Broken Hart (A Cross Creek Small Town Novel Book 1)

by Kelly Collins

  “I’m an asshole, but I’m the asshole that’s been in love with you from the beginning. I’ll make mistakes, but I’ll try to be worthy of you. I want you with me now and forever. I know before the timing wasn't right, and we both needed to do some soul-searching, but I want to ask you now, will you marry me?”

  Her body stiffened, and her eyes met mine. So not the reaction I expected this time, but I’m gonna let her explain.

  “Whoa, what happened? Are you okay? What’s wrong?” I stood up and tucked the box back into my pocket, my mind solely on her well-being.

  “You just thought you could say sorry, and everything would be perfect? Really? When Benji told the entire diner I was trying to trick you into being my baby’s father, do you have any idea how hurt I was? I thought for sure you would defend me and tell everyone that I would never do something like that. I thought you of all people knew my character, yet you didn’t. You didn’t even comfort me. And now you made all these decisions without me? You bought a house and thought what?”

  My heart sank. Everything with the house was final. I dropped my keys off on the way here. I no longer owned my home, but now owned a house on the creek where it looked like I’d live alone.

  “You just assumed I’d be happy to get to move in with you, and you didn’t bother talking to me first. That’s not what a relationship is supposed to look like.” Her hand trembled as she shoved her hair back from her face. “I told you I want to be your partner—your equal. That means we make decisions together.”

  She had a valid point. Maybe I jumped the gun. This idea was way better in my head. I guess it’s true about assumptions … I’m a total ass.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Kandra

  “Noah, I can’t marry you. I can’t marry anyone who doesn’t value me or my opinion.” I took a deep breath and realized the words I said weren’t the words I meant to say, but before I could amend my statement, I noticed the hurt in his eyes, and it hit me like a mule kick to the gut squeezing the air out of my lungs.

  Did I mean it? How did we end up here again? With every second that ticked by, my chances of clearing this up grew slimmer and slimmer.

  His lips parted, but he said nothing as he studied me. Then his whole expression wiped blank. All the hurt, all the confusion and surprise vanished, replaced by something colder than ice.

  I was losing him, or maybe I’d already lost him.

  “I don’t want you to marry me because you think you have to take care of me.” The words finally began to leave my pinched throat. “I don’t want you making life-changing decisions for both of us without consulting me. I don’t want to be your passenger in life; I want to be a copilot.”

  His Adam’s apple lifted, then slid down an inch. I took a step back and folded one arm across my ribs, the other hand I placed at my throat. The thundering of my pulse startled me.

  “I don’t need you to save me or my baby. I’ll figure things out on my own. I have my mother’s support. I have friends. I have options.” I’d save myself, thank you very much. I could afford my own place. I could do this! I didn’t need him to feel bad or for him to do what he thought was the right thing.

  He told me he loved me. He apologized for being cruel and dumping me, though I wanted him to know I didn’t see it that way.

  “You aren’t a dick for dumping me. I didn’t tell you something I should have confessed early on.” I still believed that, regardless of what Melanie had said or what my mother thought. Being with someone meant being open and honest with them, even when it was uncomfortable.

  He told me he was fumbling through his whole life, and he hadn’t been serious about anyone since me. He said I was the one for him, but what if his love was skewed with worry and pity and a need to take care of me? Noah was a protector at his core. He always had been. He’d do whatever it took to keep me safe. But did he believe me when I said I didn’t need to be saved? Did he understand my need to be equal? Did he trust that I could do this on my own?

  I studied his impassive features.

  “I want a partner.” I lowered my voice and traced his face with my gaze, aware this might be turning into our final goodbye. The thought shattered me, and I inhaled past the lump in my throat. “I want a friend and a lover. I don’t just want a dad for my child, because if that’s the only reason you want me, then everything will fall apart.”

  I needed him to understand. Taking another step closer, I took his hands in mine and looked into his eyes. “I know you want to protect me, Noah. You always have, and I love that about you, but you don’t need to this time. I’ll be okay.”

