Tremble

by Alison Foster

  “You made it, Mac,” Lukas says as he lets go of my hand. He points at a bicycle by a small tree. “Get on that bike and ride down the road until you get to my car. You remember my car, don’t you?”

  My common sense returns and I get angry. I’ve mostly heard one word from all that speech. “I’m not your Mac anymore,” I tell him, sternly. “I’m nothing to you.” My hand is itching to smack his face but I’m tired.

  “I know,” he says, “but what matters is you getting on that bike and riding away. Concentrate on that, Nora, okay?”

  It sounds like a plan. I hate his fucking plans.

  I feel his hands on mine, strong, reassuring. “The car key,” he says as he places it inside my right palm.

  Suddenly I realize that I don’t have any pants on. Somebody other than Lukas stripped them off me before they tied me to the chair.

  Oh, who the fuck cares, Nora. Just get on the bike.

  Sure, whatever, I climb on the bike, right foot firm on the pedal. I glance at Lukas. “Where’s your bike?” I say.

  “Don’t you worry about me. Get to the car and drive away.” He turns and runs towards the building and up the fire escape like a big cat. He’s so fast he disappears in seconds.

  Lukas, the ghost among shadows or whatever he said that one time.

  What’s left for me to do but to ride away? I pedal as fast as I can until I’m dizzy from the effort. I want to ride my bike right off the planet and into the milky way. I’m so over this planet and the damn human race.

  I decide it’s not the best time to have thoughts. Those have never been my strong suit anyways. I can ride bicycles. I can drive cars. That’s my role in this play. I get it. Listen to the director.

  And then I hear it. It’s so loud my ears pop until they ache. I lose control of the bike and fall to my side. I cup my ears with my hands as I get up slowly, looking back at the burning building that once stood above my basement torture chamber. Huh, this production has a big budget.

  Big orange flames and smoke come out of broken windows on the top floor. It must have been an explosion. How the hell did Lukas manage that? Oh, yeah, he’s a soldier boy. They’re good with destructive toys.

  My heart stops for a second. “Lukas,” I mutter.

  He was in that building. Concern ices my veins. I linger on the spot, undecided, and then I run all the way back to the burning building. The closer I get, the more I have to weave through rubble and falling debris.

  My chest heaves from fear and exertion. Then I see him. He’s standing next to some trees, at a close distance to the scorched building.

  I call his name out, feeling my chest walls tighten. “Lukas!”

  He turns to me slowly. He’s covered in blood.

  Lukas walks my way, but after a few steps he stumbles and falls.

  Instinct kicks in, pushing me forward. I run to Lukas and drop to my knees, lifting his head to place it in my lap. There’s blood and gashes all over his beautiful face but his eyes are open. There’s a hint of a grin on his lips.

  “Mac,” he says, struggling to find his voice. “I told you not to look back.”

  His eyes close, the weight of his head falls to the side. Cool tears spill onto my burning cheeks. I place my ear over his heart to make sure it’s still beating.

  He’s alive, I think, barely. I can’t quite hear anything. My eardrums still suffer from the massive explosion. I don’t know what to do, what place in my mind to visit for instructions.

  Lukas Dupree has become my everything in this moment, he’s my safety, my hope, my desire. I need him alive. I need him to open his eyes and say something. I need him to be well so I can tell him how much I hate him.

  I feel like I’m melting. We’re melting. The heat of the fire is too close. An idea hits my sluggish brain. I reach inside his pocket and find his phone. My trembling fingers scroll wildly, hoping and praying to find a number fast.

  There. Got it. It’s ringing.

  “He’s not going to answer,” I tell myself out loud to warn me against hope.

  He answers on the fifth ring. “Hey, Luke,” he says. “What’s up, man? Still breathing? How’s your girl?”

  My chest tightens. “Shane, it’s Nora,” I say with a sob. “We need you.”

