That First Special Kiss

by Gina Wilkins

  “Another bicycle?” she couldn’t resist asking.

  Giving her a faintly chiding look, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, Christmas-wrapped box. He set it on the table in front of her. “Open it.”

  Hesitantly she picked up the box and slipped off the ribbon. Her fingers felt unusually clumsy as she peeled away the paper. Her breath caught when she saw the hinged, gold oval nestled on the cotton inside the small box.

  “Look inside,” her father urged.

  Very slowly, she opened the locket. There were two photographs inside. One depicted a young couple, the man in uniform, the woman in traditional German dress, her hair in braids around her head. She was smiling, Kelly noted with a lump in her throat. She looked happy. The second photograph was of a baby girl, chubby and laughing, dressed in foaming lace. She, too, looked happy.

  “Your mother gave me that when we decided to split up. I’ve carried it with me ever since. I thought you might like to have it.”

  For the first time since she had arrived, Kelly found herself on the verge of tears. “Thank you,” she murmured.

  Her father’s smile was tinged with sadness. “You can show it to those kids you’ll probably have someday.”

  She nodded, and reached for her purse. “Goodbye, Daddy.” She added the term deliberately this time, bidding farewell as much to the dream as to the man.

  “Goodbye, Katarina,” he replied, using the name her mother had always called her. “Take care of yourself.”

  “I always have,” she said, and then turned and walked away without looking back.

  She didn’t cry until she was at home in her apartment, the locket open in her hands. Only then did she acknowledge to herself that she’d had a secret hope that her father would have a very good reason for staying out of her life for so long. That he would convince her that he deeply regretted missing those years with her. Maybe she’d had a childish fantasy that he wanted to be a father to her now, that she would finally have a family of her own.

  Once again her father had disappointed her. She allowed herself to shed a few tears in reaction, and then she dried her eyes and put the locket away.

  She had things to do, she told herself. A life to get on with. She didn’t need her father; she didn’t need anyone, really.

  She had learned long ago not to expect too much when it came to her personal relationships. It was a lesson she wouldn’t forget again.

  It was Friday, the week before Christmas, and Shane had never been in less of a holiday mood. It was all he could do to socialize nicely with his family and with Brynn and Joe D’Alessandro, who had joined them for dinner.

  Molly had a school assignment during the holidays to do an in-depth interview of someone other than her parents who had a career she found interesting. She and Shane had discussed the careers available to her within her extended family—accounting, advertising, charity administration, private investigation and real-estate sales. She had expressed an interest in Joe’s orthopedic surgery, and Joe had graciously agreed to answer as many questions as she wanted to ask. Cassie had said the least she could do was prepare a nice meal as repayment, and since everyone knew how much Cassie enjoyed entertaining, the evening had evolved from there.

  Shane, Jared, Cassie and Brynn moved to the den to visit while Molly questioned her cousin’s husband at the dinning room table after dinner. “I warn you,” Cassie said to Brynn, “This might take a while. Molly’s been doing her research. She has a long list of questions about bone screws and joint replacement and vertebra fusing and heavens knows what else.”

  Brynn smiled. “I’m sure Joe is loving every minute of it. He loves to talk about his work.”

  Cassie glanced at her watch. “We’ll rescue him in an hour. I think that’s long enough.”

  “Are you all going to Michelle and Tony’s house tomorrow evening for Katie’s birthday party?” Brynn asked.

  “Of course we’ll be there,” Cassie answered on behalf of her family.

  Jared sighed. “There sure are a lot of parties this time of year.”

  Shane chuckled. “In this family, there are a lot of parties at any time of year.”

  “I happen to like that,” Cassie said. “Especially at this time of year when things are slow enough here at the ranch for you and your father to have time to attend most of the gatherings.”

  “Michelle said Katie’s really looking forward to her party,” Brynn commented. “It’s easy to feel overlooked, I suppose, when one’s birthday is so very close to Christmas.”

  “Katie’s never been the type to be overlooked for long,” Jared drawled, making everyone laugh as they thought of the little girl whose song Shane had once declared should be, “I’m Gonna to Make You Love Me.”

  “Is Kelly going to be there tomorrow?” Shane asked Brynn, keeping his tone as nonchalant as possible. He thought he felt his father glance his way, and he wondered again if Jared had guessed the identity of Shane’s secret lover.

  Although lover wasn’t exactly an accurate term, he thought glumly. He hadn’t even seen Kelly since last weekend. They’d talked on the phone, but she’d always seemed to be in a hurry, claiming other obligations. They’d barely talked about her meeting with her father yesterday. All he knew was that she hadn’t found the meeting particularly satisfying and didn’t expect to see her father again any time soon.

  He had wanted Kelly to join them for dinner this evening, but she’d made plans to do something with Amber. Amber needed her friends now, she had added somberly. A broken heart was difficult to handle alone. He had been left to wonder in frustration if Kelly had started to compare their relationship to Cameron and Amber’s again. Every time she did that she pulled back again. He didn’t know what it was going to take for him to convince her to give them a fair chance.

  “Kelly can’t come to the birthday party. She has other plans.”