  To my horror, his perfectly calm mask broke, and he laughed.

  “Do you think,” he asked in a warmer tone than I ever expected, “that I’m only asking you to marry me because I need to save you or because I want your baby to have a father? Do you think I said I love you because of some twisted sense of honor or duty?”

  He cocked his head and waited.

  “Well, it obviously crossed my mind.” I lifted both shoulders, aware I wasn’t sure if this was his reason. “I need to know that saving me isn’t a motivating factor. You think you need to buy me houses, accept my pregnancy, and take care of me, and that’s worrisome.”

  He chuckled. “Sorry, I’m not trying to be a dick, and I’m not laughing at you.”

  “Sure feels like it,” I muttered, a bit of humor creeping into my aching heart.

  He let go of my hands and grabbed my shoulders as I peeked up at him. “I’m laughing at the thought of you needing anyone to take care of you. I know how strong you are.”

  He gave my shoulders a squeeze.

  “And when I think about you putting Benji in his place despite your hatred of being humiliated in public…” He laughed again, and I couldn’t hold back a grin. I had torn into Benji pretty good.

  “I think you broke him. I mean, he published the article, but he only did it because he couldn’t back down after the verbal whipping you gave him.” He pulled me into his arms. “I’m sorry for doing something without your approval, but I swear it came from a good place.”

  I melted into his arms and clung to him.

  “I’m sorry too.” I buried my face in his chest and breathed him in.

  “I do see you as an equal, and as a partner.” He tipped my chin back with his thumb. “As a friend and a lover too. I messed up. Can I make it up to you? I’m not going to give up on us that easily.”

  My stomach dipped.

  He continued. “I already lost you twice, and I’m not letting it happen again.” His eyes bore into mine, and I couldn’t hold back my words.

  “Sounds like you’ve made up your mind.”

  He must have detected the humor in my voice because he arched a brow and smiled. “I see you as a partner, but I’m also willing to do whatever it takes to make everything right between us. If you want me to go, I will, but if there is anything I can do—”

  “Yes,” I blurted.

  His brows furrowed, leaving a crease in the center of his forehead. It was as if he didn’t understand what I was saying.

  I sure as heck wasn’t going to give it to him easily. An evil grin crossed my lips. “Yes.”

  “Yes, there’s something I can do?” He stared at me. “Sure, I’ll do it, just tell me.”

  Instead, I simply said, “Yes!” with more volume and enthusiasm.

  “I think I’m missing something.” He studied my face, clearly searching for answers.

  Maybe it was time to take pity on the poor guy. We could figure out the details later. For now, I knew one thing for certain. I would marry Noah Lockhart. “Yes, Noah, I’ll marry you.”

  His eyes lit up, and he lowered his lips to mine.

  His mouth moved to touch my forehead, and he gave me a gentle squeeze that echoed the surge of joy in my heart. He lowered to one knee and pulled out the box again.

  “It’s not a diamond; it’s a white sapphire.” He opened the box, and I gasped at the st
unning stone. The thin rose gold band was crusted with tiny diamonds, but the white sapphire set in the center was incredible.

  “It’s the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen,” I whispered, my eyes misting over. It was perfect. Somehow he knew me better than I knew myself.

  With a smile, he slipped it on my finger before standing up and pressing another quick kiss to my lips.

  “Did you really buy us that house?” Nothing about our conversation seemed real. It had to be a dream, and pretty soon, Melanie would smack me across the face and pull me out of this amazingly crazy fantasy. As deliriously happy as I was, I wasn’t totally on board with moving out of my home.

  This was the place I used to prove that I didn’t need Anthony’s help. It was a house I’d built into a home—a safe space to hide when I was weary of the world.

  “Are you okay?” he asked.

  I nodded, still struggling. Wasn’t this supposed to be an easy choice? I loved and trusted Noah. Still, my freedom was important after everything I’d gone through with Anthony. Was I punishing Noah for Anthony’s mistakes?

  I needed to sleep on it and not make any rash decisions or hasty plans.

