Willing Surrender

by Hole, Carrie

  “I’m game,” Seth replied.

  “Sounds good to me,” James agreed.

  “If I have to,” Reina said, jokingly. James turned around in his seat, to look at her. She shrugged her shoulders. “What?” He chuckled softly, and turned away.

  Amy ordered pizza and grabbed drinks, while Reina got a fire going. Seth brought in a couple of guitars from the trunk. They sat around the fire, as the stars began to come out. A cool breeze rustled the trees and cooled the skin. Reina had one beer then switched to water. A hint of a buzz was fine, but no going over the limit tonight. The guys played guitar, and they all sang along lightheartedly. Amy and Seth wandered inside, mentioning something about more drinks. Probably making out in the kitchen, Reina mused. Once again, Reina became acutely aware of James. He scooted his chair a little closer to hers and her senses fired to red alert. She had become more comfortable with him, as long as he wasn’t too close. Proximity seemed to make her brain short out, as her hormones flared to life.

  “So, is there a jealous boyfriend I should be worried about,” He asked her.

  “No,” She hesitated. “No boyfriend. Divorced, but single.”

  “Recently divorced?”

  She gave a mirthless laugh. “No, it’s been a few years.”

  He studied her intently. “He must be a fool.”

  Her heart skipped a beat, as she fiddled with her fingers, uncertain. “Not really. I mean...we dated in college. After a few years, it was like, I don’t know, we were kind of expected to get married. So, we did. It just took us a while to figure out that we were always better friends than lovers.” She answered quietly. His hand grazed her face, as he reached over to tuck a wild curl behind her ear. Feeling vulnerable, she bit her lip, as her eyes met his. At that moment, Amy and Seth came back out, teasing each other. Reina looked down, the spell broken.

  Seth spoke up, “Hey man, we should head out soon. I still have a few things to get ready for tomorrow.”

  Reina stood up, grabbed her bottle and a pizza box. “Yeah, I’m pretty tired.” She mumbled on the way in. Amy said something about walking Seth to the car, while Reina busied herself cleaning up. James stopped at the entrance to the kitchen, as she was throwing a few things away.

  “Are you going to the musical festival?”

  “Amy’s going, I haven’t decided yet.”

  “Great! I’ll pick you up around 5:00pm.”

  “Hey! No. I didn’t say I was going,” She replied, indignantly.

  He stepped in close to her, close enough that she had to look up at him. Her heart beat quickened as she became aware of how good he smelled. A spicy mixture of bergamot, sandalwood and amber. She unwittingly closed her eyes for a moment, breathing him in. Alluring. Delicious. She had a fleeting fantasy of rubbing against him, cat like. She opened her eyes, cheeks heating up. He wet his lips. “I really enjoyed today. Will you go to the music festival with me?”

  Reina was trying to recall why this was a bad idea, but she heard herself whisper, “OK.”

  “Yes?”

  “Yes.”

  He paused, eyes heavy lidded, then took a step back. “I’ll see you tomorrow at 5 then,” She nodded.

  He seemed to deliberate briefly then walked towards the door. At the entry he looked back. “Goodnight, Reina.”

  “Goodnight,” She replied, breathlessly.

  As he closed the door behind him, she stood there, trying to remember how to breathe. Her heart was beating out of her chest. What the hell had just happened? What had she gotten herself into? Had she actually just made a date with James Beaston? Was she crazy? She must have lost her mind. She hurried to her room before Amy came back to ask a million questions that she couldn’t answer. She laid on her bed, replaying the day, trying to rationalize, but coming up blank.

  Chapter 5

  After lying awake for hours, Reina had fallen into a fitful sleep. Her mind had been relentless, replaying moments and digging up every insecurity. She woke up a few times during the morning, looked at the clock, and rolled back over. Finally, after noon, she decided if she was ever getting out of bed, she’d better do it. She tried not to think too hard. Coffee first, thoughts later. As she ambled towards the kitchen, she was relieved she didn’t see Amy. She knew she’d have to face her, but definitely wanted to get the caffeine flowing first. While she was making coffee, she noticed a Rock City coffee mug tucked beside it. How had she not noticed this last night? It had a small tag that read: Memories are better with coffee. OK, clever and cute. He was making her heart beat faster, without even being there. It made her smile and feel a touch giddy, but then she stopped herself. She was trying not to want him and he was being difficult about it. She poured coffee into her favorite mug and left that damn Rock City cup sitting on the counter. She was in the process of glaring at it when Amy came through the front door.

