That First Special Kiss
Page 19
“Are you driving yourself?”
“Yes. I know the area.”
“Is your car running okay?”
“No problem so far. I think you took care of it. Thank you again.”
“I’ve been told I’m good with my hands.”
Kelly was glad he couldn’t see her blush in response to the images that flooded her mind. “I’m sure you have.”
She hadn’t seen him since he’d left her apartment Sunday evening. Responsibilities at the ranch were keeping him out of Dallas for now, though he’d called every day. Their conversations had been brief, not particularly satisfying, but he hadn’t pressed her about their relationship. He seemed to be giving her the time and space she’d requested—perhaps because he knew how nervous she was about the upcoming meeting with her father. In some ways, she was relieved that she didn’t have to deal with her feelings for Shane just now. But deep inside, she missed him much more than she wanted him to stay away.
“I miss you,” Shane said
She blinked, wondering for a moment if she’d accidentally blurted her thoughts aloud. “I, uh, miss you, too.”
“Well, that’s something.” His tone was a bit rueful. Without giving her a chance to respond, he added, “I haven’t given up on you, Kelly Morrison.” He sounded rather amused now—at her, at himself, maybe at both of them. “I’m going to win you with my famous charm and persistence.”
“Charm and persistence?” she repeated, smiling despite her qualms.
“Yeah. My dad said those are my—”
“Your dad?” Kelly interrupted with a sudden, suspicious frown. “Shane, did you talk to your father about us? After you promised you wouldn’t?”
“I didn’t talk to him about us. Well, not exactly.”
The faint guilt she heard in his voice only concerned her more. “What do you mean, not exactly?”
“I never used your name. We just talked sort of hypothetically.”
Kelly gripped the receiver so hard, her knuckles cracked. She had never underestimated Jared Walker’s perceptiveness. She pictured his shrewd eyes trained on her, assessing her as a potential mate for his son, making predictions about what would happen between them—and she shivered in panic. “I wish you hadn’t done that.”
“I didn’t break my word to you. I simply had a brief talk with my father when he asked if there was something bothering me. It was only a passing conversation. Chill out, okay?”
He was probably annoyed with her again, though he would surely deny it if she said so. It happened every time they came close to quarreling. And every time, she worried again that they were making a terrible mistake.
Her silence only seemed to irritate him more. “I’ve got to go,” he said, somewhat abruptly. “I promised Mclly I would keep time for her barrel-race practice. Let me know how it goes with your father, okay?”
Once again, he was withdrawing rather than staying to confront the problem. He had a pattern of retreating when faced with anger—hers or his own. A habit developed when he was twelve years old? How could they understand it if they didn’t talk about it? And what would happen if they had a real quarrel, after they’d gone public with their feelings? Would Shane run again, leaving her to deal with the consequences in front of all their friends?
This, she thought, was one of the reasons she continued to resist him. Until she completely understood him—until she knew what he kept hidden behind his sexy smiles, she would not risk everything on their tenuous relationship.
“You know, Shane, you keep saying you aren’t good at pretending, but you’re wrong. You pretend very well that you never get angry. You’re pretending right now that you’re hanging up only because of a promise you made to Molly, and not because you’re mad at me. The difference between us is that I’ve kept our relationship a secret from everyone else, but I’ve been honest with you. About my feelings, my fears...and about my anger. I’m angry with you now for talking to your father when you promised you wouldn’t.”
“I did not tell my father about you. And I’m not mad at you. What is this obsession you have with me being mad at someone?”
“I only want to talk about our feelings.”
“You know, I’m getting a little tired of talking about our feelings. We’ve been talking, but we aren’t getting anywhere. We’re still sneaking around acting like nothing’s going on, and you’re still predicting disaster and refusing to give me any indication of when—or if—we can date openly.”
“I said after the holidays,” she answered defensively. Then added, “Maybe.”
“‘Maybe,’” he parroted. “But in the meantime, I’m supposed to see you at the family Christmas gatherings and act like you’re nothing more to me than a friend. A pal. A cousin. Do you really think I can pull that off?”
“I hoped we could. It just seems so much easier.”
“No one ever said this would be easy. But I’d like to think what we’ve found is worth the effort.”
She swallowed painfully. “Shane...”
“I’ve got to go. Molly’s waiting for me. We’ll talk again tomorrow. Good luck with your meeting with your father.”
A moment later there was a dial tone in her ear. Kelly stared at the receiver for a moment, then thumped it against her head. How had she ever gotten herself into this situation?
Shane and Jared leaned against a wooden fence that surrounded the practice arena Jared had built for Molly’s use. While Molly put her horse through its paces within the arena, her father and brother watched closely, occasionally calling out advice, neither taking their eyes from the slender redhead on the well-trained mare. Shane looked away only occasionally to check the stopwatch he gripped in his right hand.
As intently as Jared watched his daughter, he proved that he was equally aware of his son when he asked, “How’s it going with the girlfriend?”
Shane snorted. “It isn’t.”
“She’s still dragging her heels?”
