Promise to Obey

by Whitelaw, Stella

  ‘It’s very late,’ said Lady Grace, who did not admit that she had also dozed off. She looked accusingly at her bedside clock. ‘I’m not used to having it so late.’

  ‘I’ll fetch it straight away,’ said Jessica, turning away before she got the nightly instructions about two biscuits - as if she had the brain of a peanut.

  In the kitchen she noticed that Daniel’s jars of seaweed were still on the draining board, but he had emptied the sink of water. She must remember to put them in a safe place before Mrs Harris came in. That good lady might empty them down the drain.

  Jessica made the drink and carried the tray upstairs to Lady Grace. She put it on the bedside table.

  ‘Thank you, Jess,’ said Lady Grace. ‘You know how to do this Internet ordering thing, don’t you?’

  ‘I can find my way around a bit.’

  ‘Can you find your way around this Argos firm that sells things and order a bicycle, a good one mind you, to be sent to Mark Adams. No mention of my name. I want him to receive it anonymously. Don’t you think that’s a good idea? To send him an anonymous gift? After all, a bicycle hardly equates to saving a life, does it?’

  Lady Grace seemed pleased with the idea and for remembering Argos, the mail order firm. She might get their catalogue and have a look through it.

  ‘I think he’d like that. Surprise presents are always fun. I’ll look Argos up on the Internet and see how you order online,’ said Jessica.

  ‘It could be addressed to him care of The Pier. I saw some of his deckchairs on the pier. They’d make sure he got it, wouldn’t they?’

  ‘I’m sure they know him. Goodnight, Lady Grace.’

  ‘Goodnight, Jess.’

  Jessica crossed over the landing and peeped into Lily’s room. She was fast asleep, Floppy Ears on the pillow beside her. They both looked as if they had had a good day.

  Daniel’s bedroom was in the dark which was unusual. He had not switched on his glow lamps or put on a tape of soft sounds. Jessica hesitated in the doorway. She did not want to wake him by putting on the main light. The landing light shone weakly into the room. His shells were rigidly in rows. His drawing books, his shoes, his school uniform folded, everything in its allotted place.

  She looked at his bed. The duvet was flat and untouched. There was no dark head on the pillow. The room was empty.

  He must be somewhere in the house, curled up on a chair, or drawing on the floor, little monkey. He’d taken advantage of her falling asleep.

  Jessica made a quick detour of the house, expecting to find Daniel at every turn. But he was nowhere. She could not find him anywhere. It was getting dark outside. Perhaps he was doing some mysterious errand out in the garden, drawing the moon?

  His anorak had gone from the clothes cupboard by the back door. Jessica began to feel worried. Where on earth had the little boy gone? He was tall for his age but he was still only eight years old.

  She heard the Porsche coming up the drive and ran outside. Daniel had probably gone to meet his father. That was it. What could be more natural than going down the drive to meet his father?

  Jessica went onto the drive and waved at the Porsche. It slowed down. ‘Have you got Daniel?’ she asked, keeping any worry out of her voice.

  ‘Daniel? No, why should I?’

  ‘I thought perhaps he’d come out to meet you. I thought …’ she faltered.

  ‘Don’t you know where he is?’ Lucas said forcefully.

  ‘No, I don’t know where he is. I’ve lost him. I can’t find him.’

  ‘Have you made a thorough search of the house and the stables?’

  ‘I didn’t go into the stables,’ said Jessica.

  ‘Why not?’

  Because she did not want to meet Lucas. He lived in the stables. She could not go in there, in case there were secrets.

  Lucas swung the car round towards the stables and stopped outside. He raced into the building. Jessica began searching the gardens. The humidity was closing in on her, dark clouds gathering. The sky was the colour of dark slate. A storm was on its way. She could feel it in the air.

  ‘Daniel, Daniel…’ she called repeatedly. But of course he would not answer. He would not say anything. Nor would they be able to hear anything. How could they find an autistic boy in the dark who wouldn’t speak?

  She heard Lucas returning in his car. He pushed the passenger door open.

  ‘Get in,’ he shouted.

  She obeyed, afraid not to. She was already very cold, with fear and with worry. But she steeled herself. She got in and strapped on the safety belt.

