Guarded

by J. D. Rivera

  I walked over to the bar and ordered a Budweiser. Scanning the crowd while I waited, something caught my eye on the dance floor. There, Vanessa was dancing with some blonde asshole. I didn’t think. I just reacted to seeing her. I walked over to the dance floor, tapping the guy on the shoulder, and gave him a look that said, “Get the fuck away from her.”

  Grabbing her hips, I pulled her closer to me. She felt so natural to touch and hold. She had to talk to me. I wasn’t letting her out of my sight until we talked. I wanted to let her know that it was me behind her, so I bent down and nibbled on her earlobe. She made an appreciative noise and didn’t stop me when I did it again. I kept going, kissing all over her neck and shoulder. I grabbed her tight then spun her around. Her eyes were glazed over and I realized she was really drunk.

  It took her a minute to register who I was. “What the hell, Jackson? Are you stalking me?”

  That made me laugh. “I’ve been trying to stalk you but just when I was giving up hope, here you are.”

  She huffed and crossed her arms in front of herself protectively. “Why were you dancing with me? I was dancing with some other guy!” She slurred.

  I realized quickly that she was an angry drunk. “I told him to get lost. I wanted to dance with you.”

  “Well, I don’t want to dance with you,” she yelled and tried to walk away. She lost her footing and crashed right into my chest. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her there. I needed to feel her.

  She pushed away from me and looked into my eyes with glossed over drunk eyes. “You’re a fucking asshole and I never want to see you again. I hate you.” I could see tears forming in her eyes; a few slid down her cheek. I wasn’t sure what I had done to make her think that way about me.

  “Excuse me? V, come on. We’re leaving,” Amanda said to her as she tried to pry her from my grasp.

  “Not until she talks to me. I need to know what happened.”

  She placed Vanessa’s arm around her shoulder. “You’re a lying scumbag just like her ex-husband.”

  That pissed me off. I was nothing like her ex. “Don’t you ever say I’m like him again. I actually care for her. I care about her feelings and would never cheat on her or hurt her like he has.”

  “Wow, you’re really good at the lying stuff.” She led Vanessa toward the door where two guys were waiting for them.

  I followed behind them. I was going to follow them wherever they went. Rushing out of the club, I flagged down a cab.

  I hopped in. “See those two girls and two guys?” The cab driver nodded so I went on. “Follow them to their car without them seeing us, then follow them wherever they go.”

  “Dude, I’m not going to help you stalk those girls.”

  “I’m not stalking them. One of them is my girl and I need to talk to her. We had an argument.” As soon as I called her “my girl,” I realized that was exactly what she was. I was falling for her.

  “Okay, fine,” the cabbie told me as we drove over to the lot they were parked in. We watched the girls get into a white four-door car and the two guys got into a truck.

  “Make sure you don’t lose them,” I told the driver. He nodded and we pulled in behind them in traffic.

  “Dude, you look really familiar,” he said as he looked in the rearview mirror.

  “I don’t think we know each other. Sorry.” I made sure to look out the window.

  “I got it. You look like that basketball player. Oh, what’s his name?” He was getting more excited by the second.

  “No idea. I hate basketball.”

  “Berrios. Jackson Berrios. That’s his name.”

  “I’m sorry. Like I said, I hate basketball so I have no idea who you’re talking about.” I said with my best poker face.

  “Hmmm. Well, he’s really good. You look like him.”

  “Can you still see the white car?” I asked, changing the subject back to what he needed to do.

  “Yeah, I see ‘em.”

  “Good,” I said as we pulled off onto a neighborhood street. We turned left into an apartment complex. I watched them get out of the car and Amanda helped Vanessa walk. She was so drunk. I waited until they got to the door of the apartment before I paid the driver and got out.

  I waited a few minutes before I walked over to the door and banged. It took Amanda a little bit before she opened the door.

  “I should’ve known you’d follow us. But can I ask why?”