  “I come bearing gifts!” Amy laid out goodies from The Coffee Spot. “Fresh chocolate & caramel coffee, croissants, blueberry muffins, banana muffins and cinnamon muffins.”

  “You’re obviously trying to butter me up this morning.”

  “Of course not,” She grinned. “But, while we’re on the subject.”

  “We’re not on a subject.”

  “We could be. So, what’s up with…”

  Reina interrupted her, “You and Seth? What is up with you and Seth?”

  “There’s nothing much to tell. He’s a sex god, and I’m merely basking in the glow. Back to the topic at hand.”

  “There is no topic.”

  “Well, a little birdy told me you have a date. I’d say that is most certainly something I want to hear about it.”

  “It’s not a date. It’s...I don’t know what it is. It’s a momentary lapse of reason, brought on by temporary insanity.”

  “Now I know you’re full of it. You only break out the logic speak when you’re debating, or trying to gloss over something. Maybe you haven’t noticed, but he’s obviously into you. His eyes followed you all day yesterday.”

  “That’s just it Amy, it’s not logical. I can’t wrap my head around it. Look at me; I’m a regular hot mess. I’m over 30 and pushing curvy. I’m an average girl, from average nowhere. His world is filled with beautiful perfect women, what the hell does he want with me.”

  Amy sat down beside her. “Reina, anyone that knows you can see there is nothing average about you. Stop overthinking everything, and let yourself savor the moment. Throw your hands in the air, let go, and simply enjoy the ride. You deserve it.”

  “I deserve a swift kick in the ass for saying yes.”

  Amy stood up and walked into the kitchen. “You’re being a pain in the ass, that’s for sure.” She stopped, picking up the Rock City mug. “Hmmm...a love note. A love note about coffee, no less. Maybe he is a man after your heart.”

  “Ha, ha, ha. You’re both trying to be cute now.”

  “Well, good luck, because he has my approval,” Amy winked.

  “Traitor,” She joked. “I’m getting in the shower, before you try to auction me off or something.”

  “Only if I get a great price, and they’re willing to share,” Amy called after her.

  “Only if we split the profits,” She yelled back.

  Reina took her time getting ready. She tended to wear jeans most of the time, but they’d be spending the day in the sun, so she shaved and chose a pair of well worn, frayed boyfriend shorts. She applied a scented lotion that complimented her favorite perfume. After debating with herself on shirt choices, she decided to go with a v-neck, distressed tan t-shirt. It read “Espresso Yourself” in coffee colored script. Might as well stick to the theme, she thought. She kept herself busy, trying not to let her mind go into analyze mode. She put a touch of sunscreen on her face before throwing it into a drawstring backpack, with a large beach towel. She scrunched and fluffed her hair, while it air dried, putting a scrunchie on her wrist for later. There was no way she’d make it all night without one. She took a few minutes to check
through and reply to emails. When she was running out of things to do, she decided to listen to The Cure, which always helped her mellow. She sat at the dining room table, sipping coffee and nibbling a muffin. Amy was riding with Seth, so she’d left a little early. Seth was the last band playing, but was meeting up with his band for last minute checks. They’d already agreed on a parking spot, far enough away to miss most of the crowd, and a meet up place. At 4:45 there was a knock at the door. For a second, she considered not answering it, like that would work. As she opened the door, she unconsciously bit the inside of her lip. He smiled at her, and she felt herself smiling back.

  “Are you ready?”

  She grabbed her bag. “As ready as I’m going to be.”

  As she shut the door, he reached up, touching one of her curls, smoothing it around his finger. “You look beautiful,” He murmured.

  She wanted to shrug it off, give a sarcastic remark, but his eyes seemed so sincere. “Thank you,” She whispered, not quite meeting his eyes. “You make me nervous,” She blurted out, silently cursing herself.

  He released her hair, hand skimming her arm on the way down. He wrapped his finger around her pinky. “Well, let’s fix that then.” He replied, gently tugging her towards the car.