  “Oh! I have something for you!” I pulled away and ran into my room as I remembered the gift. Picking up the picture of Noah and his father, I smiled. They’d been watching me from my nightstand every day since I found the picture and frame. I’d taken the image of father and son long ago, and I’d printed it and framed it.

  I promised myself I’d give it to him for his birthday, but now I didn’t have to wait. I pressed it to my belly and carried it out to Noah. His eyes lit up as he watched me walk toward him. I stopped in front of him and sighed.

  I held out the image, and he took it gingerly, a confused look crossed his face. “Where did you get this?”

  “I found it on one of my memory cards.”

  He looked at the image of him and his father, and his features went white.

  “Noah, what’s wrong?” I reached out to touch his shoulder, and he looked at me.

  “This is the best gift I could ever imagine receiving,” he said, his voice thick as I held him in a tight embrace. “I forgot about this picture.”

  Suddenly the sweet gesture felt bittersweet. “I’m sorry for bringing all of that back, and I’m sorry he’s gone.” His dad was such a wonderful man.

  “Please, don’t be sorry.” He nestled his chin against my shoulder, and I was sure he was staring at the image over it, soaking in every detail of that summer day. “I mean it, this is incredible. I love you.”

  “I love you, too,” I said, still hugging him tightly.

  I was going to make sure I showed him my love every chance I had starting right now. There were no guarantees of how much time we’d have together, no promises of long lives, or tomorrows, so I vowed to make sure every second counted. I already wasted so many years, looking for something that was right in front of me all along. Noah’s all-consuming love is my heart’s true north, and I will never lose sight of that again.

  Chapter 25

  Noah

  I glanced over my shoulder to see Kandra sitting next to Quinn and sipping a glass of water. I smiled as he talked to her with animated features and expressive hands, but I couldn’t make out his words. Her gaze met mine, and the corners of her lips curved up as she lingered on me.

  Bayden ignored Quinn as he squeezed the juice of half a lemon on his thyme-roasted carrot dish, and Ethan slipped rolls in with the shepherd’s pie that was beginning to brown on top.

  “Five minutes?” I asked them.

  “Eight,” Ethan said, and Bayden nodded in agreement.

  I slipped over to Kandra and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Quinn didn’t even take a breath. “And then he walked right into a pole.”

  I knew the story well. At sixteen, Ethan had been so in love with a girl that while he was walking and looking at her, he’d slammed face-first into a pole. Needless to say, she hadn’t been interested in dating the clumsy oaf.

  “I should get back to the table,” Kandra said as I rubbed her lower back. She’d been in some pain, and her belly left me wanting to rub her like a magic lamp, but when she said she needed to go, I knew that meant she needed to sit somewhere more comfortable. I took her hand and kept an arm wrapped around her and helped support her weight into the dining room.

  “Are you okay?” My mother’s worried tone earned a smile from Kandra.

  “I’m sore, tired, and a bit achy, but I’m okay.” She settled into the chair with a grateful glance at me, and I pressed a quick kiss to her lips before speaking.

  “How’s the house coming?” Mom asked.

  We were living in Kandra’s rental until the renovations were done on our place, but it didn’t matter where we lived as long as we were together.

  Looking at my wife, I saw that hungry, I-could-eat-a-bear look on her face. “About six minutes left on dinner,” I said.

  “Seven!” Ethan called out, and I rolled my eyes.

  “It’s been more than a minute!” I said as the women swapped knowing glances. “Love you.” I touched Kandra’s cheek before heading back into the kitchen.

  A quick peek in the oven told me the shepherd’s pie was done, and I grabbed potholders. Carrying the dish to the table, I set it down, and almost bumped into Bayden as he brought his carrots to the table.

  “The rolls aren’t done!” Ethan’s frustration shone in his voice.

  “It’s fine,” Mom spoke up, and the tension in the room eased.

  “Do you want anything else to drink?” I asked Kandra, who shook her head. A few moments later, Ethan popped out of the kitchen with hot rolls. Quinn brought the butter, honey, and utensils as we all gathered around the table. I sat beside Kandra and took a moment looking at Dad’s empty seat.