  I tried to push on the door so I could walk inside but she held it firmly. I knew I could knock it open but decided that wouldn’t be the smart thing to do. “What do you mean, ‘why’? She returned my car with a damn note and then won’t return any of my calls or messages. I want to know why.”

  She raised her eyebrows and said, in a bitchy tone, “Who do you think you are? You may not have been dating but you promised her you wouldn’t see anyone else.”

  “And I’ve made good on that promise. I haven’t seen anyone else since I met her a month ago.”

  “One night stands and random hook-ups count in that promise as well?”

  She was really starting to piss me off. “I haven’t hooked up or kissed anyone else besides her,” I yelled.

  “She saw you, asshole.”

  “What the fuck are you talking about? She couldn’t have seen anything!”

  “Do you think you’re just that good at hiding it?” She yelled.

  I was about two seconds from punching her door. The accusations needed to stop. “Can you please just stop it? I swear I haven’t done anything to hurt her. Just tell me what she thinks happened.”

  She sighed. “She went over to your place on Thursday and saw you with your ex.”

  My ex? Thursday? Holy shit - Cynthia. “No. What she saw was two friends. I don’t even remember being close to her. I picked her up from the airport and brought her to my house to have dinner, as friends. We didn’t even have dinner because I told her about Vanessa and it…upset her. I found my car in the driveway when I went to take her to the hotel.”

  “That’s a great story.”

  “That’s the damn truth. I promise, I wouldn’t do that to her.”

  She began massaging her forehead. “I’m so sorry. Look, V’s been through a lot. Shane was really bad to her and now she just assumes the worst. I’m sorry. I should’ve talked to you but she told me what she saw and my immediate response was just to get her away from the pain. Get her away from you.”

  I didn’t care about her apology. I just needed to talk to Vanessa. “Where is she?”

  She stepped aside. “She’s in the bathroom. She wasn’t feeling very well.”

  Vanessa

  I RESTED my head on the side of the tub. I had just gotten sick from the alcohol. I’m sure it was a combination of not drinking in forever and mixing Patron and Tom Collins. I looked up at the shower and thought maybe it would make me feel better.

  Exhaustion made me decide that I would just leave my dress on. It wasn’t like I ever planned on wearing it again. I turned the water on and waited for it to heat up before I climbed in. I let it rinse over my hair and face as I dealt with my emotions. I couldn’t hold my tears back. They came full force when I remembered his face. When I had turned around and realized I was dancing with him, I felt so happy. Seconds later, it was replaced by sadness and anger. He didn’t even care that he was hurting me.

  I couldn’t stand any longer. I was bone tired from being drunk, throwing up, and dealing with all of my emotions. I sank down onto the shower floor and bawled.

  I don’t know how long I cried before I felt a gentle hand push all of my hair out of my face.

  “Shh. I’ve got you, okay?” He said before placing an arm around my neck and pulling me into his chest. I couldn’t stop crying as he pulled me tighter.

  “Vanessa, I’ll repeat this all in the morning but I need to tell you now, too. I haven’t been with any other girl since I knocked you down that day at the lake. As soon as you rolled over, I was gone.”


  I began crying harder at his lies. I didn’t have the strength to pull away. All I could do was cry.

  I felt him move a little and then the water was off. He put an arm under my legs and picked me up. I still couldn’t stop crying. I knew I needed to stop but I just couldn’t. I felt broken. He carried me into the spare room where I had slept and helped stand me up. I felt shaky, I couldn’t support my weight. He grabbed me to keep me from falling over.

  “I’m going to take this wet dress off of you, okay?” He asked slowly.

  I nodded, then felt his fingers move down my body until he found the hem of the dress. He grabbed it and pulled the dress up very gently. It wasn’t until I felt the cold air and heard Jackson take in a deep breath that I remembered I wasn’t wearing a bra. I crossed my arms to cover my breasts and he let out a chuckle.

  “It’s okay. I’ve seen them before. You don’t need to cover up in front of me. And I can’t get the dress off until you uncross your arms.”

