Yours Completely

by Joya Ryan

  He paused only to move to my other breast and do it all over again.

  “Yes, yes, more.” I wanted hard, fast, and wild. I wanted to be gone from my world in every way possible. I may not be high in the air, but Cal made me high on something else. On the addiction to his touch. To the way he shut down my mind and bombarded me with feelings, not thoughts.

  I was gone from reality and just existed as part of Cal. That’s it. That passion that warred in my brain had officially been unleashed, and I wasn’t holding back. I wasn’t thinking of logic. All that would be dealt with later. Right now, I just wanted out of the terrible moment that came from earlier today at school.

  The man’s mouth was magic. And the way his kissed my skin made me feel sexy and wanted. Like he couldn’t get enough.

  He devoured my breasts with no sign of relenting, which was great with me. I leaned back, placing my hands behind me on his thighs to give him full access, which he took. Cupping them together, he sucked both nipples fast, back and forth, never leaving one unattended for too long. The zings of pleasure flooded my core, and I was already so wet that my panties slid across my sensitive flesh every time I rocked my hips.

  “Off,” he said, reaching to unfasten my pants. “Now.”

  While he continued to deliver so much bliss on my sensitive breasts, I maneuvered my way out of my jeans and panties, which was no easy task, since Cal wouldn’t let me too far from his mouth.

  Now completely naked and resuming my position on his lap, I rocked against his hard cock, which was encased in his pants. Hating that there was still a barrier between us, I unbuckled his belt and got his pants low enough for his cock to spring free.

  “I want you so much,” he said between licks at my breast. “And for so fucking long I’ve wanted this…” He latched onto my nipple and, as he did, he laid back, tugging me down with him.

  I gasped at the delicious sting and even more erotic sight of him maneuvering me over him using only his mouth. I caught myself, bracing my hands on either side of his head before crashing atop him. He wasn’t giving up my flesh. Callum appeared to be a breast man, and that was more than fine by me, because the way he tongued my skin had me on the brink of coming already.

  As I leaned over him, he reached down and fingered my clit.

  “Oh, God,” I moaned, the little jolt of pleasure was all I needed for a dose of lust to surge.

  “Already wet for me, Kitten?” he said, and I could feel him grin against my skin. “I want to feel it.” He parted my folds so that my clit was directly against his hard cock, then thrust slightly to run that hard shaft along my most sensitive spot.

  “Cal,” I gasped his name. The feel of his ridged steel against my hot center made white flecks of pleasure pop behind my eyes.

  I rocked against him, sliding myself up and down his length, my own moisture making a slick path and taking me higher and higher. With his hands on my hips, he continued to move me up and down, slowly, so that I could feel the entirety of him against my wet flesh without him actually breaching. His mouth found my nipple again and sucked.

  I threw my head back, loving the bliss of being in control and on top while pleasure was delivered by a big strong man happy to give it.

  He’d said he’d waited?

  I thought of the first night we met. His kiss. How his body was so strong and I felt safe and weightless.

  I was getting closer. Grinding my way to the brink of coming and not wanting to look back.

  Just before I was there, Cal moved me. Holding onto my hips, he slid me up his body, my pussy running over very hard abdominal muscles, to his chest, then finally to his neck.

  “You’re not coming without me tasting it this time,” he rasped, and positioned my spread legs on either side of his head, my center in line with his mouth. With his hands splaying over my ass, he brought me down, sheathing me on his tongue.

  “Oh, God, yes!”

  He rocked me back and forth, helping me fuck his mouth. My hands flew to my breasts and cupped them, pinching my nipples a little and loving the wet sting Cal had left behind.

  I whipped my hips faster, riding his tongue and getting lost to the amazing pleasure and power. He was so big, so strong, and yet I rode him. Sought my own pleasure while he laid there, giving it.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his biceps flex as he held me, his tattoo moving with every twitch of his muscles. Just the sight of all his sexy strength brought me higher. His hands left my skin, and I heard a rustling of clothes and rip of cellophane. I glanced behind me to find Cal had kicked off his pants and was putting on a condom.

