Willing Surrender

by Hole, Carrie

  “Come here first.”

  “Nope,” she shook her head, smiling. She started backing out the door. He followed her out, shut the door, and then grabbed her wrist pulling her back. She met his gaze, eyes devilish. “You don’t want to go out with me?” She turned her wrist and he released her, twining his fingers with hers instead.

  “I think you’re looking for trouble today.”

  “Maybe I am,” she replied boldly. The muscle ticked in his jaw as they started walking towards Mallory Square. After seeing them out and about for the past week, various shop owners waved in greeting as they walked by. Mallory Square was the home of the island’s daily sunset festival, a carnival of sorts, with performers and locals selling various crafts. James and Reina soaked it all in, the music, the people, and the setting sun. There was an amazing array of performers: high wire jugglers, knife throwing, fire jugglers, sword swallowers, acrobatics and even an escape artist. The entire scene was overflowing with a sense of daring and a celebration of life. The sunset was fiery like only an island sunset can be. The bright yellow sun sinking below the horizon, as the sky seemed to burn with orange and red. To Reina, it seemed almost a reflection of her current state. Her inner turmoil was reaching some breaking point, burning to be free.

  They walked to Margaritaville for dinner, choosing a seat at the bar. Reina decided on french fries, with a tropical cocktail for dessert. Feeling feisty she began teasing James mercilessly. It started with small touches, randomly running her hand down his arm, rubbing her leg against his. Noticing his subtle responses, she became more brazen. As she went to the restroom she ran her hand across his back. When she returned the bartender was setting down another set of drinks. She leaned into James and whispered “I want you,” in his ear.

  She knew it was perilous, like baiting a tiger, but the sense of danger was arousing, almost intoxicating. The heat in his eyes was as potent as any drug. He’d been steadily pushing her boundaries; tonight she was testing his. She made it halfway through her second drink before he reached his limit. He stood behind her and put his hands on the bar to either side of her, caging her.

  “Are you ready,” he asked, close to her ear.

  She turned on her barstool and hooked her finger in his pants pocket. “Whenever you are,” she smiled, biting her lip. He practically growled as she stood up, bodies touching. She grazed her thumb across his bottom lip.

  “Reina,” he murmured in a warning tone.

  She fluttered her eyelashes at him, “Yes?”

  Grinding his teeth he reached for her hand and led her out of the bar. As they walked the few blocks back to the house, she continued to play with him. She let go of his hand and walked ahead of him, giving sly looks over her shoulder. His eyes tracked her movements, a hunter stalking his prey. As soon as she was inside, he had her turned around and backed her against the door. His hand came to her hair, tilting her head back.

  “Say it again,” he demanded.

  “Say what,” she asked innocently. She pushed her body into his, sliding her hands inside the back of his shirt and digging her fingers into his shoulder blades. His hand tightened in her hair.

  “Say it,” he whispered sternly.

  She tugged against his hold on her hair, straining her lips towards his. “I want you,” she whispered breathlessly.

  His lips crushed to hers, tongue seeking entry. His kiss was thoroughly punishing, but she met every stroke, demanding more. As he started to pull back she nipped his bottom lip, earning another tug on her hair. She met his smoldering gaze with a blazing look of her own. His hand released her hair, slid across her jaw and down the front of her neck. She closed her eyes and tilted her head back, giving access like a petted cat. His hand swept across her collarbone and down her arm, pulling one of her hands out from under his shirt, fingers circling her wrist. She pulled the other hand out slowly, teasing every bit of skin on the way down. He turned away still holding her wrist, paused a moment as if surveying the living room, then looked over his shoulder as he headed for the stairs. He led her to the end of the bed, and let her go. He grasped her chin, running his thumb down her lips.

  “Do you still want me?”

  She darted her tongue out, licking his thumb. “Yes,” she saucily replied.

  He took a few steps back, “Take off your clothes,” he challenged.

