Complicated

by M. M. Koenig

  Ian glared at me with bloodshot eyes. His breath coasted across my face. I almost gagged from the smell of pot and cigarettes. Being this close, it was hard to miss the fact that he was a junkie just like the rest of his family. Maybe that was why Micah was with him the other day.

  Before I had the chance to ask, another knock sounded behind my head. Ian drove his elbow into the center of my chest before stepping away. It knocked the wind right out of me. I hunched over to catch my breath as my eyes watered uncontrollably. Ian walked backwards towards the entrance to the secret passage in Ethan’s office, hit the set of books that opened it, and gave a taunting wave as he disappeared. I straightened up and wiped my tears away. After giving myself a minute to even out my breathing, I collected my purse and opened the door.

  “Hi Mia. Ethan is out today and part of tomorrow so you’ll be with us,” Connor said as he walked into the room. His sculpted face always had a smile on it. Today was no different. I inhaled shakily. It was difficult to take deep breaths, but my body craved them to steady everything else. The area under my chest was on fire. The only thing that brought even an ounce of coolness was the icy fear running through me.

  “Hi Connor, I’m looking forward to working with the team. Are you still working on the same portfolio or have you moved on to greener pastures?” I asked, faking a smile.

  His own fell to a thin line before he asked, “Is everything OK?”

  I looked away from the concern in his eyes. “Yes, it’s just been a strange start to the day.”

  “I’m here if you want to talk Mia. The team is thrilled to have you back. We’re going to be starting on a new campaign. I’m sure you’ll have some insightful contributions. You always do.”

  I gave him a genuine smile before walking out the door. “I miss working with them too. I’ll give you my best.”

  Connor grinned as he fell in line with me. “Good. You know how we feel about slackers,” he joked.

  I chuckled lightly on our way down the hall. The pain in my chest receded at the idea of being within the safety of his team. They proved to pretty much anyone not to mess with me. It made breathing a tad easier … for now.

  The pain in my chest grew by the hour. It was impossible to determine if it was from the incident with Ian, or the unknown that lingered with Ethan. Once home, I went to the bathroom and flinched at my reflection in the mirror. My entire chest was purple and black. I carefully removed my blouse and tossed it on the floor along with my skirt. I ran hot water in our giant whirlpool and dumped in a variety of bath salts. As it filled, I gazed at our Zen decorations in the hope of finding some peace. Nothing popped out to ease my worries, so I turned on the stereo and hoped a song might quiet the angry voices in my head. The voices shouted louder than ever, going over and over how badly I had fucked up. I shut the water off, sank into the tub, and welcomed the heat on my aching bones.

  I sure hope these bath salts live to their claim of healing powers. I need all the help I can get.

  I glanced at my body and noticed that the curves that normally accompanied my hips had slimmed down over the course of the past year. The toned parts of my arms and legs remained, but I was visibly skinnier. It was my own fault too. I had stopped taking decent care of myself after Micah left me. Like everything else in my life lately, I was a day late on recognizing even the simplest things. My body was shouting at me to get it together. I shook off the self-disgust and focused on the lyrics of the song playing on my favorite radio station. Eventually, my eyelids grew droopy and my desire to shut out the rest of the world took over.

  I quickly sat up when Bri burst into the bathroom. Since we shared it, I couldn’t cuss her out for barging in, but a little warning would’ve been nice. I grabbed a towel to cover myself before she saw the bruises. I didn’t move fast enough because she gasped loudly.

  “Mia, what happened to you?” Bri asked, taking a seat on the edge of the whirlpool.

  I fastened the towel around me before throwing another one in my hair. I got out and made my way over to the vanity. When I glanced in the mirror, I saw the gauntness around my eyes – it matched the deflated feeling inside me. I wheeled around to prepare for her interrogation. Bri stared a hole right through me in demand for the truth.

  “Ethan didn’t show up today and I had a run-in with Ian. I’m fine,” I said nonchalantly.

  She tossed her hands in the air and yelled, “Are you fucking serious? Look at yourself. You’re not fine. You’re physically hurt!”