  Always loved a multi-tasker.

  He licked wildly at my clit and the heat that had been building erupted to a boiling point. As he flicked the tiny bundle of nerves over and over, my orgasm swept me up like a tidal wave and crashed so hard that my entire body shuddered. Just as the intensity hit, his hands were back on my hips, and in one quick swoop, yanked me down his body, spearing me with his massive cock.

  I screamed his name.

  One second I was coming around his mouth, and now I was coming around his cock. And it didn’t end.

  He surged deep, his big hands encompassing my waist, bouncing me up and down as he thrust hard. It was too much and not enough, all at the same time. My inner walls were still spasming and milking him from what was an endless orgasm.

  “Oh, Cal, it’s not stopping.” I clawed at his chest, trying to find balance in any way I could.

  “Good,” he said with a sly rasp.

  I didn’t know if the first orgasm stopped and new one began, or if it was all the same one, but a fresh dose of sparks lit up my skin and my body shot bright with pleasure. I couldn’t hold myself up anymore. I leaned forward, my breasts meeting his chest, and he wrapped his arms around me, continuing to fuck me like he couldn’t get enough. I couldn’t get enough either, but I was reeling from an endless bombardment of ecstasy.

  I let him take over. Let the pleasure roll over me with no way to prevent or stop any of it. And I didn’t want to. It was unlike anything I’d ever felt.

  I kissed him, soft and slow, so contradictory to how he was taking me. Fast and hard and completely.

  “Say it, Lana,” he growled, pumping in and out.

  My mouth didn’t leave his, my lips resting on his like a pillow. I flicked my tongue, taking a taste of him.

  “Say what?” I whispered.

  He plunged his tongue into my mouth, taking all my breath and bringing on even more pleasure. I was lost. Consumed. Limp and happy to let him just take me. Fuck me. Kiss me. Own me however he wanted. I just took it. Couldn’t think better or worse of it. I couldn’t think at all.

  “Tell me who makes you feel this way.” He thrust hard and stayed deep, stirring until I moaned.

  “You do,” I said, kissing his lower lip. “You do, Cal.”

  With a groan, his body tensed, and he hugged me close as his cock twitched and jolted inside of me. I could feel his release through the condom, it was so powerful.

  My entire body turned to liquid and I laid there, spread over him, and wrapped up in his strength.

  My eyes were heavy, my body slaked, and my emotions fried. But I was in control.

  I snuggled closer, his arms keeping me tight within his grasp.

  Reality hit me hard:

  Cal let me come to him, let me be who I wanted and have at him the way I wanted. But in the end, he pushed my body to new heights while containing me within his grasp.

  I may have been on top, but I was not in charge.

  ~

  I quietly pulled on my shirt and zipped my jeans so slowly…watching Cal the entire time, and hoping I didn’t wake him.

  He’d fallen asleep not long after the mind-blowing sex we’d shared, and I wasn’t sure what to do now. Did I stay the night? Was that allowed? I at least wanted to make it to the bathroom and freshen up, then come back and talk to him.

  Good plan.

  It was getting lat
er, and soon I was sure the crew would be coming down the hall to their own rooms to turn in. I needed to make it to the bathroom, then back to Cal as quickly as possible.

  Tiptoeing out of the room, I closed the door behind me and let out a sigh when I saw a desolate hall. Just a few long strides and a hard right would take me to my destination. It also happened to be away from the area of the house everyone was hanging out in.

  I hustled, while staying as quiet as I could. The end of the hall was in sight.

  Hard right—

  “Hey there,” Rhett said. “Didn’t know you were still here.”

  Shit!

  “Yeah, I ah…just was chatting with Cal about a few things.”

  He nodded, but his expression told me he didn’t buy my story for a second. I felt the urge to run a hand over my hair, but it wouldn’t help. I was caught. We both knew it. Now it just depended on how gracefully I’d get out of this.

  “Did you like the ladder?” he asked.

