Broken Hart (A Cross Creek Small Town Novel Book 1)

by Kelly Collins

  “I could never be upset with you. You’re my daughter.” Her hand settled on my stomach. “What better accomplishment is there than to have a child? They are the gift that keeps giving.” She sat back and clapped her hands. “And I’m going to be a grandmother, and I don’t think anything could be as exciting as that.”

  “I’m sorry you had to find out the way you did.”

  “I could just kill Benji … he was wrong to do this.” Anger colored her tone, and fire ignited in her eyes as she spoke. “He had no right to say and do those things.” She took a deep breath before continuing in her kind, warm voice that soothed the painful parts of my soul like a balm. “You’re an adult, sweet pea. Life is hard, and there’s no manual. We just have to do our best, and I trust you’re doing exactly that.”

  All the things I wanted to say melted away in the face of her overwhelming support. She stood up and gently tugged my hand. I got to my feet, and she held me in a tight hug that left me breathlessly happy.

  “I love you, sweet pea. No matter what.” She stepped back and brushed my hair out of my face. “You tell me what I can do, and I’ll help in any way you ask. Or I can let you be. Whatever you wish, but know that I love you, and I already love my grandchild.” With that, she planted a kiss on my forehead, beamed at me, and gave my cheek a gentle pinch.

  I smiled through the threatening thunderstorm of emotions. This was not the talk I envisioned, but it was the talk I needed more than anything.

  “Now, I’ve got to run.” She hesitated, then stared at me for a second, her eyes searching my face. “Unless you need me to stay.”

  She was willing to cancel whatever she had planned to be here with me. The thought warmed me up, and I wanted to hug myself happily. Instead, I waved her off with a smile. “Go! I’ll call you later.”

  I showed her to the door with my coffee in hand and a big, stupid grin on my face. Despite the pain echoing through me, there was joy there too, and love I desperately needed. As she got into her little SUV and pulled away from the curb, a red car entered my driveway. Mom honked and waved at the driver, and I tried to see through the sun glaring on the windshield to figure out who it was.

  I couldn’t tell and sipped my coffee, trying to relax. Surely it was just someone coming by to say hello, but what if it wasn’t? What if it was Anthony and he’d changed his mind? I’d never let him into my life again, but could I keep him from his child? I shook the thought from my mind because Anthony was a child, and there was no way he could raise one.

  The driver’s side door opened, and a woman stepped out. Sunglasses covered her eyes and long brown hair tumbled down her back as she closed the door behind her. She slung a purse over her shoulder before heading my way with open arms.

  “Kandra!”

  I’d recognize that voice anywhere. “Melanie?” We were best friends in high school, and she left Cross Creek when I did. Though we’d been in contact regularly, I hadn’t touched base with her since my move back home. How many times had I wanted to call her? “What are you doing in Cross Creek?”

  She walked right up and tugged me to her chest. “Obligatory parental visit. It’s like bad medicine; you swallow it fast and hope it goes down easy.” As she rocked me side to side and squeezed me tightly, she hummed low in her throat. “I missed you so much, woman.” She pressed a kiss to my cheek and backed up a step.

  “Come on in,” I said, leading her inside. “Want coffee or something else to drink?”

  She shook her head. “I’m on a caffeine break. It sucks, but doc wants me to try.” Pulling her glasses off, she looked me up and down like she suspected something. “How are you?”

  “I’m good.” How much could she possibly know? “Who told you I was here?”

  “You know, nothing stays a secret for long.”

  That was the truth.

  “Time to catch up.” She dug her toe into one heel, slipped the shoe off, and then did the same on the other side before plopping down on the couch. She folded her legs up under her and stared at me expectantly. Her black athletic pants fit her like a glove, and her tank top showed off her sports bra. She looked like she’d been out for a run, but that was just her style.

  “Noah and I tried again, but I didn’t tell him I’m pregnant with Anthony’s baby, and Benji found out, blurted it in the diner, and wrote an exposé on me. That’s how Noah found out about the baby, and he dumped me.” The words just poured out. After I finished talking, silence followed.