  There was such smug satisfaction in Brynn’s announcement that Shane’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. “Oh?” he asked, ultracasually. “What other plans?”

  Practically patting herself on the back, Brynn replied, “The hospital administrator is hosting an annual holiday reception tomorrow evening for all the staff members who’ve joined the team during the past year. I found out that Steve Carter didn’t have a date, so I suggested he call Kelly. Then I called her and ordered her to accept. She was a little shy about it, but I reminded her that he’s a very nice guy who’s a little shy himself. I think the two of them will get along very well.”

  Shane realized that his hands had clenched into fists. He loosened them deliberately. He hoped his voice sounded more normal to the others than it did to him when he asked, “When was this arranged?”

  “She told him yesterday that she would go with him. It was after her awkward meeting with her father. I was spending the evening with her, letting her talk out her feelings about the reunion with her father, when Steve called. She started to make excuses, but I convinced her to accept. Okay, I nagged her,” Brynn added sheepishly. “But I thought it would be good for her.”

  Shane pushed himself abruptly to his feet. “I hope she has a great time. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to feed the horses.”

  “That can wait, can’t it?” Cassie asked, looking surprised by his behavior.

  “I really need to check on Runaway. He seemed to be wheezing earlier. I don’t want him coming down with a respiratory infection.”

  “So that’s why you’ve been so distracted this evening.” Cassie nodded as if in sudden enlightenment. “You and that horse of yours. Sometimes I think you have a psychic connection with him.”

  “Who says I don’t?” Shane retorted, forcing a smile.

  Aware that everyone was watching him—especially his father—Shane kept that smile on his face until he left the room. And then he allowed it to be replaced by the tremendous scowl that had been building inside him.

  It was all he could do not to start throwing things in the barn. He had a childish i
mpulse to kick something, preferably a doctor named Steve Carter. Even as that ignoble urge crossed his mind, he knew it was unfair. He could blame Carter or he could blame Brynn, but Kelly was the one he was really mad at.

  How could she go on a date with another man now, no matter how determinedly Brynn had pushed her about it? Why couldn’t she just have told the truth, damn it, and said she wasn’t free to date anyone else?

  He slammed the lid of the grain bin, making the horses in their stalls start in alarm.

  “Take it easy, Shane. I just replaced those hinges.”

  He turned slowly to face his father. “I’ve taken care of everything out here. You can go back to your guests.”

  “Molly and Joe are still involved in their interview and Cassie and Brynn are having a gossip session in the den. I thought maybe you’d want to talk.”

  Shane reached for a broom and began to sweep up some grain he’d spilled through angry carelessness. “About what?”

  “About Kelly going on a date with another man tomorrow night.”

  Shane’s hands white-knuckled around the broom. “Why Should I care about that?”

  Jared’s tone was patient. “If you don’t want to talk about it, say so, but don’t treat me like I’m stupid.”

  He sighed. “I know you’re not stupid, Dad. Sorry.”

  “So, do you want to talk?”

  He hesitated only a moment. He hadn’t really broken his promise, he rationalized. Jared had guessed the truth. Besides, Kelly was the one who’d accepted a date with another guy.

  “She still won’t give us a fair chance,” he blurted in frustration. “Just because we have a family connection, she’s afraid it will ruin everything if we start dating. She thinks if something goes wrong—and she’s convinced it will—she’ll lose her friendship with the family. She said it’s inevitable that she’d be the one pushed out because I belong in the family and she doesn’t. She said it will be too awkward for everyone if she stays, and then she’ll be all alone. I keep trying to tell her how ridiculous that is. This family’s crazy about her. Even if she and I have problems—and I’m not so sure that’s going to happen—it won’t change the way anyone feels about Kelly.”

  Jared leaned back against a support beam, his arms crossed over his chest. “You really don’t understand why she’s worried?”

  “Not entirely. It just seems so unreasonable.”

  Rubbing the back of his neck with one hand, Jared shook his head. “You remember when you were a teenager, after you came to live with me, those times when I would make you mad? You know, times when you wanted to stay out past curfew, or when I made you come inside to do your homework when you wanted to ride your horse?”

  Though Shane didn’t know what that had to do with this conversation, he nodded. “I got annoyed at times, but all teenagers do, I guess.”

  “You never lost your temper. You never let me see how mad you were. You just swallowed whatever you wanted to say and did whatever I asked.”

  “You’re complaining about that? Wasn’t that what you wanted from me?”

  “What I wanted was for you to trust me enough to know that I wouldn’t stop loving you if you lost your temper. I might have yelled at you or grounded you or whatever I thought was appropriate, but I would never have stopped loving you. I would never have sent you away.”

  “I know that.”

  “Did you know it then? After all those years with your mother, when I wasn’t there for you, did you really trust me to be on your side even if you misbehaved?”

  Shane frowned. Had he been afraid his father would stop loving him if he caused any trouble? Several of their relatives had expressed surprise that he was such an obedient, good-natured teenager, especially after his difficult childhood, but he had deliberately chosen to follow the rules. Living with his father had been a dream that had sustained him during the first twelve years of his life. He had never taken that good fortune for granted, had never risked screwing it up.

