Willing Surrender

by Hole, Carrie

  Chapter 11

  Reina had to admit, it actually felt good to be home. She dropped her bag inside the door and took a deep breath. She felt emotionally drained, so the comfort of home was a welcoming reprieve. After a few moments she realized she hadn’t checked her emails in two weeks. She was sure to have a lot to sort through. She had some time before Amy would be home so she grabbed her laptop and sat at the breakfast bar. As she started clicking through she remembered she had told James she would call. Instead, she sent a quick text telling him she was home. Within thirty seconds her phone was buzzing, “Animals” by Maroon 5 blaring out the speaker, and James’ picture on the screen. Although no one was there to see it, she blushed, heart beating faster. Not only had the man programmed his own ring tone, but of all things for him to choose.

  “Hello,” she answered.

  “You were supposed to call,” he replied in an authoritative tone.

  “I’m not always very good at doing what I’m told.”

  His voice turned seductive, “I guess you just need the right persuasion.”

  “I guess so. Too bad you’re not here,” she goaded him. She could hear him grinding his teeth.

  “I’m going to remember this conversation.”

  “Should I be taking notes,” she let out a small laugh.

  He laughed at her, “You’re asking for it.”

  “Maybe I am,” she teased.

  He sighed heavily, “Things are hectic here. We start filming tomorrow and the hours are long; the time difference doesn’t help. I’ll call when I can.”

  “You don’t need to make any promises. It’s cool.”

  “Reina, I will talk to you soon.”

  “OK. Take care of yourself. Bye.” She hung up before he could say anything else. Within seconds she received a text.

  James: This conversation is not over.

  Reina: If you say so.

  She should probably stop baiting him so much, but she couldn’t seem to help herself. Damn him though, now he was crowding her thoughts. She went back to skimming emails; replying to a few but deleting most of them. She did receive a confirmation of the album cover contract. Yes, she thought. That would keep her busy. She was excited because they had given her a pretty wide range of creative freedom for the project. She kept getting distracted by her bracelet; she wasn’t use to wearing jewelry. She could feel it circling her wrist and see it as she typed. Just as her mind started to envision hands circling her wrists Amy came through the door, rushing over to hug her.

  “It was starting to feel like he’d kidnapped you forever,” she joked. “You’re positively glowing.”

  “That tends to happen when you spend time in the sun. Who knew,” Reina replied sarcastically.

  “So spill it, every detail.”

  “Ummmm, that’s a pretty tall order,” Reina laughed. Amy sat down as Reina described the house, and the island. She told her about the food and all the places they’d visited, trying to be as detailed as possible.

  “And,” Amy prompted.

  “And what?”

  “Oh come on, you spent two weeks with that sexy man with nothing to tell about it?”

  Reina’s fingers played with her bottom lip while she thought about it, eyes growing distant. What could she say? Her soul had been set ablaze, her heart felt tied up, and she was a fool. While Reina was lost in heated memories, Amy noticed her bracelet.

  “Well, that’s quite the sparkly. Let me see.” Reina held out her wrist. “Wow Reina, this is definitely more than a consolation prize. I take it you’ll be seeing him again?”

  “Who knows,” Reina quipped.

  “Who knows? Didn’t you guys talk about it?”

  “He talked about it, I say whatever.”

  “I see,” Amy replied slowly. “So you want him.”

  Reina just looked at her friend’s eyes for a moment, then biting her lip and shifting her eyes she nodded.

  Amy’s eyes gleamed, “Oh I can’t wait to see how this plays out.”

  “Ok enough about me, what about you?”

  “Well I’m a Gemini; I like long walks on the beach…”

  “Very funny,” Reina interrupted. “What’s up with you and Seth?”

  “Seth? There is no Seth,” she laughed. “He’s doing whatever he does, and I’m doing what I do.”

  “Have you talked to him,” Reina asked.

  “Eh, I’ve talked to him a couple of times. It’s not a thing. Really.”