  Her cheeks pinkened, but she’d taken it too far to back out now. She pulled her shirt off then unclasped her bra. She held the front, letting the straps fall off her shoulders, before pulling it down her arms. She maintained eye contact defiantly, hand going to the button of her shorts. She unbuttoned and pushed them down slowly, letting them fall to the floor. Even as aroused as she was, she felt a touch of shyness as she waited. She didn’t wait long; he pulled his shirt off as he stepped back to her. His hand came to her nape lightly.

  Bringing his lips close to hers he whispered, “Very good.”

  He kissed her senseless while his free hand skimmed her body, making her crazy. Her hands came up to touch him, but he stopped her.

  “Turn around,” he said.

  For a moment she hesitated looking into his eyes, she was tempted to push it, to say no just for sport. Something in his look changed her mind, made her feel like he was testing her. She turned around and was rewarded with a caress down her spine.

  “Now, kneel in the middle of the bed,” he said by her ear, stubble grazing her neck. Her breathing hitched, as she hesitated again. She could feel him behind her, quiet, waiting, heat emanating from his skin.

  She crawled to the middle of the bed and settled on her knees. She felt vulnerable but also felt a heady sense of exhilaration. Her body felt tight, breasts heavy, nipples swollen, sex aching and wet. She heard him unbuttoning his pants, heard them slide and hit the floor then felt him move onto the bed. The listening, waiting, and the anticipation were deliciously tormenting. She shivered as his finger ran down her back.

  “Spread your knees,” he quietly commanded. She opened her knees further. He pressed his body into her, legs on either side of hers. She could feel his swollen length against her backside. He placed her hands on his thighs, angling her arms back. His hands came to her breasts, massaging and teasing until she was mindless, before squeezing and pinching her nipples. Her breathing had become erratic as his left hand came to her throat, his arm pressed against the front of her body, effectively holding her in place. His right hand slowly descended her thigh and grazed her outer lips. Small whimpers were beginning to escape her as his fingers slipped inside. His muscles tensed around her.

  “So wet,” he murmured in her ear. His hand tightened on her throat slightly. “Do you want me,” he asked.

  “Yes,” she practically panted.

  “Lay your chest on the bed.”

  She did as she was told, beyond rational thought. He moved his legs in between hers, and she rose to accommodate him. His hands rubbed down her sides and over her hips, she arched into his touch. He entered her slowly, only enough to drive her wild. She wanted more; she needed more. She started pushing against him, demanding more. His hand swiftly came down and smacked her on the ass. He withdrew completely. Leaning over her, his hand came to her hair.

  “Be still,” he whispered. Her body was shaking uncontrollably as he restarted his shallow thrusts. Without realizing it, she was repeatedly whispering please, like a prayer. He entered her completely, with a deep hard thrust. She was lost, suspended in sensation. She was whimpering and crying out as he lost control; thrusts hard, fast and deep. His arm came around her body, moans escaping him. His forehead came to rest on her back as he whispered her name. He gently eased to the side, pulling her with him. Her mind was silent, blissfully blank. As her breathing slowed, she felt peaceful. She wanted to stay, floating in the calm.

  James spoke to her quietly, “Reina, what do you want to happen next?”

  “What do you mean? Cuddling, sleeping, I’m good with that.”

  “When we leave here, I want t
o keep seeing you.”

  Just like that, the world came crashing back. “You do realize that I don’t actually have the power of invisibility.”

  “Reina, don’t.”

  “Don’t what?”

  “You know exactly what. Don’t deflect.”

  “I don’t know what to say,” she replied.

  “Say that you want to be with me.”

  She was quiet for a moment, as her heart fluttered. “You’re leaving.”

  “Only for a few months...”

  “We both know a lot can happen in a few months. Besides, you live there.”

  He propped up on his elbow. “Can you tell me you don’t want to be with me?”

  “James, I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to have this conversation.”

  His hand came to her face, urging her to look at him. He saw the fear reflected in her eyes, and didn’t push her. He lay back down and held her, biding his time.