  “Yes, it was fun.”

  The way Rhett looked at me was odd. Not in a creepy way, but like he wanted to say something, then didn’t. But he wasn’t moving.

  “I appreciate your help in making that happen. It’s not every day I get to see the whole city from a hundred feet up.”

  “Yeah, it’s pretty cool.”

  “Well, I was just heading—”

  “Hey, Lana,” Rhett said, cutting me off. Something like pity streaked over his face. “The guys will be coming this way. You may want to go out the back if you don’t want anyone to see you.” He pointed in the opposite direction near the garage area. “The gate is still open from earlier.”

  I swallowed hard. I was about to tell him I was just going to the restroom and then heading back to Cal, when I realized that the situation I was in didn’t look good. He thought I was trying to sneak out. Maybe I should be. Because maybe that was the routine?

  I didn’t know what to think, or say. If I thanked him for trying to keep my presence a secret that just confirmed that it was what I was doing. Sneaking out. Suddenly I felt…awful. I didn’t know how to do this. How to have sex with someone, try not to feel, then walk away. It had taken me a long time to come to the realization that sex didn’t have to be a dirty thing…so, why did I feel dirty?

  Because I’m making myself feel this way.

  What was my other option, though? Stay the night with Cal at the firehouse? No. I could have woken him up and asked him to walk me out, which he would have, with my head held high. But the guys would have likely thought exactly what Rhett was thinking right now. I was a woman traveling in and out of the shadows, hooking up with a fireman.

  Rhett’s offer was tempting to take. He seemed genuinely nice and looking to save me embarrassment. Judging by the way the guys messed with each other, there was a good chance I could be the butt of a joke, which was not what I was about to become. I couldn’t help but wonder…

  “Is this common?” I asked.

  “Is what common?”

  “Women sneaking out from the bedrooms?” It hurt to swallow, but I did and amended with, “Cal’s bedroom?”

  That look of pity washed his face again. “It’s not uncommon,” he said in a soft tone.

  I nodded, understanding completely. Obviously, Cal wasn’t celibate. We weren’t even committed on any kind of level. I’d also been warned that he wasn’t a long-term kind of guy. But staring down one of his crewmates, stuck between exits, with my panties back in Cal’s room, I’d never felt so stupid.

  “Thank you for your discretion,” I said to Rhett. He nodded once, and I turned to head toward the garage the way he told me to go.

  “Hey, Lana?”

  I glanced at him over my shoulder just before I opened the door.

  “Certain things with Cal may be common, but he’s never thrown up the stick with a woman before.”

  I frowned, then remembered that’s what they’d called bringing the truck out and raising the ladder. I just gave a tight smile and nodded. I didn’t know what to make of that. All I could think about was how I’d strayed from a plan that seemed to be a good one, which was staying strictly friends with Cal. Now, I was in uncharted territory and not sure how to react.

  As I walked through the garage and out the gate, across the street, I realized that the uncharted territory had a name I’d heard before, just never thought I’d experience:

  The walk of shame.

  Sickness rose in my gut. Nothing about what I’d just shared with Cal or how he made me feel should be considered shameful. With him was the first time I’d felt warm and alive in a while. But my brain was a bitch, and all that passion I’d felt was now being drowned out by logic.

  All my life I’d fought, tried, to be a “normal woman” with “normal experiences.” But if what Rhett said was true and this kind of thing was common, I didn’t know if I could handle it. I was lost more than ever, and had no idea which direction to go in.

  Chapter 8

  “You all set to leave tomorrow?” I asked, keeping pace with Harper as we jogged down the street. Brown and gold leaves lined the sidewalks and crunched beneath our sneakers. Signs of fall turning into winter were everywhere, carried with the crisp breeze blowing the scent of snow off the Rockies.

  “Yeah, it’s not too late to change your mind and come with me,” she said.

  I hadn’t told her about Brock and that he was engaged to my thesis advisor. In fact, the only thing I’d really done in the past forty-eight hours was avoid Cal and try to get a frickin’ grip on what the hell I was doing.