  She scowled.

  “Wait…” With a little shake of her head, she seemed to try to clear her mind and get all the facts in order. “You and Noah, again?”

  I nodded, swallowing hard.

  “And you’re pregnant? With Anthony’s baby?”

  I nodded again.

  Her serious expression tightened. “I could hurt Benji. Do you have a baseball bat?”

  I couldn’t hold back a giggle. “You’re not attacking Benji with a baseball bat.”

  “He wrote an article on you? Seriously? That’s just wrong.” Her lip curled, and she pulled me into a quick hug before letting me go. “He’s trash.”

  I didn’t disagree, so I stayed quiet.

  “I can’t believe Noah dumped you.” She sat back like the weight of those thoughts crushed her into the couch.

  I shrugged. “I deserved it. I didn’t come clean and tell him right away, and I should have.”

  She went silent a moment and said, “Luckily, you’re strong and don’t need a man.”

  That wasn’t the point. I knew I was strong, and I knew I could do this on my own, but I didn’t want to. I wanted Noah at my side. Not just for help, but because I loved him. I wanted him next to me to celebrate every victory, to mourn every loss, and to share every experience. I was a fool to leave all those years ago. I got caught up in the wonder and excitement of it all, and look where it got me. I was back in Cross Creek with less than I left with. It was a great lesson in the old adage that the grass was greener on the other side. In my case, the grass was greener because it was artificial turf. In the end, I had to leave and learn and grow to realize how much I’d left behind. Hindsight is always twenty-twenty.

  Now that I was back, I could clearly see what I’d given up. Every bit of the adult me believed that Noah was the right guy for me; I wanted a partner, an equal. I wanted a man I could walk beside, not behind. Noah was confident enough not to be threatened by my need to have power and control over my life. But … I screwed up and ruined what we could have had, and now I’d walk my path alone.

  “So, what are you going to do?” Her eyes locked on me, and the heavy question seemed to trouble her.

  I lifted my shoulders. “I’m having a baby.”

  “You’ll get child support from Anthony, right?” Her tone held more than a hint of disgust for my ex, but I’d made my peace with him being out of my life.

  When I shook my head, she sat upright. “Why not? He helped make this baby, and he can help support it.”

  That wasn’t the point. “I don’t want to have to deal with him. I’m not afraid of him or anything, but I’d rather not have the extra stress in my life, you know? He didn’t want anything to do with me or this baby, and I’m not about to force him to be a part of our lives.” He wasn’t worth the space of a thought in my mind.

  That seemed to make sense to her, and she sat back in her seat again.

  I took a drink of my coffee, loving the flavor.

  “Do you want Noah back?” Her green eyes met mine, and she sat up and studied me carefully.

  I nodded. “I do, but that bridge is burned, and there’s no rebuilding it now.”

  “You love him, don’t you?” Her question hit my heart like an arrow.

  Unable to speak, I simply nodded. It didn’t matter that I loved Noah. I’d messed up, and it was over. I’d come to terms with that already.

  “Oh, hon.” She leaned in and gave me another hug. With a quick pat on my shoulder, she pulled away, and I tried to smile
through my pain.

  “Want to see the nursery? It’s not done, but I ordered the crib and can show you where I’ll put it.” I wanted to shift the topic to less painful things, though I didn’t doubt Noah would linger in my mind for far longer than I wanted him to.

  She jumped to her feet and followed me into the room. With a happy little sound, she glanced at the rocking chair I’d positioned under the window beside the bookshelf and turned to me. “What color are you painting the room?”

  “Not sure yet.” My heart lifted as I looked around the bright, airy space. “I don’t know if I’m having a boy or a girl.”

  She didn’t seem surprised as she ran her hand over the bookshelf Noah and I had built together. “I figured you would have told me already if you knew. Or are you keeping it a secret?”

  I could hardly focus on what she was asking as the memory of Noah and me laughing over bookshelf directions filled my thoughts. As the realization that he would never help me set up another thing crept in, sadness followed. It was over between us, and that broke my heart.