  “Maybe it took me a while to feel completely secure after we got together,” he admitted slowly. “But deep inside, I knew you would never send me back.”

  “You found that security because I’m your father. Because we’re family. You knew that nothing you could do, no matter what, could make me push you away.”

  “Yeah, I guess I figured that out pretty quickly.”

  Jared nodded. “Kelly doesn’t have that reassurance. Her father never cared enough about her to even visit her when she was a kid. The extended family she’s found for herself since—Brynn, the Walkers, the D’Alessandros—none of them are really related to her. She doesn’t have the bonds of blood and history that you have. She really is on her own if her ties to us are broken.”

  “But...”

  “As for whether she should have confidence in you... Have you ever told her exactly how you feel about her?”

  “She won’t let me,” Shane said defensively.

  “Maybe you haven’t tried hard enough. Maybe you’re a little afraid yourself.”

  Shane winced.

  “You said she’s asked you several times why you won’t show your anger,” Jared continued. “Maybe it isn’t just your anger she’s afraid you’re hiding from her. Maybe she feels like you’re keeping too much of yourself hidden from her. Maybe she’s afraid that if you can’t even tell her when you’re annoyed with her, there’s a chance you won’t be able to share your other feelings with her, either.”

  Moving very slowly, Shane set the broom back in its place. “I haven’t looked at it that way. You think when she pushes me to talk about my anger, she really wants me to talk about everything I feel?”

  “Women like to have things spelled out,” Jared explained with a slight smile. “You should have heard Cassie urging me to be more open about my emotions when she and I were just getting together. It wasn’t something I was particularly comfortable with, and it’s still not always easy for me to express what I’m feeling. But it was something she needed from me, and I tried to accommodate her. And I found out that it’s better to get everything out in the open.”

  Shane rubbed his chin. “So it would be a good thing for me to tell you I was really mad that you spent so much time on a ship when I was a kid?”

  Jared’s eyebrows rose. “If that’s what you feel, you have every right to say so.”

  “And you remember that time I wanted to stay out all night after the high school homecoming game and you made me be home by 1:00 a.m.? That really torqued me off.”

  “I see. Well...”

  “And when I wanted to spend a summer hitchhiking across country with Scott, and you told me you’d lock me in a closet first, I—”

  “Okay, you’ve made your point,” Jared cut in. “But watch your mouth. I can still send you to your room.”

  And he would probably go, Shane thought with wry amusement. But he would know even then that his father still loved him. “It’s cool, Dad. I got over it.”

  “I’m glad to hear that. Now, what are you going to do about Kelly?”

  He drew a deep breath. “I don’t know yet.”

  What he wanted to do was to forbid her to go on that date. But something told him that would be a mistake—even if he could get away with it. What he had to do, instead, was let her come back to him. But first, perhaps he should tell her exactly how he felt.

  Jared rested a hand on his shoulder. “You’ll figure it out, son. I have faith in you.”

  “How long have you known I’m in love with Kelly?” Shane asked, studying his father’s face.

  “How long has it been since you met her?”

  “Just over a year and a half.”

  Jared nodded. “That’s how long I’ve known.”

  Frowning, Shane shook his head. “You couldn’t have. I didn’t know it myself, until just before Thanksgiving, just a few weeks ago. Before that, Kelly and I thought we were just friends.”

  “That’s what you’ve been telling yourselves.” Jared sounded
vaguely amused.

  Grimacing, Shane asked warily, “Does anyone else know?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Cassie?”

  “Not as far as I’m aware. She and I haven’t talked about it.”

  “Then how did you...?”

  “I’m your father.”

  Jared seemed to think that was explanation enough. And maybe, for them, it was.

  “We’d better get back inside to our guests,” Jared said, stepping toward the door. “You coming?”

  “Yeah. I’ll be there in a minute.”

  “You know where to find me if you need anything.”

  “Thanks, Dad.”

  Alone again with the horses, Shane leaned his elbow on a wooden gate and looked into a stall. “Well, Runaway? Any suggestions?”

  The horse snorted into his feed trough.

  “Yeah,” Shane said with little humor. “That’s pretty much what I thought.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Kelly was sitting at her dressing room table, staring blindly into her mirror, when the telephone rang, jarring her into motion. She jumped up to grab the phone, hoping it would be Steve Carter, telling her he’d had a medical emergency and would be forced to cancel their date.

  She’d been an idiot to agree to this in the first place. But he’d called when she’d still been reeling from her meeting with her father and Brynn had been so insistent. Kelly hadn’t been able to come up with a good reason to refuse, short of the truth. And now she was committed to a date she didn’t want to go on, involved in a deception that was weighing so heavily on her, she could hardly breathe. “Hello?”

  “I just wanted to tell you I hope you have a good time on your date.”

  Her mouth suddenly went dry, her knees weak. She sank to the edge of the bed. “Shane.”

  “It occurred to me that this could be your way of trying to really make me mad. You’ve seemed to want me to lose my temper.”

  “No.” She was appalled that he could think that was the primary reason for this outing—to spur Shane into finally, completely opening up with her. That was ridiculous—wasn’ t it? “I got into this as a favor to Brynn. I didn’t know how to refuse without...without...”