Promise to Obey

by Whitelaw, Stella

  She drove on. More leafy lanes, no signposts, nothing to say where she was. The hills looked all the same. There were no houses. At this rate she was going to end up in Brighton or Worthing or maybe back on the M27.

  She was lost. She had no idea where she was. Surely Mrs Harris didn’t cycle all this way from Dove Cottage to Upton Hall? Jessica glanced down at the milometer but the figures were no help. It was more than ten minutes ago that she left Upton Hall, turned right at the end of the drive and now she could be anywhere.

  She slowed down, worried about petrol. She had not checked. Always check on your petrol before setting off, the driving instructor had said, many years ago.

  She drew into the next lay-by and turned off the engine, taking stock, hoping that someone would drive by. If she heard a car coming, she would flag them down and ask for directions.

  There was a throb of a car in the distance, coming closer, maybe too fast to stop for her. Jessica stood clearly on the side of the road, her hand up in the air, hoping for a Good Samaritan. She prayed that it would be someone helpful, articulate and English.

  It was. Someone very articulate. The car braked.

  ‘What the hell are you doing out here, Jessica? I told you to wait for me. I said I would come with you, the first time you went out in the Austin. I suppose it was you who nearly took the garage door off? And now you are lost. Well, it serves you right.’ Lucas glared at her.

  Jessica stood shocked by the onslaught. She didn’t deserve this. Her intentions had been the best. She had intended to get some books for Lady Grace and find out how to renew Lily’s inhaler prescription. Not exactly in line with robbing a bank or stealing the church silver.

  ‘Yes, sir, I am lost,’ she said, briskly. ‘All these lanes look the same. I’m hardly to blame if your council doesn’t spend any money on signposts. It must be because of some literacy deficit among the locals.’

  Lucas was still glaring at her. ‘Did you turn right coming out of Upton Hall?’

  ‘Yes, I turned right. I’m not stupid.’

  ‘Then right again at the fork?’

  ‘What fork?’

  Jessica could not remember any fork. The lane had been twisting and turning. She had been concentrating on driving round the bends, keeping to the left.

  ‘There’s a fork after the third bend. It takes you directly to West Eastly. A child could follow it.’

  ‘There was no signpost.’

  ‘It’s in the hedge.’

  ‘Overgrown no doubt.’

  Jessica was tired of the argument. At least Lucas could not refuse to see that she got back to Upton Hall. ‘I think I should return,’ she said. ‘Lady Grace may be needing me. We’ve got a lot to do.’

  ‘She may well indeed. A pity you didn’t think of that when you took off in the Austin, not telling anyone where you were going.’ Lucas was still fuming.

  ‘Shall I follow you?’ she asked, recovering some dignity.

  ‘Yes. I’ll lead.’

  ‘Please drive at my speed, not like a bat out of hell.’

  He was about to make a retort but thought better of it. He sat there, engine turning, while Jessica got back into the Austin. She was very careful, trying not to do a jerk start. She handled it smoothly, pleased with herself, and lined the Austin up behind the Porsche Boxster. Piece of cake.

  It was a slow and careful procession back to Upton Hall. Lucas was deliberately going at a snail’s pace to irritate her. Any locals would have thought it was a funeral. Any slower and the Austin would stall.

  Jessica smiled to herself. She would let Lucas have his little joke and say nothing. But she was relieved when she saw the tall chimneys of Upton Hall coming into sight. Somehow she had done a tortuous circle.

  She parked the car in the stables, next to the Porsche. The garage door was not exactly coming off. He had been exaggerating as usual. Lucas was nowhere to be seen. He had not waited to see if she was all right.

  She went into the kitchen, hoping Mrs Harris would not mind if she made a cup of tea. Her throat was dry and a cup of tea would be welcome.

  The kitchen was empty, everywhere tidy, no coat or hat on the door. Mrs Harris had gone. Jessica immediately thought something awful must have happened to Lady Grace in her absence and she had been taken to hospital in an ambulance.

  She raced up the stairs and rushed into the tower bedroom. Lady Grace and Lucas were sitting by the window. There was a glass decanter of sherry on the table and Lucas was pouring a small amount into a delicate sherry glass.