  Chapter 10

  Their last day together began with sleeping in. Even after Reina woke she laid still, enjoying his warmth and the feel of his breathing. Soon his breathing changed as he buried his face into her shoulder and tightened his arm around her. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. Inside she had already started pulling back, shutting down. She would numb it out and worry about it later or better yet not at all. She wiggled out of his hold, and started towards the bathroom.

  “I think I’ll shower,” she said over her shoulder.

  “I could join you,” he replied suggestively. She turned to look at him, and gave a small shake of her head. Looking down, she shut the bathroom door.

  As the shower came on James walked over to the closed door. He put his hand on it, resting his forehead against it. He was acutely aware of her withdrawal, but he let her have her space. He knew if he pushed too hard she’d run, but he also understood something that she didn’t, she was running from herself. If he was patient and persistent, she would come to him. At least that’s what his logical side told him. His alpha side had decided that she was his, and he wasn’t letting her go. He threw on a shirt and shorts. He decided to go downstairs before his instincts got the better of him.

  Reina took as much time as she possibly could. The more space she kept between them the better. When she couldn’t stall any longer, she descended the stairs and walked toward the kitchen. James was standing at the stove; she couldn’t help but appreciate the view. Coffee was already brewed, so she sidestepped him and made a cup.

  “Do you want breakfast,” he asked her.

  “I’m not really hungry, maybe some bacon?” She smiled. Instead of sitting at the breakfast bar she took her coffee and leaned against the sliding glass doors. She watched the palm trees sway and listened to the sounds of James cooking. He set a plate of bacon on the counter, but she didn’t turn around. He crossed the room, closing the distance between them. He placed his fingers under her chin, raising her face.

  “Where are you,” he asked.

  She looked up at him, eyes distant. “I’m right here.”

  He rubbed his thumb over her lips, shaking his head at her. He grazed his lips lightly across hers. When he felt her shift towards him he deepened the kiss. He pulled back grumbling as his phone started buzzing.

  “You’re going to make me spill my coffee,” she joked.

  He nipped her bottom lip then turned away, answering his phone. She watched him prowl around while she snacked on bacon. When it seemed like he might be a while, she got comfy on the couch and flipped through movies. The day seemed to slip by with much of the same. She watched him pace while he talked on the phone, talking about schedules, flights, house arrangements and who knows what else. She tried not to be too nosey, but she wondered if this was what his normal life was like. In between calls he’d sit with her, rub her legs, and steal kisses. They ordered delivery for lunch and dinner. After his latest phone call, he stood at the table gripping the back of a chair, looking tense. Before the thought had occurred to her, she had crossed the room and wrapped her arms around him. When he turned towards her, his eyes were intense. Unconsciously wanting to ease him, she rubbed her hands over his neck. His arms came around her as she reached up and kissed him gently. She buried her face in his neck inhaling his scent, committing it to memory.

  James wanted to wrap himself around Reina and stay there. He reveled in the moments when she came to him; it brought on a heady mix of contentment and desire. Her touch was both fire and water, burning and soothing. She gave herself and asked for nothing. He wanted to return each touch with one of his own. He wanted to lose himself in her, but the responsibilities he’d been putting off had to be taken care of. Everyone wanted something from him. He had to meet people, meet schedules and be on cue. He liked his career, but friends were few and far between. Everyone had an agenda or an expectation, or both. Usually it just rankled him, but right now he was beyond frustrated. He’d thought he would be flying her back home, but he was told other plans had been made.

  “My flight will be a little later than yours tomorrow. It appears I’ll be stopping to pick up a few people on the way.”

  She pulled back, spell broken. She shrugged, “OK.”

  He skimmed his hand down her face, but she stepped out of his embrace.

  “I really should pack.” She didn’t look back as she walked up the stairs. Of course, he didn’t make it easy for her. Within moments he was leaning in the doorway, watching her put things in her bag.

  “Reina.”