“Yeah.”
“Did you have a quarrel with her?”
“No, not really.”
“Oh. You sounded sort of mad. I thought you’d had a fight.”
“I’m not mad,” Shane snapped, wishing everyone would quit trying to make him admit an anger he didn’t want to feel. And then almost immediately he regretted his sharp tone. “Sorry. I’m just...stressed.”
“You don’t owe me an apology.”
“I shouldn’t have snarled at you. It isn’t your fault I’m having problems with a woman.”
Molly showed her horse to a walk, and Jared turned to Shane. “You know, it’s okay if you...”
“Shane!” Cassie called out from her house behind them. “The garbage disposal is broken again. Can you look at it?”
“I’ll be right there.” He handed the stopwatch to Jared. “Don’t worry about me, Dad. I’ll handle all this somehow. Now I’d better go fix that garbage disposal before Cassie gets impatient.”
He was aware that his father watched him as he walked toward the house, but he wasn’t sure what exactly was going on behind Jared’s inscrutable expression.
Chapter Fourteen
Kelly was so nervous when she entered the restaurant the next day that her stomach was in knots. She couldn’t imagine that she would be able to eat a bite. She wondered now why she had insisted on a lunch meeting. She’d thought the routines of mealtime would ease the awkwardness of this reunion, but now she worried that it would only make it worse.
She should have had him come to her apartment, she fretted. Or maybe they should have met at the offices of D’Alessandro Investigations.
Or maybe they shouldn’t have met at all.
“May I help you?” an attractive hostess inquired when Kelly paused in the restaurant lobby.
“I’m meeting someone here. The name is Morrison.”
The hostess checked a list, then nodded and signaled to one of her co-workers. “Your party is already seated. Marie will escort you to your table.”
A dignified-looking man in a dark blue uniform stood as Kelly approached his table. His sandy hair, graying at the temples, was cut short, and sun lines were etched around the corners of his dark green eyes, but he was still a striking-looking man. He was only a year or two over fifty, Kelly realized with a start. Her mother would have been fifty-one this year, had she lived. She’d just turned forty when she died.
The thought of her mother’s lonely and untimely death made her expression cool when she greeted her father. “Hello.” She had called him “Daddy” when she’d seen him last. That affectionate term seemed inappropriate now.
“Kelly.” He looked as uncomfortable as she felt. His movements were a bit stiff when he took a step toward her. “It’s good to see you.”
She moved quickly toward her chair, in case he felt it necessary to hug her. “I have to admit I was surprised to hear from you,” she said as she took her seat.
“I’m sure you were.” Colonel Jack Morrison sat across the table from her, his eyes trained on her face. “You’ve grown into a beautiful young woman, Kelly. You look very much like your mother.”
Kelly’s memories of her mother were of a woman ravaged by pain and disease, her hair gone, her skin pale and dry. “I’ll have to take your word for that.”
Jack looked grim, but seemed determined to keep the conversation going. “I noticed you were limping a bit when you joined me. Have you injured yourself?”
“I was in a serious car accident more than a year ago. The limp is what remains after two operations and six weeks of hospitalization.”
Her father grimaced. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
“No. You wouldn’t, would you?”
A waiter approached the table. “May I bring you something to drink?”
“I’ll have a margarita. Kelly?”
“Just water, please.”
The waiter nodded toward their untouched menus. “I’ll be back soon with your drinks. I’ll take your orders when you’re ready.”
When they were alone again, Jack made an ineffectual motion with his hands. “Are you still in any pain from your injuries?”
“No.” She saw no need to mention the discomfort she felt after overexertion, or when the weather turned cold and damp.
“That’s good. So...you’re a college student?”
“A graduate student. I’ll have my masters degree soon.”
“What’s your major?”
“Communication disorders.”
He nodded. “Sounds like a good field to get into. I’d imagine there’s a demand for good therapists.”
“I enjoy it.”
An awkward silence followed. Their drinks arrived and Jack took a sip of his margarita, waving the waiter away. “We’ll let you know when we’re ready to order.”
“Take your time, sir.”
Jack set his drink on the table and rested his elbows on either side of it. His eyes focused on Kelly’s face. “Okay, let’s have it. I expect you’ve got a few things you’d like to say to me.”
She sipped her water, grateful that her hand was steady when she set the glass down. “You called this meeting. I assumed you were the one with something to say.”
“You’re not going to make this easy for me, are you?”
She didn’t smile in response to his wry tone. “Why should I?”
“I’ll resist saying ‘because I’m your father’”
Kelly’s finger tightened on the water glass. “Good call.”
He sighed. “I know you’re angry with me, and you have every reason to be. I haven’t been a father to you, Kelly.”
“No. I was orphaned nearly eleven years ago, when my mother died after a long, terrible illness.”
“I talked to your mother several times when she was ill. She assured me you were being raised in a good home, by a nice family.”
Kelly was startled. She hadn’t known her parents had spoken after her mother became ill. “I was placed in a foster home. It wasn’t a family. There was a good-hearted, but rather strict, widow who took in foster children like boarders to supplement her income. She was good to me. I was well fed, well-groomed, and well cared for. But I had no family.”