  ‘I’ve searched the house,’ said Lucas. ‘But there’s no sign of Daniel. I have told my mother that we are going out and will lock up when we return. I said nothing about the children. Have you any idea where Daniel might have gone?’

  Jessica shook her head. ‘We went to Worthing today and had a picnic tea on the beach. Lily and Daniel had a great time. Daniel came home with a bag full of bits of seaweed. I left him in the kitchen, filling jam jars with the stuff.’

  ‘What else?’

  ‘I don’t know what else,’ Jessica, desperately. ‘There isn’t anything else. Who knows what goes on in Daniel’s mind? He could have decided to do anything, go anywhere. He has no idea of time or distance, let alone telling anyone of his plans. I know it’s partly my fault for falling asleep, but I was so tired. I haven’t been sleeping well lately….’

  She let her voice trail off into a landscape of quiet despair. She’d been thinking about Lucas, going over the situation again and again, wondering how she could put things right. Wondering if they would ever regain that heady happiness.

  ‘We’ll go look for him. He can’t have gone far. I’ll drive slowly, you look on the paths and near hedges. Here’s a torch. I’m sure he’ll keep to roads, something that he knows about from the school bus and drives with you. He doesn’t like anything unknown.’

  Jessica nodded. It was already starting to rain, a fine mist clouding the windscreen. Daniel had his anorak on but not much else. She shivered.

  ‘You’re cold,’ said Lucas. ‘There’s a fleece on the back seat. Put it on.’

  It was the first kind word he had said to her for days. Jessica reached into the back and pulled on his old navy fleece. It smelt of him and she breathed it in as if he was himself wrapping his arms round her. But the moment vanished as they turned out of the drive onto the roadway.

  They drove with the passenger window down so that Jessica could flash the torch onto the paths and verges. Tatters of rain were coming down steadily and soon her sleeve and face were pitted with drops.

  Finding Daniel became even more remote as the rain thickened and the windscreen wipers struggled to keep the vision clear. Branches swayed overhead, wailing like banshees.

  ‘Daniel, Daniel….’ she continued to call. Lucas was watching the other side of the road, driving slowly and steadily. Moths collected in his headlights for their doom. They came to the village of Eastly, wondering which way Daniel might have chosen.

  ‘Which way?’ asked Lucas.

  ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘Guess. Try to think as Daniel would think. You know him better than anyone else.’ His voice was dry and bitter.

  ‘He had a bag of seaweed,’ said Jessica. ‘But he had brought home an awful lot of seaweed, far more than the few jam jars would hold.’

  ‘So?’

  ‘Perhaps he’s returning the seaweed to the sea.’

  ‘You mean, he’s walking to Worthing, to put the seaweed back into the sea?’ Lucas sounded incredulous.

  ‘I’m only guessing,’ she cried. ‘He wouldn’t like to think of it dying. It would worry him. He wouldn’t wait till morning. He would have to do it now.’

  Lucas turned onto the main dual-carriage way towards Worthing, his face set grimly. The rain was now torrential, almost blinding him. Jessica was soaked, her hair flattened against her head. The car heater was on but the heat flew straight out of the windows.
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  Then she saw him. A small figure, plodding on, head down, barely visible in the downpour. ‘There he is,’ she cried. ‘Over there.’

  Lucas spotted him too in his headlights, drew ahead and then slammed on the brakes. Jessica wrenched open the car door and ran towards the boy over the long wet grass. She clasped him into her arms, cradling him, her face against his wet hood.

  ‘Daniel, you’re all right! We’ve found you. Thank goodness. Thank goodness.’ Jessica held him close, for the first time ever. He did not stiffen but seemed to lean into her, the fear of the night taking away his usual reserve.

  ‘Get into the car, love. We’ll soon have you home, warm and dry,’ she said, guiding him towards the car. She somehow steered him onto the front passenger seat and then got herself in as well. Daniel ended up, curled on her lap, her arms still firmly round him. He did not resist.

  ‘Hello, Son,’ said Lucas, turning the car slowly at the next intersection. He realized that Jessica could not fasten the seat belt. ‘Not a goodnight for a walk about.’