  Chapter 29

  Lukas

  She walks into the hospital room like a vision from heaven. Her wild hair has been tamed into a loose bun, a white summer dress hugging her curves tenderly. I wonder if I’m drugged and hallucinating. She’s so beautiful the room spins a little.

  It’s my fourth day at the clinic and from what the doctors have told me, I’ve dodged yet another bullet. I got a severe head injury after the explosion and I needed multiple stitches all over my body but I’ll live and make a complete recovery.

  I did not expect to see Nora, not ever again. Yet, here she walks, looking like an angel with the sweetest smile on her face. I know I don’t deserve it.

  “Hey,” I say, sitting up stiffly on the bed.

  “Hi, Lukas,” she says. “I’m glad to see you doing so well.”

  “That’s kind of you.”

  “I have something for you,” she says as she sits on the chair by the bed, opening her purse. She takes my cell phone out and hands it to me. “I totally forgot I had your phone,” she says. “And don’t worry, I didn’t check your personal stuff out at all.”

  I almost wish she had. Because then she would have seen how the photo of her and me at the park is the only one I keep.

  “Thank you,” I say, rubbing the phone in my hands. I’m nervous talking to her. Funny. I haven’t felt this way in years.

  She turns her face towards the window, stretching her neck a little. She’s run out of conversation so soon. It’s on me to help this make sense.

  “How did you make it happen?” I say. “How did you save me?”

  She turns to me now. “Me?” she says with a chuckle. “It was Shane. It was damn good luck, too, you had told him where you’d be.”

  I laugh. “That lying asshole. He must have put a tracer on my car. I never told him shit.”

  “He said you had.”

  “Yeah, Shane says what’s best for people to hear.”

  “Well, you’re lucky he did that tracer thing, then. What the hell are you guys anyway?”

  “Nothing impressive,” I say.

  “You’re not regular Joes, that’s for sure.”

  “No, we’re not that,” I say, smiling at her infinite beauty.

  “You’re lucky to have friends like Shane and Tanner,” she says. “They arrived so fast and took over. I couldn’t stop the bleeding. I couldn’t have saved you.” She bends her face and shrugs.

  I shake my head. “And, yet, that’s just what you’ve done. And there was never anyone less deserving than me.”

  She stares at me intensely, remembering. She exhales, but there’s a tenderness or a sympathy in her expression. “That’s a true fact.”

  I nod. “Ouch. I like that you don’t hold any punches. By the way, that term true fact is redundant, don’t you think?”

  She smiles. “Not as redundant as your horrible behavior became.”

  “I walked into that one,” I say.

  “It’s time for you to face the truth, Lukas. If you want my advice, you need someone to talk to about your past, a professional.”

  “I think you’re right,” I say.

  “Good,” she says, almost relived. “I would have visited earlier.”

  “Nora,” I say, “you should never have visited me.”

  “You don’t get to make those decisions,” she says defiantly. “I’m an independent woman and I make my own path.”

  “You’re badass,” I say and she laughs sincerely. I can’t shake the feeling that there’s something she’s not telling me.

  Her expression gets serious. “Will you be safe?” she says. “I mean you blew up a mobster’s office. Won’t they come for you?”

  “Nah. Sarge worked that out,” I
say. “He’s almost as badass as you.”

  She rolls her eyes. “Very funny. Those guys would do anything for you. You think this is a cruel world, Lukas, but those two guys love you. You should try not to forget that.”

  “I won’t,” I say and my heart aches for her love, something that might have saved me, something that I’ll never have.

  The silence returns. Our eyes lock. My heart spasms. Falling into the infinity of her eyes makes everything else disappear.

  “Everything I did to you,” I begin, clearing my throat. For someone who’s a decorated soldier, I’m sure losing my nerve fast talking to a five-foot-four woman in a white summer dress.

  She looks at me, emotionless. “You don’t have to do this. All I want is for you to work on you. I’m fine.”

  “I do have to do this,” I tell her. “I’m not proud of the things I did. It’s all inexcusable. I just want you to know, I’d never hurt you, Nora. The pain I caused you in that house was completely reprehensible.”