  I wasn’t thinking very clearly but I knew not to let him finish. “I can do it. I don’t need your help. You can leave.”

  “I’m not going anywhere until you’re sober and we talk.”

  “Fine, but you aren’t undressing me. Just turn around for a second.”

  He huffed, then turned around. I quickly pulled the sopping wet dress over my head and threw it on the floor. I heard him make a move like he wanted to turn around. “No. I’m naked. Let me find a shirt first.” I eyed my bag lying next to the bed. I dug around inside and found an oversized T-shirt. It wasn’t until I had it on that I looked down and realized it was a Thunder shirt. I had to laugh a little.

  “What’s so funny?” He asked as he turned around. He took a look at my shirt and chuckled a little before stating, “If only it were my jersey.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I’m going to sleep.” I climbed into bed and snuggled up with a pillow. I heard him unzipping his pants and the sound of them dropping to the floor. A few seconds later, I felt the bed dip and his arm pull me into his chest. He gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to protest but I didn’t. I was too tired.

  MY HEAD felt like it was being beaten by a hammer. Repeatedly. I didn’t want to open my eyes or move my body in any way; I was afraid that it would hurt worse. Remembering how much I had drunk the night before, I made a silent vow to never drink that much again.

  I heard the door open behind me and the bed dip. Fingers smoothed over my face, brushing my hair back.

  “How are you feeling?” Jackson asked. I had forgotten that he had spent the night.

  “I hurt. Everywhere.”

  “If you can stand to get up, I made you something that will help with that.” He then kissed my cheek and forehead. It felt nice but I couldn’t forget what had happened between us. He was a lying, cheating bastard.

  “Please stop. We aren’t together or… whatever we were anymore. I don’t let just anyone kiss me.”

  Instead of moving away, he lay down behind me and pulled me closer to his body. “You know that we had something pretty damn special and that’s why you’re so upset. I’m not going anywhere.”

  I screwed my eyes shut which made my head hurt even more. “Why are you doing this to me? Go find your other girl!” I spat.

  He rolled me onto my back and placed himself on top of me. He looked me straight in the eyes. “I don’t have another girl. You’re my one and only girl. Now get up so you can eat something. We need to talk.”

  Rolling off of me and the bed, he stood and extended his hand for me to take. I closed my eyes again and reached my hand out for his. He squeezed my hand when our hands connected.

  We walked down the short hallway and the smell almost made me want to barf. “What’s that smell?”

  “Menudo. It’s the hangover cure,” he said with a shrug.

  I walked over to the dining room table and sank down in one of the chairs while he walked over to the stove. “Does Amanda know you took over her kitchen?”

  He turned toward me. “I can’t cook, remember?” He smiled. “She knows that I went down to the grocery store and picked up a can of menudo and used her stove to heat it. She left after I got back, though. Something about seeing her parents.” He spooned some of the menudo into a bowl then opened the kitchen drawers until he found a spoon.

  Jackson walked over to the table and placed the bowl in front of me. “Eat up. You’ll feel better.”

  I took in the menudo smell. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to eat it but my head was pounding so hard that I’d try anything along with some pain relievers. “Can you look in that first cabinet and get me some pain medicine?”

  He got me a glass of water and went through Amanda’s cabinets until he found some meds. After he brought them to me, he sat down in the seat next to me.

  I wanted so many things. I wanted to feel better; I wanted him to cuddle me; I wanted to slap him; and I wanted him to leave. I took a bite of the food and I really wished I hadn’t. The meat seemed to grow inside my mouth.

  A slight smile crept onto his face followed by laughing. “I take it you don’t like tripe?”

  I forced it down my throat then quickly gulped down some water. After placing the glass back on the table, I asked. “What is that shit? It grew in my mouth.”

  “It’s tripe. Also known as stomach lining of a cow.”

  I wanted to vomit. What had I done to this man? “Oh my gosh. That is so gross!”

  He placed his hand on my thigh and my skin prickled. I hated that he affected me. “I’m sorry but I promise it will make you feel better. Just don’t think about it.”