  Quinn broke the silence. “So, how’s Sheriff Miranda?” he asked Bayden, who fixed a death glare on him.

  I stood up with a plate and pointed at things, my gaze catching Kandra’s. She nodded, and I piled food on her plate as my brothers stared at one another. Mom and Ethan dug in but watched Bayden and Quinn’s showdown with curiosity.

  I handed Kandra her food and grabbed my plate.

  “How would I know?” Bayden finally asked.

  “Well, I mean, you’re in love with her, so you know how she’s doing, right?” Quinn faked an innocent expression while piling food onto his plate.

  Bayden’s anger grew, and I imagined steam coming out of his ears and nose. If Quinn kept pushing, he might erupt. So, I threw gasoline on the fire.

  “Are you going to be next?” I asked, showing off my wedding band.

  Mom’s smile grew as she watched the events unfold with a “boys will boys” expression. No doubt, she knew by now there was no stopping us.

  A loud ringtone cut through the silence, and Bayden pulled out his phone. Quinn took the opportunity to snatch it before dashing from the table.

  “It’s Miranda!” he said, holding the phone up with a triumphant grin. Then he glanced at it again. “Wait, she’s calling you?” He handed the phone back to Bayden, who touched the red icon and went back to his food.

  “Why didn’t you answer?” Ethan lifted a bite to his mouth as Kandra stretched her legs out across my lap. I absentmindedly rubbed her swollen ankles while I ate a carrot.

  “None of your business.” Bayden was done with our crap. “Now, leave me alone.”

  Quinn and Ethan glanced at each other, and Kandra giggled.

  “They’re in love,” Quinn said. Ethan nodded in agreement, and Mom snorted.

  “So, you are next,” I said to Bayden, who gave me a sullen look before taking a bite of his food. I glanced over and noticed Kandra was on her last bite and smiled at her.

  “More?” I asked.

  She sighed, her eyes widening as she met my gaze. “Not yet,” she said softly, rubbing her belly with both hands. Before I could react, she grabbed Mom’s hand and put it on her stomach. “The baby’s kic
king.”

  My brothers crowded around and waited for permission to touch while I watched, adoring my wife and the way she glowed. They felt the baby move, and their faces lit up.

  Even Bayden seemed to relax as the tiny one kicked his hand. I held back, aware that it was a joy I got to experience often, but it was reasonably new to my brothers. I couldn’t wait to be a father, and I was excited to introduce our baby to the world.

  Kandra addressed Bayden as Ethan and Quinn moved back to their seats. “I bet Miranda would be cute pregnant.”

  Quinn fell out of his chair, Ethan burst out laughing, and Bayden’s face went red. Mom covered her mouth and stared at Bayden, who actually smiled.

  He freaking smiled when she teased him.

  “You’ve thought about it!” Kandra’s surprised tone and the look on Bayden’s face said she’d nailed it right on the head. “Oh, honey, you better make a move. She’s a wonderful, beautiful person, and you’ll never forgive yourself if you miss your shot with her.”

  He gave the barest hint of a nod, and I sat there, stunned. Of all of us, it was Kandra that got through to him? As shocked as I was, I was also impressed and secretly thrilled. Maybe now he would get serious about the pretty sheriff and try to build something worthwhile with her. We could hope, at least. The two would be great together, I just knew it.

  He went back to his seat, refusing to look at the rest of us.

  “Let’s leave Bayden alone,” Mom said before glancing at Quinn. “So how about you? Anyone special in your life?”

  He shook his head.

  Then Ethan shook his. “Me either, but I’m not in a hurry.”

  I finished my dinner while I watched them all talk. As much as I missed my time with Dad, I couldn’t help but realize how incredibly lucky I was for moments like these. For family dinners. For family love, laughter, and teasing.

  My brothers dug back into the food, and I looked at Kandra before nodding, asking her without words if she wanted more. She nodded with a big grin on her face.