  It wasn’t a very long drive. On the way, James let her flip through his playlist and listen to whatever she wanted. She enjoyed seeing what he liked, and tastes they had in common. She really loved coming across songs she hadn’t heard before. Music was always a soothing topic for her. It was an easy way to find common ground, and discover new things. As they parked, and walked towards the festival, they made neutral conversation.

  “It’s really pretty here, this time of year,” James observed.

  “It is, green and flowers everywhere. Soon the heat will be sweltering though. I miss autumn, my favorite time of year, by far. I love it.”

  “Tell me, what do you love about it?”

  She gave him a sidelong glance. He seemed truly interested, focused on her, so she tried to explain. “I love the colors, the rainbow of earth tones. It’s like watching a final performance, knowing it will be followed by silence. I love the way it smells, some days damp and earthy, other days you can smell the crispness in the air. You can smell people lighting their fireplaces, and campfires. I love how autumn sounds, the crows talking, small animals scurrying for food, the crunch of leaves under your feet, and the rustling of the wind through the trees, like whispering secrets.”

  “Whispering secrets, I like that.” His eyes had become warm and sultry.

  She nervously laughed it off. “It probably helps that dead leaves are coffee colored.”

  The music festival was vibrant and bustling with life. Spread out over ¾ of a mile it had three main stages, with five smaller stages scattered throughout, offering a wide range of music. Jazz, blues, classic rock, hard rock, Americana, even folk and classical, were all available. It was filled with food, arts, crafts, various performers, contest kiosks, and plenty of people, all with a gorgeous view of the river. People were filing in the multiple entrances throughout, some even arriving by boat. As if sensing her trepidation, James stepped in, and stayed close to her, shielding her from the crowd as much as possible. Although she was tingling with awareness, she was grateful for the gesture. He cleared space for her, soothing her anxiety. Becoming a seductively dangerous safe haven. Seth and Amy met them near the main stage. They spent time meeting and mingling with musicians and getting a peek behind the scenes. After listening to a couple of sets, they decided to go off on their own, with plans on where to meet later.

  James and Reina headed to the outer edges of the festival, where music could still be heard, but with smaller crowds. While leisurely exploring the variety of vendors, they tried the Greek gyros, bbq, roasted corn, twirly cheesy fries, funnel cake and cotton candy. They stopped to listen to wind chimes, admire delicately blown glass, smell soaps and oils, and feel softly woven blankets. There were stalls with wood carvings, handmade jewelry, and numerous handcrafted knick knacks. James bought her a scrabble tile necklace with a hand drawn steamy coffee mug on it. She held up her hair as he helped her fasten it. The chain slid across her collarbone, as his fingers brushed the nape of her neck. She looked at him, over her shoulder, the brief contact sending heat straight through her. As she turned, his fingers grazed her shoulder, and trailed down her arm. She reached up to touch the necklace tile, smiling. “Thank you.” She murmured, eyes sparkling. Unable to maintain eye contact, she tugged his arm. “Come on.” She said playfully.

  When they heard Seth’s band start playing, Reina and James walked towards the water. Soon would be the firework finale, and they wanted a good spot. They were able to get near the river’s edge, but it was also close to the main stage, and people were crowding in. James stayed slightly behind Reina’s right shoulder, bodies touching as people tried to get closer. She could sense when his gaze shifted down to her, an electric current humming between them. Where his body met hers, lust burned her, dancing down her spine, making her nipples ache. She had the irresistible urge to reach her hand out, let him be her anchor. A ridiculous thought, considering he was the storm. As the last song ended, lights began to fill the sky. The vibrations could be felt through the ground as they whizzed up, swirling and expanding, before cascading into brilliant blazing colors. The tempo increased, exploding across the sky, giving fiery shimmery reflections over the water. “So beautiful,” Reina absentmindedly remarked.

  “Yes,” James replied, near her ear, sending sparks along her skin. As the fireworks neared their end, she turned towards him. He reached across her, grabbing her left hand. “Hold onto me,” he instructed then tucked her behind him and started moving through the crowd. She reached out her other hand, wrapped her fingers around his muscled bicep, and tried not to press her body into his.

  When they reached the car, Amy and Seth had somehow beaten them there. James spoke up, as he ushered Reina into the front seat. “It’ll be faster if we take one car. We’ll have someone come pick up the rental tomorrow.”

