt, hoping she had not bruised her ribs. Lucas had been right. Automatics take some getting used to. Good thing that there was no one around watching. She tried again, easing the car away with only a couple of little jerks. Once moving, the car was a dream. She loved it. She drove slowly out of the drive and onto the road.

  Left or right? She could not remember which way they had come yesterday. Well, she only had two choices and the village couldn’t be far. So she went right.

  It was a quiet, leafy lane, twisting and turning so she drove carefully, hoping to see the village of West Eastly come into sight, cottages, pub and church. A male pheasant hopped across the road, its long tail feathers gleaming. If she was going the wrong way, then the station would appear. If she saw anyone, she would ask for help.

  There was no one around, not a soul. Only a few grazing sheep and they weren’t much help. She doubted if they had any sense of direction. This was not the time to panic. Surely she could not get lost in such a small place?