  I was lost. And no matter how high I climbed or fast I ran, it didn’t change that. So, I’d taken a different approach. Seclusion. At least until I could stop the spiral of emotions churning in my veins. It had been going great until Harper dragged me out for exercise and fresh air. Stupid nature.

  “Thanks, but this project—”

  “Yeah, yeah,” she said, as we rounded the corner. My project was my go-to answer for everything. It kept me busy. Kept my mind occupied. It was a blessing, and the one thing I was still attempting to have control over. But even that was tainted by Brock now. Instead of focusing on school, I thought about Erica, counting the days until Monday came and I could talk to her.

  Our house was about five blocks away, and while getting out and letting the cold air hit my lungs felt good, I was eager to get back inside my bubble, effectively hiding from the hot firefighter I had as a neighbor.

  Hiding.

  The word burned my skull and I hated it. Despite trying to convince myself otherwise, which I had, with reasons like, “Oh, I just need time to think because what started as awesome, ended with me feeling terrible,” or “Oh, that intense orgasmic bliss left my brain cells scrambled, and I haven’t been able to form sentences,” I was, in fact, hiding. I was also thinking about Cal way too much, and how having women sneak out of his room wasn’t uncommon.

  Was I just another one of his commonalities?

  I didn’t know. Which was why I was keeping my distance. Because friendship or not, I was wandering with no compass or clear path.

  Deep breath. Cold air. Clarity. That’s what I needed.

  I had no right to feel jealous, or even wonder about anything Cal did, because we weren’t together.

  “I still can’t believe you snuck out and ditched Cal the other night.”

  I glared at Harper. Leave it to her to bring that up. Still, she had to be a mind reader. Either that or I wore my thoughts, because I had just been thinking the same thing. Even though it hadn’t been my intention to sneak out and ditch him.

  After the amazing sex, I’d realized that, once again, passion had overridden logic and, in turn, I lost my common sense. But I had been willing to stop and think. I just wanted to take a moment to reset and face Cal with a fresh face. Best laid plans turned into Cal staying asleep and me not returning. Thankfully, Rhett was a nice guy. But it was more than the involuntary sneaking that was a problem. It was the insanity.
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  I knew better. Knew what having an incredible night with a man you got lost in does to a soul. I knew how feeling less than enough, one of many, or confused in general tore at a heart. Problem was, deep down, I was doing all these things to myself. When I was with Jack, I was in a constant state of wonderment. Waiting for him to tell me how far we’d go and how close we’d get. But Cal was trying. It was me who was retreating. And it was me who spent the last two days avoiding his calls and texts.

  “I have no idea what I’m doing,” I admitted, my breath fogging in the cold air as I spoke.

  “You’re living your life,” Harper said. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”

  “But I know I’m handling this situation with Cal wrong, and yet I can’t bring myself to face him or fix it.”

  “What is there to fix?”

  “Well, the fact that we had sex and we can’t have any kind of relationship.”

  “Why?”

  I slowed and so did Harper. She looked at me like this was totally normal.

  “Harp, I had sex with Cal…and Jack.”

  “Jack is gone.”

  “I know!” Putting my hands on my hips, I caught my breath, and Harper faced me. “It’s not just that they’re best friends, but there’s other stuff going on too.”

  “You mean that you like Cal and, on some level, trust him, and now you’re terrified and running from him because you’ve been burned.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. Because yes, that about summed it up.

  “He has women visit often enough to where his buddies know the escape route to put them on.”

  “What?” Harper asked.

  “Nothing, I just don’t want to be one of those women. One of many that creeps through the firehouse walls.” Especially when, despite my best efforts, I was feeling for Cal. “I can’t go through any more,” I said. I wasn’t about to rehash the Brock issue, but the fact that I’d gone straight to Cal made me feel…dependent. Something that left me feeling weak, and I didn’t want that. I hated the thought. And yet, he made me feel wanted and safe at the same time. It was a line I hadn’t figured out how to walk along yet.