  Jessica felt the boy’s weight against her and she could smell the tang of the seaweed. Somewhere, on him, probably inside his anorak was the bag of seaweed.

  ‘Were you walking to Worthing, Daniel?’ she asked. She felt only the merest of nods.

  ‘With your bag of seaweed?’

  ‘Weed,’ came his muffled voice.

  ‘Were you going to put it back into the sea?’

  ‘Sea.’

  ‘We’ll do it tomorrow,’ she assured him. ‘The tide would be on its way out by now and we’d never find the sea in the dark. Seaweed is pretty sturdy stuff, you know. It’ll survive till tomorrow.’

  Daniel was almost asleep by the time they reached Upton Hall. It was the first time he had ever allowed anyone to hold him or touch him. But he had almost fallen asleep in Jessica’s arms and, for both of them, it was a milestone.

  Lucas carried Daniel indoors, upstairs to the family bathroom. He took off the boy’s sodden clothes and put them and the bag of seaweed on the floor. It was only a quick wash in warm water as Daniel was half asleep. In no time he was curled up in bed, warm and dry, part of him knowing how much he was loved.

  Jessica was downstairs in the kitchen, making a pot of tea, knowing Lucas needed a hot drink too. She was still in the soaked fleece. Everything was wet. She knew she looked a sight but she didn’t care. Daniel was safe and that was all that mattered.

  Lucas stood in the doorway holding an armful of wet clothes.

  ‘He’s asleep.’

  ‘Good,’ said Jessica. ‘I’ll put the rescued seaweed in a bucket.’

  Lucas came over to her, awkwardly. He was as handsome as ever, but there were lines etched on his face, as if he had aged. Rain was spiking his hair and his clothes were wet, but his eyes were smiling with a quiet hope.

  ‘Are you ever going to forgive me, Jessica?’ he said. ‘I’ve been such a fool. A complete idiot.’

  SEVENTEEN

  Lucas was standing barely a few inches away from her. A lump formed in her throat. He was looking at her with an odd, searching look. Jessica refused to allow any romantic thoughts to flood her mind. Lucas had to say them. He had to heal all the hurt.

  ‘Jessica,’ he said, his voice gravelly and full of anguish. ‘We must put this right. I don’t want to lose you.’

  Jessica was aware that she was very cold. One side of the fleece was soaked through and the rest almost as wet from holding Daniel in the car. But she had to stay and listen to what Lucas had to say.

  ‘You almost have,’ she said, trying to stop her teeth from chattering.

  He groaned. ‘I know. I don’t know what devil got into me. I felt I couldn’t go through intrigue and deception again, even when you proved to me that it was all lies. I hadn’t the sense to trust you.’ He bent and touched the lovely line of her mouth. ‘Please forgive me. Please take me back into your life.’

  ‘Take you back?’ said Jessica. ‘After what you’ve put me through? You expect me to fall into your arms and say everything is all right? Will it happen again? How many times will it happen? I don’t want to be constantly living on a knife edge.’ Her feelings washed over her body in a wave of pain. She had suffered so much in the last few days.

  Her mind was teeming with angry, bitter things to say even though she loved him. No way was he going to walk in and say he was sorry and everything would be back to square one. There was no way she could handle this now. The search for Daniel had drained her. She was exhausted. She was wet and she was cold. This was not the time for soul-searching.

  ‘I’ve made some tea,’ said Jessica, pouring out two mugfuls. ‘Perhaps we should put some warmth inside ourselves before we talk any more.’

  Lucas took a step back with his mug of tea. ‘Always the nurse,’ he said with a note of sadness. ‘Where’s my fiery, passionate woman?’

  ‘Your fiery, passionate woman is soaking wet and close to hypothermia.’

  It was the first time he had looked at her physical condition and it shocked him. He gulped down some tea and then put his hands lightly on her shoulders, turning her in the direction of the stairs.

  ‘Bath and bed, in that order,’ he said.

  The terse words meant more to Jessica than any flowery declarations. Some sort of communication sprang up between them. She let him propel her out of the kitchen, taking her tea with her, sipping the hot liquid. She wanted to be looked after, to be taken care of as lovers took care of each other, whatever the world presented.