  Reina just looked at her. Being vague wasn’t generally Amy’s forte. If she wasn’t dishing details, something was up. She let it go; it would all come out eventually.

  Amy changed the subject, “So what are we gonna do for dinner?”

  “Do not even suggest going out, the answer is no. I’m not leaving the house for at least a week.”

  “Let’s order pizza and watch a movie.”

  “Deal! That sounds perfect,” Reina smiled.

  Amy ordered pizza while Reina unpacked, showered, and started a load of laundry. When the pizza arrived they settled on the couch and started a chick flick. Amy told random stories of what had happened while Reina was gone, mostly jokes about work. Reina went into more detail about things she’d done in Key West, like the sun setting festival and the great coffee. After the movie was over they switched to music and gossiped as only best friends can, simply enjoying each other’s company.

  Reina finished up her laundry, snuck a few bites of ice cream straight from the container, and headed to bed. Unbidden memories of the last night she was in her own bed flittered through her mind. Although she knew it was a bad idea, she let herself think about him. The past two weeks had been surreal, but the bracelet on her wrist and the pang in her heart were real enough.

  The first couple of days back flowed well enough. Reina immersed herself in her work. She slept in, drank a lot of coffee, and stayed up late trying to work herself into exhaustion. The nights were hardest. She used to be happy and comfortable having her bed to herself, now her thoughts drifted to caresses and warmth. She hadn’t talked to James in two days. He hadn't called or texted. She knew the phone worked both ways, but once again she didn't want to be that girl. She was just fine on her own; she was most certainly not clingy. That's what she told herself as she was longing to hear the sound of his voice and missing the heat in his eyes.

  Chapter 12

  Wednesday morning started out slowly and didn’t really improve. It was closing in on noon and Reina was spacing out again. The coffee obviously wasn’t doing it today. There she was, cup in hand, staring out the window. Her project was moving along smoothly, so she wasn’t overly concerned about deadlines, but she couldn’t seem to concentrate. A knock on the door pulled her back to reality. She cracked the door, wondering why the hell they didn’t have a peephole.

  It was a delivery man, “I have a package for Reina Hessman.”

  Reina tilted her head at him, “Ummm, that would be me.”

  “Just sign here please,” he replied, holding out a clipboard and a pen.

  Reina signed for it, thoroughly intrigued. “Thank you,” she said absently as she carried the box inside. It was medium sized and slightly heavy, with no return address. Curious indeed, she thought to herself. She grabbed some scissors, opened it up, and chuckled. The box was filled with various packages of coffee beans from Key West and a small electric coffee grinder.

  It also included a note: The key to your heart, James

  She couldn’t help but smile as her heart flipped over. The man was good, she’d give him that. She picked up and smelled each bag as she seriously considered doing a little happy dance. Thank goodness Amy wasn’t here to see her being a giddy fool. She’d obviously have to thank him, so she decided to try out her new coffee grinder while she thought about it. This most certainly called for fresh coffee. She grabbed her phone and pulled up his number, but just stood there looking at it while the coffee brewed. Her other hand unconsciously played with the tile on her neckl
ace. She poured a cup and decided to text him; he would be working right now anyway.

  The text was simple: I love the coffee.

  Determined not to watch the phone, she laid it on the counter and sat at the dining table. She hadn’t been getting any work completed in the first place, now her thoughts were completely adrift. Images of James cooking breakfast flashed through her mind, which lead to a myriad of thoughts involving the feel of his skin. She was so caught up in her musings that she jumped when her phone started buzzing with James’ ringtone. Holy hell, she not only should have changed that damn ring tone but she couldn’t believe he was calling.

  “Hello,” she answered hesitantly.

  “Hello Reina,” he answered smoothly, his voice tingling down her skin.

  “Don’t you have work to do or something?”

  “I feigned hunger so we’re taking a short break.”

  For some reason his reply caused her pulse to quicken. “Thank you for the coffee.

  “You like?”

  “Yes. I admit it, the coffee is awesome.”

  “Do I have you at coffee then?”

  “Ok, enough with the t-shirt references,” she replied sarcastically.