  She doesn’t say anything but the saddened look on her face speaks volumes. We’ll never talk again. This is the last I’ll ever see of Nora McRae.

  “I talked to your doctors,” she says. “They said you’re very lucky. Consider this a warning and find a better line of work.”

  “It’s been a while since I’ve had a normal job,” I say. “Listen, Nora, I just want you to know, it wasn’t all fake. You did truly sweep me off my feet. I hate that I used that wonderful thing to manipulate you.”

  This throws her off. I realize now that she had prepared to get through this talk a certain way, staying positive, staying on script and not investing too much curiosity into it. She just wanted to get past this. The last thing she wanted to hear was my confession.

  “Good to know,” she says awkwardly.

  I should let her go now, but I need to tell her the truth. “I watched you. I know that sounds horrible, but I watched you for months. I tried to learn as much as I could about you before I made my move. I would have preferred to follow you to your father at some point and you would never have to be directly involved.”

  “I don’t need this, Lukas,” she says. “Your story is your own.”

  “I know, but if you would allow me to tell you, it would help me.”

  She closes her eyes, partially frustrated. “Yeah, sure. I can listen.”

  “Thanks. I’m not going to lie, I wanted to make you hurt a little the way my mother and sister hurt. But then I saw you and you operated with such grace. That confused me. I wanted you to be like him.”

  “Like his evil clone?” she asks.

  I laugh. “Exactly like that. I know it’s a little pathetic.”

  “It’s a lot pathetic,” she clarifies.

  “But then I talked to you and, from the very first, you had me. I thought about you night and day. I always wanted to be with you. I made the excuse to myself that is was all a part of the plan, but I didn’t plan on you, Nora.”

  “Sorry I couldn’t have been more evil or clonish for you,” she says.

  “Always funny. I liked that. You and Jules together. Even funnier.”

  “You should have targeted her,” Nora says. “She’s plenty evil.”

  I stare into her sparkling eyes, wanting to kiss her so bad.

  “You’re amazing. I never meant to hurt you. I’ll cut my story short. You’re the most pure, brilliant, vibrant soul. Spirited, generous, talented, with eyes as bright as morning. Your life force is addictive. And every step of the way I despised myself for feeling the way I felt about you. Fucked up, I know.”

  She’s struggling now, she bites her lips, her fingers obsessively straighten her dress, and I don’t know how to help her. Let her go, I guess.

  “Thanks for stopping by,” I finally say. “It helped—”

  “What about the love making?” she cuts me off.

  “What about it?”

  “Was that fake?”

  I shake my head smiling. “Were you there? You can’t fake that. I don’t even know what that was, Nora. I’ve never experienced anything like it. That was not part of my plan. I felt intoxicated. I lost control. I wanted you to fall in love with me. I kept telling myself I can hurt you more that way, but I just wanted you to fall in love with me. Full stop.”

  Her face goes red. I recognize fury when I see it.

  “You stupid asshole,” she says with hatred in her eyes. Here it comes. Finally. She deserves this moment to vent.

  “What?” I say, quietly.

  “You don’t even realize it,” she says, unable to look at me.

  “I’m not following.”

  “Maybe because you’re a stupid asshole.”

  “Tell me, Nora. I know I’m stupid.”

  “You’re such an idiot. Your plan worked,” she says.

  My heart wells up into my throat. “My plan?”

  “Yeah,” she says. “The one where I fall in love with you.”

  She makes a move to get up and I take her hand. “I’m sorry, Mac,” I tell her, trying to fight the sense of joy in my heart. “Forget this whole thing. I never deserved your affection. Get your life back, get your money and never look back. You deserve that. You deserve everything.”

  Nora stares at my hand on her arm. “Please, let go of me.”

  I let go instantly. “I didn’t mean to do that.”

  She nods three times, at a loss for words. I want to tell her a thousand things right now, tell her how sorry I am, beg for forgiveness, ask for a second chance but that would be so uncool, even for me. I keep my mouth shut and watch her walk to the door.