  “I’ll try. Now, you said we should talk, so talk.” I really just wanted to go back to bed and forget all about Jackson Berrios.

  He removed his hand from my thigh. “There has been a bad misunderstanding. Do you remember anything that I told you last night?”

  I tried to remember but everything was in bits and pieces. “No. I don’t really remember much.”

  “Okay. I haven’t been with anyone else since I met you.” I tried to cut him off but he placed his finger on my lips to silence me. “What you saw with Cynthia was absolutely nothing. She was in town so I picked her up from the airport. After we got to my place we gave each other a friendly hug. That’s all.”

  “She kissed you,” I whispered.

  “What? We didn’t kiss.”

  I took a big bite of the menudo, chewing thoroughly before swallowing. “I saw her kiss you.”

  Jackson

  “VANESSA. SHE kissed me. I didn’t kiss her. In fact, about ten minutes later, I was telling her all about you. Yes, she wanted another try at our relationship but I told her there was someone else. You are the someone else! She only stayed long enough to clean up her face before I took her back to her hotel. I’ve been trying to talk to you ever since.” She had to believe me. I didn’t know what else to do but be honest and hope that she believed me.

  “Other girls might fall for your lies but I’ve heard them all before. Not going to work.”

  “Don’t do this. Deep down you know I’m telling the truth. You’re scared of getting hurt again and you want to run before it happens. I’m telling you the complete truth. Call her and ask her if you want,” I told her, handing her my phone.

  She looked at the phone and then my eyes. She studied me for a moment, looking into my eyes so hard she had to see my soul. She pushed my phone away. “I’m so sorry, Jackson. It’s just…it’s really hard for me to trust anyone. I mean, oh my gosh, we aren’t even together and I went crazy. Technically, you can sleep with anyone you want.”

  I placed both of my hands on her cheeks. “You’re right. I can sleep with anyone I want, but you’re the only one I want. No, we aren’t technically anything, but I want us to be.” There. I said it. I knew it was really soon but I didn’t care.

  She closed her eyes and I could tell she was trying to process what I had told her. “Are you sure? Obviously I’m a little crazy. And I’m technically stil
l married.”

  I leaned down, giving her a peck on the lips. “About that. Maybe you shouldn’t get so mad at me for having dinner with a friend when you still have a husband. A little hypocritical don’t you think?”

  I gave her another peck on the lips before she answered.

  “We both know that my marriage is over and that I’m not sleeping with Shane. My marriage is just a technicality that will be over with this week. You sleeping around is completely different.”

  “But I’m not sleeping around,” I told her sternly.

  “You’re right, I’m sorry. I said I was crazy, didn’t I? Maybe we should just hang out and be friends for a while? At least until I’m divorced? Get to know each other better so something like this doesn’t happen again?”

  Not really what I wanted, but she had a point. “So you mean what we’ve been doing?”

  She removed my hands from her cheeks. “No, I mean like just be friends for a while. No kissing. No sex.”

  “Whatever you want as long as you talk to me.”

  “I promise I’ll talk to you.”

  I smiled. “One more thing. Can I kiss you one last time?” I really hoped she said yes and I really hoped this friendship thing was over quickly.

  She laughed. “Maybe one more time would be okay.”

  I didn’t wait for her to say anything else. I crashed my lips with hers and pressed our bodies as close together as possible. This wasn’t going to be just a small kiss. No, this was going to be the best make-out session this girl had ever had. I maneuvered one hand around to massage her ass while the other was behind her neck pulling her closer. Without thinking about it, I picked her up and placed her on the table. I laid her down and placed my body on top of her. I rubbed over one of her nipples and she moaned. I moved my hands down further making her moan again. I’d never get tired of hearing that.

  She surprised me by biting my bottom lip and all control I had left me. Vanessa made me feel things I had never felt before. All I knew was that I didn’t want those feelings to ever go away and I hoped she was feeling the same way.