  ‘Don’t barge in like that, young lady,’ said Lady Grace. ‘Please knock.’

  ‘I thought you had had … an accident … fallen or something,’ said Jessica, getting her breath back.

  ‘I’m talking to my son. Kindly leave us alone. We have something to discuss. Something important.’

  ‘Of course,’ said Jessica, turning to leave. ‘I’m making some tea. Would you like a cup?’

  ‘No, thank you. I’m having my afternoon sherry,’ said Lady Grace.

  ‘But I’d love a cup,’ said Lucas, leaning back and laying on the charm. ‘I’ve just had a maddeningly slow journey. The traffic these days and learner drivers.’

  ‘Better slow and safe,’ said Jessica, ‘than fast and flashy.’

  Lady Grace glared at Jessica and she retreated, smiling to herself as she closed the door. At least she had had the last word.

  Mrs Harris had an urgent dental appointment and Jessica made the children’s tea when they got home from school. She found some Bramley apples in the orchard and stewed them with honey and raisins. She made cheese, tomato and lettuce sandwiches with celery sticks to crunch on. No doubt there would be complaints from little Miss Sugary Sweet-tooth. No jam and no cake for her today.

  Lily surprised everyone by saying she liked this tea. ‘I like this sandwich,’ she said, holding the celery stick between two fingers as if it was a cigarette. ‘Have you got a light, miss?’

  ‘Got a light?’ repeated Daniel.

  ‘I’m not the nanny before last, the one who smoked,’ said Jessica. ‘Hurry up, then we can play in the garden before it gets dark.’

  ‘I want to play in the dark,’ said Lily, jumping up and down. ‘I like the dark. It’s all spooky.’

  Daniel said nothing. He was lining up raisins on the rim of his plate before eating them. It was a slow and deliberate procedure.

  Lucas came in the kitchen with his cup and saucer. Lily was pretending to smoke the celery stick, giggling and coughing. ‘Have you got a light, mister?’

  ‘Bad habits already, young lady?’ he said, gravely. ‘We shall have to watch you. I’ll get you a nicotine patch.’

  Lily blew out pretend smoke and started coughing again. Jessica fetched a glass of water from the tap. She drank it and the coughing eased.

  ‘Is there another inhaler for Lily?’ Jessica asked. ‘I think her current puffer is nearly empty. We’re going to have a lesson this evening on the best way to use it.’

  ‘I keep Lily’s inhalers in a safe place. I’ll get one for you before I go back to the hospital,’ said Lucas, closing the dishwasher door.

  ‘Another RTA?’

  ‘No, I had a list this morning. I’m going back now to check on them. They should be in recovery or transferred to their rooms by now.’ He spoke in a vague manner, miles away, mentally going over what he had to do. ‘I’ll catch a quick bite at the canteen. Don’t wait supper for me.’

  Jessica discovered that Mrs Harris had left a cold supper tray for Lady Grace and all she had to do was heat some soup and take it up. She would have soup and another sandwich.

  They played in the garden till the light began to fail. Jessica could only remember how to play He and What’s the Time, Mr Wolf? Lily threw herself into both games with a complete disregard for the rules. Daniel didn’t understand what they were doing but enjoyed shouting What’s the Time, Mr Wolf? Jessica noticed that his motor skills were not co-ordinated and he ran awkwardly, sometimes
almost falling.

  They danced and sang Ring-a-Ring a-Roses, which seemed to help his co-ordination, because they were inter-acting together. He didn’t know the words. Lily sang loud enough for two.

  When she took Lily upstairs for her bath, Jessica told Daniel that he could stay up for another half an hour as he was older. He didn’t react.

  ‘What’s the time, Mr Wolf?’ he said.

  ‘Bedtime,’ Lily shrieked.

  At this rate they would have Lady Grace banging on the floor with Fred.

  It was quite late before Jessica took her supper on a tray into the library and settled herself into a comfortable armchair. Lady Grace had had her supper and was settled with a book.

  One of the bookcases had a false door which opened and revealed a medium size television set. It was an older model but the picture was clear with a good signal and Jessica was happy to watch any programme.

  She was lulled into deep relaxation with the undemanding programme, a pleasant supper by herself, a strenuous day and the fresh air activity. She was dozing off, halfway to a rambling dream about trains, when she jolted awake by a tiny noise.