  “Sounds like a fine plan,” Seth replied, as he and Amy got in the back.

  Reina watched James as he drove. When they hit heavier traffic his arm muscles tensed as he gripped the steering wheel. He occasionally clenched his jaw, which was incredibly sexy. When he caught her watching him, she’d blush and turn away, only to watch him out of the corner of her eye. He’d smile, knowingly. He was irresistible, like catnip.

  When they reached the house everyone came in, grabbing beer and water, talking about the day and what they were going to do next.

  “You guys figure it out,” Reina said. “I’m going to jump in the shower and cool off.” She left her hair up, so she didn’t have to deal with it being wet, and let the water warm up just a bit. As she got in, and started rinsing off, Amy knocked at the door.

  “Hey Reina, we’re gonna go back to the hotel. I’ll call you in the morning.”

  “Ummm. OK,” Reina called back, feeling a pang of disappointment. She hadn’t had any great expectations, and really, she should have known. He was leaving tomorrow anyway. She’d had a fun day, and now the day was over. It was time to get back to normal. She stepped out of the shower, threw on a random t-shirt, shorts, let her hair down, and rubbed some lotion on her legs. As she stepped out of her room to grab a water, James was coming out of the bathroom across the hall.

  Her heart started pounding. “You’re still here.”

  He took a few steps towards her, slowly. Like a hunter approaching a wild animal. “Did you think I would leave that way?”

  She shrugged her shoulders. “Why wouldn’t you?”

  He studied her for a moment, before reaching out to her, hand grazing her jaw. He lifted her face then slowly ran his thumb back and forth across her lips. Her breathing hitched as heat rushed through her. His amber eyes were smoldering, hungry. She was captured by them, a light coffee brown around the pupil, with stunning streaks of gold, fading to a mossy
green. They were like coming home on an autumn day, after being lost.

  “I want you.” He murmured, voice husky.

  “This, isn’t...I don’t, I don’t do this,” She whispered

  “I know,” He replied, closing in.

  He leaned into her, maintaining eye contact, watching her. His thumb slid across her throat as his hand slid to the nape of her neck. He rubbed his lips across hers, not a kiss, but a tease. More, she wanted more. She tilted her face toward him. His hand tightened on her neck as his lips took hers. She let out a sigh, not realizing she’d been holding her breath. She reached her arm around his back, steadying herself, hand meeting hard muscle. He nipped her bottom lip, hand going into her hair, tongue slipping past her lips. Desire burned away every thought. He branded her mouth, owning it. His other hand slipped under her shirt, sliding over her ribs, and around her back. He pulled her against him, hand splayed across her skin, searing her. His kiss was like a drug, intoxicating. He tugged her hair, making her look at him. “Do you want this?”

  “Yes,” She breathed. She’d never wanted anything more in her life. His pupils dilated, as his lips crushed hers, controlling, taking. Whatever he was demanding, she wanted to give it. He eased his hand around, brushing his hand down the sides of her breasts. He gave endless teasing strokes, making her nipples ache. She tried to press into his hand, but he held her tight, continuing light caresses around each breast. As her body trembled, he pulled back and watched her slowly lifting her shirt over her head. He leisurely ran his thumbs across the tips of her nipples, causing her entire body to hum. She kept her eyes on his, as she reached for his shirt, wanting it off. He grabbed the hem, pulling it off in one smooth motion. Unable to stop herself, she ran her hands up his chest, around his shoulders, and back down to his stomach. Eyes blazing, he grabbed her wrists, pulling them behind her back, pushing their bodies together. She rubbed her aching nipples across his chest, as he rasped his stubble across her collarbone, leaving biting kisses up and down her neck. She could feel his length pulsing against her, and couldn’t get close enough. She tugged against his hold on her, her undulating her body against his. He gave her a soft moaning growl, and deep brutal kisses. Pulling back he locked eyes with her. Gradually releasing her wrists, hands coming to her waist, he crouched down, drawing her shorts down her legs. She couldn’t take her eyes off of him as he moved his hands back up her legs then rubbed his thumb across her throbbing wetness. Her breaths were coming in short pants. As he stood, he pressed against her and stuck his thumb in her mouth. She sucked it, eyes glued to his. His thumb trailed down her chin, and lingered on her throat. Eyes wildly dangerous he asked “Do you want more?”