Wild One (Summer Rush #5)

by Cheryl Douglas

  That was the biggest stumbling block. If she had some guarantee he could finish out his career there, she’d be less hesitant to make the move.

  “That’s also why love scares you so much. Because you can’t control it. You can’t control how you feel any more than you can control how he feels. He could leave you. He could fall out of love with you.”

  Marika felt a stab of pain when she considered that possibility.

  “Then you’d be alone. Like you are now.” Her lips thinned as she patted her daughter’s hand. “You have your family and friends, but you’re alone. So how would you be any worse off if you took a chance with Dec and it didn’t work out?”

  “I’d be heartbroken.”

  “And you’re not now?”

  “I am,” she said, closing her eyes. “I miss him so much, Mom.”

  “I know you do, baby,” she said, leaning in to give her a hug. “And that’s telling you something, isn’t it? You need to be with him. No matter the risk.”

  “But my career—”

  “You’ll always be a doctor. You’ve earned that, and no one can take it away from you.”

  “I know.”

  “Do you?” She looked Marika in the eye, gripping her chin. “For the next thirty-plus years, you can work as a doctor, so why are you sweating it?”

  “Sweating what?” Marika asked, frowning.

  She released Marika’s hand before she stood and set the casserole dish in the oven, alongside the roast and potatoes. “Where you’ll work. Would it be the worst thing in the world if you moved with Dec and decided to focus on your relationship for a little while instead of starting your practice right away?”

  Marika gaped at her mother. “You can’t be serious. I worked my butt off to become a doctor and I have—”

  “I know you did.” She turned slowly to face Marika. “I know you did. Believe me, no one knows that better than I do. But you have no balance in your life now. Your whole life revolves around your work.”

  “That’s the way I wanted it.”

  “Is it?” She quirked an eyebrow. “When you had that miscarriage, I’d never seen you so miserable. It was the first time I’d ever seen you want something more than you wanted to be a doctor.”

  She’d never thought about it like that, but her mother was right. Losing her baby had left her empty and hollow and she turned to the only thing she could to ground herself—her work.

  “You want to be a mother, honey. We both know that. And you finally have a man in your life who wants a family as much as you do… I’m assuming?”

  “He does.”

  “He loves you. He’s proven that in so many ways.” She smiled. “Lorna called and told me what Dec did for her and Matthew. If I ever had any reservations about him, I don’t now. He’s one of the good guys.”

  “He is,” Marika said, lowering her head as her chest tightened. “He’s amazing.”

  “All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. Dad and I supported you when you told us you wanted to go into medicine because we felt it was your calling. And it is. There’s no doubt about that. But I also hoped you’d realize along the way that there are more important things than work.”

  “I know that.”

  “Do you? Really?”

  “I’d like to think I do.” She bit her lip as she fought back tears. Was her mother right? Had her life been out of balance for so long, she’d forgotten what was important?

  “Family is important too, honey. Having a family of your own, if that’s what you want. And I know you do.”

  “I do.”

  “But families don’t just happen. They’re built slowly, over time.”

  Marika considered that. Her relationship with Dec had been evolving. All the times he had been there to listen when she needed him or helped her without being asked, they were growing stronger as a couple, learning to count on each other.

  “Your dad and I were strangers when we got married.” She laughed. “We were so young and had only known each other a few months when we ran off to the courthouse and exchanged vows. We had so much to learn about each other, so many mistakes to make. But we weren’t afraid of that, and you can’t be afraid to make mistakes either. Because you will.”

  That was one of the things Marika had always feared most. Making mistakes. Having regrets. But that was holding her back too, making it difficult, if not impossible, to take risks.

  “But if you give Dec a chance, if you devote as much time to building a strong relationship with him as you have to your medical career, you’ll have something that will still be there for you long after you’ve retired from medicine.”

  “I guess I never thought about it like that.”

  “I think life is seasonal,” her mother said, removing her apron and setting it over a chair. “There’s a time for fun when we’re young and don’t have any responsibilities. There’s a time for education. A time for building a career. A time for raising a family and nurturing your marriage.” She smiled. “Take it from me, kids grow up too fast. You won’t want to miss a moment of it.”

  Marika had never even considered the possibility of staying home with her kids, but maybe her mom was right. Maybe there was a time for that and a time for her career. Different seasons, so to speak.

  “Dec gave you an incredible gift when he paid off your student loans. He gave you the gift of freedom. Now you have an asset, your practice, that you can sell and live comfortably off of until you decide what your next step should be.”

  Marika nodded. “When I learned he did that, I was shocked and maybe a little angry, but when I thought about it, I realized I would have done the same thing for someone I love. If I had a lot of money and was in a position to help someone I love out of a financial bind, I wouldn’t even hesitate, so how could I be mad at him for helping me?”

  “You couldn’t. And I’m glad you accepted his help. It sent him a very important message—that you’re willing to let him be there for you.” She curled her hands around the tall oak chair. “There’s nothing more important than that, you know. Being able to lean on your partner and letting them know they can lean on you too.”