  Lucas was switching off the television.

  ‘Late night film,’ he said. ‘Were you watching it?’

  Jessica shook her head. ‘No, I wasn’t. I fell asleep. What’s the time?’ She nearly added, Mr Wolf.

  ‘It’s after midnight. Cops and robbers film, very violent. Not at all suitable for a young lady to watch.’

  She struggled to sit up. ‘Heavens. I’d better clear up the supper things.’

  ‘Leave it for Mrs Harris in the morning,’ said Lucas. He was looking at her with an expression that was impossible to fathom, his eyes full of warmth. ‘You don’t look nearly so fierce when you are asleep,’ he added.

  Her heart began to beat faster as he came over to the armchair and held out his hand. He smelt fresh and manly. It was a heady scent. ‘Would you like me to tell you a bedtime story?’ he asked.

  ‘What story would it be?’ she said, her throat going dry. He helped her to her feet. She was quite unsteady.

  ‘I thought Beauty and the Beast would be appropriate.’ He paused. ‘Since I am so handsome and you are quite beastly at times.’

  Jessica began laughing quietly and that broke the spell. They brushed against each other as they went out of the room. There was no madness in the moment, only a brief recognition of the contact, then moving apart.

  ‘Goodnight, Willdo,’ said Lucas, pausing again in the hallway, on his way to the stables. ‘Do I get a goodnight kiss?’

  ‘Sorry,’ said Jessica. ‘That’s something Willdo, won’t do.’

  FIVE

  Jessica drove down to Worthing sea front with Daniel and Lily strapped into the back seat. She prayed that she would not get lost or lose the children. It was a straightforward drive, nothing complicated, lots of visible signposts. She immediately found somewhere to park along the front and put money into the meter.

  The size and expanse of the sea front was like tearing apart sky curtains and seeing a vast blue seascape moving in every direction. There were four miles of promenade to walk on (or cycle if you weren’t caught), acres of sand and shingle when the tide was far out, the pier to perambulate on if it was high tide and the waves were lashing the high shoreline. The smell of ozone was a reminder of seaside holidays. The screeching seagulls set up a raucous welcome

  ‘It’s the sea. I love it, I love it,’ said Lily, jumping up and down with excitement, her hair bobbing about. ‘I want to paddle. Willdo, can we paddle?’

  ‘Of course,’ said Jessica. ‘Let me lock up the car, get our towels and the backpack, and we’ll be away down the beach. We’ll find somewhere out of the wind. Would you like that, Daniel, to go on the beach?’

  ‘Go on the beach,’ he said solemnly.

  They wore canvas trainers going down the slippery slope of the shingle but once free of the pebbles, they shed their shoes and ran over the wet sand, splashing through puddles, fording rivulets, skirting rocks, making for the tiny waves that lapped in the far distance. Jessica had a job keeping up with the children.

  Daniel ran ahead, sensing freedom, sensing the elements that demanded nothing of him. Water made him free from a world he did not understand. No one wanted to talk to him. The lapping of the wavelets was a gentle sound. He had an unusual burst of energy, legs awkward, arms waving erratically.

  They were all wearing shorts and vest tops, even Jessica. Her shorts were cut off jeans with a frayed edge. Lady Grace had been outraged.

  ‘My grandchildren don’t wear such skimpy clothes. I demand that you put them into something decent. Hasn’t Lily got a frock?’

  ‘They are going on the beach and they are going to get wet. I’m taking along dry clothes and fleeces in case it gets chilly. Would you like to come with us? It’s not far in the car.’

  ‘Good heavens, no. I don’t want to walk along the front with Fred. Most improper. I might meet someone I know.’

  Jessica and Mrs Harris had come to a new and amicable arrangement. Mrs Harris was to have every other afternoon and evening off. In return she would look after Lady Grace on the afternoons when Jessica wanted to take the children out. It was more time off than Mrs Harris had ever had before. Anyone could see she was pleased the way she fussed round the kitchen, cleaning surfaces that were already clean and sparkling. It was like an unexpected lifeline.