  When she didn’t answer he crossed the room and put his hand on her arm.

  “Reina,” he said more sternly.

  “Why are you making this so hard,” she lashed out. “Why can’t you just let it go?”

  “You mean let you go.”

  She looked up at him. “Yes,” she replied.

  Obviously he’d reached a limit today. He stepped in closer, hand coming to her hair.

  “Then say it. Look into my eyes and tell me to let you go. Tell me you don’t want me.” God help him if she did say it, because he didn’t know if he could.

  She wanted to say it. He’d awakened something inside her, and she was angry about it. She was angry at him, angry at herself, and part of her wanted to fight. She wanted to find a way to break it, to make it easy. Bubbling beneath her anger was fear. She was afraid of how much she wanted him and what that meant for her. However, no matter how much she wanted to say it, she couldn’t make the words come out. He was looking at her so intently; she couldn’t look him in the eye and lie. He didn’t give her reprieve. There was a stillness to him, as he quietly waited for a response.

  “I can’t,” she whispered.

  “You can’t what,” he demanded.

  “I can’t say it.”

  In that moment her heart cracked a little bit. Her body trembled as the tension drained from his. He gathered her in his arms, soothing a hand down her hair and back. She let him soothe her, because inside she was having a mini panic attack. What the hell was she going to do now? He’d made her face herself and she was shaken. So, she took what was currently available to her. She wrapped her arms around him and sought comfort. She didn’t know how long they stayed that way, but eventually he took a step back.

  “Hold out your wrist.”

  She looked at him from under her lashes then put her wrist out palm up. He turned her arm over, pulled a bracelet out of his pocket, and fastened it around her wrist. It was a uniquely beautiful silver cuff bracelet. The clasp was an open heart key, long enough to cover her wrist width, with a hidden button to open it and small diamonds embedded around the bow and along the stem. Her immediate response was to reject it, but she couldn’t reject the sincere look in his eyes.

  “Thank you, it’s beautiful.”

  “Yes,” he replied, fingers skimming her neck.

  To him it was more than a gift; he was marking what was his. He was the key and her open heart belonged to him. She didn’t realize it, but as the days went by that br
acelet would be a constant reminder of where she should be. Like a small handcuff, it would pull her back to him.

  He tugged her towards the bed. “Come lay with me.”

  She crawled up and lay down, letting him curl in behind her. He didn’t ask anything of her, just wrapped his body around hers and pressed his face into her shoulder. Sometime later she felt him leave the bed as she drifted to sleep. In the hours before dawn she stirred, as if in a dream, her body heavily aroused. As James softly caressed her skin she curved her body into his, asking for more. He loved her gently until she was falling back to sleep in a haze of pleasure.

  The next morning was slightly rushed. James made sure everything was finalized while Reina packed up the last of her things. On the way to the airport they stopped for cafe’ con leche and tostadas. There were a lot of things Reina would miss about Key West, the coffee definitely being one of them. Through the morning James seemed to keep continuous subtle contact, gentle brushes of his fingers across various parts of her body. When they reached the runway, he walked her to the jet. She was slightly intimidated about being on a private jet alone. She didn’t want to be around an airplane full of people, but being the sole passenger was kind of strange. He caressed her face, ran his thumb across her lips, and kissed her softly but thoroughly.

  “Call me when you get there.”

  She let out a small laugh, “I don’t have your number.”

  “I programmed it in your phone,” he smiled at her.

  She glanced through her contacts. “You even added a picture, nice touch.”

  “You’ll call me when you get there.”

  She stuck out her tongue. “Yes, yes. I’ll call,” she joked.

  She reached up and grazed her lips across his, hand stroking the side of his neck. Then she turned and got on the plane without looking back. She didn’t look out the windows until they were safely off the ground. She thought about calling Amy but she knew there would be a billion questions and not something she was ready to do over the phone. She nibbled on fruit and cheese, fiddled with her bracelet, and tried not to think too hard.