  “Don’t start Bri. It’s been a long day. Ethan comes home tomorrow so it won’t happen again,” I answered, with my eyes on the tiled floor.

  Bri walked over and grabbed my chin. “You promised me you’d walk away before it got this far.” I opened my mouth to argue, but she clasped a hand over it and continued, “I know you tried, and you’re stuck now. I’m just upset you got hurt. I really wish you’d let me or the boys help you.”

  I swayed out of her grasp. “I know you’re here for me. If this is Harrison’s retribution for heading out of town for the weekend, than I can only imagine what he has planned if I dig any deeper or try to retaliate.”

  She stormed out and came back seconds later with her phone. I frowned as she paced back and forth on speakerphone. On the fifth ring, an all too familiar voice came across the line. My eyes widened and I tried to reach for her cell, but she stepped away with cat-like reflexes.

  “Ethan, I don’t know what the hell you’re up to but you better get your ass back here so your girlfriend doesn’t continue to pay the price for your absence!” Bri snarled.

  “What happened? Mia was supposed to work with Connor today,” Ethan growled.

  Beyond peeved, I sidestepped around her foot and wrestled the phone away. She stomped over to the other side of the bathroom, leaned against the wall, and shot murderous glares at me every five seconds.

  “Hey, it’s me. I worked with Connor’s team. Bri’s just worried,” I said quickly.

  “Why is she upset? What happened?” Ethan asked heatedly.

  My free hand tightened into a tight fist as the pain my chest became unbearable. The rock already sitting on my chest suddenly became ten pounds heavier. I wanted to tell him the truth, but he’d flip out. It seemed better to tell him when I could physically stop him from trying to kill Harrison; or Ian for that matter.

  “We can talk about it tomorrow. That’s if you want to talk to me. It’s hard for me to know where things stand with us. Should I plan on being at your place tomorrow night so we can try to figure things out or are we done?” I asked, sucking in a quick gulp of air.

  The pressure in my chest felt close to cutting off my airway. My primary goal was to wrap up this conversation and hunt down some sort of miracle cure to get rid of the bruises.

  “Plan to be at my place. I’m switching my flight after we hang up so that I’m there by mid-morning,” Ethan replied crossly.

  “I hate where things are with us. I’ll see you tomorrow,” I whispered.

  “Go straight to Connor’s floor tomorrow. I’ll collect you when I arrive,” he demanded.

  I frowned at his overbearing tone. He was starting to drive me nuts with this over-the-top need to protect me. My scowl faded when I saw Bri staring at me, clearly frustrated.

  I was about to hang up when Ethan softly said, “Please trust me. I love you.”

  “I love you too,” I scratched out.

  My voice constricted, like every part of me that despised the distance between us. I ended the call and tossed the phone in Bri’s general direction, who scurried to catch it before it fell to the floor.

  “Why didn’t you tell him what happened? Haven’t you lied to him enough?” Bri asked, utterly pissed with me.

  Not caring for her judgment, or the stunt she’d just pulled, I whipped around and snapped, “Being next to him seems like a better idea than telling him when he’s across the country. I don’t trust that he won’t go ballistic once he knows.”

  Bri flin
ched at my harsh tone. “Don’t take steps backwards with Ethan. It’s more than obvious he’s head over heels in love with you. Don’t screw this up for yourself.”

  I gave her my stink eye and sneered, “Those are some bold words, coming from you.”

  We stood in the center of the room in a heated standoff. Bri got my point without me going any further into it. As we remained unmoving, I remembered my vow to be better for her. She didn’t need my drama on top of her own. The ever-changing colors skimming across her face proved she was struggling to maintain her patience with me.

  “Please stop worrying. I promise not to screw up any more than I already have. Can we just relax for the rest of the night? I’d like to hear how your day went,” I said softly.