  Marika hoped Dec knew he could lean on her because he’d certainly made her feel safe enough to count on him.

  “Think about it, honey. Your man is in a position where money will never be a consideration. And his career is a short one. He’ll be done in seven years at most, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Those years will fly by,” she said, snapping her fingers, “like that. Then you’ll be starting a new phase of your relationship and he can support you in your career the way you’ve supported him in his.”

  Marika knew her mother was right. Seven years wasn’t all that long in the big scheme of things, and it wasn’t as if she couldn’t find work as a doctor if she chose to. Plenty of medical clinics and hospitals would probably be happy to hire her, even part-time if she didn’t feel ready to make a full-time commitment.

  She crossed the room to hug her mother. “How’d you get so smart?”

  She laughed, patting Marika’s back. “Everything I know, I learned from being a parent.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  They’d been apart for almost three weeks, and while he’d spoken to Marika every day, she’d never asked him if he planned to come back and spend more time with her prior to spring training. And he’d never had the guts to ask her if she’d made a decision about moving. So they were stuck in this awkward limbo, afraid to take a leap and afraid to cut ties.

  “You want another beer?” Loran asked.

  They were at Dec’s house watching a hockey game, but Dec wasn’t even sure of the score. His mind kept wandering to the girl he’d left behind. Again. How could he survive a relationship where the woman he loved was living in a different country, living a life that didn’t include him?

  He couldn’t.

  “I think I have to break up with Marika,” he said, the sudden clarity making him feel
sick.

  “Whoa! Where’d that come from?” Loran asked, shaking his head as if to clear it.

  “I can’t go on like this and I can’t ask her to either. It’s not fair to either one of us.”

  “Man, just hold up a minute.” Loran was standing in the doorway between the living room and kitchen, facing Dec as he leaned against the doorframe. “Take it from me, living without someone you care about isn’t easy.”

  Dec knew Loran still had a thing for their teammate’s sister, but she kept shutting him down every time he reached out to her. “My situation with Marika is different than your deal with Bella, man.”

  “Yeah, because Marika trusted you enough to let you back in even after you did a number on her.” He gave Dec a meaningful look. “That’s not the kind of woman you want to give up on.”

  “I’m not talking about giving up. I’m talking about moving on.” Even the idea of moving on without Marika was an abhorrent thought. He didn’t want to imagine his life without her. “I can’t keep doing this to her or to myself.”

  “If you’re sure it’s what you want,” Loran said, shaking his head. “When’re you gonna do it?”

  “Now.”

  He winced. “Don’t you think you should take a little more time to think about it?”

  “No, I’ve gotta do it now.” Before I lose my nerve.

  “Okay, I’ll leave you to it.”

  “No, stay!” Dec didn’t want to be alone with his thoughts after he spoke to Marika. “I’ll just go into the office. It won’t take long.” How long should it take to break two hearts? Ten minutes, tops.

  “If that’s what you want,” Loran said, heading into the kitchen to get a beer.

  Dec scooped up his cell phone off the coffee table and walked slowly to his office down the hall. He could barely breathe as he closed the door and leaned against it. He didn’t know how he was going to get over this—the feeling or the woman. She’d gotten under his skin, become a part of him, and it was killing him to imagine his life without her.

  He finally hit her number and sat behind his desk, waiting.

  “Hey, babe,” she said, picking up after the first ring. “Your timing is perfect. I was just getting ready to go over to Lorna’s. We’re going to order in and I’m going to spend some time with that beautiful baby of hers. You wouldn’t believe how quickly he’s growing.”

  Dec would never see him again. It was one more little thing he’d have to wonder about, whether his small contribution to their lives had helped make it better. “Uh, Marika, we need to talk.” He felt like shit for doing this over the phone, but if he saw her face to face again, he’d never be able to go through with it.

  “Oh, okay. What’s up?”

  “This thing between us, it’s not working anymore. I’m sorry.” He closed his eyes when he heard her gasp. “I really am sorry. I think you’re an amazing woman, but—”

  “You don’t have to explain,” she said, obviously trying to hold herself together. “It’s not working for you anymore. That’s all I need to know.”

  “But you don’t understand. It’s not you. It’s—”

  “Oh my god! Don’t you dare give me the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech! If you weren’t mature enough to handle a real relationship, why didn’t you leave me the hell alone? Why make me fall in love with you only to… do this to me?”

  He couldn’t wish he’d never had more time with Marika. If he hadn’t, he never would have gotten over the way he’d treated her when she told him she was pregnant. If anything, at least he could forgive himself for that now. “I’m sorry. I—”

  “I don’t want to hear your worthless apologies! You never meant any of it, did you? Was this your plan all along? To go back home and break up with me over the phone? Over the goddamn phone? Really? What kind of a man does that? You didn’t even have the guts to tell me to my face that you were done with me?”

  “I would have, but—”

  “You would have, but you’re not man enough. Yeah, I get it. Enough said. Have a nice life, Dec.”

  He sat staring at the phone for the longest time. What the hell have I done?