  “Nope, no more secrets.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Noah

  With the phone to my ear, I smiled. A real smile that I felt to my bones. Two weeks had passed since I’d broken things off with Kandra. They were the longest two weeks of my life, but I’d finally made a decision—a decision to change everything. All the parts were already in motion, and all I had to do was the legwork.

  “I know, Mom,” I said.

  “I love you, young man.” Despite the stern edge in her voice, I could hear the pride and affection there too. “Your father would be so proud of you.”

  “Thank you.” I blinked back the moisture in my eyes and tilted my head to stare at the ceiling. Tracing the heavy wooden beams of my home, I sighed.

  “Good luck. I have a feeling you’ll need it.”

  “I hope I don’t need it, but thanks.” We said our goodbyes, and I hung up the phone. Most of the weight had lifted off my shoulders, and new hope sprung to life inside me. As I glanced around my home, my gaze settled on the couch, and memories of Dad filled my mind.

  I could almost hear his voice. I know you love her son, but sometimes people need time and space. Maybe she’ll come back one day. Maybe she never will. Whatever happens, will happen, but you need to make sure you’re a good man no matter what.

  My eyes misted over as I glanced at the backyard and saw us tossing a baseball back and forth. It’s a nice place you have here. Trust me, it’s not easy for your mother or me to watch you boys grow up and leave the house one by one, but we’re so proud of you.

  I wandered through the house, guided by his voice, by the memories I had of him visiting before the universe so cruelly stole him away. Stopping in the kitchen, I glanced at the stove hood we’d pulled out, repaired, and replaced.

  You don’t need my help, he said, calling me out on my bullshit.

  He was right and wrong. “Of course, I need you, Dad. It’s nice to have time with you.” I mouthed the words in the quiet space as I remembered him handing me tools and offering advice while we worked.

  I hadn’t just moved out and gone about my life. I’d kept him and Mom near, but Dad was the pillar of strength in my life. He was the beacon of the type of man I wanted to be. He was patient and kind, quick to laugh, and always there for those he loved. He knew how to cheer someone up and had the best wisdom when it was needed most.

  Wandering into the backyard, I took in the grill, and I swore I could see him there. Are you sure you want me to grill at your house? He’d asked.

  I knew how much he loved to grill, and I’d picked up a nice one for him to enjoy when he and Mom came over for dinner.

  As my attention drifted, I saw him telling me where I could put the hot tub a few months before he passed.

  I stood on the grass in the middle of the yard and turned to walk inside. In the doorway, I saw the memory of the last time he visited. I could feel him pull me into a warm hug. It’s been too long; I’ve missed you. I thought we could go fishing today.

  With a bittersweet, painful smile, I closed the door and locked it.

  In front of Kandra’s door, I hesitated. I wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was the red car out front. Who’s was it? Did I have a right to know—to care? Was it fear? Maybe. Was I worried she wouldn’t want to see me? Sure. Did I regret the choices I’d made in the last two weeks? Not one bit. With a slightly unsteady hand, I rang her doorbell.

  The floor creaked as she approached the door. I caught myself holding my breath, letting it out, and then pulling in another while I waited to see if she would open the door for me.

  A heartbeat later, she cracked it but blocked the entrance with her body. “What’s up?” she asked coolly, her beautiful eyes on mine.

  “Can we talk?” I wiped my sweaty palms on my pants. This woman had me as nervous as a teenaged boy again. Kandra was the only woman who had ever made me feel like that.

  Panic lit in her eyes, and she shifted the door slightly as if she was about to close it in my face. For a moment, we stood there, a pause between us while she seemed to struggle internally about letting me in. Just when I was sure she’d send me away, the vulnerability in her eyes caught my attention and jealous anger buzzed in my gut.

  Was the red car Anthony’s? Had he come to his senses and came back to her? Did he have a change of heart and decide he wanted her after all? Was I too late to save the spark between us and win her back?