  Bri gave me a partial smile with a slight shake of the head. I nudged her arm and gestured to the door. I wanted to change into some comfy clothes and listen to her day. While she crossed over to her room, I walked into mine and threw on a pair of pajama bottoms and Ethan’s T-shirt. As I drank in his scent, it began to soothe every part of me that still ached. Bri strolled into my room and flopped down at the end of my bed. I burst out laughing at the pair of Trey’s boxers she had on with his oversized sweatshirt. I was a fan of old-school Nintendo, so Mario running across the front of them as he captured a mushroom was hilarious to me.

  Bri rolled her eyes and teased, “Like you don’t agree since your guy is well-endowed, or so you’ve bragged on more than one occasion.”

  I groaned into my pillow. I hated hearing about Trey in that way. I really did float back to the good old days when it was Micah, Trey and me simply having fun playing video games. I settled against my headboard while drying my hair. Bri brightened and started to share her day.

  We talked about all things her for the rest of the night. I learned more about her sex life than ever before. It served as a reminder of how much we had drifted apart recently. She didn’t open up much about her pregnancy. The only thing she did confirm was that she had made an appointment for later that week. I offered to go with her and she gladly accepted. Reconnecting with her helped to take my mind off everything else. Tomorrow would certainly be another nail-biter of a day. Not a shred of me was ready to deal with it.

  My morning started well before sunrise, mostly because sleep and I were very much still enemies. I was standing in the kitchen doing another round of applying apple cider vinegar to my chest when Jackson and Shane’s voices echoed from the front of the house. The home remedy was working, as the bruises had started to fade to a yellowish color. I preferred that to the dark purple they had been the night before. I didn’t like my body matching the streaks in my hair.

  “Shit. What’s that god-awful smell?” Jackson grumbled, entering the kitchen.

  Shane was right behind him and scrunched up his nose. They pulled out stools at the island and stared me down. Their eyes had a lingering glossiness to them, so it was apparent that their night had been a fun one.

  “It’s apple cider vinegar. How can you even tell the difference in smell? This place is a hazard zone again,” I pointed out, motioning to the growing mess around me.

  Frankly, the entire house was a disaster, and had been since we got back from Miami. For a place this gorgeous, we all sucked at keeping it clean. It was evident they had enjoyed having a boy’s weekend while we were away. Kegs lined the walls and empty bottles and take-out boxes covered the counters. The living room and The Cave were just as messy. It was beyond gross. Without Bri or myself here, there was no cleanup detail. Seeing as we had more than enough going on in our lives, neither one of us had been inclined to clean up their mess this time. I raised an eyebrow as they stared at me sheepishly before giving innocent shoulder shrugs.

  “We’ll clean it up. We’ve just been busy,” Shane said indifferently.

  He ran his hand along his goatee, trimmed to match his finely-cut brown hair. It was hard to be upset at the teddy-bear grin on his face.

  I smiled while putting away the vinegar in the cupboard above me. “I’ll hold you to that.”

  “How about we seal that deal with you cooking us some breakfast before we head to bed?” Jackson asked, shaking out his messy black locks.

  I rested my elbows on the island. “Did you leave any food in the house for me to accomplish that task?”

  “We went grocery shopping before you came home,” Shane answered proudly.

  He strode across the room and opened the fridge door. My eyes bugged out when I spotted a stocked fridge. It was a first in this house.

  “I’m impressed. Did you go by yourselves or did you suck your latest female conquests into going with you?” I asked wryly.

  Jackson rolled his eyes. “They may have joined us, but it was just a test to see if they were up to par.” I raised an eyebrow. “If you and Bri disappear for another weekend, we need to have a backup plan, so we had tryouts Saturday evening. We’re narrowing down the field,” he continued, with a mischievous grin.

  I chuckled on my way over to the fridge. Shane loaded my arms up with eggs, bacon, sausages and hash browns. You’d think I was cooking for ten from the amount of food he kept diving back in to get. He seemed satisfied when all the makings of omelets were in my arms. He snatched an apple for himself before tossing one over to Jackson. I set everything on the counter near the stove before grabbing a few pans and bowls.

  “Did you work out everything with Ethan?” Shane asked, agitated.