  He turned on the landing towards her yellow bedroom. She was too numb to wonder what was going to happen. The swirling feelings inside her were all part of the trauma of the night’s events. They had found Daniel. They did not have to worry about him for a while.

  Somewhere on the way upstairs, she lost her sodden shoes. The soft carpet was bliss underfoot. Lucas steered her into the primrose bathroom, leaned over and put in the plug and turned on both taps.

  ‘Get undressed,’ he said.

  But her fingers were to cold to obey. She struggled with zips and buttons and hooks. At some point Lucas took over, his face intently serious. He unzipped the fleece and removed it. Then he helped her out of her clinging wet jeans. He could barely keep his hands from stroking her long brown legs. He caught a glimpse of her white lace briefs and his desire was on fire.

  He pulled her T-shirt over her head, his fingers skimming her skin, and her heart turned over as his touch became a sensitive delight. How could he know what he was doing to her? Stripping her of her clothes as if she was another eight-year-old?

  Lucas could not hold back his feelings as she stood before him in lacy bra and pants. His lips parted in anticipation and he drew her to him, taking her mouth into his, drowning his feelings in an intimate imprisonment.

  He ran his fingers lightly over her thigh, hip and waist, caressing her skin with a feathery touch, outlining her soft curves. Then he realized she was shivering, from cold or from passion, he did not know.

  ‘Into the bath,’ he said.

  He helped her step in and lower herself into the warm water. His eyes were clouded with desire. He could not bear to look at her loveliness. A great wave of tenderness overcame him. Jessica was his woman, the only woman in his life and he wanted her for his wife.

  He had not put on the light and only light from the bedroom shone into the bathroom. It was a softness that shadowed any flaws. He took the tablet of jasmine soap and rubbed the suds over Jessica’s arms and shoulders. Then he found her feet and legs and gently soothed them with massage and kneading, each little toe receiving loving attention. .

  Jessica began to relax, sliding further into the warm water. His hands were magic. She did not care what he did to her. She did not have the strength to resist him even if she wanted to. She was starved for this kind of attention. Tears stung her eyes.

  Then Lucas was unhooking her bra and sliding his hands over her breasts, cupping them with sweet sensations, letting the su
ds soften his touch. Jessica moaned, stretching her lacerated nerves, almost unable to keep her fragile composure. They were meant to be together. She was being swept into a torrent of wanting.

  Jessica lifted up her arms towards him, not saying anything, sending an unspoken message racing out to him.

  Lucas slipped out of his clothes, and with infinite care, stepped into the bath. The water almost overlapped the side. He lowered himself down onto her and without a word, his body told her everything she had ever wanted to know. He held his mouth on hers, reluctant to break the spell, wrapping her body closely, hungry for her, their storm of desire gathering.

  It was long after dawn when they awoke, in her bed, still wrapped around each other. Jessica could not believe that she was seeing Lucas’s dark head on the pillow beside her. He was still asleep, long eyelashes fluttering, breathing soft and even. She studied his ruggedly handsome features and stretched her weakened body. She was spent and sated.

  ‘Lily always charges in here, early morning,’ she whispered in his ear.

  ‘She knows me,’ Lucas said, half asleep. ‘I’m her daddy. She’s seen me before.’

  ‘But not in my bed.’

  ‘She’ll have to get used to it.’

  ‘Will she?’

  He turned and gazed at her, turning her face to kiss her tenderly. How easily and snugly their bodies fitted together,

  ‘But I think we’ll need a larger bed. How about a king-sized? When shall we go shopping?’ Lucas asked with a wicked grin. ‘Though there is a certain delightful togetherness about a small bed,’ he added, pulling her close.

  They had to savour these last few moments of privacy. Jessica could hear Lily padding along the landing, telling Floppy Ears to hop, hop, hop. Lily climbed onto the bed beside Jessica, then she saw Lucas on the other side.

  She looked puzzled.

  ‘Daddy? Did Jessica promise to read you a story and then you fell asleep?’ she asked.

  ‘Something like that,’ he agreed sleepily. ‘It was a lovely story.’

  ‘Are you going to tell me the story now?’

  ‘It’s got very long words in it,’ said Lucas. ‘You might not understand them. Floppy Ears would certainly be lost.’