  “If you say so,” he laughed. “I’ll talk to you soon Reina.”

  “Ok,” she all but whispered. Now that she was beyond distracted, she gave up on working for the moment. Needing some air, she topped off her coffee and sat on the back porch. He’d called her twice and sent coffee. She wasn’t going to read too much into it, but she wasn’t completely unaffected either.

  The next few days were much of the same. When her mind was free the creativity flowed, but it wasn’t long before she’d find her thoughts astray. She stayed up as late as possible, because her pillow seemed to put her brain into overdrive. By Saturday she was a force to be reckoned with, grumpy as hell and prone to grumbling. She sat at the breakfast bar muttering into her coffee. Amy made a sandwich, seemingly oblivious. Although, it was more likely she was simply avoiding Reina’s prickly attitude. Someone knocked at the door and Reina glared at it.

  “Expecting company,” Amy asked.

  “Oh yeah, I invited a whole slew of people over. We’re having a party and everything.”

  “Ha Ha,” Amy glared at her as she opened the door.

  It was another delivery man, “Package for Reina Hessman.” Reina headed toward the door, but Amy had her hands on the package before she could get there.

  “What do we have here,” Amy smiled.

  Reina practically snatched it out of her hands. As soon as she opened it, her hands stilled and her cheeks flamed.

  “Oh, it must be good,” Amy laughed, peeking over her shoulder.

  The box was filled with soaps, lotions and candles in the scent she and James had used in the shower. Included was a note: I miss your touch, James. Not only was her face flaming, but her body also heated in response. Damn that man, she cursed in her head.

  “I wanna read it,” Amy teased her.

  “Yeah, no.” Reina folded it into her hand before Amy could grab it.

  Amy picked up a lotion and smelled it, “This smells, amazing. Are you sharing?”

  “Ummm, not this time,” Reina replied distractedly.

  Amy tilted her head, “Interesting, very interesting.”

  Amy raised her eyebrows as, like clockwork, James’ ringtone buzzed her phone. “New ringtone?”

  “Don’t freaking ask,” Reina snipped.

  “Aren’t you going to answer it?”

  “Nope.”

  “Ok,” Amy replied giddily as she picked up the phone and answered. “Reina’s phone, hi James.” Amy paused, “No, sorry, she’s too busy blushing right now.” Another pause, “Yep, they smell fantastic.” Reina was giving her the death stare, but Amy just looked at her and smiled. “Yep, I’ll tell her. Ok, bye.”

  “Really,” Reina inquired sarcastically.

  “It would seem so,” Amy shrugged. “James said he’d speak to you soon.”

  “Uh huh, I’m sure he did.” Reina grumbled random curses under her breath.

  “Are you sure you don't want to share...your lotion,” Amy taunted her.

  “You’re not cute.”

  “I’m totally cute,” Amy laughed over her shoulder on the way out.

  “Cute my ass,” Reina muttered. She grabbed her keys and headed for the door. “Amy I’m going out,” she called down the hallway.

  Amy poked her head out of her bedroom. “You’re going out,” she asked disbelievingly.

  “Yes damn it! I’m going for a walk, and no you can’t come with!”

  Amy watched her leave. That girl is in trouble, she thought.

  Reina walked around her neighborhood trying to catch her breath and clear her head. Once again, she didn’t know what to think. She’d gone into this situation with no expectations and she was coming out the other side with unfulfilled desire. She didn’t care about the gifts, not exactly, but there was certainly thought and even intent behind them. That brought her to the true dilemma, the intent. What exactly was his intent? The options were currently limited. She certainly couldn’t continue this long term. Her thoughts kept skimming back to the note. I miss your touch. Understatement of the year. She obviously needed to call him, but that brought her to the problem of what the hell could she even say? Please stop making me lust crazed so that I can function like a normal person. She laughed at herself, like that would work. Either way, she needed to deal with this. He obviously wasn’t going to let her hide and realistically she didn’t want to, not anymore. She had no idea where that left her, other than yearning for something she couldn’t really have.