  I glanced over my shoulder and saw their eyes had darkened. I ignored it and went back to cracking eggs into a bowl. “No, I’m going to his place tonight so we can talk.”

  Jackson snorted. “If Trey hadn’t threatened to kick our asses, we’d be waiting at the airport to teach him a lesson. He’s a real douchebag for pulling that shit Mia. How are you not pissed?”

  I opened several drawers to grab the utensils I needed. I whisked the eggs before getting the meat ready to dice up. “I am angry, but I did lie to him. I can’t be too out of sorts with him for wanting to take a break from me.”

  Shane huffed. “He’s a grown man. If he’s too much of a pussy to stick around to air out his grievances, then maybe you shouldn’t be with him.”

  Jackson made his way over to me. He put his hands over mine and forced me to stop. He slowly turned me to face him. His eyes were tight with worry. “Do you trust that he won’t betray you?”

  My heart sank. I had more than a lack of faith in that area. “I’ll know more after tonight.”

  “I’d really like to beat Ethan’s ass and then take out this Harrison tool,” Shane spat.

  It was clear that they were irate with Ethan. Their eyes also expressed the lingering fury they had with me for the entire debacle my life had become, that they were now inadvertently a part of. My eyes begged them to back down. It wasn’t that I didn’t deserve it, because I knew I did, but it was taking everything I had not to fall apart.

  “What is a ‘break’ anyway? Where are the boundaries? Can you make you make out with the barista at the coffee counter or is that taboo if you’re technically with someone, but they, quote, unquote, need a break from you?” Jackson joked.

  Shane snickered. “You dumbass. If you’re on a break, you’re still with someone. Not that you’d know, since you’ve never been in a relationship.”

  Jackson gave my shoulders a tight squeeze before making his way back around the island. Before sitting down, he slapped Shane across the back of the head. While those two debated what being on a break means, I went back to preparing the rest of their breakfast. With omelets and hash browns cooking in separate pans, my thoughts drifted. Ethan had pushed a break on us, but he went out of his way to remind me that he loved me. The pressure in my head started to rise as the food finished cooking. I plated up for my boys and slid their food over to them before leaving the kitchen.

  “You’re not going to eat with us?” Jackson observed, surprised.

  I paused in the entryway. “Nah, I’m going to go for a run. I’ll catc
h up with you two later.”

  “Don’t run too far Mia. It’s pretty foggy out. Thanks for breakfast,” Shane said sincerely.

  The look of concern in their eyes made my worry prickle to the surface even more. I gave them a tight smile as they picked up their forks. “Enjoy your food,” I replied as I left them.

  Shane was right. It was horribly foggy out. The weather this fall had been unpredictable, to say the least. Some days it was outrageously warm, with others being dreary and cold, like this morning. My chest burned from the second my feet hit the concrete. I relived Ian’s punch repeatedly. It was a decent reminder of the severity of my situation. I turned on my iPod and switched to my running playlist to distract myself from the pain.

  The orange and red leaves started to spiral around with the wind as it picked up. As I turned the corner at the end of our block, my feet started to find their rhythm. I turned right to head towards the park that was nearby. As I turned, the knives stabbing through my chest started to twist even more. I inhaled deeply and picked up my pace. The basketball courts were within my view. My heart steadied as I thought about the game. Playing always brought me a sense of peace.

  The sun began to creep up, but the fog remained thick. Between the beautiful rays rising in the sky, and the mystical patches of fog that accompanied every other step, I almost missed the loud screech of a car skidding to a halt. I glanced over my shoulder to see its blurry silhouette about twenty feet behind me. It had come to an abrupt stop to avoid hitting a dog and its owner as they attempted to cross the street. Whoever was driving kept banging a hand against the side of the car. It was a black Benz that matched most of the prestigious vehicles in this uppity area of Chicago. As it began to move again, I caught the tinted windows and obnoxious rims. They didn’t suit this area whatsoever. It screamed South Side. I hit a dead sprint. The waves of anxiety coasting along my back pushed me even harder. I could very well be jumping to conclusions, but every part of me suspected whoever was in that car was following me.