Jack looked somberly down at his hands. “That isn’t what I was led to believe about your situation. Your mother implied that you had practically been adopted by a loving family.”
Kelly suspected that it had been her mother’s pride that had compelled her to embellish Kelly’s circumstances. She would not have wanted her ex-husband to think she hadn’t provided well for the child she’d been forced to raise alone. “So because you thought I’d been taken in by another family, you saw no need to contact me in any way? Not for any of my birthdays or Christmases or graduations? Not even when my mother died?”
“I have no excuse for my absence from your life,” Jack answered flatly. “I was never cut out to be a father. I tried to tell Greta that, but she never understood. She was miserable in Germany, desperate to come to this country. I was her ticket here. Our marriage didn’t last long, but I thought I’d given her what she wanted—a home in the U.S. A child.”
“And what did you want?”
“My career. It’s all that ever really mattered to me.”
At least she couldn’t accuse him of not being honest with her. “Why did you want to meet with me today?”
“Two reasons. I wanted to make sure for myself that you’re okay. And I promised my fiancée that I would meet with you.”
“Your fiancée?” Kelly repeated weakly.
“Her name is Evelyn Dobson. She works for the American Embassy in Italy. We’re getting married next month.”
“Congratulations,” she said dryly. “Why did your fiancée want you to meet with me?”
“When I told her I have a daughter I haven’t seen in sixteen years, she said she didn’t want to begin our marriage with that uncertainty hanging over us. She thought it best if I found out where you were living and how you were getting along. Whether you needed anything from me.”
“In other words, she didn’t want me showing up out of the blue to make demands on you, right?”
“That’s one way of putting it, I guess.” Jack seemed to accept that Kelly didn’t want any sugarcoated answers. “She’s never had any children of her own. She’s forty-five and isn’t prepared to fill the role of stepmother—or stepgrandmother.”
“She needn’t worry about either possibility,” Kelly assured him coolly. “I’m not interested in having a stepmother at this point. I have no children, but if I ever do, I will be prepared to provide for them myself—just as my mother did for me. I have a career, a home, friends and a close, honorary family here in Dallas. I’ve gotten along very well without you so far, Colonel, and you can assure your fiancee that I will continue to do so.”
“This isn’t the way I’d hoped our reunion would go.” There was genuine regret in his voice.
“You mean you didn’t want honesty? You wanted me to throw myself in your arms and tell you I forgive you for deserting me? You wanted to pat me on the head the way you did when I was eight, and then leave me hoping you’ll contact me again someday? You were hoping you wouldn’t have to tell me the truth about why you initiated this meeting?”
“I’m not sure what I wanted,” Jack replied. “But this wasn’t it.”
“Forgive me if I gave up on my fantasies about you at my mother’s funeral.” She had no intention of telling him about the futile hopes she’d clung to until her high school graduation.
“I’m sorry, Kelly. You deserved better.”
“Yes,” she answered quietly. “I did. And I’m very angry with you for denying me the childhood I dreamed about when I was a lonely little girl. But if it makes you feel any better, I don’t hate you. I can let the anger go. I wish you the best in your marriage and hope you’re very happy. I won�
�t be asking you for anything in the future, or anticipating anything more than I’ve ever gotten from you.”
“Under the circumstances, I suppose that’s more than I should have expected from you.”
She studied him across the table. “Look at it this way—were you really prepared to be a father at this point? Would you have hired someone to find me if your fiancée hadn’t asked you to?”
He hesitated long enough that she had her answer. “That’s what I thought,” she said.
He searched her face with a thoughtful expression. “If it matters to you—I’m very proud of you. You’ve succeeded against very stiff odds, and with very little help from anyone apparently. That took a lot of courage, a great deal of determination. I’d like to think you got some of that drive from me.”
“I think most of it came from my mother,” she countered frankly. “She was a very strong and self-sufficient woman.”
“Yes, she was.”
“Will you answer one question for me?”
He nodded. “Of course.”
“Did you ever love my mother?”
“In my own way,” be answered wryly. “Just as I love you, though not the way I’m sure you would choose to be loved by your father.”
“And Evelyn? Do you love her?”
There was a pause before he answered. “Evelyn and I are well suited. We expect to spend our retirement years very comfortably together.”
He smiled crookedly at the look on her face. “That arrangement must sound very cold and bland to someone your age. But it suits us.”
Kelly wondered if Jack Morrison was capable of really loving anyone. And she wondered how much she had inherited from him besides his eyes. “Then I wish you well.”
“Thank you.” He picked up his menu. “Shall we order?”
Kelly glanced at the menu in front of her. She couldn’t imagine eating anything now. “Would you mind terribly if I don’t stay for lunch? There are several things I need to do, and I think you and I have said all we need to say.”
Jack closed his menu and set it aside, his expression resigned. “Before you go, there’s something I want to give you. Call it a Christmas present.”