  She walked to The Coffee Spot and took a seat on the outside bench. Usually the location itself gave her a measure of comfort, but today it only brought memories. Her mind clouded with the memory of shopping with Amy and buying her coffee t-shirts, the memory of catching a glimpse of James walking down the street, memories of The Crow’s Nest. He seemed to be everywhere, crowding her senses. After realizing she was making limited progress she headed home.

  Reina hadn’t taken her phone, so Amy had left a note: Going out, don’t wait up. Reina was mildly curious where Amy had gone off to, but didn’t have enough brain power left to overthink it. She brewed a fresh pot of coffee. Armed with a fresh cup, she grabbed her phone, sat back at the table, and called James.

  “Hello Reina,” he answered voice husky.

  She closed her eyes, letting his voice wash over her. “Hey,” she quietly replied.

  “How are you?”

  “Ummm, Ok I guess.”

  One week and struggling.

  “How’s your project going?”

  “It’s going well I suppose; I’m close to being finished. I’d probably be finished already if I were sleeping.”

  There she was, mouth moving faster than her brain.

  “Would it make you feel better if I said I’m not sleeping well either.”

  “Yes, actually, yes it would.”

  “Reina,” he chuckled at her. “I can’t stop thinking about you.”

  She laughed quietly, “You’re making it impossible to think of anything else.”

  “Then we’re equally tormented.”

  “It would appear so.”

  “So what’s to be done about it,” he questioned.

  “I suppose there’s nothing to be done about it.”

  “I suppose,” he answered coyly.

  “Well, I guess I should try to get some work done now.”

  “I miss you Reina.”

  She hesitated before replying. “I miss you too,” she said quietly, hanging up before he could make her crazier. She eventually did work on her project, but only after she’d sat at the table twisting her bracelet and wishing he was there.

  Chapter 13

  Reina arched up as James’ hands skimmed the length of her body. His touch overloaded her senses; his scent enveloped her, caresses on her breasts, kisses stealing her bre
ath, hands in her hair, teeth grazing her neck, and whispers in her ear. He was everywhere, yet she couldn’t seem to get enough. Her arms were wrapped around his body begging for more. Reina woke panting and aroused which was quickly tinged with a feeling of loss. Her dream had been so realistic; she wanted it back. Without thought she eased her hand into her panties, fingers slipping into her wetness, she brought herself to orgasm with James’ name on her lips. She turned to her side and squeezed her thighs together, as pleasure began to fade to sleepiness. She’d eased the tension, but was left with a hollow ache for more. She drifted back to sleep wishing for heat against her back.

  Reina felt a bit more rested, although memories seemed to be whispering to her today. It was Tuesday, which had to be at least marginally better than a Monday. She’d finally finished her current project and was sending off the finished product. She had a few other clients lined up already so she had more work to keep her busy. Everything was going smoothly just as it always had, except internally it wasn’t going smoothly at all. Inside she was a bubbling hot mess of yearning. She felt like an addict, and coffee wasn’t going to fix it. It was extremely frustrating. Not only was she craving something she couldn’t have, but a month ago she hadn’t even been aware that it was missing. Damn that man. She couldn’t have what she wanted so she silently cursed it instead.

  Of course this was the perfect time for a knock at the door. Reina sat there glaring at it for a minute, but the damned thing wasn’t going to answer itself. She huffed over to it. If it was the postman she was going to let him have it, just to make herself feel better. That was the plan anyway, but when she opened the door the delivery man was holding a huge bouquet of tropical flowers; she couldn’t very well yell at a man with flowers. She took the flowers from him with a thank you and set them on the table. He held out a small box to her and asked her to sign for it. She thanked him again; then with a grumble, opened the box. Inside was a coffee mug from Margaritaville and a note: Coffee & memories, James. She had no question as to which memories he was referring to, that night was clearly imprinted on her psyche. She was torn between liking the affection and the thought that he was trying to make her crazy. Well, obviously he was trying to make her crazy. She decided to text him and tell him just that.