  Loran tapped on the door. “You okay?”

  “No.” After tossing the phone on the desk, he rubbed his face with both hands. “I feel sick.”

  “The only cure for a woman-induced virus is to tie one on.” He smirked. “Trust me, I have some experience with this.”

  “Getting loaded isn’t going to change anything, man.”

  “No, but it’ll make you forget. At least for tonight.”

  That was what he needed. To forget. “All right, let me grab a quick shower.”

  ***

  “I can’t believe he did this to you,” Lorna said, stroking Marika’s hair. “I really believed he was one of the good guys, hon. But then what do I know about good guys, right? Look who I married.”

  “What am I going to do now?” Marika whispered, staring out the living room window at the Sold sign on her friend’s lawn. “I’ve sold my practice, given notice at my apartment.” She closed her eyes, feeling numb. “I’ve even booked the movers.”

  “You know you can always stay with me.”

  Lorna was moving into a two-bedroom apartment with her son for the next year, while she sorted things out. Marika couldn’t impose on them. Lorna was going back to school to become a florist, something she’d always wanted to do, while her mom would watch the baby during the day. She was looking forward to the future and loving life with her son.

  “Thanks,” Marika said, squeezing her hand. “But I’ll figure something out. At least I’ll have some money from selling the practice, right?”

  “Yeah, there is that.” She sighed. “Did he tell you why he wanted to break up with you?”

  Marika shook her head, reaching for another tissue. Her head was pounding and her eyes were swollen, but she couldn’t stop crying. The last time she’d cried like this had been after her miscarriage. Ironic, since she felt the same sense of emptiness now she did then. “He just said it wasn’t working for him anymore. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, should I? Guys like that have a reputation for a reason.”

  “But I really thought he was different.” Lorna swore softly. “When he told me how much he loved you, that you were it for him, I really believed it.”

  “Please don’t,” Marika whispered, dropping her head into her hands. “I can’t think about that now.”

  “I’m sorry, honey.” She stared at her son, who was watching a staring at a cartoon on TV while being lulled in his swing. “Believe me, I know what you’re going through.”

  “I have nothing to complain about after what you’ve been through,” Marika said, sitting up straighter and taking a breath. She was tired of listening to herself whine. If Dec didn’t want her, he didn’t deserve her tears! “And look at you. You and Mattie are not only surviving, you’re thriving.”

  “Due in large part to Dec’s—”

  “Don’t say it,” Marika warned, raising her hand. “I do not want to hear that man’s name again. I can’t.”

  “I understand how you feel. But I can’t shake the feeling he wouldn’t have done the things he did, giving me that money and paying off your student loans, if he wasn’t in love with you.”

  “That money was nothing to him.” Even though it meant everything to her and Lorna, Marika knew it was a drop in the bucket to someone like Dec. “Maybe he was trying to ease his guilty conscience over the pregnancy.”

  “You don’t really believe that, do you?”

  “I don’t know what to believe right now.”

  When Mattie grimaced and kicked his little legs, a sure sign he had gas pain, Marika crossed the room to rescue him, needing the distraction. She took him out of his swing and carried him back and forth across the room, patting his back until he gave her a little burp and settled in on her shoulder.

  “You’re so good with him,” Lorna said softly. “I know how much you want to be a mom, Ma
ri. I hope you won’t shut down again just because he did this to you. There are other good men out there, men you can trust, who’ll want the same things you do.”

  “If you say so.” Marika couldn’t imagine trusting someone else with her heart, though she knew she would have to eventually.

  “You know I love you, right?”

  Marika smiled, her eyes filling with tears again. “I love you too.”

  ***

  Dec groaned when his cell phone wouldn’t stop buzzing. He had the mother of all hangovers and didn’t think he could haul his ass out of bed if he tried. He swore a blue streak before he finally grasped the damn thing, holding the screen at arm’s length as he tried to make out the name. Lorna Wyler.

  “Hello,” he rasped, feeling as if he’d just swallowed a mouthful of cotton balls. He looked around for the bottle of water he’d used to down two pain relievers before he stumbled into bed this morning, but it was nowhere to be found. Probably on the floor. If he tried to bend over, he was afraid his head would split in two.

  “You’re an asshole, you know that?”

  “Please don’t shout,” he pleaded, holding the phone away from his ear.

  “Why? Let me guess. You’re hungover after your ’re night on the town? Good! You deserve to feel like shit after the way you made my best friend feel!”

  “How’d you know what I did last night?”

  “It’s all over the Internet, dumbass! Looked like a shoot for Guys Gone Wild.”

  Shit. They’d met up with a few teammates and taken a limo from one bar to another until they were all so shit-faced, they couldn’t see straight. Last thing Dec remembered was opening the door of their limo to find one of his married teammates getting a blow job from a stripper. Not cool. Their manager was going to kill them. Even if was the off-season, it still reflected poorly on the team.

  “If you called just to give me shit—”

  “I called for two reasons. To tell you I don’t want your money, and to ask how the hell you could break my best friend’s heart like that. I trusted you. She trusted you.”