  My heart sank as the thought that the things I’d done in the last two weeks had been for nothing.

  I glanced past her and saw it wasn’t Anthony at all. No, it was her friend Melanie. I’d thought Melanie moved away from Cross Creek; had she come back?

  “Hey, Noah,” Melanie said in an icy tone as she walked toward Kandra.

  “Hello,” I rubbed at the back of my neck. I thought it was Anthony, and I’d been jealous. Angry even, and so afraid to lose Kandra.

  Mel kissed Kandra’s cheek and spoke softly. “I’ll be at my parents’ house if you need me, and don’t forget what I told you.” With that, she slipped past me, out the front door, without so much as another look in my direction.

  What had she told Kandra that was important for her not to forget? Those two were best friends back in the day, and Mel was always a good person and a good influence. Kandra trusted her.

  I turned to look back at Kandra, only to find the door open and empty. Was it an invitation to come in? Why else would she have left the door open and walked away?

  “Can I come in?”

  With her back to me, she nodded, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Stepping inside, I closed the door behind me and turned to face her. She still had her back to me, and I sensed she was getting her bearings. When she turned around, her arms crossed her belly protectively, and my heart ached as I thought about her gearing up to protect herself from me.

  Do you think I’d hurt you? I’d asked her not so long ago.

  Not physically, she’d said in such a soulful, honest tone that it tore my heart to shreds. Now she was gearing up for more pain from me, and it stung. What was worse was I knew I deserved it because I hurt her, and I regretted that with every ounce of my being.

  “I want to say I’m sorry.”

  Her shoulders straightened, but she made no other indication she heard me. I didn’t mind if she wouldn’t look at me, because I knew she was listening to my words, and I planned to deliver them wisely.

  “I’ve been fumbling through my whole life. I haven’t had a solid relationship since you left the first time.” I let out a nervous chuckle and raked my fingers through my hair before taking a step closer. I wanted to reach out, touch her shoulder, pull her into a hug, inhale her sweet scent, and kiss her soft cheek. “I know why now. It’s always been you. I’ve never been serious about anyone else because deep down, I’ve always known you were the one for me. If I couldn’t have you, I wouldn’t have anyone.”

  I took another step
forward. I was so close I could almost touch her, but I didn’t. “I want you in my life, and I finally figured it out. For that to happen, I need to accept everything about you. I need to embrace your joys, your heartbreaks, and your pregnancy … if you’re willing to share them with me.” I added that last part as doubt crept in because she still wasn’t looking at me.

  Maybe this wasn’t going to work. I’d been deliberately cruel to her. Was I too late to fix this?

  Reaching out, I gently touched her shoulders, and she turned and lifted her chin to face me. Tears streamed down her cheeks. Every bit I had been holding back broke, and I pulled her into my arms, wrapping her into a hug. Stroking her hair, I lowered my lips to her head and whispered another apology for hurting her and for being a dick and for screwing everything up so badly.

  “I want to make it right, and for the past two weeks, I’ve been making plans.” My heart leaped. “I bought a home for us. The one we saw when we were horseback riding.” I squeezed my eyes closed as I thought about how I had to give up my current home and all its memories of Dad to make this purchase.

  I’d still have those memories, even if I didn’t have the place they were tied to. So why did it hurt so bad? With a deep breath, I reminded myself that she was worth it. She didn’t know any of that, and she didn’t need to know what I was giving up for our fresh start.

  “It needs some work, but I thought we could fix it up together.” My best memories of Dad in my home were of us restoring the place. I could imagine building those kinds of memories with Kandra in our new place. “It came with a few acres and we have access to the creek.” It was the creek we played in as kids, though in a different spot. “It’s a wonderful place for a child to grow up.”

  I wanted her to know I’d done all of this with the hopes of us becoming a family in the back of my mind. “But there’s something I have to ask you first,” I hoped her silence was stunned surprise or joy. Letting her go, I knelt down for the second time and again took a little box out of my pocket. This time feeling like we were both in the same place and wanted the same things.