  ‘It’ll make a real difference,’ she said warmly. ‘Having a bit of regular time off to myself. It’s always been difficult to get away and those other nannies were useless to leave in charge. No good at all, drinking and smoking. I’d like to go to the village hall afternoon Bingo. I might win a fortune one day.’

  Jessica had made real progress with Lady Grace but it had not been easy. The first time she had made it down the stairs and into the sitting room, Jessica called for celebration drinks and Lucas had opened a bottle of champagne. Lady Grace had been flushed with pride, but alarmed by the thought of the climb back upstairs. A few minutes in her beloved walled garden gave her renewed courage to make the climb. She picked a few roses for her room.

  ‘You can do it,’ said Jessica encouragingly. ‘Well done. You’ve proved that.’

  ‘You’re such a bully,’ said Lady Grace. ‘And yet you are so slim. I don’t know how I put up with you.’

  ‘Because you know I’m right. Exercise is the answer. You might not admit it but the pain is not so bad these days, is it?’

  ‘I still need my painkillers.’

  ‘I know that but not so many,’ said Jessica, preparing the blood thinning medication. ‘I’m the guardian of your painkillers. Custodian, keeper, steward.’

  ‘You do talk a lot of highfalutin nonsense. Get me a cup of tea, please, Jess. And those roses need dead-heading. Look at the poor things.’

  ‘I’m not here to do gardening.’

  ‘I shall have to bribe you.’

  ‘Difficult, but you could try.’

  Lily got the wettest. She had no fear of the water and was soon paddling and jumping over incoming waves, splashing through puddles. The tide was on the turn and they were surprised how the expanse of wet sand began to disappear under the incoming sea. They had the sense to obey Jessica and return back to shore.

  Daniel was more interested in what the tide was bringing in with it. So many shells and bits of seaweed, dead fish and driftwood. He was scavenging in the pools, collecting all sorts of bits and pieces in his bucket. The shells were so interesting and so intricate. He was completely immersed in his treasure hunt.

  Jessica had brought a magazine to read on the beach but she didn’t get past page three. A book would have been better but she dare not take her eyes off either child for more than a moment. She might get lost in a good book.

  Irrational fears crowded her mind: drowning, abduction, fish hooks.

  The day before yesterday she had taken the children to the mobile library on its weekly visit to West Eastly. They had
never been before and were amazed at the choice of books. Jessica had found some new books for Lady Grace which were accepted with reluctant gratitude. Daniel settled on a book with colour photographs of animals which he liked a lot. Lily chose more books than she could carry and insisted on carrying them across the green to the car.

  ‘Let me take some of them,’ Jessica offered.

  ‘I want to carry all my books from the library myself,’ Lily insisted.

  Now they were enjoying themselves on the beach as children should, running about here and there, digging wet sand, collecting shells. Lily was filling her lungs with clean coastal air, not coughing or wheezing at all. Pure sea ozone.

  As the waves edged them nearer and nearer to the shore of shingle, it was not quite so much fun. Bare feet on sharp stones is ouch time. They were slipping and sliding on a shelf of wet pebbles. But Jessica had brought plastic flip-flops for them to wear and the discomfort was soon forgotten. They had a picnic tea higher up on the beach – plenty of cheese sandwiches, apples and pears, yogurts, cartons of juice. They ate every crumb, then shook it all down skimming pebbles into the waves, watching the greedy seagulls diving into the deeper water for their fish suppers. Daniel was quite good at skimming. He watched the bouncing pebbles.

  ‘Wow! Daniel’s pebble bounced four times. One more go, everyone.’

  It was two very tired children whom Jessica drove home to Upton Hall, drowsy and wet and sandy. Lily went to sleep on the back seat. Daniel sat close, examining his treasures. His romp on the beach had brought a colour to his cheeks. His hair was stiff with sea water.

  ‘Did you enjoy the beach, Daniel?’ Jessica asked. ‘It was fun, wasn’t it?’

  ‘Fun,’ he said, from the depths of his bucket.

  ‘You’ve both brought half of the beach home with you,’ said Jessica later, as Lily’s bath water filled with a swirl of sand. ‘I shall have to wash your hair.’

  ‘Please don’t tug my hair.’

  ‘I’ll try not to, poppet. Hold this little towel over your eyes.’