  She stops. I hear her weeping. I wait and I watch her. I don’t want her to turn around. I don’t want to see what I’ve done to her. And then she does. She turns around and hurries back to me. Her teary eyes glow with a golden light, determined and demanding.

  “I don’t get it, Lukas,” she says. “No, scratch that. I don’t get YOU.”

  “Nora,” I say, “I’m not your problem.”

  “No, I mean… why did you let revenge take over your life? Look at you. You have so much going for you. You could be anything you wanted. Shane told me everything.”

  “He mentioned that,” I confess.

  “You are capable of making a difference, Lukas,” she says, wiping tears from her cheeks. I want to help her, but I know now not to touch her.

  She could have stabbed me through the heart and it would have hurt less. Disappointing her yet again destroys me. The fire in her eyes cuts through me like a jagged dagger. I want to take her in my arms and kiss her lips until I can’t breathe anymore. Until all the ugliness fades to black.

  “And why the fuck do you keep calling me Mac? You know I hate it.”

  “Because I wanted you to feel hate. I wanted us to be in the same place. I wanted to be with you in all ways. And when your cheeks spark red it’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

  “Don’t talk like that,” she says, but she can’t hide a grin.

  “I’ve always been impulsive. I didn’t even know what I would do once I found your father.”

  She sucks in a breath. “You didn’t plan on killing him?”

  “Nora, I’m not a killer. In battle things happen and it was brutal and those things still weigh on my conscious every day. I’d never take a life willingly.”

  “I’m not innocent,” she says, an ocean of sadness in her voice.

  “You are completely innocent,” I tell her, almost angry.

  “I got greedy. I should have known that money was cursed. Instead, I tried to trick everyone in my life to get it faster. Karma.”

  “Bullshit,” I tell her. “Either you get that money or the bank does. I hate banks. You would do good with that money. I know you better than you know yourself. And if Karma were real, a fucking meteor would land on my head every day of the week.”

  Nora smiles. “The second meteor would be redundant, don’t you think?” She turns again to go. “Feel better, Lukas. Find peace.�
��

  I nod as a knot forms in my throat. “Thanks for taking the time.”

  “My mother used to say something to me,” she says.

  “I’m all ears,” I say eagerly.

  “She said change always comes from something you add to the world, not something you take out. I liked when she said that.”

  The sweet girl. She still sees hope for my soul.

  “Your mom sounds as wonderful as her daughter. That’s cool.”

  “Well, she’s definitely better than my father.”

  We both laugh briefly.

  “Take care of yourself, Lukas.”

  I dream she will come back for a kiss, but it was only a dream. Nora leaves emanating the same sweet smile with which she arrived.

  I tell myself to remember that smile, that exact smile, forever.

  Chapter 30

  Nora

  A week later

  The music echoes through the night, drowning out the sounds of the rolling waves on the beach. Jules sways her hips to the beat, her eyes surveying a good-looking guy in his mid-twenties who sent us drinks only seconds ago.

  “Why isn’t he looking at us?” she says. “I’d look at us. We’re hot.”

  I smile. “It’s a game, Jules,” I say. “Patience.”

  Her shoulders drop, giving up. “Wasn’t the whole point of sending us the drinks to get our attention?” She sighs and hugs me weirdly.

  “It’s a party, the drinks are free,” I remind her. “It’s not exactly an invitation for sex. Maybe he was just being polite.”

  “Listen to yourself,” Jules says. “Did you just use the word polite to describe a man sending drinks to two girls at a Malibu beach party? It’s lazy. And he wants sex, because he’s a man. They aren’t exactly mysterious.”

  “It is lazy,” I agree. “He sends the drinks so we have to be the ones to walk over. Zero courage in that guy.”

  “Not to mention he’s sent drinks before, a bazillion times, and none of those lucky girls are his girlfriend today.”

  “You should be a lawyer,” I tell her. “You have shit figured out.”